Clergy/officiant

I need help ladies! My fiance's mother wants to perform the wedding and he wants her to, too. In the beginning we came to her asking her who she would recommend to perforn the ceremony and she volunteered, at that time i was happy about it because it was one less thing on the To-Do list but now I dont know if i made the right decision. she came to visit this week and is going to talk to the Reverend at the church she is a member of and i plan to go with her and talk to the Reverend about this. the bad part is my fiance' feels so bad about it cause he knows she will be upset, but he says he doesnt mind either way. What should I do?

[quote="soon2bmsj"]Maybe try to convince her that you guys want her to enjoy this day as well because it is a big day for her too seeing her son getting married so she won't be under any pressure to try to "hold it together" because I am sure it will be an emotionally time for her
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That was something I was thinking about too because she said she is going to cry.And this is her only child so why not sit down and watch. Maybe it will be easier for me to deal with and decide after I speak with the Reverend. I just know I will be the bad guy in the end...

Me and her are not all that cool. At first I wondered if she was even certified (what the term is) to do it. I wanted to be sure of that. I don't really know how to go about that. I have asked her to show some type of credentials or something, and I would ask the Reverend if she is legit since that's where she supposedly took the class and such. He is the back up plan though. Also,sometimes she is not all that dependable but I know she wouldn't miss that, of all things, though.I did make it clear that I want her to be here at least 5 days before because she tends to show up last minute.

[quote="Turiya"]Hey Shy WELCOME!!! My daddy officianted for us ...and I loved it ...he was more than a part of the ceremony! It was very special for all of us. As pamcrow asked ...did something happen to make you want to change your mind?
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If me and her got along better it would be so much better. I love the idea of a parent doing the ceremony.
is there any way I can find out that she is legit to officiate? I dont want the day to come and I think we are married and then later down the line find out that it's not legal because she doesnt have the necessary credentials. (excuse my vocab, I am not too familiar with the terms that should be used for the topic) :-)

[quote="Turiya"]LOL! I understand ...I laughed when you said "is there any way I can find out that she is legit to officiate" ...I wanna know whats makes you think she's not ...has she been ordained?

If yall aint cool DO NOT do it..she might starting airing out something you don't want others to hear ...ya know?

Tell her and FH that the reason you want someone else to do it is bc of counselling purposes ...you want someone who can't take sides, and you want the same person who counsels you guys to marry you ...(that may work) ...:) What cha think?
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That was the word I couldn't think of "Ordained" lol. she said she has been ordained but at the same time she has not lived in the state in almost 10 years. I don't if there are any rules or laws about that or updates. you know...

My mother said the same thing about the counseling. The Reverend to her church is who will do the counseling, so these will be some topics we can touch on.

she has been living in North Carolina since my fiance' graduated high school.

[quote="Turiya"]Ok ...leave that alone and get another officiant ...we got 2 months left for you ... what else you got going on ...colors, themes, dresses, FH attire, reception, music, programs ...spill the goods girl :)
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My theme is Diamonds and Pearls because my dress has alot of bling and pearls going on. My color is a called Serene(blue that is the undertone of denim color) from DB. We will be doing both the ceremony and reception at the same place due to me being raised around Jehovah's witnesses and him being in the Church. I am still having trouble picking song for the mother-son and the father-daughter dances because he has his mom and step mom and is dancing with both and i have the same situation with my father and step father. we are soon going to do the engagement photos. I am a do it yourself bride. I so far have done the centerpieces, the boutoneirres/corsages, the favors are crystal roses with the description of what it means, roses are the flower theme. my mom is making my flower girl's dresses. thank goodness because one of them is my daughter, saves another few dollars.

http://www.wrapwithus.com/Favors/2202-fc.html -the favor
http://www.butterick.com/item/B3351.htm -my baby girl's dress is the one with the jacket.
http://davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=2971&prodgroup=110 - my girls dresses.
sorry for all the site but it wont let me paste pictures on here. i dont have actual pictures of everything right now but i will by the end of the week.
i dont have pictures of the flowers but i am using silk roses, i got 84 for $14.99 great deal!!! and i went to AC Moore to get blue roses i found matched perfectly.

[quote="soon2bmsj"]Shy-lllllloooooovvvvveee the crystal rose! very elegant and pretty!
also loving both BM and FG dresses! you seem to be on a roll and doing very well I must say!!!!!!
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thanks it took a long while for me to get to this point though. i changed things around so many times, i could have killed myself! lol everyone was sick of me. i changed the BM's dresses 3 times before they ordered them. I started with DB, then switched to Alfred Angelo, and went back to DB because i saw that had a new style and color. plus it was better because quicker shipping time and lower cost, which i wanted for my girls, because 1 just got married and the other is getting married next month. i just have to get on my FH to get all his stuff in order.
does anyone have any ideas on what i can get the girls/mothers/grandmothers as gifts?

thanks about the rose too. i search every website under the sun for something not too costly and that was pretty. saw that and ordered a sample and loved it. and it comes in that box with the tag already on it and only cost $1.09.
i am an internet shopping queen, i search the web up and down to find the best prices with quality. just about everything, except attire is from the internet even the girls' jewelry

Thanks so much. I am really loving this site and you ladies are so pleasant to speak to.

And how come i couldn't post those pictures. lol

i am wearing antique ivory-closer to champagne. i considered white dresses too but the dress i picked was the first one that i tried on and loved it and it was on clearance so it was meant me for to have it. my flower girls are wearing antique ivory too and their boleros will be made of organza

[quote="dreamgurl"]Hi Shy- welcome to the site!! Your theme is so unique and elegant- I might have to steal some of that. What does your dress look like- I am sure everyone here wants to know (we ladies get very involved). How did it go with FMIL- did she take the news well??
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Thanks. :-) well my dress is strapless, corset fit-A line. It has alot of crystal and pearl designs at the top and on the train and it is pretty long. the bottom front has an overlay with the designs going down the middle.they dont have a picture on the site. i am still searching for a veil and head piece because i dont want a tiara or headband

any time i ask for any type of proof that i ask for she tells my FH everything is straight so i dont even know

Good Morning ladies. I have some news about the FMIL and her performing the ceremony. We (Me, FH and FMIL) have come to find out that she is not legal in NJ to perform the ceremony. I didnt even have to say anything. The Pastor at the church that she is a member of out here told her that she is not legal. She is ordained in NC. He said to avoid any legality problems he will definitely do the ceremony for us and she can assist him. All worked out well in the end. I thank you guys so much for all the suggestions and advice you gave me.

So what's new for everyone. HAPPY MLK DAY!!!

Yes indeed!!!!!!!