Fiance is still Married

Wow. I am so sorry to read that. Personally, I do not know what I would do. This is my first wedding to plan & I'd probably be asking for advice also. I know someone at VIBride can respond to your question. :(

Hi Candy,

First I'd like to say that I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I pray that you find the strength you need. The first thing that you need to do is inform your guests. Since you don't have time to have notices formally printed. You can enlist the help of a family member or close friend. They can make the phone calls saying something like "Mr. and Mrs _______ announce that the marraige of their daughter 'Candy' to ________ will not take place (is postponed until further notice), we apologize for any inconvience this may have caused you".

Keep in mind that no one needs to explain why the wedding will not take place. However, you should be prepared that many guests will want to know why. They have no right to this information, unless you feel the need to inform them of the reasons.

If you have already had a bridal shower, you may want to consider returning the gifts. Add a note to the gift thanking them for their gift, but that you feel that you sould return it as the wedding has been cancelled (postponed).

I wish you all the best Candy, remember to take care of yourself.

I'm sure to read this Candy, and if you are getting married later on so send notes that the wedding has been postponed. No explainations are required. Same with the vendors, if it's too much for you to handle at this time enlist the help off a friend. God Bless

A mustard seed of faith can move MOUNTAINS, this is only a bump in the road, and prayer changes E-V-E-R-Y-thing. Go to staples buy some note cards, type a wedding has been postponed note to your guest and print it on the note cards. Call your vendors and see if there is any way you could change the date without losing all of your deposits. "Circumstances beyond our control" is all that needs to be told to anyone. And always remember, you have your Vibride sisters to lean on.

[quote="DaughterRhonda"] Keep in mind that no one needs to explain why the wedding will not take place. However, you should be prepared that many guests will want to know why. They have no right to this information, unless you feel the need to inform them of the reasons. [/quote]

Awesome advice Candy and pnenomonique! I would like to know HOW you got your marriage license and he was still married. You would think at that point he would come clean. Next, are you sure that he is still married and not just having cold feet? Find out if the process has been started for the divorce. That was really a big secret he kept. We are praying for you. I can't image your emotional state. Feel free to scream and throw things the next few months. You are entitled!

I hate to sound harsh, but maybe this is a prelude to the future. A man who has kept his marriage secret a) never meant to really marry you b) is a dishonest person - a secret keeper. There coud be other secrets - children, shady history -are you ready for that? Obviously, you want to move forward, but as much as it hurts now, sometimes it's best to cut your loses. Remember, he's on his BEST behavior NOW, so if this is his best...If nothing else, be honest with your immediate family...family always knows when things aren't right -
way before you think they do.

True, we put our best foot forward when we're courting, but if he had started the divorce process and it hasn't been finalized that's different. When it comes to affairs of the heart it's not so cut and dry. Candy, I hope everything works out for you, no matter what anyone says or thinks it's your decission and you're the one who has to live with that decission.

Candy, I was in your shoes a few years back. This brother was still living with is wife. He had a phone set up that she didn't answer and everything. He introduced me to his mother who also knew he was still married and yet led me to believe that we were getting married in a year. He told me the same story about not wanting to lose and guess what, he lost me. A relationship built on a lie is doomed to fail. Your foundation is suspect and you know what the Bible says about a house built on sand. I just joined this sit today and was browsing and saw your post. I don't know if you have gotten married yet of if you are still together. On another note I dated a guy that was separated for several years but not divorced. After my first situation, I would not accept him until he got a divorce. That was last year. To this day he is still married. He is able to get women that will accept his situation, I will not and have not. I have since been blessed with a man that loves me for me. He walked into my life 5 days out of life changing situation. I know that the Lord truely sent him to me. If you are involved in the church, can you make that statement about your fiance?

Wow, I can't believe I'm just seeing this post. My heart goes out to you Candy. I don't know much about your situation, but I do know that life is more complicated than I would have imagined. Go with God and do everything possible to soothe your heart and give it some rest.

I know you've probably already made a decision about how to handle this. But, is it a possiblility to have a "commitment" ceremony and still have your reception "party" afterwards? Just a thought. Personally, I wouldn't want anyone that into my business. If you are choosing to stay with this man, then I say continue and handle your personal information accordingly. In all honesty, I respect your choice regardless. You are in a rough spot.

That was me about 15 years ago...when I was a little biddie and easierly fooled. Let me tell you how lying this man was. The brother was married and living with his wife, he told me that they were in the middle of a divorce, he caught her with another man and all the silly things that I fell for. Well what made me fall even more was the fact that he would pick me up for work from the apartment HE paid for every morning with his son in the car, with breakfast ready for me to eat, I would drop him to work and sometimes if he was running late I would then drop his son, I would have his car the whole day and pick him up from work, he met my family and proclaimed that as soon as his divorce is completly finish we were then getting married. OH MY LORD! what a lier, when I found out the whole truth, His wife was still home and there was not divorce pending I was outter there, I felt so gross, so lied to, so betrayed...I really do not know why men do these things to women. What ever decision you make, ensure you are comfortable in your heart with it and find out all you can about this situation, do not rely on his story only.

How did his SON feel about you getting picked up everyday? I hate to admit it but I know a guy just like that. He contnues to pay for apartments to keep the women he has on the side. I think that may be a caribbean thing, cause no offense ladies AA men don't seem to put out ANY cash in large sums like that for a girlfriend on average anyway. [lol]

all the ladies replys are true to the heart. at a time like this you need the comfort of your family and maybe a few close friends. if he lied about not being married, then you need to ask your self what else has he or could he lie about? its not always the men taht tell lies during the relationship, my ex SIL told my brother that she was married before but that the divorce was finally and that he no longer lived in the state, so my brother and her got marriage later that year, but come to find out she was still married to this guy, they had 3 kids she didnt tell my brother about, she ended up getting pregeant by her 1st husband and she kept telling my brother it was his. so they got a DNA test and the baby was not his, long story short she only married my brother for his money, cause her 1husband was dieing and need surery

oh WOW! happily... How did you guys even DEAL with all that??? Your poor brother. People can be so EVIL!

he took her to court they got the divorce and the judge ordered her to pay him Alimory, and that funny cause usally they go by the income of each person, and my brother makes more than she does in 3 months, he and his new girlfriend run a clothing store here in new mexico and they are doing really well. we thank the lord for that

[quote="HapplyMarried505"]he took her to court they got the divorce and the judge ordered her to pay him Alimory[/quote]
Wow that's bizarre, why would she have to pay alimony on a marrige thats null and void? Restitution and posible jail time, bigamy is a criminal offense. She knew what she was doing, it's not like her husband left her for 9.5 years and she didn't know if he was alive or dead.

she did do time, the almory is most like a restatuion thing. she has to pay back all the money that she took from him, shell be making payments for about 3more years in order to pay him off in full, she only served 5 years and got 5 year probration and has to pay all the money back

[quote="Rosetta"]How did his SON feel about you getting picked up everyday? [/quote]

Now that I sit back and think about the whole situation - the little boy probably hated my gusts - to think that I thought it was innocent....man I had to have been green and stupid!

Oh my goodness Happy my heart goes out to your brother. I am so happy that he is doing fine. I can't believe the nerve of some people, how can anyone be so darn wicked! That is terrible, and I'm glad your brother was able to find love again. Good for him!

[quote="Rosetta"] I think that may be a caribbean thing, cause no offense ladies AA men don't seem to put out ANY cash in large sums like that for a girlfriend on average anyway. [lol]
[/quote]
You got that right. But now the older AA men just come out and tell you 'hey, I really like to grt to know you, but don't get your feelings involve cause I'm married and plan on staying that way'. CREEPS!

Hello - you'll need to tell me what is "AA"...sorry if I sound dumb!

African American. You know I got you.

Thank you girl...I know if anyone have my back you gat it :-)....But hey these Bahamian men just like that but they are worst - they don't pay the bills and these stupid girls still will go with them.

Men only do what you let them get away with.

Amen!.....(watch that one word reply!) lol

Anyone know what ever happened with Candy? If I were her I think that I probably would have gotten locked up behind that lying son of a gun! Two weeks before the wedding when everything is paid for and finalized, that's some bull! I pray that she made the right decision and ended that relationship because he was straight up deceitful and selfish.

That's probably where she is....behind bars!. Some of these men would cause you to lose your christianity if you allow them to.

Amen! Don't feel badly about the son charley. He is over it by now. Candy I am sure has moved on. It would be painsul to come back on here after something like that. Maybe they got married anyway to save face.

Amen! Just keep her in our thoughts she will be back to post what happen with the issue at hand

I've so gotten over that - I haven't thought about them until this post came so I'm good!

OKAY LADIES, Here's another juicy one give me some imput.

I would leave it alone b/c he is a bigamist. Deception is no way to begin a marriage.

I personally think I would be mad as hell that he told me 2 weeks before the wedding, but I think I would still marry him. I would have the pastor go along with the ceremony, but I would not file for a marriage license until his divorce is final.

I would not want to marry him. Especially not in a church. I think it would be a sin.

[quote="housewife147"]I personally think I would be mad as hell that he told me 2 weeks before the wedding, but I think I would still marry him. I would have the pastor go along with the ceremony, but I would not file for a marriage license until his divorce is final.
[/quote]

There is no way in hell I'd have ANYONE perform a ceremony with someone who is still married. That's a mockery of what marriage stands for.
What about the promises you make to each other;
'Steven do you promise to love, honour, cherish, and cleave only to Trina after you divorce is final, as long as you both shall live?'
Are you kidding me, what a joke.

[quote="mycenae1918"]I would not want to marry him. Especially not in a church. I think it would be a sin.
[/quote]

It would be a sin of course. Also NO Priest would marry you without the marriage license. The church usually requires some sort of counseling session before you get married to ad believe me all that would come out.

You are SO FUNNY 'MO lol. Marriage is serious. Candy was smart enough to handle the situation. Even though it hurt a lot and was embarrassing. I respect that.

Rosey do you know what ever happened to Candy?

Hello All, I'm new to this site today. I'm getting married August of 2007. We just got engaged 10/8. He's a southern man. I'm a girl from Jersey. He flew me down to his parents home so he can ask me. This man held no punches. He has 2 children w/ 2 different women. What I most admire about him is he hid nothing. Everything was an open book. He let them both know that he was getting married. One is already married and the other he was with for 15 years. They were broken up long before I entered his life but the point is he put it all out there for me to see. This way the decision to be w/ him for the rest of my life wasn't stolen. He let me make it by being totally honest. I just hope he has nothing else hidden.

Congrats misstroy! There are a lot of sista's on here from Jersey (me being one). Where will you two be getting married, here or "down south"? That's good that you FH is very open and honest with you.

Hello and welcome! I am from New Jersey as well. Congrats on your engagement.

Congrats MsTroy and welcome to the sistahood! I am from New Jersey too! I'm glad you have began your relationship with honesty. Good for you.

As for the question listed above from Candy, I wouldn't marry anyone that has been deceptive, hiding the fact that he has a wife! In the eyes of God and the law he still belongs to another woman. That is a sign that he is no good and rotten to the core!