MY BEST FRIEND WHO IS ONE OF MY BRIDESMAID, BOYFRIEND AND I DON'T GET ALONG. SHE HAS BEEN WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME AND THEY HAVE 3 CHILDREN TOGETHER. THIS MAN DOESNT LIKE ME FOR REASONS THAT ARE UNKNOWN TO ME. HE TREATS MY BEST FRIEND LIKE CRAP SHE CONSTANTLY COMPLAINS TO ME ALL OF THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE DOES AND SAYS TO HER AND OF COURSE I WITNESS IT MYSELF.HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS HER AND HIS ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME MAKES ME DISLIKE HIM AS WELL.
DONT GET ME WRONG I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HIM WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND ME I DON'T LOSE ANY SLEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM. A FEW WEEKS AGO I WAS AT MY BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE WAITING ON ANOTHER MUTUAL FRIEND SO THAT WE COULD GO PICK OUT MY WEDDING CAKE. HE WAS IN THE BACK OF THE HOUSE GETTING THE KIDS READY SO HE CAN TAKE THEM OUT. I WAS SITTING IN HER LIVING ROOM W/ HER OLDER DAUGHTER WATCHING A TV PROGRAM WHILE THEY WERE GETTING THE YOUNGER KIDS DRESSED, HE WOULD COME IN THE ROOM CHANGE THE CHANNEL AND GO BACK INTO THE ROOM. THE DAUGHTER CHANGED THE CHANNEL BACK TEN MINUTES LATER HE CAME BACK AND CHANGED IT AGAIN( HE DID THIS TWO MORE TIMES BEFORE WE FINALLY LEFT)LATER ON I BROUGHT IT UP TO MY BEST FRIEND AND HER RESPONSE WAS YOU KNOW HE'S AN AS$h)0L3 THEN SOMETHING WAS SAID AND I SAID SOMETHING LIKE IF HE SAID SOMETHING OUT OF THE WAY TO ME WE WOULD BE FIGHTING (WHICH WAS WRONG) AND BY ME SAYING THIS I WAS JUST TALKING BECAUSE PICTURE ME FIGHTING A MAN:(IF HE EVER SAID SOMETHING OUT OF THE WAY TO ME I WOULD JUST SIMPLY PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE AND WALK AWAY.SO.... YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING TO MY BF ON THE PHONE HAVING A REGULAR CONVERSATION AND SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WAS BOTHERING HER AND SHE SAID IT MADE HER FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN I MADE THAT COMMENT.
I TOLD HER THAT IT WAS STUPID OF ME TO SAY THAT AND I WAS JUST TALKING MESS AND THAT I WOULD NEVER FIGHT HER MAN HE'S A MAN AND THAT IF HE EVER SAID ANYTHING OUT OF THE WAY TO ME I WOULD JUST PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE AND WALK AWAY. PREVIOUSLY SHE ASKED IF HE COULD COME TO MY WEDDING AND I TOLD HER NO. SHE SAID THAT HURT HER FEELINGS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT THAT SINCE IM HER BF AND SHE'S IN THE WEDDING AND HE'S HER MAN HE'S AUTOMATICALLY INVITED. I TOLD HER HE HATES ME AND I DONT LIKE HIM AND ON MY WEDDING DAY I AM GOING TO BE SURROUNDED BY PPL WHO LOVE ME AND PPL WHO ARE SPECIAL TO ME AND HE DOESNT FIT INTO THE EQUATION SO NO HE'S NOT INVITED.
I KNOW IT SEEMS COLD ,BUT IF HE DOESNT LIKE ME Y DOES HE WANT TO COME TO MY WEDDING? WOULDNT HE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND PHONY KNOWING THAT HE TREATED ME LIKE CRAP ALL ALONG NOW IM SUPPOSE TO PRETEND AND MAKE MYSELF UNCOMFORTABLE ON MY DAY TO MAKE HER FEEL COMFORTABLE?SHE GOES...HE WOULDN'T GO ANYWAY BUT ME AND HIM BOTH JUST AUTOMATICALLY THOUGHT HE WAS INVITED.
LADIES I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT MY FRIEND HAS AN ILLNESS CALLED MYASTENIA GRAVIS IT'S A MUSCLE DISEASE SOMETIMES SHE'S FINE AND OTHER TIMES SHE'S REALLY ILL AND HE TREAT HER SO BAD AND I GO OUT OF MY WAY LIKE A REAL FRIEND TO HELP HER WITH HIS CHILDREN,CLEAN HIS APT, AND LEAVE MY JOB TO HELP HER TO HER DOCTOR'S APPT BECAUSE HE'S ACTING LIKE A DONKEY. TO BE FAIR I TOLD HER SHE CAN INVITE ANYONE ELSE BUT HIM. SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT AS A BEST FRIEND SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VENT TO ME ABOUT HIM WITHOUT ME HAVING AN OPINION I TOLD HER THAT'S FINE THE NEXT TIME SHE FEEL LIKE SHE WANTS TO TELL ME ABOUT ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE DID OR SAID TO HER I'LL JUST LISTEN AND NOT SAY A WORD.
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND WHO I LOVE BE WITH SOMEONE WHO TREAT HER SO TERRIBLE WHEN I KNOW SHE DESERVE AND CAN BE WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE AND RESPECT HER BUT I KNOW THAT ONLY SHE CAN MAKE THAT DECISION BUT THIS IS MY WEDDING AND I DO NOT WANT TO INVITE HIM TO MY WEDDING.
MY BEST FRIEND WHO IS ONE OF MY BRIDESMAID, BOYFRIEND AND I DON'T GET ALONG. SHE HAS BEEN WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME AND THEY HAVE 3 CHILDREN TOGETHER. THIS MAN DOESNT LIKE ME FOR REASONS THAT ARE UNKNOWN TO ME. HE TREATS MY BEST FRIEND LIKE CRAP SHE CONSTANTLY COMPLAINS TO ME ALL OF THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE DOES AND SAYS TO HER AND OF COURSE I WITNESS IT MYSELF.HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS HER AND HIS ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME MAKES ME DISLIKE HIM AS WELL.
DONT GET ME WRONG I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HIM WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND ME I DON'T LOSE ANY SLEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM. A FEW WEEKS AGO I WAS AT MY BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE WAITING ON ANOTHER MUTUAL FRIEND SO THAT WE COULD GO PICK OUT MY WEDDING CAKE. HE WAS IN THE BACK OF THE HOUSE GETTING THE KIDS READY SO HE CAN TAKE THEM OUT. I WAS SITTING IN HER LIVING ROOM W/ HER OLDER DAUGHTER WATCHING A TV PROGRAM WHILE THEY WERE GETTING THE YOUNGER KIDS DRESSED, HE WOULD COME IN THE ROOM CHANGE THE CHANNEL AND GO BACK INTO THE ROOM. THE DAUGHTER CHANGED THE CHANNEL BACK TEN MINUTES LATER HE CAME BACK AND CHANGED IT AGAIN( HE DID THIS TWO MORE TIMES BEFORE WE FINALLY LEFT)LATER ON I BROUGHT IT UP TO MY BEST FRIEND AND HER RESPONSE WAS YOU KNOW HE'S AN AS$h)0L3 THEN SOMETHING WAS SAID AND I SAID SOMETHING LIKE IF HE SAID SOMETHING OUT OF THE WAY TO ME WE WOULD BE FIGHTING (WHICH WAS WRONG) AND BY ME SAYING THIS I WAS JUST TALKING BECAUSE PICTURE ME FIGHTING A MAN:(IF HE EVER SAID SOMETHING OUT OF THE WAY TO ME I WOULD JUST SIMPLY PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE AND WALK AWAY.SO.... YESTERDAY I WAS TALKING TO MY BF ON THE PHONE HAVING A REGULAR CONVERSATION AND SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WAS BOTHERING HER AND SHE SAID IT MADE HER FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN I MADE THAT COMMENT.
I TOLD HER THAT IT WAS STUPID OF ME TO SAY THAT AND I WAS JUST TALKING MESS AND THAT I WOULD NEVER FIGHT HER MAN HE'S A MAN AND THAT IF HE EVER SAID ANYTHING OUT OF THE WAY TO ME I WOULD JUST PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE AND WALK AWAY. PREVIOUSLY SHE ASKED IF HE COULD COME TO MY WEDDING AND I TOLD HER NO. SHE SAID THAT HURT HER FEELINGS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT THAT SINCE IM HER BF AND SHE'S IN THE WEDDING AND HE'S HER MAN HE'S AUTOMATICALLY INVITED. I TOLD HER HE HATES ME AND I DONT LIKE HIM AND ON MY WEDDING DAY I AM GOING TO BE SURROUNDED BY PPL WHO LOVE ME AND PPL WHO ARE SPECIAL TO ME AND HE DOESNT FIT INTO THE EQUATION SO NO HE'S NOT INVITED.
I KNOW IT SEEMS COLD ,BUT IF HE DOESNT LIKE ME Y DOES HE WANT TO COME TO MY WEDDING? WOULDNT HE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND PHONY KNOWING THAT HE TREATED ME LIKE CRAP ALL ALONG NOW IM SUPPOSE TO PRETEND AND MAKE MYSELF UNCOMFORTABLE ON MY DAY TO MAKE HER FEEL COMFORTABLE?SHE GOES...HE WOULDN'T GO ANYWAY BUT ME AND HIM BOTH JUST AUTOMATICALLY THOUGHT HE WAS INVITED.
LADIES I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT MY FRIEND HAS AN ILLNESS CALLED MYASTENIA GRAVIS IT'S A MUSCLE DISEASE SOMETIMES SHE'S FINE AND OTHER TIMES SHE'S REALLY ILL AND HE TREAT HER SO BAD AND I GO OUT OF MY WAY LIKE A REAL FRIEND TO HELP HER WITH HIS CHILDREN,CLEAN HIS APT, AND LEAVE MY JOB TO HELP HER TO HER DOCTOR'S APPT BECAUSE HE'S ACTING LIKE A DONKEY. TO BE FAIR I TOLD HER SHE CAN INVITE ANYONE ELSE BUT HIM. SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT AS A BEST FRIEND SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VENT TO ME ABOUT HIM WITHOUT ME HAVING AN OPINION I TOLD HER THAT'S FINE THE NEXT TIME SHE FEEL LIKE SHE WANTS TO TELL ME ABOUT ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE DID OR SAID TO HER I'LL JUST LISTEN AND NOT SAY A WORD.
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND WHO I LOVE BE WITH SOMEONE WHO TREAT HER SO TERRIBLE WHEN I KNOW SHE DESERVE AND CAN BE WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE AND RESPECT HER BUT I KNOW THAT ONLY SHE CAN MAKE THAT DECISION BUT THIS IS MY WEDDING AND I DO NOT WANT TO INVITE HIM TO MY WEDDING.
Jesus keep me near the cross!!!! Don't invite the idiot! She shouldn't even put you in the position of feeling like you have too!! And she's right, if she want's to vent let her, we all have our 'dumb as dirt' period when it comes to men. She will wake up in her own time, just pray for her. One day she'll be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
mrsdonaldson, I am so sorry about your friends illness. She is in a very toxic relationship. It is creating a strain on your friendship as well. Maybe he is eing hostile because of the strain of taking care of a sick person who is not his wife. Not everyone is a caregiver and not everone can handle the stress of an unwanted burden (my thought, may not be his).
With the daughter, was it a program he thought inappropriate for her to watch? It is her father I would NEVER have dared turn the tv back to my show once my dad had changed the channel, even if he had left the room. Most girlshave issue with thier best friends husbands or boyfriends and vice versa. The bottom line is you are always competing for attention.
He sounds like an awful person to me, but we only have your point of view. And even though we love ya, you should let him come if it will make your best friend happy. Just AVOID his trifling behind and don't let this funk up your wedding day anymore than it already has.
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Rosetta, He treated her bad before she became ill 3years ago. The program wasn't inappropriate for her daughter whom isn't his daughter. I just don't understand why he would want to come to my wedding knowing how he has treated me wouldn't he feel uncomfortable? and she did state"he wouldn't come anyway" A few people are telling me that i should bite the bullet and let him come but i feel so stubborn and i feel like sh!t this is my day and ppl should go out of their way to make me happy i shouldn't be going out of my way to make other ppl happy in return making myself uncomfortable on my special day.I did offer to allow her to bring someone else as her guest. I have a feeling she is going to bring alot of drama on my wedding day and this may strain our relationship.
I diasgree Rosetta. Why should she compromise to make her best friend happy. it's her wedding day, not her best friend's. People should be going out of their way to may her happy. Mrsdonaldson, I say stick to your guns and don't invite him. If she is truly your best friend and and she knows the relationship you and he have, she will understand and if she doesn't, oh well, she'll get over it.
thanks nlbostic that's exactly what im feeling.
I'm not going to put one of the little pine tree air fresheners on top of this because it'll still smell like POOP! Once you see that creep at your reception it will put a mood change into play. No bride should have to suffer those highs and lows to make someone who obviously doesn't like you feel welcome.
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
While no one whants him there, how important is your friendship to this girl really? We all make sacrifices even on our wedding day. If you invite her and not him, then SHE will be in a funky mood and it will ruin your day. If you give both of them the boot, You will feel terrible and it may carry over to your friendship.
How would you feel if your BF didn't like your fh and was vocal about it? You would shove her butt to the curb. This woman still admires you and your opinion os valuable even though you have hurt her feelings about it.
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Wow MrsDonaldson, this one is a sensitive thing. I agree with Bossy and Niquey, I wouldn't invite this creep to my wedding. If your BF choses to be in a toxic relationship, you can continue to be there for her. She has to understand that just because she tolerates the nonsense, no one else has to. I wish you all the best in this situation and I hope your friend appreciates the fact that she has a real friend who cares about her -- you have been there for her when she really needed someone. Be encouraged.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
What a "doozy"! Like you I don't really care for my BF's husband because he is trifling too! However, if that's her choice to stay with him then just bear and grin and let her live her life. One thing about it is you can't control other people so just be in support of your friend. Even if he doesn't want to attend the wedding, I think I'd invite him anyway because you don't know what she may go through with him at home because of that. He may tell her he doesn't want her to be in the wedding or attend because of your decision. It sounds like he has a lot of control over her and that you appear to be a threat to him. You are getting married, have yourself together and are happy he's afraid that you eventually will make her realize the creep that he is. I know this all to well and that's the reason that I just rekindled my realationship with BF from high school after 9 years. Her Ex-husband didn't like me and turned her against me but now that they are divorced we are friends again and she admits that he didn't want her around me because I thought I was better than him. Of course, I don't act that way but he has a 6th grade education andhas never did anything but work in a barbershop and I went away to college and he didn't want me to influence her to go to school to better herself. Thank God she woke up but I hope it doesn't take your friend 9 years to wkae up. I say really pray about this and ask yourself is this a Godly thing to do. He doesn't like you but you don't have to act the same way, you are better than that. Be supportive to your BF whether she makes mistakes or not. I hope that you can come to a resolution.
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[quote="phenomonique"]I'm not going to put one of the little pine tree air fresheners on top of this because it'll still smell like POOP! Once you see that creep at your reception it will put a mood change into play. No bride should have to suffer those highs and lows to make someone who obviously doesn't like you feel welcome.
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I with Niquey on this one.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
I agree with pure Bliss. Have you ever heard of killing someone with kindness? sounds like he does things intentionally to get a reaction. I can understand exactly where you are coming from, but do you really think he has the balls to act a fool at your wedding with half of your family and your FH with his groomsmen around. You know men that treat women bad sing a different tune when it comes to other men, not so easy to intimidate. Not that you would want to go through that, but maybe you and your FH can talk about it, how does he feel about the situation? and your friend might feel more comfortable with her man by her side especially at a wedding, as for the way he treats her you just gotta suck it up and try to ignore it and I know it's hard cause it's like she's telling you all this stuff then when you say something it's a problem. She will learn on her own hopefully, there isn't really anything you can do about it.
thanks ladies for the advice. I was with my bf the other day and we have been talking on the phone alot and she hasnt mentioned her man coming to the wedding again so i guess she knows i don't really want him there. I have a new issue now my bridesmaid dresses came in and the lady from the store measured the girls wrong. The dresses came back huge and she's not budging. MY bf the one i was telling you guys about is a size 6 ( the dresses usually run small so she was suppose to get a size 10 ) the lady made her get a 14 its 2 sizes too big for her, my cousin who needed a size 12 she tried to order her a 22 but my cousin made her get a 18 because she knew she didnt wear a 22 but she figure she'd be safe with an 18 that's way too big for her, my auntie dress is a 22 which is huge. THE lady isn't owning up to the fact that she measured the girls wrong and personally i think she did it on purpose to get more money because if you go above a 12 its considered plus size and you have to pay an extra 35 dollars not to mention extra $ for alterations. My bf turned to the store out breaking on the lady about the dress because when she ordered hers she tried to tell the lady there's no way she can fit a 14 but the lady insisted she get it. They all trusted that she knew what she was talking about now we are screwed. Good thing i went with my instinct when i ordered my lil sisters dress and so did my other two bridesmaid. Our plan is to go in altogether and try to convince her to a) REORDER THE DRESSES B) DO THE ALTERATIONS FREE OF CHARGE ( WHICH IM AFRAID TO HAVE HER ALTER THE DRESSES SCARED SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING C) HAVE THE GIRLS SWITCH THE DRESSES WITH EACH OTHER AND HAVE HER ORDER ANOTHER DRESS FOR MY BEST FRIEND. I AM SO STRESSED OUT OVER THIS. I HOPE NONE OF YOU BRIDES TO BE HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THIS. I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT WHEN MY SISTER AND MY BEST FRIEND WENT TO TRY ON THEIR DRESS THE STORE SOLD THE SAMPLE DRESS SO THEY DIDN'T EVEN SEE THE DRESS THEY PAID FOR UNTIL IT CAME.THE LADY JUST TOOK THEIR MEASUREMENTS AND SHOWED THEM A PIC. MY SISTER HAD SENSE ENUFF TO TRY ON ANOTHER DRESS SIMILAR TO IT TO GET HER SIZE.:(