Marrying an African.....

I'm confused, are people concerned because you have only been together 9 months, or are people concerned because he's African, or both? Or said this way, would people be less upset if you had dated for 2 years or more..Or would people be less upset if he was American and you had only dated for 9 months? Either way, I think if you are a praying woman...Prayer is always a good thing. Of course it's important to hear the concerns of the people who love us, because they can see things with a different set of eyes but, also only you understand the connection that you and your fiance have.

It doesn't matter what others think. If your values are the same and he loves you-- go for it! Some people are dating for years and never get around to getting married and some, like you find love and lasting friendship tha will probably last a lifetime. Ask the core questions. Can we believe in the same things? How does he handle conflict? Good luck! May 29, is my sister's birthday. She is the luckiest girl alive! She wins everything! lol

My fiance is african and I don't remember any of my family or friends saying anything positive. Everything is about how he's from the other side of the world where they do things differently and how I'm not going to be able to adjust to his culture. I believe I can take constructive criticism well but the outright rude comments just make it easier for me to make "budget cuts" off the wedding list. My tentative date is June 9, 2006 (hard month to book when it's ONLY a year away)... Hope it all works out!

My fiance is also African and oh man the comments I get! I too have been dating for a short period (very short) and we are engaged to be married next year. It's not the time, but the values that you and him have. I believe that God should be the center of everything and if it is His will than it will come to past. People will have negative comments...One of my girlfriends said to me that I can not marry an African man because their women and quiet and submissive and I am hyperactive. Can you imagine that!..I mentioned that to my FH and he said people have their own perception of Africa and they are so wrong. He loves me and how I am and my hyperactive personality and that is all that matters. So shake those people off and marry the man if you love him and what I do now is not talk about him to anyone to avoid negative feedback that will upset me.

[quote="CharlotteModebe"]One of my girlfriends said to me that I can not marry an African man because their women and quiet and submissive and I am hyperactive. Can you imagine that![/quote] I have NEVER met a submissive African woman of any race. They will avoid contradicting their husbands in public,( but in private is another matter. LOL) and I think that is admirable. Emasuculating your husband will only bring bad blood into your marriage. BELIEVE IT. Keep your heads up girls. Ignorance is everywhere and some people have never left their little burg. SO how can you expect their brain to be sophisticated enough to simply congratulate you on your marriage? Playah hatin' such and suches!

Can an African sister chime in...I am marrying an african man LOL! I agree with the other folks if you love each other, share similar values, faith/belief systems, and have similar family attitudes you have all the ingredients! But like with all of us, african to african, african to african american, african american to african american etc we all have to give marriage all we have to make it work! With that said don't be naive in thinking that you wouldn't have to work harder in overcoming the prejudices from your family, his,the joining of the two cultures etc.HTH and ATB!

Oh by the way ladies...it is not the length of time that you know the person. I was married before and I knew him (ex-husband) 3 years before we got married and that turned out horrible. So if in your heart you feel this is the man for you...Lift his name up before God and let Him deal with it....Remember Proverbs chp 3 vs 5&6...."In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path"

Imams no offense taken! I think its similar to the black man dating a white woman quagmire...when people find love we need to let them be! But some folks can't seem to be able to do that.So to answer your questions you are going to come across some of us who would love you if my brother/sister/friend etc loves you, and also those of us who will not budge our opinions/narrowmindedness regardless of the story told.
Re the attitude of our women towards you in particular, it could stem from a bunch of things - the perceived notion that african-american women think we're not civilized enough so the defensive side is presented, or the down right outrage of whoops there goes another "brother" LOL!, or just plain rudeness! Depending on the cultural expectations, the attitudes towards non-african spouses can almost tear some families apart. But I have examples of lots of friends who have married african americans and are having blast. There's a lot of misconception going on between the african and teh african american woman...and it rears it head in a whole lot of places.....yours is just one of the very ripe ones!!!

Unfortunately we don't live in the most tolerant society and there are a lot of issues that emerge whenever two people from seemingly different backgrounds get together, even between two Africans. As a Zambian woman (a little more specific than just 'African') who was raised in Zambia, Botswana and the States I have seen a lot of relationships that thrived inspite of what people said in discouragement. My advice to you lmams and everyone else who is marrying across cultural, geographic and other society mandated barriers is that you keep your head up and seek out a positive support system (like the ladies on Vibride) and draw from the support and love of those who care about your happiness.
*Peace and blessings*

Hello

Need some advise.I have recently meet an African man form Ghana (3 months ago)and right away he is talking of marriage and his love for me. He says that he loved me from the first momement he saw me. He is a Christian and teaches in our local church and seems to be living up to his confessions of his faith. He has his citizenship so this is not an concern for me. He does not believe in marrying more than one wife. He is a business man and owns his own home and is well estabished. Over dinner he asked me to marry him and I refused right away. He then proceeded to explain to me his plans, his committment to marriage and relationship. We both have just purchased homes and he wants me to live with him and he will pay both mortgages and my adult children can remain in my home. I also have a 14 and 15 year old (both boys) who he wants to live with us. It seems as though he has gone to great lenghts to assure that everything is taken care of.
Since this relationship is so new- I hear love birds singing in my ears but want to make sure. I have asked him to wait for one year and then we would move forward. I have been through 2 bad marriages and I really don't want to do that ever again. Even though this is not what he wanted to hear- he as agreed to wait. He believes strongly that marriage is what you make it and if he has committed to provide for me and love me and my children that should be all I need.

Any one have any thoughts????

I think you are thinking clearly and wisely by not getting caught up in the idea of 'new love' If he loves you like he says then he will respect your wanting to take your time. You have to take into consideration that it's not just you that you have to speak for, it's also your sons since this commitment by you would also cause big changes for their lives as well.
3 months is absolutely enough time to know if you love someone and are ready to make the commitment, but I'm sensing that you have some reservations. Therefore,you may want to wait at least until after the first argument.
I would say the same thing to any close friend of mine, don't get into a situation that will too hard to get out of.

Wow shug, you said a mouthful. I think MsBoston hit the nail on the head. Love and financial security do not a marriage make. I knew at 3 months that I wanted to marry FH especially since he asked me at 3 weeks. But I set the wedding date 18 months in the future to give myself enough time to really assess our compatibility. Trust and loyalty build with time. My FH is also from the continent, I think I'll send you a note . . .

If I may add my two cents, I myself think that 3 weeks / 3 months is too soon to make that kind of decision. 9 times out of ten, in every relationship the first year is the best year. I dont think you really start to know that person until you have been dating for at least 6-9 months. But that's just my opinion.

[quote="shugcindy"]Hello

Need some advise.I have recently meet an African man form Ghana (3 months ago)and right away he is talking of marriage and his love for me. He says that he loved me from the first moment he saw me.
Any one have any thoughts????
[/quote]

I am Caribbean. We are pretty used to the "Lightening Bolt" form of love. Our men are very straight forward when they are into you. If not they won't say a thing about it. LOL Be blessed and feel blessed. African men no matter what country in my personal experience are really great to their wives. Enjoy being adored. I know I do! ANd tell all the others to go jump in the lake! Follow your heart. That is what love is really all about anyway.

Rosie is right. There are some cultural nuances at work and they can be a wonderful thing. From what I know, in most African cultures there's no such thing as "dating", you just know. I know it can seem like a con but don't discount your feelings or his just because it seems out of the ordinary for you and how you were raised. I say take as long as you need and know that "you had him at hello".