Guest List

I have been on and off this site for weeks now....reading and learning. Here's my dilemna:

My fiance and I "know" a lot of people and some we want to invite to the wedding and the reception and some we only want to invite to the reception. Will offend some people? What are your thoughts on that?

Why would you only invite some to the wedding? Your reception costs are higher per person. Is there a specific reason?

I don't see a problem with inviting people only to the reception and not the wedding. That can be explained by saying that you wanted a ceremony with family and very close friends. This allows the people you "know" to still celebrate with you.

It is not however, ok to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception afterwards. The reception is when the celebration of the union begins. If a person has been invited to witness the ceremony they should also celebrate it with you.

Here is a polite way to word your invitations:

To look at more invitations and verses Click Here. There is a verses link with lots of ideas!

Personally, I don't think that you are offending anybody. You are only doing what is best for you and your groom. I understand that your budget or whatever the reason maybe is making you do this. If they want to be apart of your special day then they will listen to your wishes.

I want to have a guest list because I am having an outdoor wedding with tables and chairs. So I really need an exact count for not only tables and chairs but food as well. What do you ladies think?

Great idea Leanne.

Thanks. But I forgot to mention that there will be someone or 2 people with the list in hand as people enter the gates. How does that sound? I would hate for someone to show up and not be on the list. Especially if they are an out of town. I was gonna send invitations with a date to RSVP and those not returned send a second date to RSVP saying, "Any responses recieved after (date) will not be accepted." Ladies am I doing too much? And what about a change a venue in case the weather doesn't permit an outdoor wedding for Sept 1, 2007.

No, you are RIGHT on target!!!!!! This is the only way you would have piece of mind!

Well spoken Askalot!

Hi ladies, I'm having some what of the same problems. We both have a lot of family and friends. When we got engaged we said that we were only going to have 100 people at the wedding. Once we started planning we realize that we did not think about the wedding party being included in the 100. So we went from 100 to 115 now we realize that we did not add the church family in the 100 as well. Because the price is going to put us way over budget for the reception, I was thinking to invite everyone from the church to the ceremony and explain to them because we want all our family to be there and seats are limited we are not able to invite everyone to the reception. My soon to be husband and some friends said that is not right to invite them to the ceremony and not the reception. Now I think that the ceremony is the most important because that is where we come before GOD and seal the deal. Please tell me your opinions.

You can invite them to the ceremony and not the meal esp. if seating is limitted and you are on a budget.After all you got yo survive after the wedding.

Thanks nikkieg. Because the wedding is outside I have to rent the chairs which is only $1.00. I can pay for the chairs at the ceremony but it's about $30.00 for the reception. So that is why I wanted to do it that way.

I faced that problem as well. My fh and myself agreed to handle all of the cost for our wedding ourselves, and we are a bit overwhelmed. We agreed to pay for 130 guest. When we started writing out the guest list we noticed that 130 came quick and we still wanted more people to come. I told him that we could have a gathering at our house when we came back from our honeymoon for the people who couldnt attend the ceremony.

Yeah, we have been avoiding the wedding list, but now its almost December, and we HAVE to finalize it. We are definitely getting all the family names first, and then our very very closest friends. As soon as they begin coming back, we will fill in with our other list of friends from a secondary list and invite them both to the ceremony and the reception.
Luckily, at my church my Pastor usually (at the request of the couple) as everyone to attend support them at the ceremony, and then remind them that the couple's reception is RSVP only. Since we are a church with abot 90% of either college students or graduates under 30 man people are close, but the budgets don't allow ALL to come....Its hard because many times people do their invites in secret or don't make a big deal about their wedding plans because they have to deal with even some church folks wanting to come to the reception....I have had people ASK me straight up if they are invited....I have been telling them that my family is so humongous, we have to see what the list says since their is a seating capacity at the reception site so its hard. I will be getting the advice from my other girlfriend who goes to my church who got married. I will (though I hate to) turn some folks away, or realize such and such won't be getting an invite simply because I can't invite them all, and NOT because I don't like them....The same goes for hte bridal shower list. I am close to many of those girls at my church, but ALL of them won't make the list for the reception because its just not enough seats or funds to cover it all......so its always a dilimma

PS. I have gotten to the point where I don't divulge into my wedding plans much anymore.

[quote="Ms. Dee (GUEST)"]I have been on and off this site for weeks now....reading and learning. Here's my dilemna:

My fiance and I "know" a lot of people and some we want to invite to the wedding and the reception and some we only want to invite to the reception. Will offend some people? What are your thoughts on that?
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Should you choose to go this route, you will offend lots of folks. You must keep in mind whose responsible for footing the bill for everything; if there are those willing to pitch in financially, then maybe their opinion would have some validity. Sticking to close friends and family is the safest route to take. It eliminates lots of financial hardship that you don't think about until it's near the end, and everything's over.

My fiance' family and friends take up about 86 percent of the guest list. Listen to this; we mailed an invite to one of his "close friends" who took it upon himself to pass his invitation on to someone else. When I received the RSVP back, I couldn't figure out for the life of me who this person was, as I pretty much have my guest list memorized. I had my fiance to do some research and found out that the people are related to his mother; he doesn't know them well at all, only met them once in his life. Now, the close friend should not have taken it upon himself to pass the invite over to someone else; instead, he should have asked if this was okay and/or declined to go. His excuse was that he's no longer married and thought that he wouldn't go because of that.

To save headaches, invite only close relatives and friends, if it's going to be something expensive and grand. Should you choose to go the other route, maybe lots of folks and a park style back yard wedding, come one come all.

I think the trend these days is to invite minimal amount of folks, create your theme and make your wedding as unique as possible with various things such as welcome and thank you gifts.

If you plan on spending 20 grand, you'll wind up spending 40 grand.

Good luck.

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]PS. I have gotten to the point where I don't divulge into my wedding plans much anymore.
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HERE HERE! I started that practice about three months into the planning.

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]Yeah, we have been avoiding the wedding list, but now its almost December, and we HAVE to finalize it. We are definitely getting all the family names first, and then our very very closest friends. As soon as they begin coming back, we will fill in with our other list of friends from a secondary list and invite them both to the ceremony and the reception.
Luckily, at my church my Pastor usually (at the request of the couple) as everyone to attend support them at the ceremony, and then remind them that the couple's reception is RSVP only. Since we are a church with abot 90% of either college students or graduates under 30 man people are close, but the budgets don't allow ALL to come....Its hard because many times people do their invites in secret or don't make a big deal about their wedding plans because they have to deal with even some church folks wanting to come to the reception....I have had people ASK me straight up if they are invited....I have been telling them that my family is so humongous, we have to see what the list says since their is a seating capacity at the reception site so its hard. I will be getting the advice from my other girlfriend who goes to my church who got married. I will (though I hate to) turn some folks away, or realize such and such won't be getting an invite simply because I can't invite them all, and NOT because I don't like them....The same goes for hte bridal shower list. I am close to many of those girls at my church, but ALL of them won't make the list for the reception because its just not enough seats or funds to cover it all......so its always a dilimma
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I don't understand...

Since my wedding ceremony and recepiton will be held at the same location only the people who I am paying for to eat at the reception will be attending my wedding. I attend a wedding where the bride sent out two sets on invitations. One for the people who was attending both the wedding and ceremony, and one for people who was just being invited to witness the ceremony. She showed me both inviations and the way it was worded on the invitation for the ceremony only, you would have just assumed there wasnt going to be a reception. It was really nice to me. If I was going to have my ceremony and recepiton at diffrent locations I may have did the samething.

That's a cool idea Housewife, but my family is the 'loitering' type. They'll hang around until they find out where everyone else is going next.

LOL, that's funny. If anyone comes to the reception hall that is uninvited I would just advice my wedding coordinator to politely tell them that although the bride and groom would love for you to attend the reception it is just not in there budget. I am quite sure they will understand. Anyway, personally if I was to recieve an invitation that didnt give me any information about the reception such as directions, where the reception was going to be held, etc.. Then I wouldnt even bother to say around and find out where it was, Let alone go.

[quote="Cinamin1"]PS. I have gotten to the point where I don't divulge into my wedding plans much anymore.

HERE HERE! I started that practice about three months into the planning.
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I just discovered that I'm on a xhit list. I really don't care; no one is assisting us with funds to pay for anything. I told my fiance that he had to call that friend and tell him that we cannot accommodate the guest he planned to bring to the wedding. I don't care about hurting someone else's feelings with regard to this. I'm not saying that our wedding is all of that; but were not rich people, and at 169.00 per plate plus tax and gratuity, I think I have the right to pick and choose who comes to our wedding.

When it comes to parties and such things, people love to come, but never think about the expenses of such gatherings.

I didn't mention that we have to pay 1,200.00 for rehearsal dinner, did I? I found out that I needed ushers so, I had to add them to the list along with a few others. Now, this is the thing that frightens me most; will these folks show up! As I mentioned previously on another topic, some people have thier so-called "own time" where they come when they want to come. I only have one day to rehearse, as I am coming from out-of-state.

I hate to think about the money, I just hate to, it freaks me out!

belleblanc, What don't you understand?
I guess since that post was a mile long its hard to filter the details. What I am going to do is go back through my guest list and whoever is invited to the wedding and reception will be invited to the shower. I guess my wanting to accomodate everyone who WANTS to come gets overwhelming, and since so many people know (especially at my church), I am faced with having to tell them that I can't afford to invite anyone else because of $$...plus we have a 150 cap due to space.....cause like I said they just come up to me and ask if they are invited, or if they can come.

[quote="belleblanc"]I just discovered that I'm on a xhit list. I really don't care; no one is assisting us with funds to pay for anything.[/quote]

I found out I am on a xhit list too! My mom came home last night telling me about how she heard such & such talking about how they're not invited to my wedding. I'm like: You don't even like me...you've NEVER liked me, why in the h*** would I invite you to MY wedding??? People are so inconsiderate of the time & the amount of MONEY put into these things, and they think just because Cousin Cool was invited, they should be invited. My mom told me to go give somebody's grandma an invite...For what? If you haven't received an invite yet, don't expect one. HELLO, we do have financial & space limits!
I'm at the point where I just don't give a BLEEP!

That is alot of money you are paying per plate belleblanc. Where will you be hosting your reception?

That IS a lot of $$$! whew!
Anyhoo, CInny girl I am sorry you have to go through that! People ARE inconsiderate. Man I KNOW I will have some haters too. Its just a part of life. I really am worried about how this guest list thing will go down. I even told my sister and my matron of honor to send all the invites for the bridal shower via mail, and DO NOT give anyone an invitation by hand where others can see. Like I said, everyone from my church and work just cannot come. People just cannot handle it....and its never going to change, and I don't want to hear it. We just have to pray.

[quote="housewife147"]That is alot of money you are paying per plate belleblanc. Where will you be hosting your reception?
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Ceremony and reception are in the same place; at the Hilton Hotel in West Palm Beach Florida. We got the premium package which turns out to be 169 per person.

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]belleblanc, What don't you understand?
I guess since that post was a mile long its hard to filter the details. What I am going to do is go back through my guest list and whoever is invited to the wedding and reception will be invited to the shower. I guess my wanting to accomodate everyone who WANTS to come gets overwhelming, and since so many people know (especially at my church), I am faced with having to tell them that I can't afford to invite anyone else because of $$...plus we have a 150 cap due to space.....cause like I said they just come up to me and ask if they are invited, or if they can come.
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[quote="Bumblebeekee"]belleblanc, What don't you understand?
I guess since that post was a mile long its hard to filter the details. What I am going to do is go back through my guest list and whoever is invited to the wedding and reception will be invited to the shower. I guess my wanting to accomodate everyone who WANTS to come gets overwhelming, and since so many people know (especially at my church), I am faced with having to tell them that I can't afford to invite anyone else because of $$...plus we have a 150 cap due to space.....cause like I said they just come up to me and ask if they are invited, or if they can come.

I'm sorry, I think my "Don't understand was for another comment." I do apologize. Your details are clearly understood. Everything seems to be finances with us brides. Money is tight theses days.
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[quote="belleblanc"]belleblanc, What don't you understand?
I guess since that post was a mile long its hard to filter the details. What I am going to do is go back through my guest list and whoever is invited to the wedding and reception will be invited to the shower. I guess my wanting to accomodate everyone who WANTS to come gets overwhelming, and since so many people know (especially at my church), I am faced with having to tell them that I can't afford to invite anyone else because of $$...plus we have a 150 cap due to space.....cause like I said they just come up to me and ask if they are invited, or if they can come.

I'm sorry, I think my "Don't understand was for another comment." I do apologize. Your details are clearly understood. Everything seems to be finances with us brides. Money is tight theses days.

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You know, I love this sight. What I don't like about it is that it's hard for me to navigate around it. I remember going onto a sight which was sort of like an open chat room; I loved that sight, sponsored by "The Knot." You just typed and got responses back right then and there. You could see what everyone else was typing. This is a little different for me. I read your comment, but had read someone elses comment; my comment that you received was meant for another comment, sorry.

[quote="Cinamin1"]I just discovered that I'm on a xhit list. I really don't care; no one is assisting us with funds to pay for anything.

I found out I am on a xhit list too! My mom came home last night telling me about how she heard such & such talking about how they're not invited to my wedding. I'm like: You don't even like me...you've NEVER liked me, why in the h*** would I invite you to MY wedding??? People are so inconsiderate of the time & the amount of MONEY put into these things, and they think just because Cousin Cool was invited, they should be invited. My mom told me to go give somebody's grandma an invite...For what? If you haven't received an invite yet, don't expect one. HELLO, we do have financial & space limits!
I'm at the point where I just don't give a BLEEP!
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Stick to your guns. After all, you and your husband will be the ones holding the bill for the entire fiasco. I've rubbed some folks the wrong way; I don't care! I bet we won't get over 200 bucks at this wedding, I bet! My play mom told me that it would have been better for me to get a long dashiki and some sandals, throw up a tent, tell everyone to bring a bottle, fire up the grill, hire a Junkanoo band and let the good times roll. I had to laugh at her because she knows what I'm dealing with. I can only pray and hope that everyone stays on their best behavior. I had to envite the clergy at the last minute; I was told that it was rude not to invite him. He accepted to my surprise. I went over my list and have only 80 people to include us. No one else can come, I don't give a dam if they can squeeze in a 9th table; I'm not paying!

I went to my fitting today and I'm going to have to find a petticoat that doesn't stick out so much. I need my dress to have a little lift. I also need shoes and luggage. I will live in downtown LA on Saturday. Monday, I have doctor's appointment, dress appointment and a host of other things to do. I'm thinking of changing my flight to come in on Tuesday instead of Wednesday. I am tired already; my right eye is twitching like crazy.

[quote="Cinamin1"]I just discovered that I'm on a xhit list. I really don't care; no one is assisting us with funds to pay for anything.

I found out I am on a xhit list too! My mom came home last night telling me about how she heard such & such talking about how they're not invited to my wedding. I'm like: You don't even like me...you've NEVER liked me, why in the h*** would I invite you to MY wedding??? People are so inconsiderate of the time & the amount of MONEY put into these things, and they think just because Cousin Cool was invited, they should be invited. My mom told me to go give somebody's grandma an invite...For what? If you haven't received an invite yet, don't expect one. HELLO, we do have financial & space limits!
I'm at the point where I just don't give a BLEEP!
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Guess I am on some sort of list too.All of my dad's family are cursing me.They have forgotten that they never liked me (don't know why),but I haven't forgotten.I invited those people who my Dad wanted there out of respect for him.Ironically he only invited 4 out ofhis 11 siblings and 3 of his friends.So I don't mind if they curse me.He is happy and so am I.The people in my childhood destrict are also annoyed that they weren't invited also,people forget or choose to ignore the fact that you have to pay caterers and that food don't come cheap.Maybe I should have invited them all and told them that it is $50 a plate;I wonder how much would want to come then lol.

So sorry NikkiG!
This is ridiculous! Its messed that we just have to deal with it and remember that God is our #1 Source, the beginning and the ending of all things. Everyone else will be alright. They will have to get over it. I think that once they get married they will understand. Shoot, before I got engaged, when I dealt with other people's weddings I thought that they made too much of a big deal out of things but I don't feel that way anymore. You will never be able to get others to understand. Maybe a few, and those who understand are your real friends....and will know what you are going through. Even if they can't relate, real friends never insist on making things hard for you just so they can be entertained!

Oh okay, cool belleblanc. Thats defintitely something I CAN understand...navigating this site....I am still learning how to post pics myself....AND how a lot of things all come down to that cheddar with us brides....Thats the truth forever and ever girl! You will enjoy Palm Beach. My mom lives there and I was raised a little south of there in Ft. Lauderdale. I love South Florida with all my heart. Its such a beautiful place. I can't wait to see your pics!

Thanks Bumble and so true.I never dreamt that it could cost so much and be so frustrating(people that is),but I had some good times.Choosing my dress,doing the invites,choosing our rings and the songs etc.The good does out number the bad though so I don't feel so bad.

Ladies, take it from me you will never know until the day who will show up. I went through this same thing and my mom kept saying stick to your number(200) and don't add anyone else. She and my dad only paid for 200 people to eat and any extras came out of our pockets.

To make a long story short, we had talked with so many peole and got last minute rsvp's(after the deadline) from relatives that we decided to pay for an additional 32 people. That was the biggest mistake because so many people did not show up. We had a little under 200 people so that money could have gone toward something else. People say they are coming but things come up and they don't.

As for doing separate invitations, I wouldn't do that. I would send the invites to those that I want to attend both wedding and reception. Do rsvp's with a deadline and a specific number that they can bring on them. For ex. mine said _1 or _2.

Your day = you and fh, other people are no where in that equation so don't worry about wh's mad, feeling got hurt etc., that's inevitable. I have a very big church family but not all of them were invited and I haven't heard anyone say why didn't you invite me. They simply congratulated me and told me they understand that weddings are expensive. I just wanted to tell you guys my experience, hopefully it will help you.

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]Oh okay, cool belleblanc. Thats defintitely something I CAN understand...navigating this site....I am still learning how to post pics myself....AND how a lot of things all come down to that cheddar with us brides....Thats the truth forever and ever girl! You will enjoy Palm Beach. My mom lives there and I was raised a little south of there in Ft. Lauderdale. I love South Florida with all my heart. Its such a beautiful place. I can't wait to see your pics!
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Yes, I feel in love with Florida the minute I hit the ground in WPB airport; although it was hotter than hell! It's so clean and green; I guess that's what attracted me to Florida. If you've got a good job and making great money, you can live well. However, the hurricane situation can be a pain in the butt. I remember when my fiance first moved out to CA to be with me. We had an earthquake and I never flinched because we CA's are so accustomed to trimmers and all of that stuff. Well my fiance freaked out big time. It was funny.

Yes, money issues always rest upon the laurels of the bride. People just don't get it at all. I have to remember to take as many pictures as I can and to designate someone to get pictures of all the little projects I worked on so that they can be posted. I put a lot of effort and hard work into every little detail. I just hope it goes over big, not being narcissistic or anything. I must say, it was fun doing some of the work. It kept me from craving sweets so much in the evening and weekends. Yes, I'm a sugar junkie. I've got a few folks dropping out, I am happy as hell! More money in my pocket.

Belle please read my previous post, we were posting at the same time I guess!I'd love to see pics of your DIY projects. BTW, When is your wedding date?

[quote="PureBliss"]Ladies, take it from me you will never know until the day who will show up. I went through this same thing and my mom kept saying stick to your number(200) and don't add anyone else. She and my dad only paid for 200 people to eat and any extras came out of our pockets.

To make a long story short, we had talked with so many peole and got last minute rsvp's(after the deadline) from relatives that we decided to pay for an additional 32 people. That was the biggest mistake because so many people did not show up. We had a little under 200 people so that money could have gone toward something else. People say they are coming but things come up and they don't.

As for doing separate invitations, I wouldn't do that. I would send the invites to those that I want to attend both wedding and reception. Do rsvp's with a deadline and a specific number that they can bring on them. For ex. mine said _1 or _2.

Your day = you and fh, other people are no where in that equation so don't worry about wh's mad, feeling got hurt etc., that's inevitable. I have a very big church family but not all of them were invited and I haven't heard anyone say why didn't you invite me. They simply congratulated me and told me they understand that weddings are expensive. I just wanted to tell you guys my experience, hopefully it will help you.
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Amen to that! I just talked to my Aunt in Florida and mentioned to her that I have a few people who declined. I am not having extra nothing! If they're not on my list, they cannot come. I am going to get a reputation as a u-know-what after everything is said and done with.

PB& J, thanks for the advice. I keep forgetting that many newlyweds I talk to say that many people who RSVP don't show, and then there are the late RSVP'ers and uninvitees who show up and you STILL end up with less than you told the caterers. The good thing about a buffet is that they usually (or at least you can ask) cook for an extra 10% of the number you give them just in case.

I stopped worrying about latecomers and uninvited guests a while ago, and I am moving on from being worried about who is gonna be hurt because they were not invited, etc, etc. Its too much to have to worry about at this point in my life. I am still in grad school and I have 2 jobs to manage and I have been trying to put all my energy there. I can't afford to worry about EVERYBODY's feelings. its just how life is. I am glad you all are here to input and give your opinions and experiences. Newlyweds like PB&J, thanks for coming back to help calm us "soon to be married" girls! Hearing from someone with a fresh experience really helps!

[quote="PureBliss"]Belle please read my previous post, we were posting at the same time I guess!I'd love to see pics of your DIY projects. BTW, When is your wedding date?
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I put the pictures on my zip drive but couldn't make it work to post pictures. I'm going to have to call the Geek Squad for all of my pics to be posted properly. I am tired as hell! I cooked today; trying to be the good fiance. My wedding date is 12/9/06; I am getting nervous, and I haven't done my place seating cards yet. I'm still tampering with the artwork. I have to finish tomorrow and get it done and out of the way. I need to take the dog to the vet before we leave for Florida. Girl, I can't wait until this is finished.

Great, glad you're not stressing Bumble! Belle, relax, relate, release and most of all solicit help from your MOH, BM's or FH.

[quote="belleblanc"]Belle please read my previous post, we were posting at the same time I guess!I'd love to see pics of your DIY projects. BTW, When is your wedding date?

I put the pictures on my zip drive but couldn't make it work to post pictures. I'm going to have to call the Geek Squad for all of my pics to be posted properly. I am tired as hell! I cooked today; trying to be the good fiance. My wedding date is 12/9/06; I am getting nervous, and I haven't done my place seating cards yet. I'm still tampering with the artwork. I have to finish tomorrow and get it done and out of the way. I need to take the dog to the vet before we leave for Florida. Girl, I can't wait until this is finished.
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I will try my best at work to transfer the pics to my hard drive, e-mail them to my hotmail address and then go from there. I haven't done this in so long, I forgot how to do anything but, if a CAT is at the job, I'm sure I can ask them, and they can help.

If that doesn't work, my e-mail address is Ryblec48@msn.com. You can send your e-mail address to me and if you know what you're doing with regard to the post, maybe you can help a technology challenged bride to be with this project.

I am to wed 12/09/06 Saturday.

Someone help this sista out, please!

I just got married 11 days ago. We went crazy with last minute RSVPs and family who took the liberty to RSVP for more than two people. We had RSVPs for 110 people and only 100 showed up. We could have saved a few hundred bucks. The restaurant where we had the reception was very gracious and allowed my guests to take the extra food home. I am glad, because there are too many hungry people in the world to waste all of that food. It all worked out in the end.

Do you ladies think that we should invite atleast 10 more people just incase a few dont attend?

THat's what I'm doing house. And I'm also praying that ones I don't think with attend, DON'T. lol

lol