How do you get it back

This is definetly a hard question. I think the person who betrayed the trust has to own up to whatever happened, ask for forgiveness, and show through their actions that they would never repeat the offense again. They say a woman can forgive and forget but never forget what she forgave. That saying is so true. Only prayer, time and open communication will help when trust is gone, but eventually you will trust again. Unfortunately, you never forget. Just pray over it then let go and let God.

Ivy you have to dig down deep within yourself and find the forgiveness. Once you truly forgive someone, you have to let it go. If you haven't let it go, you are still holding on to the pain.

I'm putting this out there, because this played out very publicly. Shortly (as some of you older vibriders well know) after I was married one of my husband's coworkers became very upset that he had gotten married. My husband had told me about this psycho woman before all hell broke loose. The fact of the matter is my husband handled the situation, but I had to confront him because although he had not "technically cheated or slept with her" there was an inappropriate exchange on an emotional level between the two of them. She apparently told him about her feelings for him and he continued to "entertain" the nonsense. This psycho woman never met me, but stalked me out online and found me on this website (Yall just don't know my foundation was shook to the very core because of this) She also flipped on him and started to harrass him at work. She was fired behind this nonsense. This took place about a month after we got married. I had to get into my husbands "behind" and let him know you are a married man and entertaining a woman on any level (emotional or physical) is unacceptable! I even considered throwing in the towel. This was very hard for me to deal with and I can't tell you how we were able to get through it. If it weren't for prayer (and my vibride sisters), I don't know what would've happened.

I said that to say this, I had to truly forgive him. I was hurt that my husband was having lunch (during school hours -- they are both teachers) with a woman that he knew liked him. She knew he was engaged and was getting married, but didn't care. My husband swears that he didn't like her (irrelevant!). As PamCrow stated, my husband owned up to his actions because he had to take reponsibility for his part in this madness. He owned it, humbled himself and was sincerely remorseful. Communication is key. I had to dig deep and forgive him because I felt so betrayed. We were able to move beyond this very public humiliation. My husband didn't want to lose me or his daughter and he had to make some changes within himself. My husband knows that if he EVER puts me through anything like that again I'm out!!!!!!! I had to truly let it go, it was hard and very painful, but necessary for the success of my marriage. I prayed and God was able to help us through this. I had to ask myself was my marriage worth it. I decided it was, so I let it go. -- True forgiveness.

I apologize for going on and on, but I believe this could help someone. True forgiveness applies across the board, whether the person that hurt you is a friend, relative, spouse or future spouse. Be encouraged Ivy.

Good advice from all the ladies!! I agree 100%. TRUE forgiveness is one of the hardest things we have to endure. Obviously you are praying about the situation and although it may not come to past at this moment, it will pass for you. I am praying for your strength at this time and I pray that God will heal the hurt and allow the person that wronged you to make it right..because once that is done you can begin to truly forgive...

Ivy, I am a person that is known to hold a grudge for years. I had to ask God to remove the anger and animosity from my heart. I had to learn to pray without ceasing because I felt that I was losing my mind. Some of FH's family members kept up so much drama! I was always ready to fight and I couldn't get FH to see it. They always painted a different picture around him. I would forgive but then they would continue to do things to hurt me. I just try to stay away from those who constantly try to cause chaos.

I remember Rhony's situation. I must admit that she is a VERY STRONG woman and she handled the situation gracefully. (We love you Rhony!).

Ivy, you have to pray without ceasing. You're planning a wedding, something filled with joy. The enemy will try anything to destroy this. Don't let him steal your joy! Communication is very important. Talk it out. Let them know how you feel and you are willing to let the past stay in the past. However, they must be willing to listen to what you have to say and make an effort to work it out. If they don't want to take the right approach to work it out, just know that you did YOUR part. God Bless You, my sister.

Forgiving is not an easy thing to do especially if that person really hurt you and is really close to you. Our minds and hearts work in mysterious ways and no matter how much you wanna just forget and move on sometimes your mind wont let you and your heart is so broke that no matter how hard you try you just cannot fix it.

I know this is bad but sometimes I say I forgive and I really dont(just say it so people will leave my alone about it)how can I forgive anyone that even has the thought of doing harm to me in their head? Hum thats a hard one.

[quote="platinumstyle"]I remember Rhony's situation. I must admit that she is a VERY STRONG woman and she handled the situation gracefully. (We love you Rhony!).

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Thanks Plat, I didn't feel very strong at the time this nonsense took place, but God helped me beyond measure!!! I love you guys too!!!!

I don't know if any of you are familiar with Joel Osteen. I get a daily broadcast to my email account and I'd like to share the following excerpt:

First Corinthians 13 tells us what love looks like. When we are walking in God

Ivy, I understand how you feel. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hey Ivy, my husband travels (with his marching band) quite often. I refuse to allow the enemy to have me nervous and living in fear.

It may take time to truly trust someone after they have hurt you or betrayed you. It is normal to feel a little doubt after being hurt, but it gets better with time. However, you have to do the work to get there. What I mean is when you are feeling like you want to go down the 20 questions road, resist it, say a prayer and ask God to help you to trust.

I will continue to pray for you, may God continue to bless you.

Well said, Rhony. Ivy, you're still in my prayers.

[quote="platinumstyle"]Well said, Rhony. Ivy, you're still in my prayers.
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Thanks Plat!