Is it just me or can anyone else relate to what I am about to say. My wedding is 6 months away. I have been engaged now for 10 months. To this date, I have yet to have a conversation with my future MIL about the wedding. She hasn't asked any questions whatsoever. She knows no specific details regarding it. My fiance and I were at her house for a party in July (she lives in a different state.) This would have been the first time she saw my engagement ring and she didn't even ask to see it. I had to say to her "See my beautiful ring". I called her back in September asking her to prepare her side of the family guest list. She promised to have it to me within a week. I still haven't gotten it. I had my fiance ask her about it last week. She said she is still working on it. I believe that she is secretly wishing that this wedding doesn't take place. I don't think that she dislikes me, but thinks she is losing her only child. advice/comments/suggestions please!!!!!
Is it just me or can anyone else relate to what I am about to say. My wedding is 6 months away. I have been engaged now for 10 months. To this date, I have yet to have a conversation with my future MIL about the wedding. She hasn't asked any questions whatsoever. She knows no specific details regarding it. My fiance and I were at her house for a party in July (she lives in a different state.) This would have been the first time she saw my engagement ring and she didn't even ask to see it. I had to say to her "See my beautiful ring". I called her back in September asking her to prepare her side of the family guest list. She promised to have it to me within a week. I still haven't gotten it. I had my fiance ask her about it last week. She said she is still working on it. I believe that she is secretly wishing that this wedding doesn't take place. I don't think that she dislikes me, but thinks she is losing her only child. advice/comments/suggestions please!!!!!
Hi Nlbostic, that is probably the case. My MIL is now deceased, however when she was alive, she gave me such a hard way to go. My FH is her youngest son, and the one that was closest to her and I believe she felt that I was taking her son away. She even told me at one point that I had "brain-washed" her son. Your MIL is still alive and well and I'm sure that if she took the time to get to know you, you guys could work together. She just needs to realize that her son is a grown man and that she is not losing him, but gaining a daughter. I only pray that she will embrace you, because you are the one that her son has chosen to spend the rest of his life with. It is all a matter of perspective. Hopefully, she will come aroound. After all in 6 months her son will have a wife. I wish you all the best.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Thanks.It just bothers me because I would think that she would want to be involved or atleast know what's going on. My son is 13, and I swear when he gets married one day, I am gonna be all up in the business. his fiance' will be so sick of me. I just don't get. I guess this is just another one of those issues that I won't worry about.
It really is not her convern. her job truly is simply showing up to the wedding. It is very common to have to wait on a groom's side guest list. Have you told her how many guest she can invite? narowing her list down will be difficult. Think of how long it took you to get YOUR list together. Of course, she also is sad that her little boy is growing up and someone else will be number one in his life. She is his Mama. [lol] Mother's and their sons. Lord, help us.
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Thanks Rosetta. I know the guest list is not her concern and that is done as a curteousy to us. That is not really what bothers me. The fact that she says nothing at all is the problem. She doesn't ask how things are going, what the colors are...absolutely nothing.
I know how you feel, my MIL is the same way. She acts like the whole thing isn't even getting ready to take place, and it is in 3 months. I know it's hard for her because he used to do the most for her out of all the kids, and now she acts like he shouldn't be putting me and our two daughters first. I would think she would be proud of him.
It's a shame. My mother is not a part of my life. I was raised by my grandmother and my father. My grandmother lives in Florida, so I don't have anybody to do the mother-daughter thing with. Although my future MIL lives in GA, I would still appreciate being able to talk to her about things. I know I shouldn't expect it, but it would be nice. The sad part is that before we were engaged, she was so sweet and nice and told my fiance that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Now that we are getting married, she acts like I am the worst thing that has happened to him. I just don't get it. But just like the friend that recently dropped out of my wedding, she to will be sitting there wishing she had been more involoved and by then it will be too late.
I think your MIL is afraid to let go.In her mind, your FH is her "baby" and that if you marry him, she lose him.Don't feel bad, many women go though the same thing.Just continue to pray,but,also continue to focus on your wedding.That's just something she's going to have to deal with.My future MIL is great.I get along with my FH's whole family except one of his sister-in-laws.I've been engaged since August 2005 but I just told my mom yesterday.Sad to say, I told her while arguing with her.She kept referring to him as "that guy" and not by his name.Also, she said that she doesn't have anything against him but next time I come to visit, I need to come alone.He doesn't know about this.This hurts because I shouldn't have to visit my parents without bringing my FH.
Born Blessed!
Hi PlatinumStyle, my heart goes out to you. I truly hope that your mom will come around and embrace your FH. My mom is acting all weird on me also. She's known my FH for about 18 years, but since we have been planning our wedding, she just hasn't been herself. I keep telling myself that maybe it's because I'm moving to New Jersey (right now I live right down the street from her) and that she and I are very close and perhaps she feels like she's losing me. I just hold on to the thought that things will get better.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
[quote="nlbostic"]Thanks Rosetta. I know the guest list is not her concern and that is done as a curteousy to us. That is not really what bothers me. The fact that she says nothing at all is the problem. She doesn't ask how things are going, what the colors are...absolutely nothing.
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Ok. They honestly don't care and believe me you don't want her to. It's they way of things. You are not alone in this. Either they have too many opinions or non at all. Just plan the wedding you want. You will get her approval in many other ways in the years to come.
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Rhonda, unfortunately I haven't spoken to my mother since then.I'm sorry to hear that your mom is acting the way she is.I pray that they'll come through for us the way a mother of bride should.My mom knows that I've been hurt in my past.This will be my second marriage so maybe she just wants to talk to me face to face to see where my head's at.But hopefully as we get closer to our wedding dates, maybe our mothers will get more involved.
Born Blessed!
My heart goes out to all who are struggling with friction between either their mother or FMIL. I unfortunately had conflict with BOTH women leading up to our wedding and its not until recently that things are getting back to normal. I agree with Rosetta that you pick one of two evils, they're either over involved or not involved at all. Your marriage is a big deal for you and its also a huge deal for them and often times I think mothers in particular don't know how to express it. Think about it, they've invested many years of their lives nurturing you and your FH so its a little hard to come to terms with y'all getting together and starting your own life, esentially without them. Stay strong ladies, plan your weddings as best you can and don't base a longterm judgement of their character on how they're acting at this highly emotional time.
** It doesn't take the whole day to recognize sunshine **
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Thanks PlatinumStyle & Taunyana, we are in great company here at ViBride. Just knowing that I have a great comfort in knowing that I have this great support system!!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Great news.I spoke to my mother and she gave me her blessing.Not only is she happy that I'm marrying my FH, she offered to help in any way possible.I hope that she doesn't try to "take over".She already suggested that I change my colors from white and gold to cream and gold.I had to explain to her that this is MY wedding. lol
Born Blessed!
Hey Platinum....I am so happy, gurl do not worry things will be just all right...I am very happy that you mom is excited for you and willing to help...that is a blessing :-)
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
Congratulations PlatinumS, it is a blessing to have the support of your mom. I wish you guys all the best!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
[quote="platinumstyle"]Great news.I spoke to my mother and she gave me her blessing.[/quote]
Whoohoo! I know that is a load off your shoulders, Platinumstyle! Just wait until you start talking favors and who is singing at the wedding! lol That is all part of the process, though. Take lots of pics of the planning and enjoy a good laugh after your honeymoon.
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Thank you, Rosey.She is really stepping up to help out. She even asked us to consider coming to Georgia and getting married at her church.
Born Blessed!
Congratulations Platinum...wishing you nothing but Peace during this process.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.