Running out of patience

FIRST AND FORMOST WELCOME TO THE SITE. YOU HAVE JOINED A GREAT BUNCH OF WOMEN. NOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR QUESTION. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND IT IS EASY TO GIVE ADVICE WHEN IT DOES NOT DIRECTLY AFFECT YOU. BUT SOMETIMES THAT IS THE BEST ADVICE. YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS DO WHAT IS RIGHT 4 YOU. NOW HAVING SAID THAT, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY. WHY SHLD HE MARRY YOU? HE HAS EVERYTHING HE NEEDS AND ALL THE COMFORTS OF HOME WITHOUT IT. UNLESS YOU TAKE A STRONG STAND AND REMIND HIM OF WHAT HE HAS, HE WILL NOT DO SO. YOU HAVE PUT UP WITH IT FOR 16 YEARS 5 SERIOUSLY W/OUT HIM HAVING TO. HE WILL NOT BELIEVE YOU ARE SERIOUS NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SAY OTHERWISE UNLESS HE SEES DIFFERENTLY. IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU ARE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT AND MAY NOT NEED HIM TO GET BY FINANCIALLY. MY ADVICE. THROW HIM OUT!!!!! LET HIM THINK YOU ARE MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND STOP LETTING HIM HAVE THE MILK FOR FREE!! IF THIS MAN IS MADE TO REALIZE AND MISS WHAT HE IS GETTING AT HOME, MAYBE THAT WLD BE AN INCENTIVE FOR HIM TO STEP UP AND MAN UP. SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT. RIGHT NOW HE HAS NO INCENTIVE TO DO SO. IF YOU START TO MOVE ON, YOU MAY FIND YOU MAY NOT WANT TO MARRY HIM,,, AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO BE A MARRIED WOMAN. SOMETIMES WHEN WE PRAY TO GOD, WE PRAY FOR WHAT WE WANT, NOT FOR WHAT IS BEST FOR US. ASK GOD FOR HIS WILL TO BE DONE AND THEN LISTEN AND SIT BACK AS HE DOES IT!!! YOU ARE IN OUR PRAYERS AND GOOD LUCK.

My dead line was 5 yrs.I told FH that there is no way that I was staying in a relationship for more than 5 yrs without being married.We are together 7yrs and are now getting married.So obviously my talk was rubbish but we are both ready now.In the initial planning stages of wedding FH use to get annoyed when I was discussing the wedding .He said I use to eat,sleep and if he could see my dreams he bet it probably would bes about wedding.He was right girls you got to control the wedding talk and have days that you don't even talk about the wedding.Now as the wedding date is drawing near .He is so relaxed now.I can give him and update now without thinking it is too much.I can since the change.I must add that this will be his 2nd marriage and when 1st met him he had said that he didn't think he would ever get married.How wrong he was.Ther is still hope.Someone suggested sending him on his way,but I had a friend who did that to her boyfriend.Well to make a long story short he was glad for the opportunity and hasn't looked back since.,while she was heartbroken for months,and still talks about it eventhough she is now married to someone else.I wouldn't try to mend something that is not broken.

Hey there Soon2bride! Welcome to this site! The main thing I love about these ladies is that they keep it real. They are wonderful and I have learned so much from them. As TajMom said you have to do what is right 4 you. Personally I believe that this man totally takes you for granted. He does because he doesn't have a challenge. You have accepted him as is. When you give these men ultimatums, you have to be prepared to stick to them -- no matter what. If marriage is something that you desire, I believe you will have it, although it may not necessary be with him. He doesn't take this marriage thing serious. Perhaps you need to tell him exactly how you feel and let him no that he can no longer remain in your life as your "boyfriend". There comes a point in your life when the men must be separated from the boys. Good luck and keep us posted.

Hey Soon2Bride! Welcome to the world of sisterly love. To the point, you know how much you can put up with. And when a sista is tired, we're tired. Girl, if I didn't know any better I would think you were telling my story. I met my FH 10yrs ago. He has a 8yr old daughter and we have 7yr old son. YALL DO THE MATH. Anyway, I don't think he realized the validity of, "here today gone tomorrow," until last year when his mother died in her sleep. Then his father turns around and dies last month. Death has brought us a new life. We are now closer than we were before. We have been through a lot, even getting into relationships with other people. I say all this to say that God put people in/out of our lives for a reason. And because of your faithfulness (to the lord) its your time. Stay prayered up. And let God do what he do baby. LOL!!!!

Everyone here has touched basis with what I would say. You know better than all of us if you should stay or not. By the sounds of it, it doesn't seem as though he's interested in you being his wife. Please keep us posted.

Side note: where are you located? I need to find a beauty salon for my wedding day.

Welcome soon2bride,
I am so sorry for what you are going through....You said you gave your life to God, so I would say stop trying to force this guy to the alter and listen to God.
As a Christian, I want to remind you of certain things....It is written that we SHOULD NOT be unequally yoked....Also, say this aloud to yourself: "I may not be better than him, but I am better than THIS SITUATION and so are my kids". No one here wants to see any relationship end, but you have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself how long will you let this go on....You cannot change man, only God can....it really is out of your hands....Can you live without him? If the answer is no, I ask you, why not? You are a woman of God, and God WANTS you to be blessed exceedingly and abundantly, and that goes for everything including your future husband, but he does not want THIs SAD SITUATION for you, because it is not God's plan for you to be living confused, worried, defeated, and rejected....knowing that, what are you willing to do? Like many of us here, we had to let our men go for a little while, and it was for the better because they came back....(if its blessed, they will return) but for me, if my FH never came back it would have been okay because I learned to let him go, and to live without him because it was more importantly to lean on GOD emotionally, not a man....Also, I just got so sick of the situation that it wasn't worth losing peace of mind....Its not that he was a bad, guy, he just needed to grow up fast...I got saved before he did and all that, so I just prayed for God to do whatever he needed to do with him, and to strengthen me because I needed God to take me through this time...especialy since I had FAITH that no matter the outcome, God would take care of me....and I still feel that way to this day....I would be sad if me and my FH (my best friend of 7 years who knows all my dirty secrets and mean and ugly side of me) broke up tomorrow, but if its not what God wants...then its certainly NOT FOR ME....you have to lean on God and find your faith....God has all you need emotionally and spiritually....even if you do get married, he still provides more for us than any spouse can. Never forget that!

OMG Bumble girl you hit it, this is right on point! Your words are so true. I am a witness. As a christian I had to let my FH go, and he returned (9 years later -- and no I wasn't waiting for him either!), but he returned as a better person. I had made up in my mind that I would be happy WITH or WITHOUT my fh. We are happy and allow God's will to be done in BOTH of our lives. Thanks for keeping it real girl.

first of all welcome to the site. Second remember the saying becareful of what you ask for even though you have been with this man for sixteen years that doesn't make him the man God has for you,often times the Lord gives us signs and even sometime exact word but ignore it all and continue to think what we desire to have is what we need and in most cases it's not just this past April my Husband of ten years renewed our vows and we have been together 16 years but it was until this second wedding that I found my husband hasn't or wasn't the man I thought he was my husband has been with other women and i've had the unpleasent fortune to meet one that he's been seeing for 6 years,yeah 6 years but as I look back on all the things that were right there in my face I failed to acknowledge them sad to say we are fileing for a divorce because I just belive 16 years of my life has been taken from me. So listen to your heart and your soul and continue to pray the Lord has sent you a word you just have to acknowledge it. Good Luck

Excellent advice Charrice04. I must say that my heart goes out to you. May the Almighty be with you during this time. Be encouraged ladies.

Cherrice, that's so sad! When did you have the second wedding?

Welcome soon2bride! First I'd like to say because of your long history, 4 kids and living situation he doesn't see any reason to marry you because he always has the benefits of a wife without all the bells and whistles. I totally agree with Charrice. Seek God and most times he has given you the answer. Like another sistah said you can stand on your own. Imagine what type of feelings your 4 children have about your situation and the example your relationship must be setting for them. Please trust and believe that we are all giving you advise that we would give a loved one so don't be offended. I wouldn't give an ultimatum because it's like a threat and men can care less, however, I would show him with my actions that he has to put up or shut up! To be honest with you I wouldn't want to marry someone that has been satisfied with this type of relationship so long, wants to make you an honest woman in the site of God and your kids or that I had to force to marry me. Charrice my heart and prayers go out to you and thanks for sharing with us your true testimony. As always pray!Peace and Blessings

Thanks Rhony, I just had to express my heart on that one...Pure Bliss, you also made very good points....Lets all keep her in our prayers....soon2bride, remember the example for your kids like Bliss said...I also had to look at my situation and think of my future....My mom and her mom before her made some bad decisions, especially by ignoring the signs....I am making it my business to break those "generational curses" set by the women in my life...I love them with all my heart but it has to stop sometime, somewhere. I don't want my daughters to feel like a human can give them more than God can, nor do I want them to feel like they are not worthy of God's blessings....I am a living testimony that God can bless the sinner who has faith and a heart after his own....Don't forget David in the bible..And remember Esther, for we are all TRUE QUEENS and must be treated as such....okay so the past is done....we have to totally submit our will and our futures to Him....For no one can hook you up with your mate better than he!

OMG I just love you ladies! This site should be come the next talk show. We could help so many women, girls, men, and boys.

You are so right! I feel so free with my vibride sistahs. I learn so much from others that are going through similiar situations.

You are welcome, we are here to help each other. Just know that we got your back and I think that we all will be praying for God to give you clarity, peace and grant you with his perfect will for your life. Just be open to receive it!

My heart goes out to you,Soon2Be!The ladies have pretty much said everything that I was thinking when I read your post.Just continue to pray.God Bless You!

And the people said Amen!

My fiance and I are in our twenties and have been together for four years. He feels that he wanted to wait until he was more established before we get married. I said that if he wants to be with me he can make a commitment now and we can make it together or he can let me go while he gets his life in perfect order (will never happen). Then if I am still availible we can reconnect. He chose to get the ring off layaway and we booked a hall for two years from now. Should I have just ended it and let go while I am still young. I feel like I am wasting my youth! Every time we talk about it he says he will marry me on the date I picked but that I never let him ask in his own time. I told him that he does not have time for me to be his alone with no commitment. Advice

Girl, I understand what you mean. But, he did have a choice. He went and got the ring off layaway. You didn't force him to, it was his choice. Either, y'all go ahead and plan on your marriage or he move on without you. Did he go and look at the place with you? Who put down the deposit on the hall?

It takes time for people to get themselves exactly where they want to be in life. I told my FH the same thing 3 years ago. Either we do this or let me go on with my life. I'm not going to be the girlfriend or baby mama forever. I guess he got the hint and decided on what he wanted to do.

If you love this man, stay. If he's not truly the one for you, move on. Don't get married just because.

I do love him but I can live my life alone. He says he loves me and wants to get married but he feels that I should have sat around a tapped on the table waiting for him to propose. Forget that. If he wants this gorgeous, educated sister he needed to make a move while I was there for the taking. You know. We pushed out date back one year as my mom is very ill and he wanted to get a much in order as possible. I having a feeling he is trying to stall. If he acts stupid a year before the big day (May 25, 2008), it is over.

We both went a looked at the reception hall. The deposit was a combination of part of both of our income taxes.

I'm confused!

[quote="mycenae1918"]I do love him but I can live my life alone. He says he loves me and wants to get married but he feels that I should have sat around a tapped on the table waiting for him to propose. Forget that. If he wants this gorgeous, educated sister he needed to make a move while I was there for the taking. You know. We pushed out date back one year as my mom is very ill and he wanted to get a much in order as possible. I having a feeling he is trying to stall. If he acts stupid a year before the big day (May 25, 2008), it is over.

We both went a looked at the reception hall. The deposit was a combination of part of both of our income taxes.
[/quote]

Mycenae

You cannot change a man, only GOD can. You can pray for him to get an understanding of where you are coming from. God will guide your path!

Well. Our relationship has been great lately and now we are looking for a church. We had to plan so far out b/c we are paying for this ourselves. I am determined to have a small elaborate affair but I am sticking to the same budget that I had for May 2007 (10, 000 Max!).

That's great to hear!

Mycenae your instincts will never lead you wrong. Follow your heart and mind and continue to put God first. I wish you all the best.

Thanks ladies. Yesterday my sister even said that she supports all the decisions I make for my wedding from the favors to my bridal party. What a relief!