Family Members

I am basically planning this whole wedding myself. Nobody has heplped me with it really. FH gave me the colors, my grandmother helped get me the church and my cousin suggested the dresses. Everything else I will have to do on my own. My family has never really planned a wedding full out so they dont know what to do. I think before me the last wedding was my moms when I was 2 (22 now) and they planned that in about 15 minutes before the wedding. She was just going to go to the church and marry my dad but it got around and everybody in the family came and she used my aunts dress and my grandma bought roses for her to carry.

Dang thats a messes up situation. Both mine and FH's family told us we should go to the court house but we refused. Since then my family has been supportive of my decisions but really havent planned much. I guess when I get really near the big day they will kick in.

[quote="threjolyn"]My baby sister who was suppose to be my MOH got a new job and will not be able to be off. Does anyone else have this problem?
[/quote]
They won't give her the one day off?

[quote="threjolyn"]I feel like they should be happy for me and want to help. My Mom was suppose to pay for my cake but she decide to go to Las Vegas and she told me that if she wins she will buy the cakes and she stted that she bough t her a new dress.. They told me that I just needed to go to the courthouse. Hell I did not want to go to a courthouse...When I graduated from College this year the only people who came was my FH MIL 2 SIL 3 BIL and my children no one else came Some times I feel like cinderella
[/quote]

I am feeling you....more people from my church have offered to travel 4 hours and usher and all that than my mom and has-some family members have offered to help though....I have called her out on it, and she is definitely coming around, but I think that she was so fearful of me getting married, because her marriage was bad (except having us she says), and she may be unconciously rebelling against something she is not totally, 100% approved of because she thinks I am as passive towards men as she was, and that I'll be like her...even though she told my FH it was okay when he asked for my hand 3 months before he proposed! (But if it was any man she'd be the same) I am the oldest and this is the first time I am totally making decisions without consulting her at every step....

I have learned that some families can't wait to marry you off, in others its so different because they always see you as the baby!
This is that situation where you have to almost prove that you can do something great on you own, with little to no help...and you and you FH will have to rely totally on God to pep you up and encourage you...and yourselves....I think in the end families will accept and come around eventually...its hard but we have to keep from worrying about it so much...God is still great no matter who agrees, or helps, or disagrees...
Sorry ya'll I'm feeling this subject, and I'm venting too!

Oh and trust me...it ain't all about the money and them being able to help you!

Family can het you now. My sister is flew into a tantrum about not being picked to be my MOH even though I am paying for it all myself. Then my other sister said I should just give in to her. Who is she? My mother has no clue how to plan anything and insists on putting her two cents in. I am tired. If I had not booked the reception hall, I would just go to Vegas.

My goodness, did i have this problem or what, our wedding was a complete fiasco!!
Weddings bring up a lot of feelings and emotions that often have nothing to do w/ the bride or groom and unfortunately we can't make people feel the same way abt our wedding as we do. Instict dictates that we expect those close to us to put forth major effort to help our dream materialize but in all honesty, all they gotta do is show up.
Draw from the strength and support of those who are pitching in to help and plan the most fantabulous wedding you can w/ what you've got.

Well ladies at this point and time we have to keep our heads up even though the road seems to be getting ruff, but at the end we are marrying our FH'S and that will be the greatest joy of them all. We have to work through these situation and make the best out of it because someone will be there with their negative point of view or a diappoinment invovled just roll with the punches. I know it easier saaid than done but put prayer as a factor with your faith and everything else will fall right into place.

Yes, Tauyana said it best. Weddings can and do bring up lots of emotions that often have nothing to do with the bride and groom. I'm constantly amazed at how people can go from being so happy for you to being jealous. And, I'm experiencing that with some of my BM. What gets me is people volunteering to do certain things and then falling through. I mean it's not like I asked you to do it. I had 3 BM that offered to do my broom. They have yet to even mention the broom to me. It's okay because I made my own broom. But, when it comes down to it I think we'll all forget these trying times and only remember moments like when he first sees you walk down the aisle, and when you say "I Do".

All I can say is pray w/o ceasing. We have this saying we use over here in desert. "THE DEVIL IS BUSY AND DON'T LET THE DEVIL USE YOU" What I am saying is that devil (whomever) he may manifest his self through is not please b/c you have found the one that god made you both. So he(the devil)is trying to hender you all ready. You have come this far. Don't let him use you, use all of this negativity and turn it into strength. Let this be that burst of energy and remember this is about you, your FH and the lord.

I asked my FH how many attendants we were having and he made the statement. "I gives a d@#n as along you are there we don't need anybody esle......

This goes out to all the ladies that are having issues right about now!

You ladies are not alone. My family has not offered to help with anything either. My fiance's family has not offered to help either. My FH and I are paying for everything. Things that I need done, don't cost a dime -- perhaps a little time. My bridemaids are dragging their behinds with getting their dresses (thank goodness two went this past Friday--three more to go). I have done it all on my own, it is very frustrating. I have two co-workers who have volunteered to deliver my centerpieces to the reception site. The thing that bothers me is that I would go above & beyond the call of duty for my family and friends.

I have only 3 bridesmaids and if they act stupid I do without them b/c I am already going down the aisle alone b/c my father and I are estranged. They are my teenage niece and I am asking my future SIL who is also a teen.

I thought I was the only one dealing with this type of madness.My family hasn't tried to help at all.As a matter of fact,when I told my mom that I was getting married,she was quick to let me know that she and my dad didn't have any money.(I wasn't asking for any).Most of my drama came from FH family.If anyone decides to contribute to the wedding,we'll be grateful but,for now I'm planning things on my own.Ladies,don't let anyone pressure you into going to the courthouse.If you want a real wedding,stick to your guns!My first wedding was at the courthouse and I resented my ex for not wanting to have a real wedding.

Platinum, it seems most brides go through family issues when it comes to wedding planning! FH's dad kept telling him "you need to go to the courthouse, I went. There's nothing wrong with it!" My mom initially said she'd pay for catering...Now she's trying to back out saying she has other financial obligations at the end of the year & she won't be able to do it. I'm kinda ticked-off, but funny thing is FH & I went into this prepared to do it all on our own. Didn't expect any help from anyone. Whenever someone says they're paying for something, PLEASE have a Plan B just in case!

Cinny you are right! I believe that things have a way of working out. Yes we may be hit with an obstacle or two, but you will rise above it and keep moving. It is three days before my deadline for my bridesmaids put a deposit on their dresses. If it is not done, I will be getting married with my daughter, my sister and my neice. They have deposits paid already. The show will go on with or without the other bridesmaids.

Pay for it yourself. We are even paying for the honeymoon ourselves. That way if I want a thousand magnolias flown in from france than that is my business. Never rely on others b/c they will either not do what they said they will do and then throw it in your face that they are not obligated to help or do it and whine and complain. I am doing my own shower and bacholerette party too.

I will be paying for everything myself too, maybe even the bachelor/ette parties and the bridal shower. If people plan on paying for things I will let them say what they want and pay for it myself then if they do come through I can just keep that and use it on something else. I really dont expect NOBODY to help me and FH with our wedding bills. Things just arent the way they used to be (when the brides family paid for the wedding and the grooms family paid for the honeymoon) and I would want it that way because then I couldnt do things my way....:)

I am paying for just about everything. My sister and MOH are giving me the shower/bachelorette parties. The bridal party are also responsible for paying for their dresses. FH and I are paying for everything else, including FG and RB attire.

My attendants are paying for all of their attire too. I was told they pay for the jewlery, shoes and dress for ladies, add basket for girls and men get their suits...is this true?

I so sorry to hear of your situations.My family is very supportive.If it were up to me FH,me, mum and kids would go to the registry,but cousins say they want to here and it is more money to travel(all of them)here and that money could be spent on the wedding.So my cousin and mum are in charge of the caters (that will be the biggest bill).Daddy is the back up plan here.I am his only daughter and from the time he was told about the wedding he has been saving.My cousins 2 sons are the escorts so Ihave decided to pay for they suits after all she will be contributing greatly.I hope things work out for you guys maybe as your special day draws near eyeryone will shape up.

Allies I bought the bridal parties jewelry as part of my way of saying thank you to them. Also in this way everyone is wearing the same jewelry. They are paying for their dresses and shoes.

Boy we all are getting it from our families....some of you are getting some good support and thats wonderful! For some of us, its just God, us and our FH's! Someone said it right when they said be prepared to go into this alone, financially and emotionally, except for God who is always there.

God put an idea, and a vision and all of our hearts for a reason, and he never fails.....we all have to pray for each other so that our faith stays up and we have the strength to deal with and OVERCOME the trials already laid before us, and the traps that the devil will try to ensnare us with!
Love you all.

Excellent advice,Ms.Bee.I feel like I will appreciate my wedding more since I'm having to do everything by myself.

YES I AM HAVING THAT PROBLEM!!!!! My fh and I decided to basically pay for everything ourselves, however we have a whole lot of input. My mother- in- law made her own invite list for my wedding but didnt cough up any money. these people are losing there minds. GOD PLEASE HELP ME KEEP MY INSANITY!!!!!!

Sometimes you have to remind them that this is YOUR day and that who cares if all of THEIR friends are invited.

Too funny!!! FH and I are paying for the wedding - mostly. I say that because my mom is paying for my invites and my dad for the photographer/videographer. My son's grandmother (not FMIL) will be paying for our cake! And my sister is giving us $800 towards the wedding. All of this will help out, but my wedding/reception site alone is $15,000. We still have a lot to do.

The whole bridezilla thing is a misnomer. In the past when peoples parents were paying the Mother of the bride of the MIL got to act the fool. But, when a grown woman who is footing a large portion of the bill make a few demands, she has to be crazy. I was so angry and hurt when my sister dared to demand a place in MY wedding. You may borrow my phrase: My day, My way, My pay. Use it freely in any order.

lol - good phrase.

I agree. My FH and I are paying for EVERYTHING. I've had to give people nice reminders that "no that is not what my fiance and I want", I find that if you don't put your foot down people will take over. But this sista ain't having it! LOL!!!

I know that's right Rhony!

I was lucky to have a lot of finacial help with our wedding. Especially since hubby and I are 30 years old. You usually find that parents pay for the weddings of younger couples. My father and MIL paid for our recpetion. My godfather paid for the photographer/videographer. My aunt paid for the DJ, my stepmother paid for the rehearsal dinner and my FIL gave us $1000 to do whatever. But even with all the help, nobody butted in (not even MIL). I kind of wanted somebody to give opinions atleast, but I did it all alone. Ladies, welcome the suggestions and opinions. Ultimately, you have the final say, but I wished I had somebody to be interested.

My family are a little bold. I love them dearly, some of them have these way out ideas that I can't afford. I joke around with them all the time telling them I'm not rich - LOL! I'm trying to keep this simple. My FHs family hasn't even congratulated us on the wedding -- that is something that I don't understand.

It's amazing how people that aren't paying a dime to help always have an opinion. That was great that you had so much support bossie! My parents are paying for the reception and they bought one of my dresses, my husband's parents are paying for the honeymoon, CD favors, church rental and rehersal dinner. Everything else is on us!

And folks always have to add their stupid/ugly/expensive/tiresome/and unwelcome ideas for favors.

True!

I wish I had someone to give me some advice even if stupid.I feel all alone.I guess it is because I am so far from everyone

I dont have much input from our families anymore. FH's family could really care less. In the beginning his sisters wanted to place themselves in te wedding but I havent heard much from them lately. They are haters and not I found out they dont even like me! Who cares. Since I am paying from this wedding I say who does what, I dont even know if my FSIL will let her daughter be one of my flowergirls (FH's favorite niece).

My grandma wants me to put my cousin in my wedding but I'm not going to. She told me not to descriminate because she is a big girl.I had to tell her that has nothing to do with it becasue my god-sister is one of my bridesmaids and she about 200lbs and only 5'2". I told her she cant be in the wedding becasue she's cheap! All my grandma could do was laugh becasue its the truth.I will just have her video the whole thing as an extra since she has it strapped to her shoulder all the time. I think my grandma will end up buying 2 of my flowers girls dresses for them and 1 bridesmaids dress becasue they are family. She asks me what my budget is and to tell her if I need anything. She's helpful but I want everyone to do their own thing and I go to her if needed. Since I am the first grandchild and niece to get married I know I can get alot of help if I need it.

My mom said she will input if I want her too. She doesnt want too much say becasue she feels bad she's not paying for the wedding of he only daughter. I keep tellin her she's my mother she will always have a say, the money means nothing to me. I already planned on paying for everything myself so I dont need money from her, just her love.I think if you had positive input it will be ok. People also have to know that they just make suggestions it's up to you and FH to accept them or not and they cant get mad if you dont.

Well. I will be the first in the immediate/extended family to have a "wedding" in a while. My mother who did not have a wedding or a reception thinks she is a planner. I have to nicely remind her that she is not sometimes. Put who you want in your wedding and leave it at that. My sister threw a huge tantrum b/c I did not pick her. I was ticked off. Now I am almost certain that I do not want her in b/c of her behavior.

My FSIL called this weekend to ask if there is something she can do. Since we haven't bought our cake as yet, I will tell FH to ask her if she would do the honors. That would be such a blessing if she would. I will keep you ladies posted.

Greatlucky you. My older sister (not the tantrum queen) is donating 2,000 for me to allocate as I wish.