Teenage Daughter

I have yet to see (or hear of) any situation with a step-parent where the child doesn't toss the 'your not my parent' card out when a things aren't going their way, and the actual parent isn't present. If he isn't in on the discussion it'll only show her that when any problems arises (in step-dads household) her daddy is the only man that can say anything to her. This is a very touchy spot to be in. You have to let both men know that they are important in this matter. So dad can't go stepping on step-dad or the other way around. Dad has to also let you daughter know that when step-dad speaks to her she has to mind him. (not impling that she doesn't already) because it builds more respect for all adults involve when children see the parents united.

Hello there Brownskinchick. I too am the mother of a teen-aged daughter (15). First I'd like to say the fact that her birth father is still in her life is a blessing. It is an even greater blessing that you and your ex-husband can sit down and talk with her together. I would do just as you are doing and talk with her with her birth dad. I think it is also wonderful that your fiance is supportive of you as well. If you are not sure that you want your fiance to talk with her then follow your instincts. The fact that he is supportive is a good thing. In any event Brownskin, I wish you the best.

[quote="phenomonique"]I have yet to see (or hear of) any situation with a step-parent where the child doesn't toss the 'your not my parent' card out when a things aren't going their way, and the actual parent isn't present. If he isn't in on the discussion it'll only show her that when any problems arises (in step-dads household) her daddy is the only man that can say anything to her. This is a very touchy spot to be in. You have to let both men know that they are important in this matter. So dad can't go stepping on step-dad or the other way around. Dad has to also let you daughter know that when step-dad speaks to her she has to mind him. (not impling that she doesn't already) because it builds more respect for all adults involve when children see the parents united.
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Fabulous, insightful and right on the ball as usual. I back Niquey 110% on this one.

[quote="phenomonique"]I have yet to see (or hear of) any situation with a step-parent where the child doesn't toss the 'your not my parent' card out when a things aren't going their way, and the actual parent isn't present.[/quote]

Niquey, can you believe my son said that to FH when he was only 5 or 6 years old???? I got it his tail right then and there. It hurt FH too. He has been in my son's life since he was 1 1/2 years old. His biological father got killed when he was 4 so FH is the only father he has left. He said it out of anger, but I explained to him the depth of what he said. He was sorry and upset because FH was hurt behind his comment.

Brown, I suggest your FH be a part of the conversation as well. If you two are starting your own family, don't leave him out of it. This way your daughter understands the respect and his role as her step father.

My son have yet to play that your not my father card with my husband, I mean he's only 3yeears old and I know that 1 day the card will be pulled as he gets older. this is to all the ladies who have kids from a 1st marriage or relationship, do any of you ladies fear that once you and your FH have children together that they will treat you pull away from the Step-Child, or do any of you ladies feel that you will pull away after you have a child together.

Good question Happy. My daughter is my FHs, but this is what I deal with from time to time. Because he and I were separated for 10 years, my daughter at times feels like he can't tell her anything and He is her birth father. She once told him, well you left us and mommy was there for me all the time. I don't know if she has a fear that he will leave us again or what. It hurts him and I tell her that we are a family now and we have to deal with the present and move on from the past. New familys face all kinds of challenges. It is important to face them as a family unit. I believe that is the key.

Happy whose question are you answering.....focus focus!!!

[quote="brownskinchick"]Hello everyone,
I am getting married June 2007 and we are currently blendinga a fmaily of 4 two 14 yrs old, one 10 year old, and one 3 yrd old. I went into my duaghters room this morning and found some letters that she and a friend of hers at school had been writing back and forth. To say the least they were very inappropriate. Her father and I have been divorced for about 7yrs now and we have decided to sit down and speak with her on friday when he picks her up for the weekend. I am praying and asking God how to handle this situation. My fiance is wonderful and very supportive,but I'm not sure if I want him to talk with her also. Any wise advice would be appreciated.
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Browny I love Niquey's and Askalot's response (focused)...if it is ok with bio/father, include your FH in the conversation with daugther.

[quote="CharlotteModebe"]Happy whose question are you answering.....focus focus!!!
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Do I hear the corner calling someone?

.........I changed my signature

LOL...Charley, you are a mess. I saw the "corner" comment on another post and didn't get it, but now I do. Gotta love you. I had the same thoughts (right Askalot?) but kept them to myself. Gurl, you know you speak your mind.
Back to the topic...My son also played the "your not my father card" about 2 years ago. I felt so bad for FH because the comment was not even necessary and real dad is not a part of his life. FH was okay with it, he knew son didn't mean it. He had also played the "card" as a kid. I was so grateful that he was understanding.
Brownskinchick, you are lucky that your daughter has 2 men in her life that love her, but make sure they are not played against each other. Not sure how you feel about this, but I would have a conversation with her with all 3 of you present.

[quote="nlbostic"]LOL...Charley, you are a mess. I saw the "corner" comment on another post and didn't get it, but now I do. Gotta love you. I had the same thoughts (right Askalot?) but kept them to myself. Gurl, you know you speak your mind.
Back to the topic...My son also played the "your not my father card" about 2 years ago. I felt so bad for FH because the comment was not even necessary and real dad is not a part of his life. FH was okay with it, he knew son didn't mean it. He had also played the "card" as a kid. I was so grateful that he was understanding.
Brownskinchick, you are lucky that your daughter has 2 men in her life that love her, but make sure they are not played against each other. Not sure how you feel about this, but I would have a conversation with her with all 3 of you present.
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Bossie you are blessed with an understanding man. You are right Brownskinchick's daughter is blessed to have 2 men in her life that love her.

[quote="nlbostic"]LOL...Charley, you are a mess. I saw the "corner" comment on another post and didn't get it, but now I do. Gotta love you. I had the same thoughts (right Askalot?) but kept them to myself. Gurl, you know you speak your mind.
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You sure did Bossie. Now you know you are not alone. lol

[quote="CharlotteModebe"].........I changed my signature
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Charly, your signature is sooooo true. I have this coworker that ALWAYS have something to say about nothing. She talk so much mess that she can't even remember the LIES she said the day before. I pulled her card one day though and she doesn't talk that much to me anymore (which is totally fine with me). She just didn't get the hint before though.

[quote="nlbostic"]LOL...Charley, you are a mess. I saw the "corner" comment on another post and didn't get it, but now I do. Gotta love you. I had the same thoughts (right Askalot?) but kept them to myself. Gurl, you know you speak your mind[/quote]

My daily life consists of Repenting because of this same reason....I can't purge...that is a sin and I'll be damned if I go to hell for purging.

You ladies are the best...I thought I was the only one dealing with this exhausting pile of you know what....couldn't take it anymore and I tried to be as tasteful as possible without any reprecussions

That's why I need Bossie. lol She picks up on things that fly over my head sometimes. lol

Nothing passes me....I try to be conservative and say nothing at times but enough is enough....I can't deal with "Hot Air"

I am a firm beleiver of "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...it's a duck" and I saw duck doo-doo all over this site a long time ago. Nothing gets passed me either Charley, I just shake my head because some people just can't help themselves.

[quote="nlbostic"]I am a firm beleiver of "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...it's a duck" and I saw duck doo-doo all over this site a long time ago. Nothing gets passed me either Charley, I just shake my head because some people just can't help themselves.
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OMG My boss just came in here and said what's wrong. lol Yall gonna get me fired (he's cool though). duck doo-doo (Bossie that's funnier than a penguin). lol

[quote="nlbostic"]I am a firm beleiver of "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...it's a duck" and I saw duck doo-doo all over this site a long time ago. Nothing gets passed me either Charley, I just shake my head because some people just can't help themselves.
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The Fat Lady Just Sang!!!

Hey..watch it now Charley...I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I wouldn't say fat!!!!....LOL

Girl I 235lbs....I just have More to Appreciate :-)

And I aint calling you fat---it's an old cliche for final, done, complete, "that settles it"...you know how we do it...

I keep telling y'all to act like you have some sense at work! LOL!!!
Love the new siggy sis!

BUP BUP!!!!!!!!!!!

Where were you.....plz go catch up on your reading.

[quote="CharlotteModebe"]And I aint calling you fat---it's an old cliche for final, done, complete, "that settles it"...you know how we do it...
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I was just joking with you. I know what it means. Just trying to get a laugh

Lord I hope that hot air aint rubbing off on me...sorry

[quote="CharlotteModebe"]BUP BUP!!!!!!!!!!!

Where were you.....plz go catch up on your reading.
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Ya killing me girl!! I been trying to get some paper work done. Good lawd I missed some good ones!