Now since FH and I have been together I've dealt with the ex wife/baby momma crap. So needless to say, I've refused to meet her or expose my son to her b/c she's crazy. So I find out last week (after they (she and FH) got into it over their kids) that she made their oldest son show her where I lived. So she was like she was gonna pop up at my house and so forth. Being that I'm GROWN I don't do drama so I informed some friends/family (just in case) and let it go. So tonight, FH goes to pick up the boys and this chick tells him, until he produces me, he can't see his boys. So then her "friend" calls on FH cell to tell him that they both know where I live and will knock on my door.
So I'm sitting here trying not to just say forget all of this. I'll be dag on it if I wait until I'm 2 months away from 30 AND being married to start having this type of drama in my life. I don't see this issue leaving. I've explained to FH that I have no desire to meet her and if I do meet her it will be on my terms, not her's. From what I"ve observed over the past few years, she's really controlling.
He keeps asking me if I want to walk away and to be honest, part of me does. I don't see me dealing with this crap for the rest of our lives. She claimed that someone that goes to our church that she knows sent her our website information so now she knows all of that info. I'm thinking of different scenerios that may come up that will ruin our day. I"M STRESSED AS HELL RIGHT NOW. And he walking on egg shells b/c he doesn't know what i may or may not do. I expressed to him that although I didn't sign up for this, I didn't blame him. Ladies, what do I do? I've gotten offers from a few friends to "handle the issue" but I don't want anyone's blood on my hands. I've considered getting a taser gun. I figured with my alarm and 3yr old rottweiler it won't hurt.
The fact that I'm even talking like that disappoints me b/c thats not who I am anymore. Now I'm not gonna live my life in fear b/c of this foolishness. I'm just so blown over it all and I'm especially mad that his kids have to suffer b/c of this foolishness. Sad thing is, he had the opportunity to have the police get his kids tonight for him (b/c she's violating the court orders)but I talked him out of it. Thats the last thing they need right now
Keep a sista lifted in Prayer cause I'm about to lose it for real
Now since FH and I have been together I've dealt with the ex wife/baby momma crap. So needless to say, I've refused to meet her or expose my son to her b/c she's crazy. So I find out last week (after they (she and FH) got into it over their kids) that she made their oldest son show her where I lived. So she was like she was gonna pop up at my house and so forth. Being that I'm GROWN I don't do drama so I informed some friends/family (just in case) and let it go. So tonight, FH goes to pick up the boys and this chick tells him, until he produces me, he can't see his boys. So then her "friend" calls on FH cell to tell him that they both know where I live and will knock on my door.
So I'm sitting here trying not to just say forget all of this. I'll be dag on it if I wait until I'm 2 months away from 30 AND being married to start having this type of drama in my life. I don't see this issue leaving. I've explained to FH that I have no desire to meet her and if I do meet her it will be on my terms, not her's. From what I"ve observed over the past few years, she's really controlling.
He keeps asking me if I want to walk away and to be honest, part of me does. I don't see me dealing with this crap for the rest of our lives. She claimed that someone that goes to our church that she knows sent her our website information so now she knows all of that info. I'm thinking of different scenerios that may come up that will ruin our day. I"M STRESSED AS HELL RIGHT NOW. And he walking on egg shells b/c he doesn't know what i may or may not do. I expressed to him that although I didn't sign up for this, I didn't blame him. Ladies, what do I do? I've gotten offers from a few friends to "handle the issue" but I don't want anyone's blood on my hands. I've considered getting a taser gun. I figured with my alarm and 3yr old rottweiler it won't hurt.
The fact that I'm even talking like that disappoints me b/c thats not who I am anymore. Now I'm not gonna live my life in fear b/c of this foolishness. I'm just so blown over it all and I'm especially mad that his kids have to suffer b/c of this foolishness. Sad thing is, he had the opportunity to have the police get his kids tonight for him (b/c she's violating the court orders)but I talked him out of it. Thats the last thing they need right now
Keep a sista lifted in Prayer cause I'm about to lose it for real
Striving for better than my Best!!!
Oh sweetie, I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I completely understand where you are coming from in regards to not wanting to bring any confusion into your life. Our first response to things like this is usually fighting, cusing, and acting a fool. However I think you are handling the whole thing extemely well. I think that fh should handle all of this mess through the court system.I would not have any communication with her what so ever. And in the event she ever decides not to give me the children on my weekend I would notify the court. My advice to you is to stay strong. She is only trying to cause confusion so you too will break up. Remember misser loves company. Dont allow her to still your joy.
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Great advice House and I agree 100%!!! seems to me like she is doing ALOT of talking because if she does know where you live, why haven't she came and knocked on your door yet? and IF she does, let 9-1-1 be your best friend!!!! don't stoop to her level and please don't allow this to interfere with you and FH and your plans...that is EXACTLY what she wants! Sweetie have your beautiful wedding and if you need to hire security (or some reeeaaalll crazy uncles) to make sure no "unexpected guests" show.
I am praying for you on this, because I know the advice we are giving you is easy for us to say and harder for you to do, so in addition to everything else, PRAY and ask God to work this situation out however he sees fit; you are God's gift and he WILL make your enemies your foot stool and I know you believe!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with the other ladies. You handled this very well. I'm praying for you!
Born Blessed!
Girl, I am saying a prayer for you too. I wish you nothing but the best!
DJimonsmom, my heart goes out to you and your fh. I agree with House! She has given you excellent advice. Prayer is in order, put God first and everything else will work out!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I am going to have to jump on the bandwagon and say that I totally agree with house. Let the courts deal with her not you.
Each One Teach One!
I hate to be "hood" right now, but, so what she knows where you live? What is she (or her friends) going to do?!? Knock on your door and then what? I agree with the ladies here, of course...continue to pray (don't let that nutcase get the best of you), keep 9-1-1 just in case (trespassing is a crime), and hopefully, your FH can handle the sitch.
I'm a married woman as of December 2, 2006.
Delight yourself also in the Lord & He shall give you all the desires of your heart.-Psalm 37:4
[quote="Cinamin1"]I hate to be "hood" right now, but, so what she knows where you live? What is she (or her friends) going to do?!? Knock on your door and then what? I agree with the ladies here, of course...continue to pray (don't let that nutcase get the best of you), keep 9-1-1 just in case (trespassing is a crime), and hopefully, your FH can handle the sitch.
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My thoughts exactly...(U know how we do in Lauderdale Cinny!)
I don't think it matters so much if she knows where you lives, cause its not like she can beat u up. At least if it were me I really wouldn't care...Honey I have beat up girls in my front yard who were bad enough to step foot on the lawn comin' looking for me. Okay that was my pre-saved days but hey-u know what they say about "You can take the girl out the ghetto, but....You know the rest! If something goes down without you knowing it, she is the first person the police would be bothering.....To me its not worth devoting your precious thoughts too....The more you worry and think about her, the more she wins...My motto for years has been "I don't have time for this"...Cause I feel like sometimes my time is worth more than money...and I ain't givin nobody my money, so she 'SHO can't have any of my time!
And remember as a Queen, we never address commoners nor the foolish, they wait until we address THEM! O-KAY!
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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Ladies, thanks so much for your prayers and much needed advice. We are doing fine and will continue to be fine. I'm not as worried as before and trust me, it wasn't a thing of being scared, but I live alone with my son so I have to whatever's necessary to protect my baby. I know that NOTHING can cross the "BLOOD" and I"ve anointed my house (prior to this) too many times to even think an evil thing or person will come nigh my dwelling. I"m at peace with it. Continue to keep us in your prayers. Clearly this union is something great in the heavens.
Striving for better than my Best!!!
Djimonsmom, my prayers will definitely be with you and your family. However, I agree with the ladies, just advise your FH to deal with her through the courts. It's illegal for her to withhold the children from visiting. Tell your FH to just go on his day to be with the children and if she refuses to send them out, call 9-1-1, the police will come out and she will have to let them go. Then your FH will have the police report to show to the courts that he had to call the police in order to see his children as she refused to let them out on their appointed visit.
Better yet, go to the court and ask for a restraining order against her. That way if someone should happen to knock on your door one day while you and your son are home alone, go to the door and if you don't recognize the person, just call 9-1-1 and let them handle it.
You my sister are coping with this the right way. Do not let this lady deter you on your true path. She's insignificant. Only your FH's children matter, not her.
[quote="Ginoue"]...... She's insignificant. Only your FH's children matter, not her.
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And thats whats up!
Djimonsmom, It sounds like everything is well. I understand you have to protect your child. Ands you are taking the right attitude. Stay up and keep us posted. Let us know....I can make a trip with my vaseline and my gym shoes in hand! It'll be over in a second...lol
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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Ladies, thanks so much. Not sure I would have been able to get through this without all of the positive feedback. Thanks for being my outlet.
Striving for better than my Best!!!
I can't believe grown people are still acting like kids! I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment. If your FH children are going to be part of your life then perhaps meeting with her may not be a bad thing as long as you don't stoop to her level. I would think most divorced parent would like to meet the individual that is going to be around my kids. Granted we don't have to be best friends but getting along helps. The way she went about "demanding" to meet you was totally out of line. Why is she so angry? Why does she feel like you're a threat? Why does she have to have her people cheking on you and know where you live, etc? You have to remember these are HER twisted issues she has to deal with- yeah they kinda become yours if you do decide to marry your FH. If you're beginning to waiver on going through with your upcoming nuptials that's a bad sign. You agrred to marry him through thick and thin, better or worse-why hurt the man you love because of outside interference? Perhaps a good setting for all of you to meet is with your pastor in a controlled setting. Maybe that'll start the healing process for this Ex she needs to stop perpetuating threats and violence and in turn it will strengthen your bond with your FH. The kids need a stable environment and you need a stable environment. Take the situation with Hollywoods favorite couple Will and Jada. Jada was the bigger person even though Will's Ex was a hot mess and now they are a functioning family unit. Calling cops and restraining orders will only heighten the situation. These kids do not need to see cops and hear threats and such. I believe doing that causes fear and unnecessary stress in the children. I would only go there as a positively last resort. I hope it works out for the best in your situation.
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Welcome A!
Ok now ..I'm in both positions. My EH has a new wife, and my DH has BMs. Everyone did meet everyone, not in a group but it happened, the guys even chilled together for a minute and we even all went to Kings Dominion together, My DH, EH and our kids, for my DAUGHTER dance competition, and we hung out together afterwards. And I don't think it's a bad idea...at least we know each others faces -at least, and all parents of the children should know that the -CHILDREN- are what's important now ...so please act like -adults-. My DH's bm is the only one left that is acting like a spoiled toddler!! DH's fault a little, bc he spoils his women, but her problem is, she wasn't a woman in the beginning. Ok anyway, my point is it isn't a bad idea to meet her, and D -I know you're not scared babe, at the same time I'm down the street from you all you do is have to holla. We sisters stick together!!! I would invite her over for dinner to be honest, but to each her own. When you ready ...:)
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BTW, when is your birthday ...next month right? I ask, bc mine is 3/28 ... :)
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Kitten- I'm not sure why she's so angry. We've never met or even had a verbal conversation. Her anger and hostility isn't directed towards me but more so FH (which effects me). I've never had an issue with meeting her but when I meet her it won't be becasue she's "demanding" for me to show up. From what I have observed, she's very manipulative and controlling but that's not working on me. Its sad the kids are in the middle of it. FH and his lawyer have said that they can see her motive is to estrange him from his kids and that's not right. He's not a dead beat, he's extremly active in their lives so this is killing him.
As far as me me waivering in my decision, I am human and I looked at the long haul. when all of this started heck yeah i questioned it b/c this isn't a situation that's just gonna go away over night. I had to really question myself as to whether or not it was worth dealing with until his kids were grown. I expressed all of this to FH as well. The average person would have been walked away.
Him taking the high road has left him without being able to see or talk to his kids for a few weeks and when he does have the opportuinity to speak with them, his time is cut short. FH expressed to me when we first met, that he wouldn't allow anyone to come between the relationship he has with his boys and it this moment, she has done that. So with the help of the courts he's going to do what needs to be done for the welfare of his kids.
Striving for better than my Best!!!
Turiya- I feel you and agree totally. It's extremly important for all of us to get along for the sake of the kids. In a wonderful world right....
One thing about it is, I'm not going to allow this situation to come in between what we have and together we are gonna get through it.
My bday is April 12
Striving for better than my Best!!!
That's what's up! :)
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It is all about FAITH. Keep your eyes on the prize and trust COMPLETELY God. He will not only give you peace in "I can't believe that this is truely happening" times; but he will transform every aspect of your here and now.
Remember there is nothing stronger than love. God's love for us. Your love for your FH. Unfortunately Crazed BM has love for control or preceived control. I will pray for you and your FH for clarity in direction and peace in your journey. I will also pray for a divine revelation for BM which will lead to her own personal healing and deliverance. God Bless.
Love lights even the darkest of paths.
What Fire doesn't destroy, only makes stronger.
Even when you don't know; God knows. I will be still and let Him do His thing.
Alone in the world; but always in the company of the Lord.