IMO, you were not wrong for not asking her to be a bridesmaid. But, I do understand why she may have felt offended. Hear me out. I don't see how if she's not your close friend, why she would've expected you to ask her. However, I think the person she should be offended with was her brother, not you. Usually, the bride picks her side and the groom picks his people, but if one of them have siblings of the opposite sex, the other MAY ask for them to be a part of the wedding. If FH had a sibling, I would've asked them if they wanted their sibling to be a part of our special day (but that's just me).
I do feel as though she's blowing it WAY out of proportion. I mean not coming and sharing in her brother's special day????? I wouldn't feel bad nor would I let this damper my mood/spirits.
But the thing is: men don't usually look that deep into stuff. I could understand her being offended but c'mon, he's a man.lol At least that's how I thought of it. I was the one who actually suggested a long time ago that he has her on his side. He thought about it but he has 5 brothers and kind of wanted all the men to be on his side and look uniform. He wanted to do some kind of dedication for her in the wedding himself. We had dropped it. That was a long time ago.
Anyway, my FH told me that if she doesn't come, he's doesn't care. But, I know that's not true. I mean, her kids are in the wedding. I can't mention anything to her now because I can't betray his confidence and mention what I know.
I just think this is all ridiculous. If she wanted to be involved, why didn't she offer? To be involved usually costs some kind of money or time. I would have felt like I was imposing. Plus, I am the bride daggonnit. They're supposed to proactively offer to me.lol Anyway, thanks. I just wanted to know if I was completley out of the loop or something.
I am so very sorry to hear that this most unfortunate situation has occured weeks before your wedding.
To answer your question, you are not wrong at all by not asking this lady to be in your wedding. It is YOUR wedding and you should have the people closest to you standing beside you on your special day. Perhaps she feels some sense of entitlement because you're marrying her brother.
In any case, she is still out of the wedding and being a brat about it all. What I'd like to see happen in this situaiton is maybe you can be diplomatic and give her a call or invite her out to eat with you, sit down and discuss the situation. You love her brother and she's going to be your family in a few weeks. I'd hate to see this go from bad to worse and opening the lines of communication is one way to avert disaster. This way you can understand her feelings, she - if she is a rational person - can understand where you're coming from.
Soooo... in short, YOU = not wrong, SHE = oversensitive/mellodramatic.
I do have a questions however: Is she married? If not this could be contributing to some of the resentment she's feeling.
It is a very sad situation and I definitely hope you guys can come together diplomatically to resolve this issue.
I wish you the best of luck in this matter. Please be sure to follow up and let us know how it turns out.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. ~ Pablo Neruda
No, she is not married. My future husband always told me she comes off a bit jealous in regard to the marriage thing. Or, maybe she thinks she is losing her brother. I don't know. I try not to pull the jealousy card but there were a few instances in the past that seems to point to it. Honestly, I feel so annoyed. I don't mind asking her to go out to eat or something, but then she'll know that he spoke to me about it and all hell will break loose. Thanks for the input. I think I'll just bide my time and hope she'll get over it. I don't have time to entertain this pettiness right now. But, I know it is hurting FH big time.
Great advice Askalot & FML(great to see you back!). You are not wrong to be surprised JuneBride1. People get so weird around weddings. My suggestion is always to sit down with your mother and talk about what you want to do and who you want to help THEN have a sit down powwow with your folks and his together to find out if the groom's family would like to actively participate. It saves hurt feels (somewhat... it may be unavoidable)and you get everything out in the air.
Hi Ladies, Here goes Tajmom again running off at her mouth. NO you are not wrong. you may have asked her as a courtesy but it is your day your way. If she was really so into this, she wld have offered way b4 now. My FH has 1 sister and she now lives with us. There were several times in our relationship where she was not very supportive of us so she is nt in our wedding party. We get along fine now but I'm not having it. He was welcome to have her on his side but he opted out. Sometimes when you ask people out of obligation or because it's the right thing to do, it backfires on you and that person turns out to be more trouble than they were worth. If she is pulling power plays now because she can't have her way, imagine the trouble she wld have caused your girls or worst you if you had asked her! Good luck and God Bless
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GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY
I agree with Askalot, Future Ms. Lee and the other ladies. The bottom line is it's your day -- do it your way. It is also your FH's day and that is his sister. He could've included her also. My husband was very clear about what he wanted and didn't want. I did however ask his sister to read the prayer. Does your FSIL have any part in the wedding ceremony?
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I remember asking my FH if it was okay if I asked his sister to be a BM (which I am sure she would have liked) but he was like no. And thats just because he was bent on having the smallest wedding party possible. But I am glad I asked HIM first. Things like this are tough around weddings like the ladies said. It hurts but in the end (and this is for everything) you need to make sure YOU and FH's wishes a seen to because you don't want to regret a decision after the wedding.
There may be another role she can play, but it just seems like something you too can sit down over lunch and discuss. At any rate, YOU have to be the Bigger woman about it, becuase to me it seems like a small oversight, and in weddings, months and years of planning will not guarantee all things are covered. She may or may not understand, but at least you can express your feelings (simply being honest about it) and then you can listen to hers. SOMEONE AND SOMETHING will be overlooked.....I wish you the best of luck, and in the end all will work out fine:)
Okay, I am not feeling her right about now. Didn't you say her kids are apart of the wedding?...Enough said she is getting besides herself if she don't grow her grown behind up and sit down somewhere. This is not her wedding it is yours so she will just have to wait until her day. If your FH said drop it then drop it. She is the one who is loosing out, because she is causing problems with the man she holds dear to her and we know how men are when they say forget then they mean just that. She might need to check herself b/c it sounds like she is loosing her best friend over dumb stuff.
I didnt ask any of my fh's family members to participate in my wedding either. Whom ever he picked to be his groomsmen was it. I have a brother and I didnt feel right making my fh include him as one of his groomsmen because he is my brother. I let my husband pick who he wanted and just included my brother in another way. I will have my brother escort my mother down the aisle and my daughter. I feel that instead of going to just your husband she should have expressed her wanting to be in the wedding to both of you earlier. And to be mad at her mother is just plain stupid and childish.
I completely agree with all the women on here. Our family has nothing but girls in there, from my sisters to the 1st 2nd and 3rd cousins....and most of us are very close. My problem was where did I draw the line because I could have EASILY had a bridal party of 20 girls!! My FH has one sister and I didn't even think about asking her to be in the wedding because of my situation. My suggestion is if you think that this is really bothering you FH then maybe ask him to talk his sister into approaching you about it (since you are not supposed to know about their conversation). If she agrees then you can tell her why you didn't think to put her in the bridal party. If she does not want to do this, then honey forget about it! You are going to have many many many other things on your mind these last couple of weeks. The LAST thing you need to do is get stressed out over someone's childish mess...I mean REALLY.....
I think we begin to feel obligated to have everyone in our wedding. Just stick with what you have. You can't please evryone. This day is sacred and everyone, whether they are a part of the wedding party or not should respect that. I think we have the same wedding date on June 9. God has a way of working all of these things out. Trust him to bring all of this to a peaceful end. Enjoy your day. Don't let anyone take your beautiful day from you.
I think she just feels a little left out. Even though her kids are in the wedding she might have enjoyed being a part of the planning process. Yes, it's your day, but siblings get vexed when someone steps in and become the center of their loved ones world. Take the high road and be the bigger person. Try having a talk with her, and let her know that you didn't intend to excluded her, and that you hope she'll be there to share your day.
[quote="Bumblebeekee"]Let the chuch say AMEN! (No, its not a typo)...
[/quote]
LMAO!!!
June, girl I read this thread and got all nervous...I was wondering if you and me were marring the same man. Don't you know that your FSIL and my FSIL could be personality twins!
True Story...my FSIL tripped out the same way when I chose only one of his sisters to be in the wedding.
So no...you are not wrong! I feel that brides benefit most when there is a supportive spirit in the air on the wedding day. I don't want anyone there that 1. doesn't want to be & 2. That has not been supportive of me/my relationship. PERIOD.
This is YOUR day girl (with some help from FH) DO YOU. It's not about her, her relationship status, her feelings, her nothing. sorry.
[quote="MsBoston"]This is YOUR day girl (with some help from FH) DO YOU. It's not about her, her relationship status, her feelings, her nothing. sorry.
[/quote]
Girl, I hear you loud and clear. You are right on point!!!!!
This is your day, don't let her ruin it. You chose who you wanted to be bridesmaids. You are not trying to please anyone but you and your future hubby. Obviously, your future sister-in-law feels left out but if she wanted to be a part of your wedding party she should have been woman enough to share that with you and not wait until weeks before and start to cause all kinds of undue stress. I wouldn't worry about it. If she chooses to act childess and not celebrate this special day with her brother then that is something she will regret. Don't stress over it.
[quote="phenomonique"]I think she just feels a little left out. Even though her kids are in the wedding she might have enjoyed being a part of the planning process. Yes, it's your day, but siblings get vexed when someone steps in and become the center of their loved ones world. Take the high road and be the bigger person. Try having a talk with her, and let her know that you didn't intend to excluded her, and that you hope she'll be there to share your day.
[/quote]
aaawwwww... Niquey.... I miss you!
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. ~ Pablo Neruda
Thank you guys so much for your responses. And, you guys are absolutely right. Why must I stress out myself over someone else's ignorance? Well, update? She isn't speaking to me. There is a total change of attitude on her behalf. She told him it is our wedding and he needs to pay for her son's suit if we want him in it. That's fine. It's not a problem at all. I'm just going to keep it moving.
Hello ladies. You all are so lovely and always have such wonderful words of wisdom. Anyway, check this out
IMO, you were not wrong for not asking her to be a bridesmaid. But, I do understand why she may have felt offended. Hear me out. I don't see how if she's not your close friend, why she would've expected you to ask her. However, I think the person she should be offended with was her brother, not you. Usually, the bride picks her side and the groom picks his people, but if one of them have siblings of the opposite sex, the other MAY ask for them to be a part of the wedding. If FH had a sibling, I would've asked them if they wanted their sibling to be a part of our special day (but that's just me).
I do feel as though she's blowing it WAY out of proportion. I mean not coming and sharing in her brother's special day????? I wouldn't feel bad nor would I let this damper my mood/spirits.
Did your FH tell you how he felt about it?
@SeptBride - Very interesting. Thanks.
But the thing is: men don't usually look that deep into stuff. I could understand her being offended but c'mon, he's a man.lol At least that's how I thought of it. I was the one who actually suggested a long time ago that he has her on his side. He thought about it but he has 5 brothers and kind of wanted all the men to be on his side and look uniform. He wanted to do some kind of dedication for her in the wedding himself. We had dropped it. That was a long time ago.
Anyway, my FH told me that if she doesn't come, he's doesn't care. But, I know that's not true. I mean, her kids are in the wedding. I can't mention anything to her now because I can't betray his confidence and mention what I know.
I just think this is all ridiculous. If she wanted to be involved, why didn't she offer? To be involved usually costs some kind of money or time. I would have felt like I was imposing. Plus, I am the bride daggonnit. They're supposed to proactively offer to me.lol Anyway, thanks. I just wanted to know if I was completley out of the loop or something.
JuneBride,
I am so very sorry to hear that this most unfortunate situation has occured weeks before your wedding.
To answer your question, you are not wrong at all by not asking this lady to be in your wedding. It is YOUR wedding and you should have the people closest to you standing beside you on your special day. Perhaps she feels some sense of entitlement because you're marrying her brother.
In any case, she is still out of the wedding and being a brat about it all. What I'd like to see happen in this situaiton is maybe you can be diplomatic and give her a call or invite her out to eat with you, sit down and discuss the situation. You love her brother and she's going to be your family in a few weeks. I'd hate to see this go from bad to worse and opening the lines of communication is one way to avert disaster. This way you can understand her feelings, she - if she is a rational person - can understand where you're coming from.
Soooo... in short, YOU = not wrong, SHE = oversensitive/mellodramatic.
I do have a questions however: Is she married? If not this could be contributing to some of the resentment she's feeling.
It is a very sad situation and I definitely hope you guys can come together diplomatically to resolve this issue.
I wish you the best of luck in this matter. Please be sure to follow up and let us know how it turns out.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. ~ Pablo Neruda
OMG@FutureMsLee
No, she is not married. My future husband always told me she comes off a bit jealous in regard to the marriage thing. Or, maybe she thinks she is losing her brother. I don't know. I try not to pull the jealousy card but there were a few instances in the past that seems to point to it. Honestly, I feel so annoyed. I don't mind asking her to go out to eat or something, but then she'll know that he spoke to me about it and all hell will break loose. Thanks for the input. I think I'll just bide my time and hope she'll get over it. I don't have time to entertain this pettiness right now. But, I know it is hurting FH big time.
Great advice Askalot & FML(great to see you back!). You are not wrong to be surprised JuneBride1. People get so weird around weddings. My suggestion is always to sit down with your mother and talk about what you want to do and who you want to help THEN have a sit down powwow with your folks and his together to find out if the groom's family would like to actively participate. It saves hurt feels (somewhat... it may be unavoidable)and you get everything out in the air.
I miss you guys when I am gone! lol
Get social and fan us on http://www.facebook.com/Vibrantbride] Facebook.
Hi Ladies, Here goes Tajmom again running off at her mouth. NO you are not wrong. you may have asked her as a courtesy but it is your day your way. If she was really so into this, she wld have offered way b4 now. My FH has 1 sister and she now lives with us. There were several times in our relationship where she was not very supportive of us so she is nt in our wedding party. We get along fine now but I'm not having it. He was welcome to have her on his side but he opted out. Sometimes when you ask people out of obligation or because it's the right thing to do, it backfires on you and that person turns out to be more trouble than they were worth. If she is pulling power plays now because she can't have her way, imagine the trouble she wld have caused your girls or worst you if you had asked her! Good luck and God Bless
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[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10716;6/st/20070707/e/WEDDING+DAY/k/5779/event.png[/img]
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GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY
Okay Tajmom, I really really like you.LOL
Thanks
I agree with Askalot, Future Ms. Lee and the other ladies. The bottom line is it's your day -- do it your way. It is also your FH's day and that is his sister. He could've included her also. My husband was very clear about what he wanted and didn't want. I did however ask his sister to read the prayer. Does your FSIL have any part in the wedding ceremony?
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I remember asking my FH if it was okay if I asked his sister to be a BM (which I am sure she would have liked) but he was like no. And thats just because he was bent on having the smallest wedding party possible. But I am glad I asked HIM first. Things like this are tough around weddings like the ladies said. It hurts but in the end (and this is for everything) you need to make sure YOU and FH's wishes a seen to because you don't want to regret a decision after the wedding.
There may be another role she can play, but it just seems like something you too can sit down over lunch and discuss. At any rate, YOU have to be the Bigger woman about it, becuase to me it seems like a small oversight, and in weddings, months and years of planning will not guarantee all things are covered. She may or may not understand, but at least you can express your feelings (simply being honest about it) and then you can listen to hers. SOMEONE AND SOMETHING will be overlooked.....I wish you the best of luck, and in the end all will work out fine:)
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
I agree with TAJMOM...YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY.
Each One Teach One!
Okay, I am not feeling her right about now. Didn't you say her kids are apart of the wedding?...Enough said she is getting besides herself if she don't grow her grown behind up and sit down somewhere. This is not her wedding it is yours so she will just have to wait until her day. If your FH said drop it then drop it. She is the one who is loosing out, because she is causing problems with the man she holds dear to her and we know how men are when they say forget then they mean just that. She might need to check herself b/c it sounds like she is loosing her best friend over dumb stuff.
Southerngirl.....
I didnt ask any of my fh's family members to participate in my wedding either. Whom ever he picked to be his groomsmen was it. I have a brother and I didnt feel right making my fh include him as one of his groomsmen because he is my brother. I let my husband pick who he wanted and just included my brother in another way. I will have my brother escort my mother down the aisle and my daughter. I feel that instead of going to just your husband she should have expressed her wanting to be in the wedding to both of you earlier. And to be mad at her mother is just plain stupid and childish.
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;17;90/st/20080718/e/Two+Hearts+Became+One%21/k/b47e/event.png[/img]
I completely agree with all the women on here. Our family has nothing but girls in there, from my sisters to the 1st 2nd and 3rd cousins....and most of us are very close. My problem was where did I draw the line because I could have EASILY had a bridal party of 20 girls!! My FH has one sister and I didn't even think about asking her to be in the wedding because of my situation. My suggestion is if you think that this is really bothering you FH then maybe ask him to talk his sister into approaching you about it (since you are not supposed to know about their conversation). If she agrees then you can tell her why you didn't think to put her in the bridal party. If she does not want to do this, then honey forget about it! You are going to have many many many other things on your mind these last couple of weeks. The LAST thing you need to do is get stressed out over someone's childish mess...I mean REALLY.....
JuneBride1,
I think we begin to feel obligated to have everyone in our wedding. Just stick with what you have. You can't please evryone. This day is sacred and everyone, whether they are a part of the wedding party or not should respect that. I think we have the same wedding date on June 9. God has a way of working all of these things out. Trust him to bring all of this to a peaceful end. Enjoy your day. Don't let anyone take your beautiful day from you.
I think she just feels a little left out. Even though her kids are in the wedding she might have enjoyed being a part of the planning process. Yes, it's your day, but siblings get vexed when someone steps in and become the center of their loved ones world. Take the high road and be the bigger person. Try having a talk with her, and let her know that you didn't intend to excluded her, and that you hope she'll be there to share your day.
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
Let the chuch say AMEN! (No, its not a typo)...
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
[quote="Bumblebeekee"]Let the chuch say AMEN! (No, its not a typo)...
[/quote]
LMAO!!!
June, girl I read this thread and got all nervous...I was wondering if you and me were marring the same man. Don't you know that your FSIL and my FSIL could be personality twins!
True Story...my FSIL tripped out the same way when I chose only one of his sisters to be in the wedding.
So no...you are not wrong! I feel that brides benefit most when there is a supportive spirit in the air on the wedding day. I don't want anyone there that 1. doesn't want to be & 2. That has not been supportive of me/my relationship. PERIOD.
This is YOUR day girl (with some help from FH) DO YOU. It's not about her, her relationship status, her feelings, her nothing. sorry.
[quote="MsBoston"]This is YOUR day girl (with some help from FH) DO YOU. It's not about her, her relationship status, her feelings, her nothing. sorry.
[/quote]
Girl, I hear you loud and clear. You are right on point!!!!!
Big LOL@Ms Boston. I mean, what is wrong with these people?lol
Thank all of you guys. K, I feel better now.
That's what we are here for.
Southerngirl.....
This is your day, don't let her ruin it. You chose who you wanted to be bridesmaids. You are not trying to please anyone but you and your future hubby. Obviously, your future sister-in-law feels left out but if she wanted to be a part of your wedding party she should have been woman enough to share that with you and not wait until weeks before and start to cause all kinds of undue stress. I wouldn't worry about it. If she chooses to act childess and not celebrate this special day with her brother then that is something she will regret. Don't stress over it.
[quote="JuneBride1"]I mean, what is wrong with these people?
[/quote]
Girl if I knew...I'm just gonna keep pryaing my kids don't end up with none of their crazy people genetics.
(yes I said it)
[quote="phenomonique"]I think she just feels a little left out. Even though her kids are in the wedding she might have enjoyed being a part of the planning process. Yes, it's your day, but siblings get vexed when someone steps in and become the center of their loved ones world. Take the high road and be the bigger person. Try having a talk with her, and let her know that you didn't intend to excluded her, and that you hope she'll be there to share your day.
[/quote]
aaawwwww... Niquey.... I miss you!
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. ~ Pablo Neruda
Miss you too LeeLee.
JuneBride1 is it your DAY, I'm considering the LIFE you are establishing with you FH and his family. But as your sisters have stated...Do You
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
Thank you guys so much for your responses. And, you guys are absolutely right. Why must I stress out myself over someone else's ignorance? Well, update? She isn't speaking to me. There is a total change of attitude on her behalf. She told him it is our wedding and he needs to pay for her son's suit if we want him in it. That's fine. It's not a problem at all. I'm just going to keep it moving.
Good for you JuneBride! The show will go on! I wish you and your FH all the best!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37