Problems

I have not had anything big, and actually, I have to stay prayed up because I tend to worry that our "small" problems will roll into big ones. You know those things they say..."Oh well you should have known he was like that BEFORE you got married" you know the cliche..... Being the oldest girl and thus the first to be married in my family with a mom who has been divorced is hard and puts lots of pressure on me to "not take any mess" from my FH. She definitely raised me to walk away rather than stay and bother trying to work it out. I try not to worry about it and put my faith in God but my mom always says, well I prayed everyday and I thought your dad and I would be together forever, but thats what happens when you're in love and it makes me worry all the time so I stopped telling her my problems. Truthfuly its not worth it to dwell on it because your blessings will only go as far as your faith does. At one time I did spend a lot of my time worrying why such and such that is friends with me break of thier engagement and they were so happy, yada yada yada, but the truth is thats THEM who knows what happened? It could have been ANYTHING! All I know is what I want and what God can do....if he can make water flow from a rock than surely he can make bring understanding, love, and caring in moments when we are just wanting to kill each other. Its really so very time consuming a depressing to worry about the "what if's" and like I said I do think of the alternatives, but I rather think about all the rosy stuff, and just have an understanding and keen eye on the negative things that can happen to, and just be ready at all times to get on my knees and pray when the going gets rough! This is an easy response for me today because I am having a "rough" time, but like I said, water from a rock!

Once again, this coming from experience.... For those of you who don't know, my husband and I are renewing our vows after having been together for 14 years ( married 10 of those) and having been through more together than you can imagine. There has been some times when I would have walked away from him rather than stay, there has been some times when he has worked my LAST nerve and some of the obstacles we have faced have been a true test of our faith in GOD and our love for each other!!! but I have always been able to ask myself this one question and the answer has always been the same: Is this ( what ever we are going through) bigger than our love and commitment? and the answer is always no. We always pray together and for each other and we allow the other person to be human. We are not perfect and we don't have unrealistic expectations of each other. We honor God and our marriage and try to be sensitve to the other persons' needs and it has seemed to work for us.

Thanks georgiagirl! I think many of us needed to hear that!

Kmed if you had asked me that 3 weeks ago I would have told you we were the same as before and some what better in certain aspects.These last 2 weeks have not been so good.I am stressed to the max. and some things that he says that I would ignore I am not ignoring.Yesterday we went out shopping for some stationary and he had me so mad (over choosing a colour for the seating plan)imagine that!!!!I told him do whatever he wants I am done with that.He came over and gave me a kiss.I must admit I was alot better after that and alot more open to suggestions.But the seating plan is his baby now.He wanted it done and I am not going to interfere anymore.Well I will have a look at it now and then.lol.We are good once again.

[quote="NikkiG"]Kmed if you had asked me that 3 weeks ago I would have told you we were the same as before and some what better in certain aspects.These last 2 weeks have not been so good.I am stressed to the max. and some things that he says that I would ignore I am not ignoring.Yesterday we went out shopping for some stationary and he had me so mad (over choosing a colour for the seating plan)imagine that!!!!I told him do whatever he wants I am done with that.He came over and gave me a kiss.I must admit I was alot better after that and alot more open to suggestions.But the seating plan is his baby now.He wanted it done and I am not going to interfere anymore.Well I will have a look at it now and then.lol.We are good once again.
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I am sorry that you are so stressed, but just think of how close you are to your day. All of this stress and hard work will pay off and everything will turn out beatutiful. ( BIG HUG)

Ladies. Don't be hard on yourselves or your FH. Planning a wedding is so STRESSFUL. Guys really don't want to talk wedding 24/7 like we do. Also they worry so much about money it can really put a lot of strain on your friendship.

Remember to always greet him with a hug and a smile NO MATTER WHAT DAY YOU HAVE HAD. Try to keep the wedding talk to a minimum or even don't discuss it with him at all. Talk to your MOH, your mother, vibride... anybody else.

I know this is the hardest thing, but if you guys are bearing the brunt of the wedding costs by yourself, it can seem as though you are not concerned with finances. Leave the little details to friends and relatives and only talk about large purchasing decisions with him. Your relationship will greatly improve.

Thinks for the advice Rosie!

Thanks Georgia for the Hug (it brought a smile to my face) and Rosie thanks for the advice.

GIRLS, MY HUBBY NEVER RAISES HIS VOICE. HE IS SO QUIET. hE LOST HIS MIND AND BECAME A RAVING LUNATIC WHEN i WAS PLANNING MY WEDDING! LOL. HE HASN'T YELLED AT ME SINCE IN 13 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. LOL. Sorry about the caps! lol

Well said KMED!

Awesome KMED!!! I will just say, you can't go wrong with putting God in everything. When my husband and I got back together, I invited God into our relationship. We had our shares of ups and downs, but we made it!!! My hubby is so wonderful -- we are so in love and being married all of two weeks has been the best!!!! Hang in there ladies and remember to pray -- be encouraged!

Thanks Rhonda

Like Rhony, I too fall more and more in love with my hubby each day! Of course, there are times when he gets on my last nerves or we may have a spat but that's going to happen. Ladies, put God all up and through and pray on a daily basis for your relationship and marriage. I especially have to pray for God to brile my tongue because sometimes I forget who's my head! Marriage makes you remember that you made a commitment to do whatever to preserve it!

[quote="housewife147"]Thanks Rhonda
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You're welcomed Housewife!!!! Well said PB&J!!!!

Thanks Rhony!

How did I miss this????? KMED, I'm going to start by answering your question first. Our relationship definately has gotten stronger. But, TRUST me, he definately works my LAST nerves sometimes. Our communication is a lot better. Once we put our past in the past and moved forward with our love and lives, we became must stronger. And yes, prayer does work!!!! I asked God to take this man out of my life if he wasn't the one for me and don't you know about 2 months later, he bought up marriage???

I can see myself and FH growing together too. I can also see my husband growing (emotionally). I'm a Virgo and I loooooooooove attention and affection (it doesn't have to be physical). For some strange reason, the song "Just Be Good To Me" popped in my head (I didn't sing it aloud). Under no circumstances will infidelity be tolerated nor do I condone it, so what I asked FH had NOTHING to do with what the song was about. Anyhoo, I asked him, Baby, Are you good to me? And you know what his response was? "I could be better." I had to kiss him! It may seem like nothing to you guys, but this actually showed me that FH didn't take the cop out of "Yes or no" and he actually admitted there's things that he could do to improve (and vice versa). I love this man more and more each day. Now, if I could get my attitude under control, we'll be A-O-K. lol

Askalot, you are a woman after my own heart! Real
I do commend your FH for saying that. I just used that line and asked my husband and he said I'm good to you (and he is) but I can always improve. Girl, we got some good men!

Thanks for keeping it real Askalot, what you shared will be a blessing to so many ladies here!

Aww you ladies are the best. Real is the only way to be. lol If not, you'll find yourself trying to retrace your lies. lol Anyway, I really, really love my FH and I thought there were times where we just weren't going to make, but if something is in God's plans, there's nothing you can do to change it. There has been soooooooo many times that I tried to leave FH and ladies he fought for me to stay, not physically. He is truly my angel, because he kept me going when I wanted to give up (I'm not going to go too deep). But, this man means the world to me! :-) Okay, I'm about to cry. lol

Girl we all go through certain things in relationships. If anyone says they have a perfect relationship 9 times out of 10 they are lying. GOD know's I had my share of problems but we worked through it.
I have been involved with my children's father since highschool and yes we went through diffrent phases, but we have both grown over the years.

[quote="KMED122"]Ladies never left sunset on your anger! I always try to practice that in my relationship.
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This is something that my husband and I practice as well. It has worked wonders in our relationship. -- and it was his idea.

Many of my long-time married coworkers told me the same thing... (Never go to bed angry) That is excellent advice.

This is something that I have been working on myself. My FH is in the army reserves AND he's a cop, so if we have an arguement, we try our best to solve it as quickly as possible. I pray every night and day for his safety when he's at work or when he's deployed (He's in Germany right now for 2 weeks BOOOHOOOO!), so I know God will keep him safe, but the thing that really gets me is what is something happened to him, do I want our last words to be an arguement over something stupid? So, I definately put that into practice....that's very good advice....(even though it's really hard to do sometimes)...

[quote="SeptBride"]Aww you ladies are the best. Real is the only way to be. lol If not, you'll find yourself trying to retrace your lies. lol Anyway, I really, really love my FH and I thought there were times where we just weren't going to make, but if something is in God's plans, there's nothing you can do to change it. There has been soooooooo many times that I tried to leave FH and ladies he fought for me to stay, not physically. He is truly my angel, because he kept me going when I wanted to give up (I'm not going to go too deep). But, this man means the world to me! :-) Okay, I'm about to cry. lol
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Girl I guess you will be up there putting passion into your vows when you are saying them too -- that is exactly how I feel about my husband.
(Askalot was present at my wedding so she will know exactly what I mean by this)

lol, Rhony there was no mistaking that you meant every word of your vows. Rev. Clark was still talking about your wedding after service yesterday. He was really touched by your passion and love for each other and your daughter.

Thanks to all of you for your words of wisdom. My FH and I have decided to go to premarital counseling. This is the second marriage for both of us and we do not want to make the same mistakes as before! It has helped. I am the type who does not want to talk about anything, I want the problems to just go away on their own. I'm learning not to clam up and to talk about it.

I am looking forward to starting premarital counseling classes in Jan. We are doing this married and engaged couples class at my church right now, and its great because you hang with all these other couples who have advice for how they handle things after the wedding, or couples with kids who are engaged and all that. However, I am looking forward to those meetings with just me FH, and my Pastor where we can talk more about us, and get his perspective on other things.
Everyone who I know who did premarital counseling with their pastor felt really great about getting married and really had wonderful things to say about it.

My FH and I are in pre-marital counseling now. It is wonderful AND DEEP. I mean it's covering everything from finances, sex, communication, relationship with in-laws, trust issues, praying and studying the bible together, activities you do together, your love language vs. his love language.....everything..it's some serious stuff!

It really is a great thing to do. My FH is actually the one who suggested it. We are learning more about each other and our feelings.

We are going to be doing pre-marital counseling next spring through my church but my FH found this book at Borders Express last month.

It's called Before you say "I Do" by Todd Outcalt. It's very informative and touches on a variety of topics. It has questions to ask your future spouse, your friends and family, his friends, your future in-laws, your religious leaders, your children, etc. We have been going through the questions little by little and we have found alot of areas that we would never have thought about before but are valid questions. I would suggest it to all of my vibride sisters.

Thanks! Is the book something we can do for fun (like make a game out of it) or is it too serious?

[quote="ajiamarie"]lol, Rhony there was no mistaking that you meant every word of your vows. Rev. Clark was still talking about your wedding after service yesterday. He was really touched by your passion and love for each other and your daughter.
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That is so special! I truly enjoyed how Rev Clark officiated at the ceremony also. My hubby and I looked at the video for the first time yesterday and I am so grateful to God for what He did for us! St. James is really a special place. Also pre-marital counseling is the thing to do! I would encourage every bride-to-be to do it.

[quote="DWBride"]Thanks! Is the book something we can do for fun (like make a game out of it) or is it too serious?
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The book is mostly serious but it has starter questions to get the conversation going and based on your answers things can get pretty silly. It's pretty light and shouldn't make you bored or depressed.

If the book is fun and light, then it would be easier to get into it. I'm going to buy it and read it anyway.

Thanks ladies, I will have to go and check it out.

We had a very good session lastnight. I feel so much better today, we made very good progress.

Awesome DW!!

Thanks Rhony! It really does help to have a third party, someone who is neutral. We didn't know her and she is not on anyone's side.

I agree. In that way you can be yourself and be free to totally enjoy and get the most out of each session.