Hubby's Ex-girlfriend

restraining order.

She sounds psycho! Get the restraining order. It stipulates no contact at all.
Get it to protect yourself. You never know with crazy ex's!

Girl protect yo-self!

I agree with all of the other brides. A restraining order is the answer. Perhaps a legal document will snap her into reality. Nothing is too extreme when it comes to peace of mind and your safety. You will feel better also.

I would definitely do the restraining order... but would your husband consider getting his contact information (at least his cell number) changed to give you a little peace of mind? Perhaps you've already done that, but if not I think it would help.

LOL.
Men are so FUNNY! DO you think he would be so casual about it if YOUR ex was doing all the calling? Just means you have your self a catch girl. SMILE. He was good enough to tell you that she was a bother. He could have kept it from you. But he is handling his business. Lucky you.

I agree with the other brides....Restraining order, ALL number changes and email addresses as well. This not only gives you peace of mind, but it also sends a strong message to the psycho. No means No :)

The restraining order is all fine and good but seriously....do you think that will keep a physco away? those people are determined and persistant. It is sad but you must stay strong and with time she will get the message and GO AWAY!

I don't believe she's just calling to be calling if he isn't given her a reason too.
All ways to sides to a story.
I hope everything work out.

Great to have you here, girl. That is so true, Really, but have a heart! How many times had you had a boyfriend that would not back down??? I had quite a few myself. Is it so farfecteched to believe that he may just have it goin' on and the girl is still inlove with him?

I agree with everyone about the restraining order and changing the phone numbers and email address. I also agree with Really that if he isn't entertaining her then she wouldn't keep calling. I think that you are blessed to have a husband who is willing to do anything to keep the peace between the two of you. Take what ever extremes you need to take to make sure that she leaves you alone. As long as you and your husband are on the same page with getting this problem taken care of you shouldn't have any problems. Pray about it and ask God to lead you in the right direction with handling this situation. And he will direct your path.

Maybe if hubby takes out the restraining order instead of you, she'll finally get the message.

I agree with Southernthoughts. Your husband needs to deal with the obessed ex once and for all!

I agree your husband should take out the restraining order but I would also encourage that you be present with any transactions he will be doing so this physco can see that he means business and he respects you as his wife and has nothing to hide from you, then she may get the picture. You must show her that you all are a cohesive unit and nothing and noone will come between you and him no matter how they try.

Great advice Charlotte.

CharlotteModebe, you summed it up in a nutshell!!!! Awesome advice.

I can't help it...I hang around a bunch of intelligent sophisticated women on VIBRIDE :-)

I completely understand where you are coming from. My fiancee and I are getting married and we are going through the same thing with his ex girlfriend. She's a complete phsycho but the worst part is he has a child with her which makes it even more complicated. A few weeks ago she called 13 times in one day claiming she was calling about their son.....she will use that as any excuse. I consider her a stalker. I have a son with someone else aswell but I don't call him and when he calls me to see my son we leave it very brief. The other day she started creating a bunch of lies and we confronted her and she claimed she was going to come over. She's a complete nightmare so we told her that if she stepped foot on our property we would call the police. I told my fiancee that it's time to get a restraining order. With that she will not be able to contact us unless through a lawyer. I cannot believe that woman are like this....it's like a Jerry Springer episode....and can you believe it's been 8 years since they have been together??? Get over it !! It seems to have gotten worse since him and I bought a house together and recently had a daughter....it's like this triggered her to get even more psycho...my advice to you.....get a restraining order....at least your fortunate that she's in a different state.....good luck !!

I had the same sort of experience right before I got engaged. Let me tell you this no matter how many numbers you change and how many restrainging orders you put on her...... a psycho is going to be a psycho and find a way and further more what makes you think your husband won't give her that number. That's when you got to go to a greater power than that,... God. Girl he is the only one who can put that girl in her place. I would go and annoint that cell phone and ur husband and watch and see what's going to happen. Come on now girl this is small for the Lord let him handle cause he can do far more than what a little restraining order or a cell phone change can do. I know it happened for me. Sorry if I was too harsh but I know God is able.

Hey ladies I got one more thing to say we all say if we will delight ourselves in the Lord he will give us the desires of our heart....I believe you could delight him in this situation. I will be praying with you.

Sometimes the ex will continue causing trouble if you entertain them. I used to curse the exes out when they called or played games on the phone. They would continue to call because they knew that it bothered me. The bottom line is that the FH/Hubby needs to handle that situation. We (the ladies) shouldn't have to be the ones to try to handle the situation or figure out how to stop the ex from calling. The ex (for what ever reason) is probably jealous and won't stop the harassment until she has gotten the satisfaction in knowing that she has either aggravated you in some way or even destroyed your relationship.

Just adding my two cents.

platinumstyle you are absolutely right. Your fh should be the one nipping this mess in the bud. I would however change my phone number to an unlisted number. I would then purchase one of those pay as you go phones and give her that number. If something is wrong with your son then you call that phone. A friend of mine is in a relationship with a man who has a son by another woman and although they are not having any drama, that girl does not know where they live, nor does she have the phone number to there house. She has a cell phone number.

[quote="platinumstyle"]Sometimes the ex will continue causing trouble if you entertain them. I used to curse the exes out when they called or played games on the phone. They would continue to call because they knew that it bothered me. The bottom line is that the FH/Hubby needs to handle that situation. We (the ladies) shouldn't have to be the ones to try to handle the situation or figure out how to stop the ex from calling. The ex (for what ever reason) is probably jealous and won't stop the harassment until she has gotten the satisfaction in knowing that she has either aggravated you in some way or even destroyed your relationship.

Just adding my two cents.
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I agree Platinum! Great advice!

Thank you Rhony and House. I agree with House about purchasing a pre-paid cell phone and giving it to the ex. If this "Lady" is leaving threatening or harassing voicemail messages, you may want to tape them. This helps,especially in child custody issues.

PRE-PAID CELL!!!!!Now I'm PAYING to be aggravated???R.O's???...Ladies...

*The devil is a lie...pray for me as I delete my 'real' reply* There is no need for all of that...FH needs to get his act together...he is partly (OK probably mostly) to blame, why has he not set the record straight as to this continued correspondence w/ ol' girl?? Question should be what is HE saying to her to make her feel as if it's still OK to keep calling?!? oooh I wish StlBride would respond...would love to know what became of this.
o-well.

They don't have a child together I see. That's a diffetent situation. Ok I'm done now.

I personally think that having a phone in which when there is a emergency she could call is the best solution. I WOULD NOT want her to call my house I dont care who child it is. Until she knew how to act like a mature adult she could not call my house, and I would not put up with the nonsense.

i have the same problem.. my fiance and i are getting married, but his ex-girlfriend has been the source of all fights for such long time.. a true pain in the ass.. she is just physco. see, i've tried all the advises that given by all of you brave wives, but nothing seems to work. my fiance had changed his cell number, also his contacts. but she somehow got the new number, and she regularly calls and bugs.. she sometimes sent text mssgs that really annoys me like "meet me and and buy me dinner @8".. "are u two ok there?" ive tried so many ways but she seems just not getting the point. yesterday she had just asked me to meet her. she said she wanted to "CLARIFY AND FINALIZE" everything. i laughed to my self.. clarify and to finalize? dont u think its a bit funny.. that she always calls and sends mssgs (to bother me up) but then she keeps playing the role of nice angelic lady by saying "oh i hope the two of you are just fine, i dont wanna create any problem..".. one day i was so up set and i directly asked her whether she still wants to be my fiance's girlfriend. she said "oh no, im so over him!".. ding! see the point? she said she is OVER HIM, but why the H**l she stills bugging me and my fiance? the worst thing is, she plays double face. in front of my fiance she said A-B-C, but in front of me, she said D-E-F.. then it automatically created misunderstanding which led to a fight between my and my fiance. i really had enough with all these stupid things.. so please anyone... please tell me a new and right-to-the-point solution to make her understand that she is nothing... if u r talking about normal human being, it would be easy.. but do keep alert that we are talking about a stalker, a PHYSCO.. so please help me.. mayday mayday.. SOS !!!!!

aresthea welcome. My opinion is that the two of you (FH & yourself) need to cut off all communication with this female. Block her number so text can not be received, do not answer her phone calls and if need be start logging and tracking things so that you can file a police report. If you continue to communicate with this female she will continue to be in your life, you have to cut her off and ignore her! That is just my opinion. I too have had that problem at one time and that is what I did my point was well taken.

Hi Aresthea!

I don't get why she is around all the time. Does she work with you or your husband? Is he still friends with her? How long ago did they break up before you two got married?

Have your husband (right in front of you) tell her that they can't be friends nay more, because it is causing a strain on your marriage. He can say that he appreciates her concern over your relationship, but make it brief and to the point. He may be unconsciously trying to spare her feelings and she is not getting the message!

I have a slightly similar situation with my fiance's ex girlfriend. They went out with each other on and off for 3 years and they have a 3 year old son. When we got together, he made sure he told her about me because I would obviously have to be around their son. The situation was that I had know FH and his family for many years before and I had known FH's son when he was younger. I had even met the EX when they were going out with each other. They had a very up - and - down relationship and the family didn't like her. They had a very messy break up and she wouldn't leave him alone. She would constantly call and text him, but he would tell her to stop calling unless it was to do with their son. On one occasion, he saw 39 missed calls in one day!!

When she found out about me, she assumed it had been going for a lot longer than it had and she realised that the family liked me. She made things very difficult for FH and his family to see FH's son and they didn't see him for 8 months. During that time, she kept calling and texting and was very abusive to FH and his mother in particular. She couldn't understand how FH could move on when they should have been a family unit. He told her several times that they were not in love with each other and it was better for them to be good parents but stay apart rather than stay together and hate each other. It got very nasty and FH eventually had to go to court to obtain a contact order.

Only recently, FH has been allowed by the Court to spend time with his son on his own once a fortnight, but he gets to speak to him one the phone whenever he wants. FH's ex seems to have calmed down a bit because she is now allowing FH's mother see their son once a week too.

Now the dilemma is how much does FH tell her about our plans. He is reluctant to tell her that we're getting married because she will probably refuse to let him see his son altogether. She hates me because she feels I am standing in the way of them getting back together. FH has been great and confirms to her and me that there is no chance of them ever getting back together and I have no doubt that he loves me very much and our relationship is going from strength to strength every day. He has recently told her that we moved in together and she seemed to be okay about it and even offered for us to meet up and talk so she can feel better about her son being in my care.

Yesterday, FH came home after spending the day with his son at his mother's house and when he dropped his son off, the EX started being silly again. She says she is not happy with her son coming to our house and it will confuse him. She says she will never be happy about our relationship and it probably is a good idea to go back to visiting their son once a fortnight.

This is what she does all the time. She keeps changing her mind about how we should progress with the contact arrangements and it's driving me mad. Luckily, it doesn't interfere with our relationship too much, but I must admit - as much as FH's son is adorable and I would love to have him over with us, sometimes I wish FH didn't have a child. How do any of you out there deal with "baby mama drama"??

HELP ME!!

I thank my luck stars all the time that I do not have to put up with any of this foolishness. I would hate to have to tip toe around someone about my relationship. If I was your fh I would petition the court to give me vistation rights every weekend or three days a week with me and four days a week with her. I would not deal with her at all. Now aresthea does your fh have any children with this girl? I dont want to stir up anyhing, but honestly how do you think she keeps getting his cell phone number? If she doesn't work for the cell phone company, if she's not getting the number from one of his friends or family members, the she is getting it from him. I have been in a relationship with this guy, when misteriously his ex-girlfriend kept getting his phone number. I was thinking this girl was crazy for acting a fool, and contantly calling him. In front of me he would tell her that he didnt want her he was with me and come to find out behind my back he was still dipping with her.

well, actually, this ex-gal stays out of towm but somehow she seems on having this hobby of visiting the city where me and my fiance stay. several times i ask my fiance to just cut the connection, and my fiance did it. he told her to get lost, but it turned out to make her angry and it raised the level of her madness. she threats my husband that she will do something bad to give definite problem to my fiance, and my fiance is afraid that she might go to his office and yelled out or shouted out and said bad and humiliating stuffs about him, etc.. my fiance scared that he would lost his image infront of his workmates.. korea is a very hard country where it all depends to your image. once ur image broke down then life would be damn difficult for you. thats what my fiance afraid of, so he keeps doing whatever she wants. yesterday she called and she wanted to meet my fiance within an hour. my fiance was sleeping and he went in rush in order not to make her angry. i know that my fiance is 100% clear, he has no any feeling to that phsyco gal, and we will get married within 2 weeks, so its not about jealousy or doubt.. but its about my hateness toward my fiance's weakness and toward that idiot physco gal's behavior...

well, actually, this ex-gal stays out of towm but somehow she seems on having this hobby of visiting the city where me and my fiance stay. several times i ask my fiance to just cut the connection, and my fiance did it. he told her to get lost, but it turned out to make her angry and it raised the level of her madness. she threats my husband that she will do something bad to give definite problem to my fiance, and my fiance is afraid that she might go to his office and yelled out or shouted out and said bad and humiliating stuffs about him, etc.. my fiance scared that he would lost his image infront of his workmates.. korea is a very hard country where it all depends to your image. once ur image broke down then life would be damn difficult for you. thats what my fiance afraid of, so he keeps doing whatever she wants. yesterday she called and she wanted to meet my fiance within an hour. my fiance was sleeping and he went in rush in order not to make her angry. i know that my fiance is 100% clear, he has no any feeling to that phsyco gal, and we will get married within 2 weeks, so its not about jealousy or doubt.. but its about my hateness toward my fiance's weakness and toward that idiot physco gal's behavior...

and.. the worst part is... my fiance never believes to whatever i said. he thinks im jealous so i got angry whenever he meets her. now the situation is very messy for me. that physco gal wants to meet me. she said she wants to clarify the things up. hell yeah! i know what she's gonna say.. she will say "im sorry, i didnt mean to create any problem, i just want to say that there is nothing between him and me, so you dont have to worry". gee! if she doesnt want to create any misunderstanding then why the H**l she keeps bugging my life? she wants to meet to clarify everything, but i dont feel like meeting her because it will be 100% useless. she will say silly crap and hypocrite words, and i really dont wanna buy those words. meeting her will just be a waste of time.. and above all, there is one thing that makes me totally refuse to meet her. yesterday when my fiance went to meet her, i got mad and i cried. u know what, my fiance called and when he called, he was with her, and he turned on the loudspeaker and that physco gal could hear me sobbing and crying! i totallt lost my image infront of that crazy gal.. i know she is laughing because she had gained her success on making me cry.. she did so many things to hurt me, sending me text mssg, calling me, sending me offlines... she had hurted me since the day she knows i am the one who has her place. the problems are : her crazy behaviours, and my fiance doesnt believe my words.. so now, im just thinking to let everything go and just forget about everything, including the marriage plan..... (sob... sob... sob...)

I'm praying for you on this. First, I understand what you mean by image but I have to admit that I believe there more to the situation than he is telling you. Why would he put you on loudspeaker so she can hear you crying? Why is he still entertaining her? Is there a possibility that she may have some scandalous information on him this is the reason why he does everything she wants? Do they have restraining orders in Korea? The bottom line is he needs to "say what he means and mean what he says". If he's done with her, he needs to stop running everytime she calls. Better yet, cut ALL lines of communication NOW!! He will be your husband soon so there's no need for this to continue. This woman will continue to be a problem in your marriage. This is UNACCEPTABLE and it needs to stop!!

First, welcome to the site sweety. Second....Honey this is NOT the life you want...Trust me when the other sisters and myself say this is only going to get worse. Baby you have got to choose you and know that YOU deserve better than what you FH is allowing to happen. A man that does not consider your feelings (regardless of his image) is NOT worthy of you. A man that lets another woman demonize his bride to be definately not worthy of the ring. And honey let's be real, crazy people are attracted to crazy people just like drug users hang out with other drug users. People tell on themselves by the people that they keep and your future hubby is telling you (and the sisters) he's definately got some passive aggressive, manipulitive, and selfish tendencies...When you your man allows this outsider come in and reek havoc on your lives, it's says that he's weak and he's only caring about HIS image.

And this whole mess about him letting her hear you cry...I know that little voice, a still small voice was telling you. "That's not right...The way is is treating me right now is not okay." He violated that sacred trust that you and your FH had by doing this. You say to her, your image probably is ruined? So he knew your image would be shattered to her and he still put you on speaker phone???... That is not right....It's not okay...Someone who loves you would not do something to hurt you, or allow something to hurt you on purpose...

And before I end this let me tell you that him allowing this distress to occur points to abuse later on. I can tell you because I've been there. When I about 18 I had low selfesteem. Did not believe I was beautiful and because of that ended up witha man that seemed kind, romantic, smart...all those things you look for. But in the very beginning I had a feeling that something was wrong. THat I shouldn't be with him but I ignored the feeling. He proposed to me at my prom and figured this is the kind of man I deserved... Later he became controling, checking my cellphone contstantly to see who I called, meeting me after work (which seemed sweet atfirst) to make sure that no one would try to take me away from him, he also had girls that would call him but he would swear they were friends or their relationships were over... This realtionship ended with him threatning to kill me and his mother...He is now in jail for 10-15 for beating his then pregnant girlfriend. Their child has a heart defect.

I'm telling you all this because I want you to know you are worth more!!! The devil is a liar and will continue to tell you " You need FH and FH will eventually stop this behavior if you wait it out" Baby you don't need him and if you don't have a realtionship with God... I want you to know He truely loves you and does NOT want you to suffer! He can dry every tear you are crying. He did not bring you into this world to be miserable! God would not bring you someone that would be a constant source of grief and that would allow you to feel like you do.

When I asked the Lord into my life all those reasons for my low self esteem were erased. I was later blessed with man that TRUELY loves the Lord first and me second! The Lord can do the same for you...All you have to do is ask. My heart truely goes out to you and you will be in my prayers.

DiamondBride, tell your FH not to negotiate or walk on pins and needles for her AT ALL! Tell him to go through the courts for everything related to his child, including monetary child support and visitation. This is not only for his sanity, but for the child's welfare as well. It really bothers me when parents use children as pawns and/or act a fool in front of them. This is damaging to the child on so many levels. My FH had these same type of issues but I let him know I was not having it. He either went through the courts to rectify the situation or I'll leave him and her to play that game together by themselves. I do NOT have time for it! Visitation interference is a crime in IL so if she acts up now she will be in jail!

Aresthea, sweetie, you have to put your foot down! You also should not be playing that game with your FH and his ex. Like Plat said, don't they have restraining orders in Korea? Isn't extortion a crime there as well? This is a clear case of her doing only what your FH is allowing her to do. However, it is also a case of him doing only what you allow HIM to do. You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want. If you condone it know it will only get worse later. Don't give away your joy and peace. Pray for the answer, God will give it to you. Its up to you what to do with it!

I agree with Future.

Diamondbride, give you man your full support. He needs to get the courts involved in order to protect his rights.

Aresthea, welcome to the site and I'm sorry you are going through this. Hate to tell you this but your problem really isn't with the ex, it's with your man. If he stop's letting her control him, then there would be no problem. But it really sounds as though there is more to this story than you're aware of.

Ditto to all the posts of great advice!!!

Listen the bottom line is if your FH does not step to this chick she will not stop.

Forget getting the numbers changed, restraining order. There is a shortage a great black, white, asian, men period out there. She if not go away without a fight. The ex wants what you have. HE HAS TO PUT AN END TO IT.

So what if he changes the number and you get the order, what if she comes by the house. she goes to jail for 48 hours then is out. He has to stand up to her. Not entertain that mess. Block her number remove her from his contact list on IM and email. Tell security at his job to escort her off the property.

And you bind the demons in the name of Jesus. Cuase there will always be some needy trick old or new that will try and get your man to stray and then try and blow it up saying you "see girl I told you."

.A FIRE WITHOUT OXYGEN CANNOT CONTINUE TO BURN!!!

Amen, Ladies. Great advice. Aresthea, please understand that we aren't saying things to hurt your feelings. We are a sisterhood and we HATE to see someone mistreat a good woman. Remember, YOU ARE the virtuous woman and if he doesn't understand that, then he doesn't deserve you. Be encouraged!

Proverbs 31:10- Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

There maybe more to this story then homeboy is letting on. He may just be playing both sides. You really dont know what he is telling this girl. I am aware that image maybe important however I will not keep allowing this woman to control our relationship. What kind of marriage will you two have if he has to jump every damn time she says jump. Seems like he is listening and catering to her feelings more then he is to yours. Trust me as long as he keep catering to this woman you will not have a happy marriage. You really need to nip this thing in the bud now, before you even think about getting married. Just my opinion.

Aresthea - I hope you can work this out. So close to the wedding - you shouldn't have to be dealing with this mess right now.

Follow the girls' advice and you can't go wrong. Thanks girls for your advice for me too! This site is great!

for all my sisters who had given me such great advises, thank you so much... you dont know, girls... how your advises became such great inputs for me... that is what i am thinking right now. i know it will hurt me because i really love this man. but at other side, i also dont want to end up being a mentally disturbed wife.. my plan goes like this: i will have my man sit and we will discuss seriously about this, about what is the real thing that going on, and about all the mess that i believe i dont deserve to have. if a solution came out and it sounded good, i would think about my marriage pln. but if nothing came out and situation is still as messy as hell, then i wont continue my marriage plan.. my marriage date is getting closer, it should have been held at third week of this month, but seeing this all craps, i do need to revise it. i am walking in a fog now and the only guide for me is God. so please, please, please.. to all of you my sisters, pray for me... because i really really need it right now..

I'm praying for you! Be strong, stand your ground, you deserve to be happy!

I will continue to keep you in my prayers as well, and I hope things work themselves out.

I am praying for you, Aresthea and Stlbride, who opened this subject. I pray for increase mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I ask the Lord to impart clarity and determination in our decisions. May we all continue in courage and wisdom to help pull up and lift up each other with our testomonies, advice and wisdom.

[quote="Tewright1"]I am praying for you, Aresthea and Stlbride, who opened this subject. I pray for increase mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I ask the Lord to impart clarity and determination in our decisions. May we all continue in courage and wisdom to help pull up and lift up each other with our testomonies, advice and wisdom.
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Amen