Leave her In...or Leave her OUT!

Do you get along with her? Have you tried talking to her about this? She's got to understand that this is important event for and your FH (her own brother). If she doesn't want to be a part of your wedding, she should tell you.

Where are my manners? Welcome to the site, MzB!

Are FH and his sister close? Are they the only siblings? Don't take it personal. She may be feeling like she's "losing" her instead of gaining a sister-in-law. Talk to her and see where her "head's at" first. Also, let her know that if she doesn't want to participate, she doesn't have to but she should atleast tell you. Good luck.

I understand what you are going through. I had a similar situation going on except it was a friend. I understand that she may feel that since we cancelled the wedding last year, that we are not going to get married. She wouldn't even show up for the dress fitting. Twice!!!!!!!!!!. Then a week ago she comes telling me that her husband has planned a "surprise" cruise for her on the same weekend that I am getting married. So I told her girl go ahead and have fun. I just didn't know how to tell her that I didn't want her in the wedding since she was not corporating and not showing up for the fittings
My FH doesn't have any sisters and his brother was murderered 11 years ago, so basically he is an only child, I know that some ladies rarely do get along with their boyfriend's or Fh's sister.So try to talk to her because that may hurt your FH's heart if you two don't get along.

I think you should talk to her, and if you dont feel comfortable with talking to her ask your fh to talk to her. Like one of the ladies said she just may feel like she is losing a brother, or she could be jealous. Is she married? Or is she in an relationship that has potential to grow?

Atown, how is it a "surprise" cruise if she knows about it already?

Welcome MzB! Pick her brain and let us know what happens. If its for the worse, I'm lacing up my Tims to help you give her the boot! If its for the better, I'm extending a hand welcoming her to YOU AND YOUR FH's joyous occasion!

[quote="platinumstyle"]Atown, how is it a "surprise" cruise if she knows about it already?
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Same thing I was thinking!

I have never met a bunch of violent women until I joined this site.

[quote="housewife147"]I have never met a bunch of violent women until I joined this site.
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I know right House?! Jeesh ladies! Calm down! LOL!

[quote="MzB"]Whatz up Ladies,

I just wanted to get your advice on this topic.
I invited my FH sister to be one of my bridesmaids, but everytime i try to get all the girls together for a meeting, she's the one that always have an excuse about not being there.
for instance: we all have to meet at davids bridal next weekend to try on dresses. I call her and she tells me that she dont know if she will have the money to put down on the dress (which is understandable)
and i also told her that it was understandable, then she comes with something else about why are we paying for the dresses isnt that your responsibility. (well if i had it like that i would be.)
then she tells me well i dont know let me think about it. then she will call me the next day Ladies, and tell me ok ill do it. but she always sounds nonchalant about the whole thing like i owe her something and i just got to have her in my wedding.
I'm trying to be cool with, only because she is my FH sister.
But should i throw her out and find someone else? I know that it really shouldnt be a question, because its my day, and thats all that matter. RIGHT!
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Welcome to the site MzB!
I understand this scenerio all too well-and personally I believe if you have FH go and try to talk to her it will bring more seperation between you 2-so I think you should talk to her and if she still acts "silly" then atlease you can say you did your part; I had the same situation w/FH's 3 sis and guess what-none of them are in the wedding (by their choice) but atlease I did extend the offer

Welcome to the site MzB... I agree with the ladies that you need to have a word with your FH's sister. At least you two used to be on good terms which gives you a footing on having the talk.

Personally I'm not having FH's sister have any part in my wedding (at least on my side) simply bcos the girl has it in for me since the day I started dating her brother. Everytime FH & I visit his mother she'll be making as if she's put out when the future MIL asks her to offer me a drink or something.

I've spoken to FH about this only to be told that she's like that. "Apparently" most people confuse her quiteness with unfriendliness and that when I get to know her I will realise it too. My question though is how long do I have to get to know her (FH & I have been together for 16 mnths now & have known each other since 98) before she can accomodate me?

[quote="housewife147"]I think you should talk to her, and if you dont feel comfortable with talking to her ask your fh to talk to her. Like one of the ladies said she just may feel like she is losing a brother, or she could be jealous. Is she married? Or is she in an relationship that has potential to grow?
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Welcome MzB! I was just about to say the same thing as my sister House! I would definitely have FH talk to his sister. Let me tell you, I went through so much unnecessary drama with my brides maids. I even had one lady (a close friend) tell me that she was going to get her dress and never showed up to any of the fitting appointments. Because I didn't want to just put anybody in my wedding I planned my wedding around her. She never apologized, but I realized after talking to her much later that she was envious because she doesn't have a significant other. Why didn't she just tell me that in the beginning???? I'm so much bigger than that, and I would've simpathized with her.

Anywho, after your FH has a conversation with her, her true intentions will definitely be revealed. In any event, I wish you all the best.

I'm going through something similar with FH's sister. We were cool until we announced our engagement. Now she can be very cold and hardly even talks to me when we are in the same room. FH told me that when their older brother got married (like 10 years ago) that she cried because she thought she was losing her brother forever. I think the same thing is going on here. FH wants her in the wedding and I'm fine with it except he keeps forgetting to ask her! I keep reminding him but he doesn't have her phone number and I'm afriad this may make tensions even worse. I don't want her to feel excluded but I know she doesn't really want to talk to me either. ::sigh:: I might just call their mom when I get off work.

Abeni is that the one that told all your "before becoming saved" business or was that the cousin? If it was maybe she needs to stand on your FH's side. You don't need to have anyone that close to you with negative energy on your wedding day!

I'm going through something similar with FH's sister. We were cool until we announced our engagement. Now she can be very cold and hardly even talks to me when we are in the same room. FH told me that when their older brother got married (like 10 years ago) that she cried because she thought she was losing her brother forever. I think the same thing is going on here. FH wants her in the wedding and I'm fine with it except he keeps forgetting to ask her! I keep reminding him but he doesn't have her phone number and I'm afriad this may make tensions even worse. I don't want her to feel excluded but I know she doesn't really want to talk to me either. ::sigh:: I might just call their mom when I get off work.

I think you should let FH ask her since you know she will not be very receptive to you which will only bring more emotions on your end! WHY do the sisters act up like that? it is funny that the majority of the posts are talking about the sisters/mothers, you never really here anything about the brothers/fathers acting like this. Well I love my FSIL to death (3) but if they don't want to be in the wedding then they will have to deal with their only brother on the issue-and trust me it is hurting him, but his attitude is OH WELL

Well ladies, that's what I said when she told me. Hey she just made it easy to exclude her from our celebration.

Oh snap......FH actually asked her. She said okay but now she wants me to call her..

---Repeating Abeni cause I think you missed it :)---

Abeni is that the one that told all your "before becoming saved" business or was that the cousin? If it was maybe she needs to stand on your FH's side. You don't need to have anyone that close to you with negative energy on your wedding day!

Oh no thank God. This is his other sister. I'm sorry (he has about four of them) The one that is in the wedding party has the same mom and dad as FH. The one that was causing the problems has a different mother.

Oh, ok. She's approved then! LOL!

ROFL!!!

LOL!!!

Welcome MzB. The ladies have given great advice so there's nothing else for me to add. If talking to her does no good, the by all means replace her with no regrets.

So when is your big day? What are your colors, theme, etc.? We'd love to hear about your choices so far.

Welcome MzB. I'm viewing this from an entirely different place. Since you guys use to get along, it may be just a simple case of jealousy. You know some of our best girl friends wouldn't want us hooking up with their brothers let alone marry them. This may just be the case, however, at the end of the day, this is your day. You deserve to be happy. Have an honest talk with her and try to understand her perspective, whatever they may be. You may just choose to take her out of your wedding entirely or ask her if she would feel more comfortable doing a special reading or something else. You deserve to be happy to plan your day and her brother has made his choice clear to her when he proposed, but handle the situation with class.

You know what's best for your situation.

Your colors sound pretty MzB! Feel free to share, ask, and bounce your ideas here. We'll do the best we can to assist you in planning your wedding!

I think that ny throwing her out of your wedding it will put a strain on your relationsip with you and his family. I would tell her which dress she needs to get and when she needs to get it. I would not invite her to anymore get togethors, and if I did it would simply be letting her know what we was going to do and it was up to her to attend.

[quote="housewife147"]I think that ny throwing her out of your wedding it will put a strain on your relationsip with you and his family. I would tell her which dress she needs to get and when she needs to get it. I would not invite her to anymore get togethors, and if I did it would simply be letting her know what we was going to do and it was up to her to attend.
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Sounds like jealously to me too. I would do what House is saying here. If you want to let her know whats going on (So she can't use it against you), let her know, but don't expect her to come (to the get-togethers). If she comes its a plus, and if she doesn't "Oh Well!" At least she knew about all the events....

Hey ladies! So I talked to fh last night basically to find of the meat and the potatoes of the conversation. He said his sister said that she doesn't have to be in the wedding just because she's his sister but she'll do it. I'm like whatever. Let's be real, you know if I never asked her it would have been on. I feel like regardless of how I feel about each other, if FH wants her there. She should be there. FH (who is known to put in his exagerated two cents) tells her something along the lines of how all I want is a friendship with her...Which isn't nessarily false. However if she doesn't want to deal with me that's fine. But I feel like we're going to be family so we need to atleast try and get along. To me, FH made me sound like that kid that is last to get picked at dodgeball.

Anyway he told me she wants to get to know me better and for me to call her then goes on to ask him if he thinks May is too soon to get married. I'm guessing based on the fact he just graduated. I don't know. Fh said something to her about faith I think. (I was sleepy when he told me everything)

I think I'll just call her to say hi and the date we'll meet up for dress fittings and that will be all. I'm still kind of swol over that junk she put on myspace. FH completely "forgets" about that garbage unil I remind him. Me and her will probably get along eventually.

[quote="HeCallsMeAbeni"]I'm still kind of swol over that junk she put on myspace. FH completely "forgets" about that garbage unil I remind him.[/quote]

??? Don't remember that one. What happened?

Valentines day last year I went on FH's page to leave him a cute little comment. Well you know how on myspace all the comments are displayed publicly, there's one there from his sister. His sister leaves a real vauge message talking about how he should "never settle for anything in life and how he deserved better. What he was setting for or what he deserved better than was never mentioned but I got the idea. This was only a few monthes after the incident with another family member leaving me nasty voicemail about us getting married. It was like a wound being opened up all over again.

I call FH to ask him if he read it. He blitzed through his comments and didn't even really read it. He didn't have a comp at home at the time so I had to wait for him to take it off. So I was basically humilated on the internet for days at a time as it was there for anyone to read it.

FH confronts her about it and she said she wasn't talking about anyone or anything in particular. Whatever.

offering up many prayers for you at this time HeCallsMeAbeni because you will need them dealing with is family! oooo, haters really need to mind their own business!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you sis. It is truely apprciated ^.^

Now that I have full I say once again - she should stand up on HIS side. You do not that type of negativity around you on your day!

FutureMrsKeepUp-you are like the child that gets punished and STILL goes off and does the same thing again!! :)

Hello ladies, I'm new to the board so I'm a little late.

Anyhoo, My FH and I made an agreement in the beginning of our engagement that we wouldn't include anyone "out of obligation". Everyone that is apart of our wedding has had positive effect in our lives. And most importantly everyone has celebrated our success.

Now I actually had to drop my sister from the wedding because she wasn't happy for me. And if you can't celebrate me why be apart of my day?

So I pray you and your FH can agree on this situation.

DJimom - It's a shame that your sister doesn't support you. I can imagine how this must make you feel. How did your sister feel about your relationship before you guys were engaged? Is she married?

[quote="DaughterRhonda"]DJimom - It's a shame that your sister doesn't support you. I can imagine how this must make you feel. How did your sister feel about your relationship before you guys were engaged? Is she married?
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Yes, it's very unfortunante. I'm the youngest out of 5 girls and the only one that's not married. Even before we became "officially" engaged she would always say negative things. She even showed off at our engagment party but because she's my sister, I chose to ignore it. It took her causing tension between my FH and my dad and that's when I accepted that she wasn't for me or my happiness. My parents let me know that I have something that she's always wanted in her marriage and that's complete happiness. So needless to say the relationship that was there, is gone. All of this drama from my own sister during one of the happiest and exciting moments of my life.

Wow, it's really unfortunate, but I find whenever there are weddings, the green-eyed jealousy monster is somewhere close by.

I truly wish you guys the best inspite of the drama. Hold your head up girl!

Hello, djimonsmom! Sorry to hear about the situation with your sister. Just continue to pray for her. I hope you can work things out. God Bless!

Welcome to the site, I would say if you dont want the drama x her out of it cause it seems like shes going to be a problem.

I tend to agree with the other ladies..I hope this can be worked out between your sister and you guys can salvage your relationship; maybe not now, but don't give up-because God is able! Don't let her steal your joy, but pray for her and her situation.