Hi Ladies,
I am so upset right now and I need to hear from you on how to handle this situation. My wedding is June 9, 2006. One of my bridesmaids who has been my friend since 2nd grade called me to tell me she couldn't afford to be in my wedding. Mind you, I asked her in February if she would be in the wedding. Did she just find out now that she couldn't afford it? I am very hurt because I consider her like a sister. If she were getting married, I would do whatever was necessary becasue she means that much to me. Should I be upset? I even offered to pay her deposit for her bridesmaid dress, but she refused. I think it's something more than what she is saying. Should I try to talk to her some more about it or just let it be?
Bridesmaid Drop out
Wed, 11/30/2005 - 11:14
#1
Bridesmaid Drop out
Hi Ladies,
I am so upset right now and I need to hear from you on how to handle this situation. My wedding is June 9, 2006. One of my bridesmaids who has been my friend since 2nd grade called me to tell me she couldn't afford to be in my wedding. Mind you, I asked her in February if she would be in the wedding. Did she just find out now that she couldn't afford it? I am very hurt because I consider her like a sister. If she were getting married, I would do whatever was necessary becasue she means that much to me. Should I be upset? I even offered to pay her deposit for her bridesmaid dress, but she refused. I think it's something more than what she is saying. Should I try to talk to her some more about it or just let it be?
My first thought when I was reading this was to offer to help her in some way but I noticed further down that you actually did that and she refused. To me there is another reason, there has to be especially considering the fact of the length of your relationship with her. Also too, if she really wanted to be in it, June is still a ways off, there is a lot of time to pay on the items,,something is wrong. As her friend, use empathy with her, exhaust all avenues before you give up on her--she deserves that much and if all else fails than ask her to at least read a scripture or play in role if only a small one, tell her you are adamant because she means the world to you. Be Blessed and pray about it.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
Thank you Charlotte. I reached out to her again this morning. My aunt also offered to help her finacially, so we'll see what she says. If she still refuses, then you are right, something else is definitely wrong and I won't worry about it anymore.
I feel u on ur hurt. I too have a friend that I have grown up with all my life, start to act real funny abt being a bridesmaid in my wedding. I have been calling her and leaving her messages and nothing. She finally called me and said yes but then turned around and started telling me what type of dress she could and could not wear. Who's wedding is it anyway? All I can say is, give her some time and contact her one more time. If she doesn't respond favorably, attempt to let it go.
Be Blessed.....
Thanks Laneirh. I sent her a heartfelt email this morning. (felt it was better than calling her. I am very emotional). I let her know how very important it was to me that she be a bridesmaid. My aunt also offered to help her finacially. I was sure that would have a change of heart, but she replied and still declined. So I am just going to let go and let GOD. I let her know that I respected her decision and if things started to pick up for her, her spot was still open.
My next dillema is this. I now have 6 guys and 5 girls. Can I have an uneven number? My wedding is 6 months away. I don't wnat to ask someone else at the last minute. It's like an insult.
Hi Nlbostic, I hope that this situation has a happy ending. It's your wedding and you can be creative with the 6 guys and 5 girls. Hang in there girl and hopefully your friend will have a change of heart soon.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Ronny in a way I agree with you but she does not need to have anyone giving her added stress and she definitely do not need to be running behind anyone---bossie, let the 5th girl walk up with 2 guys if you have to precious.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
I don' think she will change her mind. And even if she does, I am not sure that I want someone who flip flops with their decision. I am not mad at her. It is what it is. I don't think I want to have an uneven number of attendents. That idea is kinda bothering me. I may let my aunt fill her place. She wanted to a special part anyway. She is more like a sister than a aunt. I'll be sure to let you ladies know how this turns out.
ok a couple of things.
Don't let this ruin some of the most fun you will have planning an event, nlbostic. Oh yeah, Welcome to the forums!
Get social and fan us on http://www.facebook.com/Vibrantbride] Facebook.
Rosetta is so correct---you do not need anyone stressing you out and sucking all your fun--that is your friend but if she wants to act the donkey then tell her to talk to the hand. You will love her no less but hey this is YOUR wedding enjoy it!
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
nlbostic, now that you have your answer, move forward Gurl....Your special day is quickly approaching and you don't have time to waste on someone who could be bringing you down. Focus on some beautiful thoughts like, how gorgeous you are going to look in your gown or the honeymoon :)
Be Blessed.....
Thanks for all the great advice. You are right Rosetta, I think she is a little jealous. My other best friend and I were talking about. It's amazes me to think someone I've known for soooo long and love like a sister would have the slightest bit of jealousy. Oh well, I admit, I was upset over it, but "It is what it is". I spoke to a cousin who is a year younger than me. I explained the whole situation to her, and she offered to step in immediately. I asked her if she wanted to think about it, but she said no, she would be honored. That's what I'm talking about....I need positivity. I am glad this turned out okay. I guess this is just one of the many hurdles I will face over the next 6 months. Thanks again. Thanks for the welcome Rosetta.
Later for your girlfriend -- I'm glad you moved on and your cousin was able to step in for you. I wish you all the best.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
It's gonna hit her on the big day when she is sitting in the church (if she come) and everyone looks fabulous and you are making your entrance. She will cry like a baby--mind you not because you look so good or becuase she is happy for you but because she will realize she made a huge mistake....the idiot!
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
I am falling out of my chair laughing. You are right though. The other girls in the bridal party are furious with her. They don't even want me to invite her. I believe you kill a person with kindness so I am definitely going to invite her. When she sees how wonderful everything turns out, she is going to feel so stupid.
Yes she will feel bad, she will ask herself why did I not participate in the wedding, everything was just so beautiful. Shame on her -- it's her loss!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
She's gonna be just like those dead beat fathers who want to show up and their children's graduation from university and want everyone to know that the honor student receiving that magna cum lada is "my child"...all the while the child have not seen him from birth...she will be in the pew saying, "I was a part of the bridal party ya know but I just could not afford the dress so I dropped out".....yeah right! what a time!
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
that is true. I can see her saying that. I am banking she probably wont even come. She'll make some excuse. I hate to say it, but I felt that she was leading up to this eventually. I had my first bridal party meeting back in October at my house. She made some excuse why she couldn't come. had the runs...okay, I have a bathroom. This was an important meeting. I finally convinced her to come. She didn't go to the bathroom once. LOL. The other girls said that she missed 2 of their meetings too. I think I am better off without her. I am just glad it happened now and not later or I woulda had to cut her. LOL
Wow, it's a shame that some people will allow that old green-eyed monster called jealousy to creep in and steal their minds. That's a shame. It's a shame that people just can't see when that jealousy monster has taken over -- they can't see it, but everyone else knows exactly what time it is. You're right you are better off without her. All the best to you!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Now we are cooking with grease. :-). You are going to have a wonderful day....
Be Blessed.....
Lenny you mean Lard don't cha...a little heavier than grease...(lol). Bossie, one question--is this girl married or in a serious relationship?
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
I see that the drama with your friend was a constant problem. Think of it as you dodged a bullet. The other girls are right she will regret not playing a part, but if she had gone through with it you would have had to KILL her! lol
Get social and fan us on http://www.facebook.com/Vibrantbride] Facebook.
No Charlotte, she is not married or in a serious relationship. I think I know what you are trying to get at. I keep trying to force the thought that she is jealous of me out of my head because I don't want to believe that, although I know it is very possible. I've known her way too long. We are just like family.
Once upon a time
There was a ram in the bush
amen-
Misery likes company....I will say no more.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
nlbostic,
Listen - I lost my best friend to cancer earlier this year. It is one of the most painful things to me that she won't be my Chief. In fact for a while I considered not even having a chief because I couldn't think of anyone who could replace her - not even my sisters! What I'm trying to say is - maybe you could try talking to your friend again and find out what she really feels. Even if she is jealous, if she really loves you and has been a lifelong friend she'll get over it. But don't assume - there may be a lot of other things going on. She may feel that she's losing you or it may be something or someone totally different. Make sure you find the truth because a lifelong friendship deserves that even if she doesn't take part in your wedding.
K.
Kay Kay...I respect you for trying to keep the peace and I am so sorry for your lose. I can hear she ment the world to you. But I bet if it was your wedding, your girlfriend would be there come hell or high water. I said on one of the other topics "true friends are like diamonds, precious yet rare"...I do not care what the situation is --if bossie is truly her friend and means the world to hear then there is no way, no one or no situation can keep her from standing in bossie's wedding. I am sorry, I do not mean to be cynical but this is absolutely ridiculous. Bossy should not have to be going thru this drama at such a pivotal point in her life....NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY!....and this is from the woman of God!
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
Kay...I appreciate and respect your advice, but Charlotte is right. I should not be at the point where I am almost begging her to be in my wedding. I didn't just give up on her immediately. I tried talking to her. The response was always the same......NO. What else am I supossed to think. I would never ever do her the way she is doing me. I haven't really spoken to her since his whole thing started. I called her a few time just to talk, but she abruptly cut the conversation short like she felt guilty talking to me. I wash my hands with it. I tried and tried again. there is nothing else I can do. I have too many other things to worry about right now.
Its okay Nlbostic,
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Have your wedding and enjoy it. This is not the time to try to deal with this. I hope that your day is beautiful and I'm crossing my fingers that your friendship can be salvaged at some time in the future.
Bossie don't mind me getting all hot tempered, this situation is just unacceptable and you should bot be taken advantage of---but in the mean time, I do not want anyone to cause your blessings to stop, you continue to speak with her when you can. I am a christian and I can tell you that God finds favour in the heart of good people, do not stop speaking to her ok, pray and ask God to bless her and in return your blessings will flow.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.