My sister I'm am so sorry to hear of your dilemna! Please be careful with this situation. There may be a reason you to never got together - don't mess with God's plan. I have a college "friend" that I wondered this about also but as you said something always happened. Eventually I took that as a sign and we remain strictly friends (without the quotations) to this day. Stay strong!
i've never been in your situation so i won't even go there. i can only offer my support and reinforce what futuremrskeepup says... be strong and stay strong.
Wow! This is clearly an awkward situation. I pray that you will do the right thing. In my opinion, I think you should leave this situation alone. You already made the decision to marry someone else. I believe the reason why DH invited "Mr. What if" is because he needed to let "What If" know that you are "off-limits". Deep down inside, DH may have felt that there were lingering feelings on BOTH sides. I can't say that I wouldn't blame him for feeling that way. You never know what men talk about when they're "hanging with the fellas".
I understand how you feel. I was in a similiar situation about 5 years ago. But, remember, you chose to move on and make a life with someone else. How would you feel if you knew that DH still had feelings for a love from the past? I hope I don't sound harsh. But, I can relate to this situation.
[quote="platinumstyle"]
How would you feel if you knew that DH still had feelings for a love from the past? I hope I don't sound harsh. But, I can relate to this situation.
[/quote]
No you don't sound harsh at all. I can't say how I would feel knowing DH had lingering feelings from past for someone. I would like to think I could understand but my jealous sometimes irrational side might take over. The big difference here is they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it. I am 100% positive that I've never given DH a reason to doubt me but like you said, you never know what men talk about when they are hanging out with the fellas. I have a male friend that is like a brother to me that I talked this situation over with and he says he thinks DH does what he does regarding What If to make be aware that if I was to even think about stepping out on him, he would know.
I keep getting the following email sent to me. Not sure if it helps:
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled , their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Pam I've received that email several times also. I'm incorporating a summary of it in my words to FH on our wedding day. You're right - it is soooooo appropiate for whyme!
Ask not "what if" but thank God for everything that you do have; because what you have is ordained and doubt is always counter to God's perfect plan. Rest in God's perfect will and find peace there. I know that it sounds easier said then done; but I am living witness that peace can and will come and doubt will cease.
Love lights even the darkest of paths.
What Fire doesn't destroy, only makes stronger.
Even when you don't know; God knows. I will be still and let Him do His thing.
Alone in the world; but always in the company of the Lord.
[quote="Tewright1"]Ask not "what if" but thank God for everything that you do have[/quote]
Thanks Tewright. I guess like your name, that advice was Too Right !!! I plan to print that message on small paper and carry it with me in my wallet. I might even post in in my office at work somewhere. Great Advice!!!
Pam I get that email also and it sounds good but my problem has always been figureing out if What If is a season or lifetime. 20 years makes for a long season, but then again, God has his own timing of things.
Thanks ladies. I know I will be okay. I've prayed on it and I know the captain of my ship won't steer me in the wrong direction.
There is always a reason never to ponder "what ifs". As christians, we know that "what ifs" are the way the devil devise to trick us. Thank God for what you have. There is a reason that things work out the day they did. God bless you my sister. I know what you're going through is not easy. Keep praying.
love, sympathy, infatuation, whatever it is, its never wrong. but the wrong this, is.. to whom you pay the feeling. maybe you didnt relize it, but i think you are not only "wondering" about mr. what if.. i think you are having something deeper than just "wonder about".. please be strong,.. and stay on the track. remember and you should underline this,.. you are married now. you belong to someone else. so try to forget your feeling toward mr. what if as best as you can. gain more and more time with your DH, spend more time together and cherish every single memories you have with your DH since you two dated for the first time,.. the hot kisses,... the sharing of every ups and downs.. and also, the reason why you decided to marry your DH.. love is never wrong,.. if you address it to the person who has the right for it and deserves it. :) God bless you, and be strong!
Welcome back to the boards whyme. All I can say is pray. There's nothing wrong with wondering what if but don't act on it. Is this mr what if worth everything that you have now? You can't answer that because you never were in a "relationship" with him. And if it were meant for you two to be, God wouldn't have sent you your husband. Your husband may be testing you to see your reaction, but honey, please pray and work things out with your husband. You need to cut all ties and contact with mr what if. As long as he's in the picture, there will always be room for tragedy.
[quote="SeptBride"] There's nothing wrong with wondering what if but don't act on it. Is this mr what if worth everything that you have now? You can't answer that because you never were in a "relationship" with him. And if it were meant for you two to be, God wouldn't have sent you your husband. Your husband may be testing you to see your reaction, but honey, please pray and work things out with your husband. You need to cut all ties and contact with mr what if. As long as he's in the picture, there will always be room for tragedy.
[/quote]
I would never act on this and I really don't have any ties to Mr. What If. Our paths may cross one or twice a year and since I've been with DH, Mr. What If is real distant acting whenever we do see each other. That's what bothers me the most. He and I were really good friends and we talked about everything, including whomever we were involved with at the moment. We have never had the opportunity to talk once I started dating DH and I really miss being able to laugh and joke with him about life in general. Above anything else, I honestly think it's the friendship I miss the most. Yes, there is an attraction but we have always managed to respect whatever relationship we were in at the time without crossing the line. I love DH and I know he is all the man I need. I won't mistreat my 80 for 20. Those that saw the movie know what I mean.
I think that he is being distant for a few reasons. 1) Men can't be too friendly to a woman without wanting to show other feelings towards her...especially to someone he can't have, so he may be trying to do you both a favor by kind of repressing those feelings by being distant. 2) He doesn't want to disrespect your friendship or his friendship with your DH. For us women, we can be friendly to a man and have no feelings beyond that for him because we don't attach "sexual attraction or feelings" so easily...So like I said, he may be doing you both a favor. Plus if he still has feelings for you, he may not be able to trust himself with having that very friendly relationship with you without wanting to do something about it. I have spoken to my husband about this many times because it comes up a lot. In my relationship with my DH, about 3 guys from my past have popped up out of the blue wanting to be friends again, and wanted to have lunch and catch up with me, and my DH (well were were still dating back then) was like no because he knew men...Well I felt like, oh I don't like them or whatever but he was like...but trust me, they are trying to get with you....Well to make a long story short I did ask one guy and he was brave enough to say YES he is waiting for me to either make my move and was hoping my man was messing up...any excuse to make a move and get me for good.....Now, me and this guy are friends, and even after I got engaged and he returned from Iraq he asked boldly about trying again and I was like no....so yes, my DH is right about that.... Also he told me that its just easier for men to be cold towards a woman he can't have because men are fully aware of the damage that can happen if they "fullfill their curiosity" or fulfill their desire (or that woman's "innocent" desire) to be close friends again...So here is the reality....If you did seek a close friendship with this Mr. Whatif at any moment of weakness (DH makes you mad, does something-the littlest thing wrong) you may mess up. Afterwards, there is only regret and then all of a sudden, you really don't want to be around him anyways....You are lucky because Mr. Whatif seems to really be a respectful man by staying away...it hurts, but its good for you and your marriage....You can't talk about everything to him...you have a DH for that. If you knew your DH had a Mrs. What if You'd be pissed....so you have got to consider that too.
[quote="Bumblebeekee"]You are lucky because Mr. Whatif seems to really be a respectful man by staying away...it hurts, but its good for you and your marriage....You can't talk about everything to him...you have a DH for that. If you knew your DH had a Mrs. What if You'd be pissed....so you have got to consider that too.
[/quote]
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]You are lucky because Mr. Whatif seems to really be a respectful man by staying away...it hurts, but its good for you and your marriage....You can't talk about everything to him...you have a DH for that. If you knew your DH had a Mrs. What if You'd be pissed....so you have got to consider that too.
[quote="whyme"] I won't mistreat my 80 for 20. Those that saw the movie know what I mean.
[/quote]
It seems that you already know what is right. To me it seems that the devil is just trying to throw you off track. You are with your DH and not Mr. Whatif for a reason. God knows what is best for you, just pray and God will continue to see you through...How are things going with this? I hope all is well.
[quote="whyme] I can't say how I would feel knowing DH had lingering feelings from past for someone. I would like to think I could understand but my jealous sometimes irrational side might take over. The big difference here is they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it. [/quote]
Felt that needed repeating. Bumble I could see the reasons you think Mr. Whatif is being distant. There maybe some truth to that,and I can accept that. But as far as feeling DH is the ONLY one I should or could talk to about anything, I disagree. DH is not the end all be all for everything and neither am I. DH does have a female friend that he feels he can go to about whatever and I'm fine with their friendship because he hasn't given me reason not to be. I don't know whether there has ever been anything more between them or not but I'm not threatened by thier friendship at all. I believe in karma, you reap what you sow. That's why I have never crossed that line with Mr. What If.
Elegant08 everything is fine. I was just having a moment when I wrote original post but all is well. Thanks for asking.
[quote="whyme"]DH does have a female friend that he feels he can go to about whatever and I'm fine with their friendship because he hasn't given me reason not to be.[/quote]
The key here whyme, is that it doesn't seem your DH is as comfortable with you being friends with whatif as you are with him and his female friend. Considering how their circle ties in together, your DH probably knows their are feelings there. After all - "they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it" - I say chalk it up as a lost and move on before is causes unnecessary problems.
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]DH does have a female friend that he feels he can go to about whatever and I'm fine with their friendship because he hasn't given me reason not to be.
The key here whyme, is that it doesn't seem your DH is as comfortable with you being friends with whatif as you are with him and his female friend. Considering how their circle ties in together, your DH probably knows their are feelings there. After all - "they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it" - I say chalk it up as a lost and move on before is causes unnecessary problems.
[/quote]
I agree with Future and Bumble. DH should be the one to confide in. It's very important to keep your marital business to yourself. I don't think it's a good idea to tell Mr. What If what's going on in your marriage- especially since he and DH are friends.
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]
The key here whyme, is that it doesn't seem your DH is as comfortable with you being friends with whatif as you are with him and his female friend. Considering how their circle ties in together, your DH probably knows their are feelings there. After all - "they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it" - I say chalk it up as a lost and move on before is causes unnecessary problems.
[/quote]
Future I agree. Whyme you may chalk the friendship up as a loss. Kenny Rogers had a song long time ago that said you have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them and when to walk away. Sounds like you have been holding and folding but in reality you should walk away.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
I understand why you would disagree about not being able to talk to DH about everything...but I still think you should at least be able to tell him, even if he doesn't respond. At least he knows. Me and DH are both very different people, and he can't understand why certain things or people bother me (cause I am very sensitive about certain things)...but he KNOWS that it actually bothers me. Like I said, I have a friend who is ready to hear me vent and fuss, but enough of that and it eventually turns to: "Oh my husband made me mad, let me tell you what happened" and then he knows all about what goes on between me and my husband....When I want to vent or someone to talk to I still have to keep myself from even sending my friend a text or call...and when those urges come...I pray or write in my journal. I am that determined...now about your DH having a female friend he talkes to about other things...I really would watch out for that....because truthfully, you and your DH have a bond..a circle (i.e. rings), and no one really should be coming inside of that ring, that circle...even for a minute...even just to chat! He should be the end all because he is your other half....really, he is part of you....so deeply intertwined that no one can seperate you or tell one from the other...but unique enough to still identify husband and wife...that being said..."You all are now ONE" and like my husband says in reference to men who beat on their wives..."Why would I want to beat on or hurt myself?" Because his attitude is I am HIM, and he is ME.....And its not about being threatened about his relationship with this female friend....its about holding each other accountable for walking the walk and upholding your vow....Continue to do whatever you have to in order to resist....In the New Testament it says if you have to cut off your hand because it is sinful...then its better to do so that you cannot burn. I know it sound extreme, but it truly does apply here in some way.
Yes, many of us have experienced love in some way similar, but we decide not to fulfill that curiosity because we know what it MAY lead to...and so you have to DECIDE not to...Its all a simple decision on your part...DECIDE to forget about it and chalk it up to a loss...love hurts...but you don't really know him like that intimately anyways, and its for a reason....If you really feel like God made you for your husband then you shouldn't have all these worries...however normal your concerns are...its still comes down to a decision YOU have to make once and for all, and live with it....whatever you decide...make sure you can live with it...and accept it....
Thanks....I can relate having been in this situation before....shoot right now....So I have a lot to say on it....I am not perfect by any means, but I try Plat.
Girl you should go ahead and sleep with him so you can get it out of your system, and there will be no more WHAT IF'S, or you can just tell him that you have moved on with your life and that by having him go to your parents house an come around you and your fh is creating problems.
[quote="housewife147"]Girl you should go ahead and sleep with him so you can get it out of your system, and there will be no more WHAT IF'S, or you can just tell him that you have moved on with your life and that by having him go to your parents house an come around you and your fh is creating problems.
[/quote]
Bumble & Plat, while I respect what you are saying, you have both misconstrued what I said. I never said I was looking for anyone to discuss my marriage with. What I said when trying to describe my relationship with Whatif is that it is the type of friendship where we could talk about anything including whomever we were involved with at the moment. That doesn
whyme I think you nailed it with your clarification. I am like you, I understand that when you get married your spouse should be "the only one you need" but while it sounds good it is not always true or reality...and I think people that say that are trying to convince others that their lives are so GRAND being married. Just like all things marriage can be great but every day is not a bed of roses-you deal with just as many lows as highs and I think that as long as you can recognize that and understand your boundaries that it will work out and you will do the right thing...good luck! :)
The clarification helps. I also agree with you and SoontobmrsJ about your spouse not being everything. I think it's important your spouse is your best friend, the one you seek out when a friend is needed but I don't think they should be your only friend. If that was the case there would be no need to prefix the word friend with the word best.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
whyme....I didn't mean to twist your words...I guess I am trying to get a clear understanding of what you are trying to decide or say....Like I said...I am going through the exact same thing with a friend of mine...a childhood friend, but my DH doesn't know him. Also...I never meant to say that DH should be your world...for me that would be impossible! I am a nutrition professional, I am actively doing post-graduate research and publication writing, and we both have our own circle of friends that we confide in. We pray together and separately. However, when I need to talk to someone, my DH is who I consult first (Shoot I even call him with new gossip!)...and usually, if he can't offer advice on a problem, he'll ask if I prayed on it first, and I will if I haven't....I talk to my sister a lot but not about everything, because like my mom, she doesn't understand marriage and the intention of the roles men and women play (another story altogether)...but I guess I was trying to figure out what your real concerns are....You said that this man does something to you that you can't understand....and maybe your husband doesn't do that for you all the time (men are different!)....Marriage is never going to be perfect I definitely understand.....You will get the closure you are seeking since you asked God for it....I guess moments like these are just what they are: moments....not something that will endure.....
[quote="housewife147"]Bumblebee I will have to read your novel tommorrow I am tooooo tired to read all of this right now. Girl you may need to learn short hand.
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[quote="housewife147"]Bumblebee I will have to read your novel tommorrow I am tooooo tired to read all of this right now. Girl you may need to learn short hand.
[/quote]
My bad....working on it....Like I said I have a lot to say on this subject! But I think I hae said all I needed to say...Finally LOL!
Hello sisters. I
My sister I'm am so sorry to hear of your dilemna! Please be careful with this situation. There may be a reason you to never got together - don't mess with God's plan. I have a college "friend" that I wondered this about also but as you said something always happened. Eventually I took that as a sign and we remain strictly friends (without the quotations) to this day. Stay strong!
i've never been in your situation so i won't even go there. i can only offer my support and reinforce what futuremrskeepup says... be strong and stay strong.
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10731;128/st/20071117/e/Our+Wedding/k/70a4/event.png[/img]
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Wow! This is clearly an awkward situation. I pray that you will do the right thing. In my opinion, I think you should leave this situation alone. You already made the decision to marry someone else. I believe the reason why DH invited "Mr. What if" is because he needed to let "What If" know that you are "off-limits". Deep down inside, DH may have felt that there were lingering feelings on BOTH sides. I can't say that I wouldn't blame him for feeling that way. You never know what men talk about when they're "hanging with the fellas".
I understand how you feel. I was in a similiar situation about 5 years ago. But, remember, you chose to move on and make a life with someone else. How would you feel if you knew that DH still had feelings for a love from the past? I hope I don't sound harsh. But, I can relate to this situation.
Born Blessed!
[quote="platinumstyle"]
How would you feel if you knew that DH still had feelings for a love from the past? I hope I don't sound harsh. But, I can relate to this situation.
[/quote]
No you don't sound harsh at all. I can't say how I would feel knowing DH had lingering feelings from past for someone. I would like to think I could understand but my jealous sometimes irrational side might take over. The big difference here is they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it. I am 100% positive that I've never given DH a reason to doubt me but like you said, you never know what men talk about when they are hanging out with the fellas. I have a male friend that is like a brother to me that I talked this situation over with and he says he thinks DH does what he does regarding What If to make be aware that if I was to even think about stepping out on him, he would know.
You're right about that. He WOULD find out about it. I'm praying that everything will work out for you. Be blessed!
Born Blessed!
I keep getting the following email sent to me. Not sure if it helps:
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled , their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Pam I've received that email several times also. I'm incorporating a summary of it in my words to FH on our wedding day. You're right - it is soooooo appropiate for whyme!
Ask not "what if" but thank God for everything that you do have; because what you have is ordained and doubt is always counter to God's perfect plan. Rest in God's perfect will and find peace there. I know that it sounds easier said then done; but I am living witness that peace can and will come and doubt will cease.
Love lights even the darkest of paths.
What Fire doesn't destroy, only makes stronger.
Even when you don't know; God knows. I will be still and let Him do His thing.
Alone in the world; but always in the company of the Lord.
Great advice, Tewright!Thanks for sharing the email, Pamcrow!
Born Blessed!
[quote="Tewright1"]Ask not "what if" but thank God for everything that you do have[/quote]
Thanks Tewright. I guess like your name, that advice was Too Right !!! I plan to print that message on small paper and carry it with me in my wallet. I might even post in in my office at work somewhere. Great Advice!!!
Pam I get that email also and it sounds good but my problem has always been figureing out if What If is a season or lifetime. 20 years makes for a long season, but then again, God has his own timing of things.
Thanks ladies. I know I will be okay. I've prayed on it and I know the captain of my ship won't steer me in the wrong direction.
There is always a reason never to ponder "what ifs". As christians, we know that "what ifs" are the way the devil devise to trick us. Thank God for what you have. There is a reason that things work out the day they did. God bless you my sister. I know what you're going through is not easy. Keep praying.
love, sympathy, infatuation, whatever it is, its never wrong. but the wrong this, is.. to whom you pay the feeling. maybe you didnt relize it, but i think you are not only "wondering" about mr. what if.. i think you are having something deeper than just "wonder about".. please be strong,.. and stay on the track. remember and you should underline this,.. you are married now. you belong to someone else. so try to forget your feeling toward mr. what if as best as you can. gain more and more time with your DH, spend more time together and cherish every single memories you have with your DH since you two dated for the first time,.. the hot kisses,... the sharing of every ups and downs.. and also, the reason why you decided to marry your DH.. love is never wrong,.. if you address it to the person who has the right for it and deserves it. :) God bless you, and be strong!
Either I will Find a way, or I will MAKE a way!!!
Whyme hang in there girl. The ladies have offered you some wonderful advice.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Welcome back to the boards whyme. All I can say is pray. There's nothing wrong with wondering what if but don't act on it. Is this mr what if worth everything that you have now? You can't answer that because you never were in a "relationship" with him. And if it were meant for you two to be, God wouldn't have sent you your husband. Your husband may be testing you to see your reaction, but honey, please pray and work things out with your husband. You need to cut all ties and contact with mr what if. As long as he's in the picture, there will always be room for tragedy.
[quote="SeptBride"] There's nothing wrong with wondering what if but don't act on it. Is this mr what if worth everything that you have now? You can't answer that because you never were in a "relationship" with him. And if it were meant for you two to be, God wouldn't have sent you your husband. Your husband may be testing you to see your reaction, but honey, please pray and work things out with your husband. You need to cut all ties and contact with mr what if. As long as he's in the picture, there will always be room for tragedy.
[/quote]
I would never act on this and I really don't have any ties to Mr. What If. Our paths may cross one or twice a year and since I've been with DH, Mr. What If is real distant acting whenever we do see each other. That's what bothers me the most. He and I were really good friends and we talked about everything, including whomever we were involved with at the moment. We have never had the opportunity to talk once I started dating DH and I really miss being able to laugh and joke with him about life in general. Above anything else, I honestly think it's the friendship I miss the most. Yes, there is an attraction but we have always managed to respect whatever relationship we were in at the time without crossing the line. I love DH and I know he is all the man I need. I won't mistreat my 80 for 20. Those that saw the movie know what I mean.
I think that he is being distant for a few reasons. 1) Men can't be too friendly to a woman without wanting to show other feelings towards her...especially to someone he can't have, so he may be trying to do you both a favor by kind of repressing those feelings by being distant. 2) He doesn't want to disrespect your friendship or his friendship with your DH. For us women, we can be friendly to a man and have no feelings beyond that for him because we don't attach "sexual attraction or feelings" so easily...So like I said, he may be doing you both a favor. Plus if he still has feelings for you, he may not be able to trust himself with having that very friendly relationship with you without wanting to do something about it. I have spoken to my husband about this many times because it comes up a lot. In my relationship with my DH, about 3 guys from my past have popped up out of the blue wanting to be friends again, and wanted to have lunch and catch up with me, and my DH (well were were still dating back then) was like no because he knew men...Well I felt like, oh I don't like them or whatever but he was like...but trust me, they are trying to get with you....Well to make a long story short I did ask one guy and he was brave enough to say YES he is waiting for me to either make my move and was hoping my man was messing up...any excuse to make a move and get me for good.....Now, me and this guy are friends, and even after I got engaged and he returned from Iraq he asked boldly about trying again and I was like no....so yes, my DH is right about that.... Also he told me that its just easier for men to be cold towards a woman he can't have because men are fully aware of the damage that can happen if they "fullfill their curiosity" or fulfill their desire (or that woman's "innocent" desire) to be close friends again...So here is the reality....If you did seek a close friendship with this Mr. Whatif at any moment of weakness (DH makes you mad, does something-the littlest thing wrong) you may mess up. Afterwards, there is only regret and then all of a sudden, you really don't want to be around him anyways....You are lucky because Mr. Whatif seems to really be a respectful man by staying away...it hurts, but its good for you and your marriage....You can't talk about everything to him...you have a DH for that. If you knew your DH had a Mrs. What if You'd be pissed....so you have got to consider that too.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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[quote="Bumblebeekee"]You are lucky because Mr. Whatif seems to really be a respectful man by staying away...it hurts, but its good for you and your marriage....You can't talk about everything to him...you have a DH for that. If you knew your DH had a Mrs. What if You'd be pissed....so you have got to consider that too.
[/quote]
And that's what's up! Well said Bumble!
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]You are lucky because Mr. Whatif seems to really be a respectful man by staying away...it hurts, but its good for you and your marriage....You can't talk about everything to him...you have a DH for that. If you knew your DH had a Mrs. What if You'd be pissed....so you have got to consider that too.
And that's what's up! Well said Bumble!
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I agree!
Born Blessed!
Thank you ladies:)
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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[quote="whyme"] I won't mistreat my 80 for 20. Those that saw the movie know what I mean.
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It seems that you already know what is right. To me it seems that the devil is just trying to throw you off track. You are with your DH and not Mr. Whatif for a reason. God knows what is best for you, just pray and God will continue to see you through...How are things going with this? I hope all is well.
[quote="whyme] I can't say how I would feel knowing DH had lingering feelings from past for someone. I would like to think I could understand but my jealous sometimes irrational side might take over. The big difference here is they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it. [/quote]
Felt that needed repeating. Bumble I could see the reasons you think Mr. Whatif is being distant. There maybe some truth to that,and I can accept that. But as far as feeling DH is the ONLY one I should or could talk to about anything, I disagree. DH is not the end all be all for everything and neither am I. DH does have a female friend that he feels he can go to about whatever and I'm fine with their friendship because he hasn't given me reason not to be. I don't know whether there has ever been anything more between them or not but I'm not threatened by thier friendship at all. I believe in karma, you reap what you sow. That's why I have never crossed that line with Mr. What If.
Elegant08 everything is fine. I was just having a moment when I wrote original post but all is well. Thanks for asking.
[quote="whyme"]DH does have a female friend that he feels he can go to about whatever and I'm fine with their friendship because he hasn't given me reason not to be.[/quote]
The key here whyme, is that it doesn't seem your DH is as comfortable with you being friends with whatif as you are with him and his female friend. Considering how their circle ties in together, your DH probably knows their are feelings there. After all - "they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it" - I say chalk it up as a lost and move on before is causes unnecessary problems.
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]DH does have a female friend that he feels he can go to about whatever and I'm fine with their friendship because he hasn't given me reason not to be.
The key here whyme, is that it doesn't seem your DH is as comfortable with you being friends with whatif as you are with him and his female friend. Considering how their circle ties in together, your DH probably knows their are feelings there. After all - "they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it" - I say chalk it up as a lost and move on before is causes unnecessary problems.
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I agree with Future and Bumble. DH should be the one to confide in. It's very important to keep your marital business to yourself. I don't think it's a good idea to tell Mr. What If what's going on in your marriage- especially since he and DH are friends.
Born Blessed!
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]
The key here whyme, is that it doesn't seem your DH is as comfortable with you being friends with whatif as you are with him and his female friend. Considering how their circle ties in together, your DH probably knows their are feelings there. After all - "they are friends and DH doesn't let me forget it" - I say chalk it up as a lost and move on before is causes unnecessary problems.
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Future I agree. Whyme you may chalk the friendship up as a loss. Kenny Rogers had a song long time ago that said you have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them and when to walk away. Sounds like you have been holding and folding but in reality you should walk away.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
I understand why you would disagree about not being able to talk to DH about everything...but I still think you should at least be able to tell him, even if he doesn't respond. At least he knows. Me and DH are both very different people, and he can't understand why certain things or people bother me (cause I am very sensitive about certain things)...but he KNOWS that it actually bothers me. Like I said, I have a friend who is ready to hear me vent and fuss, but enough of that and it eventually turns to: "Oh my husband made me mad, let me tell you what happened" and then he knows all about what goes on between me and my husband....When I want to vent or someone to talk to I still have to keep myself from even sending my friend a text or call...and when those urges come...I pray or write in my journal. I am that determined...now about your DH having a female friend he talkes to about other things...I really would watch out for that....because truthfully, you and your DH have a bond..a circle (i.e. rings), and no one really should be coming inside of that ring, that circle...even for a minute...even just to chat! He should be the end all because he is your other half....really, he is part of you....so deeply intertwined that no one can seperate you or tell one from the other...but unique enough to still identify husband and wife...that being said..."You all are now ONE" and like my husband says in reference to men who beat on their wives..."Why would I want to beat on or hurt myself?" Because his attitude is I am HIM, and he is ME.....And its not about being threatened about his relationship with this female friend....its about holding each other accountable for walking the walk and upholding your vow....Continue to do whatever you have to in order to resist....In the New Testament it says if you have to cut off your hand because it is sinful...then its better to do so that you cannot burn. I know it sound extreme, but it truly does apply here in some way.
Yes, many of us have experienced love in some way similar, but we decide not to fulfill that curiosity because we know what it MAY lead to...and so you have to DECIDE not to...Its all a simple decision on your part...DECIDE to forget about it and chalk it up to a loss...love hurts...but you don't really know him like that intimately anyways, and its for a reason....If you really feel like God made you for your husband then you shouldn't have all these worries...however normal your concerns are...its still comes down to a decision YOU have to make once and for all, and live with it....whatever you decide...make sure you can live with it...and accept it....
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Well said, Bumblebee!
Born Blessed!
Thanks....I can relate having been in this situation before....shoot right now....So I have a lot to say on it....I am not perfect by any means, but I try Plat.
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Girl you should go ahead and sleep with him so you can get it out of your system, and there will be no more WHAT IF'S, or you can just tell him that you have moved on with your life and that by having him go to your parents house an come around you and your fh is creating problems.
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[quote="housewife147"]Girl you should go ahead and sleep with him so you can get it out of your system, and there will be no more WHAT IF'S, or you can just tell him that you have moved on with your life and that by having him go to your parents house an come around you and your fh is creating problems.
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House you're a trip....
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She sure is Bumble! But hey, none of the other comments seem to help enough! Maybe she is on to something - j/k!
Bumble & Plat, while I respect what you are saying, you have both misconstrued what I said. I never said I was looking for anyone to discuss my marriage with. What I said when trying to describe my relationship with Whatif is that it is the type of friendship where we could talk about anything including whomever we were involved with at the moment. That doesn
whyme I think you nailed it with your clarification. I am like you, I understand that when you get married your spouse should be "the only one you need" but while it sounds good it is not always true or reality...and I think people that say that are trying to convince others that their lives are so GRAND being married. Just like all things marriage can be great but every day is not a bed of roses-you deal with just as many lows as highs and I think that as long as you can recognize that and understand your boundaries that it will work out and you will do the right thing...good luck! :)
House we haven't had anybody be sent to the corner is so long -- too funny!!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
The clarification helps. I also agree with you and SoontobmrsJ about your spouse not being everything. I think it's important your spouse is your best friend, the one you seek out when a friend is needed but I don't think they should be your only friend. If that was the case there would be no need to prefix the word friend with the word best.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Okay , thanks for the clarificaton. I apologize for the misunderstanding. But, I'm still a little confused so, I'll leave it alone...
Born Blessed!
Ok so I guess that mean's your not going to sleep with whatif. DAMN DAMN DAMN. LOL Child I was ready for all the juicy details.
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how long will i have to stay in the corner?
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whyme....I didn't mean to twist your words...I guess I am trying to get a clear understanding of what you are trying to decide or say....Like I said...I am going through the exact same thing with a friend of mine...a childhood friend, but my DH doesn't know him. Also...I never meant to say that DH should be your world...for me that would be impossible! I am a nutrition professional, I am actively doing post-graduate research and publication writing, and we both have our own circle of friends that we confide in. We pray together and separately. However, when I need to talk to someone, my DH is who I consult first (Shoot I even call him with new gossip!)...and usually, if he can't offer advice on a problem, he'll ask if I prayed on it first, and I will if I haven't....I talk to my sister a lot but not about everything, because like my mom, she doesn't understand marriage and the intention of the roles men and women play (another story altogether)...but I guess I was trying to figure out what your real concerns are....You said that this man does something to you that you can't understand....and maybe your husband doesn't do that for you all the time (men are different!)....Marriage is never going to be perfect I definitely understand.....You will get the closure you are seeking since you asked God for it....I guess moments like these are just what they are: moments....not something that will endure.....
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Bumblebee I will have to read your novel tommorrow I am tooooo tired to read all of this right now. Girl you may need to learn short hand.
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[quote="housewife147"]Bumblebee I will have to read your novel tommorrow I am tooooo tired to read all of this right now. Girl you may need to learn short hand.
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lol
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[quote="housewife147"]Bumblebee I will have to read your novel tommorrow I am tooooo tired to read all of this right now. Girl you may need to learn short hand.
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My bad....working on it....Like I said I have a lot to say on this subject! But I think I hae said all I needed to say...Finally LOL!
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[quote="housewife147"]how long will i have to stay in the corner?
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Stay as long as you want. I'm already in the corner. I got hot wings, collard greens, homemade mac and cheese, and cornbread!
Born Blessed!
Shoot Plat! If you got all that....Can I come to the corner...just to eat?
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Too funny, sounds like it's going to be a party!!! LOL!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I got the "red" Kool-aid!
none of that for me. I am watching my weight so I can get into my drews.
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Bumble and Future, I'm sending you an invitation!
Born Blessed!