FH & I recently moved in together after we decided it didn't make sense for us to maintain two places while we have a wedding to save for. It has been a month since the moving but I can't tell how many times we've fought. During one of these fights I vented to a close friend about my frustrations with FH and she in turn told me that this is my conscience screaming to me that I haven't made peace with my decision to move in with FH before marriage.
May I point out that I don't believe for one minute that if FH & I were to only move in together after the marriage things would have been smooth sailing. However this might just be me again trying to calm my "guilty conscience" (LOL). Could you ladies please share whether things work out best when you first stay together after marriage or if the frustrations would still be there because two different personalities have to learn to share one space?
FH & I recently moved in together after we decided it didn't make sense for us to maintain two places while we have a wedding to save for. It has been a month since the moving but I can't tell how many times we've fought. During one of these fights I vented to a close friend about my frustrations with FH and she in turn told me that this is my conscience screaming to me that I haven't made peace with my decision to move in with FH before marriage.
May I point out that I don't believe for one minute that if FH & I were to only move in together after the marriage things would have been smooth sailing. However this might just be me again trying to calm my "guilty conscience" (LOL). Could you ladies please share whether things work out best when you first stay together after marriage or if the frustrations would still be there because two different personalities have to learn to share one space?
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All of that ...plus planning a wedding! ...don't know if that helped, but's it's the truth ...
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Yes they would absolutely be there regardless. You are learning to share space and that takes work, effort and yes some arguing. Its a situation that almost needs some conflict in order to compromise.
Don't stress, its common for everyone.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
Turiya and Ivy are absolutely correct. Sharing space with someone takes some getting used to and the the stress of wedding planning only adds to it. Just remember to keep it all in perspective and don't sweat the small stuff. Things do get better after a while.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
I agree with the other ladies on this.
Born Blessed!
DeeLove I'll share with you something that I was told to help deal with the stress of parenthood but meant even more when FI and I moved in together. You ready? Wait for it...PICK YOUR BATTLES!
When we 1st moved in together we nick-picked over every single irritating thing! We learned to live with and look over what we can and "fight out" what we couldn't live with until we reached a compromise. HTH!
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]DeeLove I'll share with you something that I was told to help deal with the stress of parenthood but meant even more when FI and I moved in together. You ready? Wait for it...PICK YOUR BATTLES!
When we 1st moved in together we nick-picked over every single irritating thing! We learned to live with and look over what we can and "fight out" what we couldn't live with until we reached a compromise. HTH!
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Thanx ladies for setting my mind at ease and reinforcing what I've always believed to be true. And Future I'll be sure to keep your advice in mind the next time I have to pick up another pair of dirty socks...
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It definitely takes some getting used to....My DH didn't move in until after we got back from the Honeymoon like a week later. Fortunately, I had seen from meeting his parents and when he was living with his sister how much of a slob (i.e spoiled mama's man) he could be. In our years together I initally dissed him, but I learned that people like that can't help it if they were never made to do it growing up....Eventually he learned that it wasn't going to flow living together so he is better....Not perfect...but better....it takes patience, and it wouldn't be any different after the wedding than now....But like FutureMrsKeepUp said: Pick your battles! Because after the day is done, it doesn't (well it shouldn't) matter tomorrow...Life is too short....Talk about each other's expectations....come to a happy medium...both of you will need to adjust, but look at it as...being good for the house and for you peice of mind....the best way to help him change is to start treating him...the way you want to be treated....after a while, he will see that you never treat him a certain way...so he won't treat you in that same negative way...no worries dear.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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Phew, thanks for that one Bumble... I must say my FH sounds just like your DH. His mama & sister used to do everything for him. I mean when he stayed alone, the man ate take-aways everyday because he can't cook to save his life. His laundry used to be taken to Mama on a weekly basis to washed & pressed. I mean talk about spoilt...
Well, let me stop there because like Future said I must try to pick my battles.
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And you what ...he can STILL take his laundry to his mama's house...one less thing for you to do! ...LOL
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