Guest List

First of all,......those 4 vendors are there to work...not eat so take them off the list...

Secondly..it's his wedding also, I know how you feel and I can relate as a woman, but look at it on the bright side...more than likely they will not show up..but you can not tell him who he can invite...sorry.

[quote="CharlotteModebe"]First of all,......those 4 vendor are there to work...not eat so take them off the list...
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Good point Charly. Is it a 175 people maximum? If not then they shouldn't be counted. I would also include the "extra" folks that your future hubby put on his list. It is his wedding too and for whatever reason, he felt the need to include these people. In any event Askalot, I wish you guys the best.

I gree with the girls. Add them to the list. It is so far away, and it will make him feel more a part of the planning. I know this is hard to take, but not everyone you invite will be on fire to attend your wedding. Look through your list of people and see if all the cousins are necesary to add. Do they live far away or are they holiday cousins, meaning you ony see them once or twice a year? If so, send them an announcement after your ceremony and invites to the heads of their families i.e., aunts & uncles before the wedding.

As long as hubby isn't inviting the postman (believe me it's been done), then let him invite away! A great way tO SAVE FACE IS HAVE A strict RSVP deadline and have it 30 days prior to your event. That will weed out quite a few people.

Ditto! Let him have his people attend. You said yourself that he has a very small family and I'm sure he has feel like he has to have some people there to fill up his side since you have a large family. I have the same issues because my FH is an only child and so is his mother. He really doesn't have alot of cousins but believe me he is trying to invite "everyone he knows". I keep telling him that you invite people that are really close to you not people that may come just to be nosey and eat. We are trying to plan for 300 people but that seems to be an issue. I want to decrease the size just to cut down on cost of food but he just doesn't seem to get it. He's not understanding that because it's not gonna hurt his pockets any(my parents are paying for it) We also have a total of 24 in our bridal party(10 GM's,10 BM's, flowergirls, bible bearer and broom bearer) and oh, the ushers and hostess. Dang, now that I am writing this that's too many folk!

[quote="SeptBride"]The wedding party is 14, the vendors are 4, that leaves 157 people to get invited. [/quote]

It's proper etiquette to include your DJ/band and photographer/videographer in your count. Yes, they are there to work, but they get hungry too. Especially the photographer. He/She will be with you from the time you get dressed until the reception is over. When are they supposed to eat? Most venues offer 1/2 for vendors. You should check.
As far as FH and his guest list. Let him invite whoever he wants too. He has 50 guests, you have 150. He may not approve of everyone on your list either. It's his wedding too. Suck it up and let him be.

Bossie, thanks for the information. I didn't know that it was proper ettiquette to include the vendors. Now that I think about it, it seems like common sense. I would never want to be rude and not offer people anything to eat. I truly appreciate this info, because I didn't see it that way at first. You ladies are the best!

I sense a little hostility in your post Askalot!!!...Don't get smart. You asked, I advised. If you don't like my response...too bad. By the way, my headache is gone. LOL...love ya!!!

Girls! play nice!! LOL!!! If it's a capacity issue you'll have to count those vendors in the 175. Now, Ms Missy, how you gonna gripe over his 50 people? It doesn't matter if they are folks from his past, it's only 50 to your 107. play nice..

Thank you Niquey!...glad you have some sense

yes it was. extremely selfish!!!!

The corner/closet is full today!

I know I put y'all on a time out. In the corners, and face the wall. And don't even think about bringing snacks!

[quote="phenomonique"]I know I put y'all on a time out. In the corners, and face the wall. And don't even think about bringing snacks!
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And no posting from the corner!

I know exactly what you are going through because me and FH went through the same thing. The other ladies are right. You have to let him invite his people, regardless if you know them or not. They probably won't come anyway.

As far as the vendors, they are NOT counted as guests. You can still feed them, but they don't have to eat the same meal you feed your guests. If your vendors are friends or family members, that's different, but if you are paying them, it's not your obligation to feed them. It is a nice gesture to feed them SOMETHING, but you don't have to, and it definately doesn't have to be the same meal your guests are having. Maybe a sandwich or something like that.

Yes, with those long hours, you do have to feed them. You can't expect them to take nice pictures on an empty stomach:) A sandwich was just a suggestion but it doesn't have to be that. It can be something more. I guess my whole point was to not cut any of your friends and family from your guest list just to accomodate your vendors. I am sure something can be worked out so the vendors can eat, and you can still have all the guests you want.

We all work 8 hour shifts. That doesn't make it our boss's responsibility to buy us lunch.

Askalot, feed your vendors please. Your vendors may accomodate you and make a different meal for them, but why go through that if you are only paying half price for them anyway. No, you shouldn't feel obligated to feed them, but you should always do unto others as you would have them do unto you. No, our bosses are not expected to give us lunch, but I doubt very seriously if they would see that everyone else is eating at not you.

I never said don't feed them. I DO think they should be fed. My point is don't cut your friends and family from your guest list to accomodate them. I would hate to cut my Aunt Shirley from my guest list just so I can feed the vendor who I am already paying a whole lot of $$$$$$$.

I don't know what you are paying per head, but for what I am paying per head, I can't afford to feed my vendors the same meal. My hall doesn't charge "half price" for vendors. It's the same price all around, regardless of who's eating it.

I will be feeding my vendors, but they won't be eating the same thing. The hall has a different menu option for the vendors, so I will pick something for them to eat closer to the wedding date. The options are like chicken fingers and fries and other stuff like that.

These vendors have done plenty of weddings before ours, and I am sure there were some weddings they did where they ate what everyone else ate, ate something different, or didn't get to eat at all. I'm sure they have seen it all, so I don't think they would be offended if they don't get to eat the same exact meal. I'm sure they already know how much money you are already dishing out, including the money they are charging you for their service.

My point about our bosses not feeding us was just a statement to try and get my point across.

I'm not a cold-hearted bad guy:) I'm definately not saying DONT feed them, just take care of your guests first. After you pay someone for a service, anything extra you do for them is out of the kindness of your heart, not your obligation.

Sorry SeptBride for getting off subject. I realize that wasn't your issue.

My FH's family isn't too big, so I think he is also just inviting people to fill up his side. Our guest list is 220, and around 130 of them are my side. I had to cut some of my list to accomodate his "so called friends", but I didn't have a choice because it's his wedding too. It pisses me off because I know most of these people from his side probably won't come, and those seats could have been taken by my family members who I am sure would come if they were invited. Oh well, what can you do.

When you cut your guest list, that is going to be the hardest thing you ever had to do. I kept putting it off because I didn't want to do it. There's going to be alot of hurt feelings, and pissed off friends and family, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Good Luck to you. I finally cut my list, so when the invitations go out, I know the s**t will hit the fan when certain people realize they didn't get one.

Good luck Askalot!

Best wishes! Ladies, I'm convinced that it all will work out. FH and I talked last night about the guest list and I suggested that we cut some and to my surprise he said he was okay with it! I think it's because we had just met with the videographer and worked out a budget to pay for that and the photographer. Now he sees how much things cost. And BTW, these things he and I are paying for not my parents, they are strictly paying for the reception.. It was a true reality check for him! He asked could we just go to the courthouse and call it a day! lol

Nothing like a wallet reality check! Money is something that men understand. My FH tried that with me too, he wanted to just elope, but of course I wasn't having it. PB&J, it will work out just fine. Good luck!

Hello. I think you should include the vendors as a courtesy. I mean how would you feel if you were them. I am including the vendors. Are you really that close to all the people on your list?