Hi ladies, once again I come with something new. How many ladies feel me when I say planning a wedding is stressful? Well being stress almost everyday about guest list, vendors, money, attire, personal issue etc. I was not thing about the rehersal dinner I guess because to me with all that other stuff going on its nothing major. I actually didn't think about it until I went to the ceremony site. When I went to the ceremony site I was told that I could not have the rehersal in the evening because there is another events that they have every year there that she forgot to mention to me in the begining. So we have to do it between 12-3. Which is fine because I asked the wedding party to be available that whole day before the wedding. Well that night my grandmother asked me did I need her to do anything for the wedding. I said no then I thought about it. I said you can do the rehersal dinner and she said no problem. When that night me and my FH was talking and looking through books and it says that the grooms parents pay for the rehersal dinner. So we go over to the mom house and he tell her that she is suppose to do the dinner. She seemed a little upset she said she does not have any money to rent a location and that we should not have told her at the last mintue. Not to mention that I also told her the color of the dress I would like her to wear because she is part of the wedding. And she don't want to have it at her house. So I step in very kindly because I have repect and I said my grandmother offered to do the dinner and we can have her do. Well she does not want to go to my grandmother her because it's 40 mins away. so she said we can have it at my FH house. I don't agree with having it at his house because we are not suppose to have to worry about anything the day before no cleaning , cooking nothing. My wedding is about 6 to 7 weeks away. She is making it seem like I told her a week away. I rather have it at my grandmother's house where I don't have to worry about someone feeling pressured because it's last min. What do you ladies think?
Hi ladies, once again I come with something new. How many ladies feel me when I say planning a wedding is stressful? Well being stress almost everyday about guest list, vendors, money, attire, personal issue etc. I was not thing about the rehersal dinner I guess because to me with all that other stuff going on its nothing major. I actually didn't think about it until I went to the ceremony site. When I went to the ceremony site I was told that I could not have the rehersal in the evening because there is another events that they have every year there that she forgot to mention to me in the begining. So we have to do it between 12-3. Which is fine because I asked the wedding party to be available that whole day before the wedding. Well that night my grandmother asked me did I need her to do anything for the wedding. I said no then I thought about it. I said you can do the rehersal dinner and she said no problem. When that night me and my FH was talking and looking through books and it says that the grooms parents pay for the rehersal dinner. So we go over to the mom house and he tell her that she is suppose to do the dinner. She seemed a little upset she said she does not have any money to rent a location and that we should not have told her at the last mintue. Not to mention that I also told her the color of the dress I would like her to wear because she is part of the wedding. And she don't want to have it at her house. So I step in very kindly because I have repect and I said my grandmother offered to do the dinner and we can have her do. Well she does not want to go to my grandmother her because it's 40 mins away. so she said we can have it at my FH house. I don't agree with having it at his house because we are not suppose to have to worry about anything the day before no cleaning , cooking nothing. My wedding is about 6 to 7 weeks away. She is making it seem like I told her a week away. I rather have it at my grandmother's house where I don't have to worry about someone feeling pressured because it's last min. What do you ladies think?
I find that alot of books detailing family roles in a wedding should be ignored. Nowadays you hardly (if ever) find that the brides mother and father pay for the wedding. Likewise, bump what the books have to say about who pays for what and who does what. If grandma gratiously offered to take care of rehersal dinner, then it seems like you and FH stepped on your own feet by asking his mom to do the dinner when you already had grandma willing/able to do it. Since that's done and over with, The easiest route would be to tactfully rescind the offer since it seems like it's maybe too much for her to handle. (I agree 4-6 weeks should be enough time for her to be able to pull something together...maybe there are other issues)
Sorry so long, but you got me to thinking.
Let us know which route you go.
Kmed,
I agree with Ms. Boston, Don't put anymore undo stress on yourself. Let Grandma cook the dinner. I know it will be wonderful. I am having our rehersal dinner at FH house. We didn't want to add the expense of finding a place and it's just economical to have our parents cook the meal. We a re having a salad, rolls, baked lasagna, tea. I think is economical and easy. Just relax, relate, and release. I will say a prayer for you. My wedding is very close and I do understand trying to get everything taken care of. Just know God's got your back, rest in him.
I say go to grandma's! Tell FH to let his mom know, that you're going to just have your grandma host it. If she doesn't want to drive 40 minutes, then she don't have to. Have her get a ride or don't go. You don't have time for this nonsense. So, now that we have that problem crossed off, what's next on the list? lol
Thanks ladies for the advice. You guys made me feel so much better. SeptBride you are too funny, thanks for the laugh. I'm going to let my FH know that I don't want to put any pressure on his mother being that she feels it is last mintue for her. So I will have it at my grandmother's house and if she doesn't want to drive maybe we can get someone to drive her. I will also advised that she can bring a cake or something so she doesn't not feel left out. I want to make sure I word it good because I don't want anyone to be hurt. But at the same time this is our day and it should be about out. I'm a firm believer in treat people the way you would want to be treated. When my friend got married and asked me to be in her wedding. I went all out but that's just the type of person I am. But guess what??? I had to kick her out of mine because she was trippin.
Hey KMED122 sounds like it's going to be a party at grandma's! I agree with everything the other ladies have said. Good luck.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
KMED I am glad everything worked out for you. Boston is RIGHT! You gotta ignore those rules sometimes, especially if the people involved who might have to pay don't know tradition. Like MY family....My parents know NOTHING about wedding tradition....HIS parents were ready to pay for whatever, reception, honeymoon, whatever...and they bought us a brand new SUV, plus another 10+ gifts from the registry. My dad, gave us a lot of money because thats what he does. My mother...she didn't know to, didn't plan/save ahead in time to (plus psyched herself out that she couldn't afford to help pay for anything), so she didn't offer to pay for ANYTHING other than the 1 gift she brought, so it just goes to show you that folks are different.
The easiest thing to do is to pay for whatever you need unless someone offers, cause at least you get exactly what YOU want-so we did it...And yes, we looked at that list, and for us it was too unrealistic.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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Well guess what ladies? When I ran it by my FH that I wanted to let my grandmother give the dinner he didn't think that would be a good idea. He said he don't want no one eye bowing each other at the wedding. He thinks his mother really wants to give the dinner. I said she didn't seem like it. She made a big deal about me waiting to the last min. to tell her what color dress to pick and about you asking her to do the dinner. I told him we are grown and I don't want noone to feel pressured and think they have to do something for us. I told him I will just ask her what she would like to do. I'm tired of almost everyone at this point. No matter how much you try to please everybody it just don't work. I feel like tell him lets just go to the justic of the peace.
KMED, I understand, thats why sometimes you just have to put it outhere for people. I agree, if she wants to do it, then she needs to say so! When you ask her again and she is getting evasive and pushy, just tell her thats fine, and that you all will figure it out...no details, and move on. Once you have finalized things for the rehearsal dinner, then tell her when and where to be at, and let it go...enough is enough.... If she DOES say she'll do it, give her the menu of what you want cooked, money for the food to cook it and tell her you are looking forward to the meal...
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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[quote="Bumblebeekee"]KMED, I understand, thats why sometimes you just have to put it outhere for people. I agree, if she wants to do it, then she needs to say so! When you ask her again and she is getting evasive and pushy, just tell her thats fine, and that you all will figure it out...no details, and move on. Once you have finalized things for the rehearsal dinner, then tell her when and where to be at, and let it go...enough is enough.... If she DOES say she'll do it, give her the menu of what you want cooked, money for the food to cook it and tell her you are looking forward to the meal...
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I agree!! You nor FH need the aggravation. I will admit (as I'm realizing it now) weddings bring out the ugliness, the cheapness, and everything else associated w/it in people. This is a minor stepping stone in the whole scheme of things. Be the better bride & just let it go however the chips fall. When all's said & done, you will be a happy Mrs. xxx & this drama will all be behind you.
"I's married now" - "The Color Purple"
[quote="KMED122"] I'm tired of almost everyone at this point. No matter how much you try to please everybody it just don't work. I feel like tell him lets just go to the justic of the peace.
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And that's exactly why you need to do this wedding and all things associated with it how YOU want/need it to be done. It's hard sometimes feeling like your letting other people down, but keep in mind that this is your wedding and as hard as it may be, it's NOT about trying to make others happy. So go 'head and give her the opportunity to come correct or better yet politely tell her that you have decided to have your GM do the dinner. Maybe you can tell her that GM was looking forward to cooking for rehersal and it is her gift to you and FH. That way she won't have hard feelings. Good luck girl, and remember whose wedding this is.
Thanks ladies for the advice. I went to talk to her yesterday but she was not home. I will try again tomorrow, I will let you know what happens.
Good luck.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
[quote="MsBoston"] And that's exactly why you need to do this wedding and all things associated with it how YOU want/need it to be done. It's hard sometimes feeling like your letting other people down, but keep in mind that this is your wedding and as hard as it may be, it's NOT about trying to make others happy. So go 'head and give her the opportunity to come correct or better yet politely tell her that you have decided to have your GM do the dinner. Maybe you can tell her that GM was looking forward to cooking for rehersal and it is her gift to you and FH. That way she won't have hard feelings. Good luck girl, and remember whose wedding this is.
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Excellent advice.