Sisters I need your help!! I'm about to scream and I have tears in my eyes as I'm typing this. As you can see from my ticker, my wedding is very close. Last night one of the ushers backed out. I'm upset about that and the fact that my FH isn't really upset. I think it's rude and inconsiderate to do something like that 2 weeks before the day. And, FH has already spent money to get this guy a gift (personalized money clip). So you know he can't return it. And, I have a bridesmaid who I haven't heard from in months. Whenever I call, she doesn't answer. I leave a message and she doesn't call back. She doesn't check her e-mail either (yeah right, but nothing has ever returned to me because her box was full). I've called to ask if her dress was okay because it was too big when it came back, about her shoes because she has a prosthetic leg and I wanted to make sure the shoes were okay for her to walk in. This girl is my sorority sister and I don't know why she's acting like this. She didn't even help out with my bridal shower or attend, and now I honestly don't know if she'll show for the wedding. Now I regret asking her to be in the wedding. Another sorority sister is a BM and my FH thinks I should ask her if she's talked to the BM in question. I don't see the need to involve a third party. I feel that she's just jealous because weddings can and do bring those types of feelings out. What do I do?
Sisters I need your help!! I'm about to scream and I have tears in my eyes as I'm typing this. As you can see from my ticker, my wedding is very close. Last night one of the ushers backed out. I'm upset about that and the fact that my FH isn't really upset. I think it's rude and inconsiderate to do something like that 2 weeks before the day. And, FH has already spent money to get this guy a gift (personalized money clip). So you know he can't return it. And, I have a bridesmaid who I haven't heard from in months. Whenever I call, she doesn't answer. I leave a message and she doesn't call back. She doesn't check her e-mail either (yeah right, but nothing has ever returned to me because her box was full). I've called to ask if her dress was okay because it was too big when it came back, about her shoes because she has a prosthetic leg and I wanted to make sure the shoes were okay for her to walk in. This girl is my sorority sister and I don't know why she's acting like this. She didn't even help out with my bridal shower or attend, and now I honestly don't know if she'll show for the wedding. Now I regret asking her to be in the wedding. Another sorority sister is a BM and my FH thinks I should ask her if she's talked to the BM in question. I don't see the need to involve a third party. I feel that she's just jealous because weddings can and do bring those types of feelings out. What do I do?
TAKE A MINUTE AND BREATHE. I KNOW THIS MAY NOT HELP BUT BELIEVE ME, A LOT OF BRIDES GO THROUGH THIS. AND YES IT IS MESSED UP. YOU WLD THINK PEOPLE WLD BE MORE SENSITIVE ABOUT WHAT U ARE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW, BUT U ARE ABSOLUTLY RIGHT. WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS BRING OUT THE WORST IN PEOPLE. UNFORTUNATLY MEN DON'T CARE AS MUCH ABOUT THESE THINGS AS WE DO. SO THAT IS WHY FH IS NT UPSET. TRY NOT TO BE ANGRY W/HIM.IF U HAVE AN USHER AND A BRIDESMAID THAT BOTH ARE M I A THEN TRY NT TO WORRY, U ARE EVEN. MAKE 1 MORE CALL TO BM AND LEAVE MESSAGE THAT IF SHE DOES NT CONTACT YOU BY WHATEVER DATE, YOU WILL TAKE THIS AS AN INDICATION SHE IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN BEING APART OF YOUR WEDDING PARTY. ALSO ADVISE HER THERE IS NO HARD FEELINGS IF THIS TURNS OUT TO BE HER CHOICE. ALSO WRITE AN E-MAIL GIVING THE SAME RESPONSE W/SAME REPLY. AND LET GO AND RELAX. IF THIS BM WAS NT SUPPORTIVE DURING THE PROCESS, U ARE NT MISSING OUT ON MUCH. AFTER WEDDING DEAL W/HER ACCORDINGLY. IT MAYBE A GOOD THING IF SHE DOES NT REPLY, THIS WAY IF IT WAS AN EVEN # YOU WERE INITALLY TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED THAT.
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GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY
Wow! I hate that this is happening to you. As for the usher that's not that major and if you have someone else to step in he can easily be replaced. In that case you can get the other person's measurement to the tux shop and make sure that he can pay or if you and FH can since it's last minute. Now for OUR SOROR, she should be ashamed of herself. I would continue to call her and leave her a message that if she doesn't want to be in the wedding that it's fine but if she could at least call you personally and let you know so that you can make some other arrangements. When was the last time you talked with her and what was her tone and attitude then? I'm sure it's jealously or something but she needs to WOMAN UP and tell you what's going on. In the meantime, don't get upset with your FH, men just don't understand these type things. They feel it's no big deal. I also understand your not wanting to involve the other soro Bm but just asking if she's heard from her is not an issue in my opinion. Hell, you just wanna know if her trifling behind is ok. See now I'm upset. Don't be messing with one of my vibride sistahs and a soror too! I hope that things will work out for you.
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[quote="TAJMOM"]IF U HAVE AN USHER AND A BRIDESMAID THAT BOTH ARE M I A THEN TRY NT TO WORRY, U ARE EVEN. MAKE 1 MORE CALL TO BM AND LEAVE MESSAGE THAT IF SHE DOES NT CONTACT YOU BY WHATEVER DATE, YOU WILL TAKE THIS AS AN INDICATION SHE IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN BEING APART OF YOUR WEDDING PARTY. ALSO ADVISE HER THERE IS NO HARD FEELINGS IF THIS TURNS OUT TO BE HER CHOICE. ALSO WRITE AN E-MAIL GIVING THE SAME RESPONSE W/SAME REPLY. AND LET GO AND RELAX. IF THIS BM WAS NT SUPPORTIVE DURING THE PROCESS, U ARE NT MISSING OUT ON MUCH. AFTER WEDDING DEAL W/HER ACCORDINGLY. IT MAYBE A GOOD THING IF SHE DOES NT REPLY, THIS WAY IF IT WAS AN EVEN # YOU WERE INITALLY TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED THAT.
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I totally agree!
[quote="TAJMOM"] MAKE 1 MORE CALL TO BM AND LEAVE MESSAGE THAT IF SHE DOES NT CONTACT YOU BY WHATEVER DATE, YOU WILL TAKE THIS AS AN INDICATION SHE IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN BEING APART OF YOUR WEDDING PARTY. ALSO ADVISE HER THERE IS NO HARD FEELINGS IF THIS TURNS OUT TO BE HER CHOICE. ALSO WRITE AN E-MAIL GIVING THE SAME RESPONSE W/SAME REPLY. AND LET GO AND RELAX. [/quote]
Excellent advise. I believe in the stages of three. Call, Write, Email. Call her up, if she doesn't answer leave her a voice message letting her know the deal. Write her a letter to be delivered by USPS telling her the same thing in the voicemail. Write that email baby.
I am soooooooo sorry this has happened to you. Heffas get on my nerves. If you are short one person walking down the aisle, have one sister be walked down the aisle by two men or MOH walk down all by herself and all attention will be on her (until u walk out). Do not let these inconsiderate people make you cry. Its your day and all about you. I know it hurts. I am so deeply sensitive and can completely understand the hurt that comes from your people not being there for you. But once you see their true colors, shake em off. dry your eyes and keep it moving.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. ~ Pablo Neruda
Chin up girlfriend.Wipe those tears.Don't worry abut things you can't change.The persons who are there for you on special day are your friends unless they have plausible reasons not to be there.In a couple of days you will be standing next to your love exchanging vows.Focus on what a glorious day you have ahead.How stunning you will look in your dress,each lovely complement you will receive,what a marvelous couple you will make etc. etc.
Ladies you are awesome!! I'm doing much better today. I did call the BM in question, and once again she did not answer the phone so I left a message. I was mainly calling once again to get an update on her dress and shoes, and give her some info. I was thinking of waiting until Monday to give her the 'ultimatum call' and e-mail. We last talked in early June on the day she picked up her dress. And before that we hadn't talked since December. It's funny how people know how to call when they need something. Anyway, she was having a problem at the shop. Called another BM, and then they called me. Maybe she didn't want to call me then. Don't know. Anyway she didn't try on the dress at the store like she should have. Tried it on when she got home and it was way too big. There wasn't much I could do especially with being in another state. When I got home a month later, I saw for myself what size the shop ordered. She had lost weight. Anyway, don't know what's going on. She wasn't upset with me though. Even with her we're uneven, 6 BM and 7 GM. So I'm not really upset about it anymore because everything so far has been beautiful without her, and it will be on our wedding day with or without her.
YOU GOT IT!!! THAT'S THE PERFECT ATTITUDE TO TAKE
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GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY
Did you say you had and extra GM? If so there is your usher yes/no?
Southerngirl.....
Great idea Sheawiil! Hampton, girl keep your head up. All will be fine. Don't give an ultimatum call. Let her know when the rehearsal is but map out a back up plan in case she doesn't show. Move on from there.
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
that IS a good idea, but if you think he would have hurt feelings being asked to be an usher, have one of your BM's have two men escorting her down the aisle.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. ~ Pablo Neruda
Hi Hampton, I am sorry that you are going through this at this stage. The ladies have given you some awesome advice. And from what I can tell from your last post, you seem to be feeling better. Hang in there my sister, it will all work out. It is just shy of three months of our wedding date and two of my bridesmaids have yet to purchase their dresses, so I am willing to go on without them. Your day will be everything that you hoped it will be. Be encouraged. God bless.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
THis is so, so sad. People are so dam rude, it doesn't make any sense. Hampton, I take it that you have already ordered your programs right? Is there anyone that lives near her that can stop by and check on her. Hell, send me a note with her name and phone # and I'll call her! She wouldn't recognize my number and may pick up. She doesn't happen to live in NJ, does she? Cause I'll pay her a visit!
There is nothing like the sistahood having your back -- LOL!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I have just learned to roll with the punches. My sister and siser-in-law still have not got a dress. We are suppose to get it this weekend, the DJ will not call me back So you may see me on Judge Mathis If he don;t call me back. My church member went and bought all of the decorations for me. There is a silver lining in the clouds
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Everyone is jumping to the conclusion that this friend is intentionally avoiding Hampton. Could it be possible that something may be wrong? Hampton, do you know how to get in touch with a relative of hers? I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and hate to think that a FRIEND would do something like this. If in fact she is avoiding you, then (my favorite saying) "It is what it is". Don't waste your time and energy calling and chasing behind her. At this close to your wedding date, she should have definitely been in touch with you by now. If it makes you feel better to call her to find out what's going on, if that will give you closure...then call, if not, let it be. You have too many other things to worry about. Your day will still come, you will still be a beautiful bride and you will still marry your FH....with or without her. I know it's sounds easy and you want your day to be perfect, and it will. These things always have a way of working themselves out and your guest won't even notice she's missing....her loss, not yours. Keep your head up. Everything will be just fine.
Once again my sistahs are the truth. Girl, haven't you heard the saying, "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF." Your wedding is not as important to others as it is to you. So don't let those people rent ANY space in your head. Stay focused and take care of you.
[quote="phenomonique"]Great idea Sheawiil! Hampton, girl keep your head up. All will be fine. Don't give an ultimatum call. Let her know when the rehearsal is but map out a back up plan in case she doesn't show. Move on from there.
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My heart goes out to you.I agree with Niquey.There's no sense in giving her an ultimatum call because if you haven't heard from her before now,she doesn't have any intentions on participating.I think that's totally inconsiderate of her to treat you like that.If she was afraid or ashamed to talk to you face to face or by phone,she could have atleast called you.Is there a possibility that she may be jealous?If she is,then forget her.She wasn't a true friend anyway.The ladies have given you some pointers.Try not to worry about this.Go on and married the man of your dreams.God bless you and we'll pray for you.
Born Blessed!
Sisters you are wonderful!! I have let the situation go. Even my father has said who cares if she doesn't show. As for the extra groomsmen becoming an usher, I had suggested that a few months ago. But my FH doesn't want to choose between his friends like that. And I was thinking that it's not fair to make him do that. So we're uneven and it's okay. I don't think anyone will really notice. We're still in the process of printing the programs, so changes can still be made if she gets up the nerve to say I'm not coming.
Focus on other things.Take Daddy's advice.Who cares if she turns up.If she is a no show I guarantee she will be dodging you for years,out of shame........And who would have the last laugh.
[quote="Leanne"]Once again my sistahs are the truth. Girl, haven't you heard the saying, "DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF." Your wedding is not as important to others as it is to you. So don't let those people rent ANY space in your head. Stay focused and take care of you.
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Awesome advice Leanne!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Stay focused ! some people r just known to try and through you off course.Im sure she probably is jealous, and for the usher just find someone else to give his gift to.keep your head up cause god is truly good!
"WHAT GOD HAS FOR ME,It is for me!
June 20,2009 Ill marry my soulmate!
Hi
I think you should involved an third party. You need to find out what's really going on and address the problem before your big day. The wedding might have stirred up feelings but she needs to work it out beacuse this is your day. Maybe theirs something else going on in here life that she may keep her busy that she forgets to call. So be open minded but still by all means get in contact with her even if you need to contact her parents, other friends how ever.
And Congrads
Milwaukee Planner
Great advise.
[quote="shajuan_m"]Hi
I think you should involved an third party. You need to find out what's really going on and address the problem before your big day. The wedding might have stirred up feelings but she needs to work it out beacuse this is your day. Maybe theirs something else going on in here life that she may keep her busy that she forgets to call. So be open minded but still by all means get in contact with her even if you need to contact her parents, other friends how ever.
And Congrads
Milwaukee Planner
[/quote]I disagree. I don't think she should address the problem before her big day. This is a happy time and confrontation may only make the situation worse. This is a major life event getting ready to take place for Hampton and she shouldn't have to call around trying to find out if her "friend" is going through something. If it's something major (illness etc., )that's another story, but if she is just going through some personal issues be woman enough to call and say SOMETHING. I am sure Hampton has been planning her wedding for quite some time. The friend didnt just find out about it. A real friend wouldnt leave you hanging like that. What can have her so busy that she forgets to call? I am sure she remembers that she is supposed to be in a wedding when she looks at her bridesmaid dress. Stop making excuses for this woman. She is dead wrong. I would make sure that she is in good health so that i wouldn't have a guilty conscience for cutting her loose and move on.
Bossie, what I referring to was the part when she said "by all means get in contact with her even if you need to contact her parents, other friends how ever". That was to be sure that she's okay (Health wise), not to track her down to beg for her to be in the wedding.
[quote="SeptBride"]Bossie, what I referring to was the part when she said "by all means get in contact with her even if you need to contact her parents, other friends how ever". That was to be sure that she's okay (Health wise), not to track her down to beg for her to be in the wedding.
[/quote]Did I disagree to your post??? You didn't even say anything but "great advise"...advise what?? you meant advice??? LOL. okay, shut up then...LOL
lol - you are soo stupid! Go do some work! lol
Alright girls!
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she started!!!...LOL
Too funny! You guys need to make sure you're not sisters for real!
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She is my sister in my heart! With her ole crazy tail! lol
I'm amazed at the friendships that this site has formed.
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CONGRATS SWEETY! I WOULDNT EVEN STRESS ABOUT IT. JUST REARRANGE HOW THEY WAS GOING TO BE POSITIONED, AND SPLIT THE WORK UP!
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