Guest List HELL!!!

Considering how many times we've read this story I'm SURE is not just you. I just don't understand some people. If you haven't been bamming down my door to be in my life on a daily basis, why do you want to be at my wedding? These will be the same ones that if you do invite them will put $5 in a card and keep it moving! I am NOT looking forward to this part of planning!

It's not just you. I'm mailing my invites tomorrow morning and I'm WAITING for someone to call and ask me. But, most people know how I am, so they'll probably punk out and call my mother. But, I've already given her her script to put them in their place.

Well remember how I cut my wedding list down? My mom and grandmother both agree that if cousin so and so that from back in the day isn't invited their feelings will be really hurt. I'm like why? I havent' seen her since I was a child and we live in the same town. It makes no sense. And with that my mother and grandmother have said nothing about contributing so again why am I inviting them? Feelings are just going to have to be hurt. I'm so tired of that I mean I'm sure my cousin would get us a gift but we definately aren't balling right now.

People kill me....................

My favorate is the RSVP that came back with the # whited out and a new-higher number filled in. They didn't even write note asking if they can bring others. Why do people think it's a free for all?!?!?!?

[quote="onyxswan"]My favorate is the RSVP that came back with the # whited out and a new-higher number filled in. They didn't even write note asking if they can bring others. Why do people think it's a free for all?!?!?!?
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ROFLMAO!!!

Welcome to the world of wedding planning. I had some ghetto ones try that too. I simply addressed them by letting them know that "x amount of people were invited for a reason & if you insist that they come, then please pay x amount to cover their plate". Needless to say, the initial amount showed up or they didn't show up at all. Sounds mean, but it's what you gotta do to avoid running a 3 day circus.

It never ends unfortunately. At church on Sunday, this lady yelled across 2 rows in the parking lot, "I didn't get an invitation! I only knew you your whole life and watched your grow up. I'm obviously not important enough to be at your wedding huh? I didn't even get an in person invite telling me when the wedding is so I can show up at the ceremony!"

Needless to say, people stopped and stared. I wanted to shake that lady. She wonders why she's not invited? Probably cause she's GHETTO!

OMG Ajia, that is a mess! lol

Onyx, I can't believe they did that. I only hope no one does it. But in case they do, I have my list with how many people were invited so they will be notified that only the # specified is who can come. The nerves of some people.

Me and FH are having a huge cookout at the lake for our reception. I know people will be upset that they are not invited to come and eat free food and drink free drinks. I am mentally preparing myself for all the drama.

People still tell me to this day that...oh, you didn't even send me an invite, and all I can say is I am sorry....Truthfully, we invited as many as we could AFFORD, and I am not sorry about that. It got so difficult, we ended up inviting all of our family members and only our MUTUAL friends.....So that left out many of my friends who I knew from school and all, or whatever..PLUS, I didn't announce my wedding to the world, but for some of us, once you tell that one person (i.e you own personal loudspeaker), they WILL tell the whole world....

Even if you try to invite everyone you can think of (like my SIL), you will still forget that one person who you really would have liked to see come....and they will be upset, send you a gift still....but, a true friend will UNDERSTAND. Those who do not, can go to......... the devil's house:) Its something we all deal with....like a rite of passage.

Sorry this is kind of long! Ok, so I see this post hasn't been visited for awhile, but I have an issue that fits perfectly under this post. So everything with my wedding has been so fun for me, until it came time to make that dreaded guest list. So my FH and I decided to stay within our budget, we should have no more than 200 guests, including the wedding party. We have 16 BM and GM, 3 ushers, 2 hostesses, and few more attendants, but it totals out to about 33 people, so we have room for about 167 more people. My family is huge, so I had a really hard time narrowing the list down. So after weeks of frustration and wanting to pull my hair out (LOL), my FH and I finally completed the list, however it totals 265 people. He knows that a lot of his guests will not show up because they don't travel, and I'm hoping the same for mine. But anyways, the issue is that my aunt keeps bringing up names of people that should be on the list, and I am starting to get really annoyed by this, because all the people she has named so far are not on the list. The thing is, my mother (her sister), passed away in 2004, so the people she feels should be on the list are friend's of my mother's who she feels she would have wanted there. Now my Dad and my FH are paying for the wedding, and my dad and FH (and his mother) contributed their share of who they wanted to invite to the wedding. My father, sister, and I also discussed who my mom would have wanted at the wedding. Some of the names my aunt mentioned, I have never heard before. I'm just starting to feel like, this is my day, I'm on a budget, and the most important people in my life are on the list. I guess I'm just venting here, but my Save the Date cards are going out in about a week, and I really have no intentions of adding names to the list. We are already way over our number, and with the stress of school just beginning again, I really don't need the guest list drama re-introduced. I would love to have everyone I know there, but this just isn't possible unless you are on an episode of Platinum Weddings (sorry, this just happens to be on tv right now...lol) Guess it really doesn't go away until the day of the wedding though does it...

Wow, you've got a very delicate situation. So very sorry Tiffy for the lengthy reply!!! I thought my bridal party was huge at 28, but you're clearly the winner at 33!!

Never fear!!! Although I'm sure you're right about the guest list, but you're banking on people not wanting or willing to travel. You'll be surprise the distance people will go for a wedding. That being said, the task for you and your FH is to trim the fat (pardon the expression, but true). We would all like to invite everyone we know or acquaintances of our parents, but as you've figured out by now, it's simply not practical. In your situation, however, I would explain to my aunt like this. I would sit her down and say:"Auntie, I love you very much and Lord knows, I wouldn't make it this far without your emotional support, but unfortunately, I'm not in a position to invite those on your list. I'm not financially able to cover the cost. I hope you try to understand and please try not to be offended, but I've never met or heard of these people. Mom would understand because financially, I'm not able to accommodate these particular guests. I'm so very sorry." Try that and see what she said.

As for your guest list, your venue holds 160 at least. Do you think that you can squeeze in 200 comfortably including a dance floor? That's how you will truly arrive at your final guest list. You don't want everyone to be packed in like sardines (again, pardon the expression). Let's just say that your absolute max is 200. Now is the time for you and your FH to sacrifice. There will be hurt feelings for sure, but a necessary evil. It's necessary to have the elders there, but since there will not be any children, try to keep it to just family members only, since both party have a huge family. After including family, bridal party, if you could include friends, do so very sparingly. We would all love to have our friends and acquaintances there, but again, not practical in keeping with a budget. You'll find that as you and your FH review the list, top of the list - your bridal party, 2nd - the elderly family members, 3rd - all the family members on both side that you must have there, 4th, a combination of family and friends who has been key in your lives. Use this and you'll be surprise how easily you'd be able to reduce your list to the 200 that you need (because you need to cut about 65 to remain on course).

To those that you could not invite, trust your MOH to send regrets card to the rest while announcing your wedding. Just tell them that you had an intimate affair and was trying to keep things within budget.

Good luck to you and your FH

Thanks for the advice Ginoue. My bridal party total actually includes everyone involved in the wedding ceremony, so the soloist, minister, readers, etc. My FH doesn't believe in spending too much money on a wedding, he just feels more focus should be placed on the importance of the day, not how much you put in to it. So from the beginning, the budget was very important to us, and we decided to stick with $15000. Now the venue seats up to 332, but based on our budget and the amount per plate, we can accommodate around 200 people, no more than 210. I am the type of person who prefers the venue of my choice first. I really fell in love with the place, and I knew by choosing the place, I would not be able to invite everyone. We had decided from the beginning that each of us would be able to invite 100/each, but even this takes us up to 233 with the bridal party. It is really my side of the list that kind of lopsides things the most. Our bridal party is 33, FH has 87 on his list (which he has no problem at all removing names), our mutual friends total 6, and the remainder are from my list, so 139. We are definitely going to take your advice, and start with the top of the list-bridal party, 2nd-elderly, and 3rd-all the family members on both side that you must have there, 4th, a combination of family and friends who has been key in your lives. This sounds like it will really work.

And as for my aunt, she says things like if these names are getting to be too much, your grandmother and I will pay for the extra names that we mention. But this isn't the issue. The thing is my FH and I made a decision together, we chose a budget and that is what we are sticking with. My FMIL also mentioned once that she would pay for her extra guests, but if we start allowing everyone to pay for their extra guests, who we might not even know in the first place, our budget goes out the window (even though we are not paying for all of it). It all comes down to this, it is our wedding, my FH and I have decided as a couple on a specific budget, and this is what we are sticking to. So from here on out, to avoid any unnecessary stress, I will take the advice that you have given me. I will let you know the outcome. By the way, is it ok if if we make a "B' list for the 65 names we remove, and as we receive "no" responses,send invites to the "B" listers, as long as it's in a reasonable amount of time that is (so they don't feel like they are a part of a "B" list).

A "B" list is a great thing but unfortunately alot of people don't respond early enough with regrets to afford you the ability to invite B list guests and have it still appear as if they were on the "A" list.

Do your aunts & FMIL know that paying for the extra people is more than just paying for the meal? They also must consider the other costs associated with extras: more favors, more printing costs for programs and more invitations to order, additional centerpieces and table linens. Your cake costs are also increased. They need to look at the full picture when offering to pay for the extras. It's just not that simple.

[quote="pamcrow"]Do your aunts & FMIL know that paying for the extra people is more than just paying for the meal? They also must consider the other costs associated with extras: more favors, more printing costs for programs and more invitations to order, additional centerpieces and table linens. Your cake costs are also increased. They need to look at the full picture when offering to pay for the extras. It's just not that simple.
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This is very true. I doubt they are even thinking of all of the extra costs that come with "paying for a guest." This could get very expensive on their end. But my FH and I have already decided that we are not going to give them the option of paying for additional guests. By the time they get through, we will have 332 guests (max amount the venue can hold), 132 more than the 200 we already decided on. So we are just going to take ginoue's advice about prioritizing our list, and that will be it. Unfortunately we cannot invite everyone, I have to accept this, as will they. My FMIL has already done so, she is fine with her part of the list. It is really just my aunt who keeps throwing new names out at me every time she calls. Thanks so much ladies!

I'm not feeling too bad about my situation. I've had to change venue for the reception twice. My guest list is about 200 (about half will actually show) people and our bridal party is 28. Since my FH is dragging his feet with a WRITTEN guest list; I just go on who I know will come. He gives me names a few at a time. (Ok, I'm starting to feel my BP rise). I can't hold him down because I am in Lousiana and he is in Michigan. Our budget is max 300.

Oh, and don't forget the "don't forget to send an invitation to the church so they can read it in the announcements or put it in the bulletin" crap I've gotten from the church mother.

Hi ladies! Not sure if things are as bad in US as they are in the UK, but paying for the meals at the wedding breakfast is very expensive in London. We are getting married on Valentine's day 2009 so everything is already going to be more expensive because of the date. At our venue, we are allowed 100 people + all of the children (19 in total so far)for the meal and then we are having 70 or so more for the evening buffet and party.

We are already having trouble cutting down our list for the sit down meal - both of our families are quite large and we haven't even asked out parents who they would want to include!! How did everyone else manage to get around problems with large families?

I am so ready to be finished with this wedding planning!! It has been a nightmare getting all the right addresses and postage for all the invites. Wedding planning can be so exciting but it's quick to get burn out on it too. We are only inviting the people that we have talked with within the last month or so. Over the weekend I got 64 invites completed with reply cards and I still have about 70 more invites to go. Pray for me ladies!!!!!

i got my mom to do mine, thank GOD for her, i'm about to pull my hair out with this wedding!!

Welcome to the board lkbaby! Good luck with those invites!