Okay so FH and I are both very active in our churches and we both grew up with in them . Although they are both small (50 folks average show on Sunday (but there is like 100+ members on the roster)while FI may have 80) There is no way we can afford to invite all those people!!! My mother says it's wrong not to invite both churches!
FH and I at the moment are footing the bill for this thing. FH is graduating from college in September (yay!) and works at a profesional dance company part time but honestly at the moment I'm the only one with income to save. The boy has to eat inbetween classes. He is getting money from a settlement (A WHOLE NUTHA RANT ALL TOGETHER as HIS MOMMA IS ALL IN IT)
We can't afford all those people but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings either. Folks suggested to have a cake a punch reception at the church, just for the church people and then have a reception for the people that aren't later...::sighs:: I'm completely frustrated...
What would you ladies do?
I do not want to go over 110 invites. All 110 that FI and I have put together are either family or family friends.(that go to our church anyway so we were considering only inviting 10 people from both our churches. BUT you know people's feelings would be so hurt)
Okay so FH and I are both very active in our churches and we both grew up with in them . Although they are both small (50 folks average show on Sunday (but there is like 100+ members on the roster)while FI may have 80) There is no way we can afford to invite all those people!!! My mother says it's wrong not to invite both churches!
FH and I at the moment are footing the bill for this thing. FH is graduating from college in September (yay!) and works at a profesional dance company part time but honestly at the moment I'm the only one with income to save. The boy has to eat inbetween classes. He is getting money from a settlement (A WHOLE NUTHA RANT ALL TOGETHER as HIS MOMMA IS ALL IN IT)
We can't afford all those people but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings either. Folks suggested to have a cake a punch reception at the church, just for the church people and then have a reception for the people that aren't later...::sighs:: I'm completely frustrated...
What would you ladies do?
I do not want to go over 110 invites. All 110 that FI and I have put together are either family or family friends.(that go to our church anyway so we were considering only inviting 10 people from both our churches. BUT you know people's feelings would be so hurt)
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
I am quite sure that the people at the church will understand that unfortunately at this time although you and your fh would love to invite thme all you can't afford too. Weddings are very expensive, and anyone who has gotten married or was involved in a wedding know how much they can run Maybe if your mother want's to invite certain members of the church ask her if she is willing to split the bill with you.
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;17;90/st/20080718/e/Two+Hearts+Became+One%21/k/b47e/event.png[/img]
When my pastor's daughter got married, EVERYONE expected to be at the wedding which is obviously impossible. They announced a general open invitation to the ceremony during service and only the real guests got a real invite to the ceremony and reception.
This way they will all have the opportunity to see you walk down the aisle but you won't be burdened with paying for every single person. Good luck with the list though. It's not easy no matter what your limit is. Someone will always be upset.
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10100;96/st/20070818/e/our+wedding%21/k/9663/event.png[/img]
[/url]
"To be a christian without prayer is no more possible than being alive without breathing" - Dr King Jr
OK HeCallsMeAbeni I am really going to need you to settle down! You got me ready to mail you a hug to Pittsburg! This day is all about you and your FH.
The suggestion regarding the cake & punch reception followed by a "real' reception is actually what I am doing but for different reasons. I have people that don't necessarily care for secular music, dancing, and drinking so the cake & punch reception gives them I chance to celebrate with us. Plus the kids can hang for a little while because they aren't allowed at the "afterset" as my mother calls it! We are having hot hor'devours and punch going around while we take pictures, come in to greet the guests, do the bouquet and garter toss, and cut the cake. Then we'll head to a banquet hall for dinner, drinks, and dancing.
Beautiful weddings on a budget ARE possible. Take back your power lady! You are one of God's children and he only gives his the BEST!
I take hug donations! lol
Thank you for all the love and advise. You know what? I never thought about people being offended by a having dancing at the reception. After I think about it though a lot of the older people...and a lot of people from FI's family will be upset I'm sure lol. It's not like we're going to be poppin or doing the buttefly.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Ajia's suggestion is right, IMO. Have an announcement made at the church's. They should be able to understand they can't attend the reception too. If not, then that's their problem.
What? Girlfriend, for the past four weeks I have been dealing with the same issue. The thing is both FH and I atted fairly large churches. We even thought about the cake and punch thing but I just didnt feel right inviting some to the reception and some to just have cake and punch. This bothered me so much I think I got ulcers from it. We wanted to keep our reception list down to 200. Needless to say, we decided that we wouldnt do the cake and punch reception. We cut our Church list down and prayed that we would stay within our 200 attendees. The wedding is Saturday and we have approximately 180 so far including the wedding party. We still have a lot that did not RSVP at all.
Browncat I would feel bad too. My mom gave me "the look" when I suggested it...That could be a rant in itself. I've been seriously praying that God would make a way out of no way in this. There's no easy solution and even if I did cake and punch, it would be just that. Cake and punch!
I've even heard that's it's just wrong to invite people to the wedding and not the reception....A few monthes ago I was seriously considering getting married on a cruiseliner just to avoid this!
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
It will all work out. Just put your trust in God.
[quote="HeCallsMeAbeni"]Browncat I would feel bad too. [/quote]
You really need to get over "feeling bad"
Are all your guests gonna 'feel bad' that you went broke over broke trying to make sure that their butts didn't 'feel bad'?
Girl, I'm sorry, but i'm too done with people feeling as though we HAVE to accomidate their wishes.
Also don't get me wrong, but didn't your own mama give you some crap about 'borrowing' money? she can save the look for the mirror.
I'm so sorry if this comes across blunt/rude or what ever, but trust me when I tell you that you can't try and please everyone on the day that is supposed to be your day. After all this is gonna end up being a huge bill that you and FH are gonna have to foot. Feel bad about that.
LOL!!!! I wasn't offended at all. It's like I heard you talking! I'm trying not to laugh in my cubical! :)
You are right...right...and right again...I'm definately have to get over worrying about other folks when it comes down our wedding. My aunt's been telling me at first "folks will be trying to run your wedding and then they'll be trying run your house"
I thank you for being real. It's definately whats up and definately I needed to hear it.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
I agree w/everyone!! Take it from someone who has less than a week to go & people are still complaining about "where's my invite".
Do a small thing for the church folks only...if affordable. If not, invite them to the ceremony ONLY. If they try to stay (stop laughing girl, you'd be surprised how tactless folks can be when they see the food & drinks comin' around) casually have someone ask them to leave.
The best advice my sistas gave me on here is "Your day, your way". Do not worry about pleasin' the masses b/c like Ajia stated, they're not gonna help you when you're broke later on. Heck they probably won't even offer you a thing of oodles of noodles. Relax, relate, release (easy for me to say right). Worry about your day w/FH & screw the others.
Good luck girl! If you need someone to come straighten folks out, holla!!! I've got stress up the wazoo & slappin' someone right now is not beneath me. :-)
"I's married now" - "The Color Purple"
[quote="MrsRobinson2b"]I've got stress up the wazoo & slappin' someone right now is not beneath me. :-)
[/quote]
So MrsR you "feel like slappin somebody todaaaaaaaaaaay"!
Yeah, she's on FIRE!!!!! LOL
yall are craaaazy....LOL
But, on the real I can just scream the next time someone asks me about where is their invite, or offers another dumb @ss suggestion that'll cost US big money. I am officially done with it. My day,now get out my way, is about to be my mantra, for real.
good luck HCMAbeni
Thank you ladies. I do how a few folks acting simple that could use the smackdown immediately.
I just can't get over how many people "think" they are getting invited. There's a guy that FH talks to on the bus and did some preformances with like a couple years ago talking about he can't wait until he's invited....I was like hold all the way up! This dude doesn't call you, worked with you at some shows, and ya'll talk here and there and that get's him invited. Uh...no!
There's a chick that used to FH's church that rolled up on him one day, didn't speak to me while I was standing there, and had the nerve to ask if she was invited....FH looked at her and said it was up to me...Needless to say it was about to be on and poppin at the bus stop. I couldn't believe he put me on the spot like that instead of just giving her the script.
You know the script that goes ::Puts on customer service voice:: " We'd love to invite you. However, due to budget constraints, only our family and family friends will be in attendence."
I will gladly had those folks over to get the beat down with a ribbon on their heads for ya!
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
[quote="HeCallsMeAbeni"]You know the script that goes ::Puts on customer service voice:: " We'd love to invite you. However, due to budget constraints, only our family and family friends will be in attendence." [/quote]
HA! LMAO...you're out of control.
See and that's how it should be with everyone. Every sentence should start like, 'sorry, but...(insert reason here)'
No FH didn't! I would had politely said "No" and kept being ignored as was previously being done.
LOL! I'm thinking about putting the script on a t-shirt or on some jeans or something. I'll call it the " My wedding my way collection"
In Pittsburgh the 80's are back and kids are writing things on their clothes again with cloth paint. I might have to get involved in the fad.
Oh girl you know he got the look. My eyes can get HUGE when provoked. I've also inherited my mother's patent pending "'brow raise" where the long eyebrows we have tend to shoot toward the hair line to warn other's of a looming confrontation. He saw the signs and promptly switched the subject.
As for chicky, I keep running into her on the way home and she seems like she is a nice person. But she's stil not getting and invite.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
[quote="HeCallsMeAbeni"]
As for chicky, I keep running into her on the way home and she seems like she is a nice person. But she's stil not getting and invite.
[/quote]
Now that's classy, and that's how you do it.
that is funny!!!!
Yall are FUN-NEY!! I think just about everyone has gone through this on this site. It's amazing to me really, I mean the absolute NERVE of some people never ceases to amaze me! I had to send out a MASS email to all my potential "thought for some frickin' reason that they were going to be invited to my wedding when all we say is Hi and bye" people, letting them know that as much as we wanted them at the wedding (yeah right) that unfortunately because of budget contraints we can't. I'm with Hecallsmeabeni.....I need that joint on a t-shirt...for real!.....
ROFLMBAO!!! Now, that's funny!!
Tell her to wait for it...it's in the mail!!!
"I's married now" - "The Color Purple"
LOL if I get the shirt made, I'm putting up all KINDS of pictures. I'd to use the second script about it being in the mail for certain problem (Mostly FH's) family memmbers that I don't want to invite in the first place! Grrrr.... I feel a rant comming on.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
[quote="MrsRobinson2b"]ROFLMBAO!!! Now, that's funny!!
Tell her to wait for it...it's in the mail!!!
[/quote]
lmao - now that is funny too. But, then what if she shows up, talking about she said I was invited! lol
Okay! I mean it would look really ugly if my uncle (the power lifter) would have to toss people out the church door...Nope, that's not Christly..Not at all.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
LMOA - yall are so cruel :D
Because my church is small, we chose to marry in a different church. I didn't openly talk about my wedding at church figuring I wasn't inviting these people anyway so why bother. Well about 3 weeks before the wedding my pastor at close of service says "are there any more announcements " and looks directly at me. I look over my shoulder like he can't be talking to me. Then he goes "are you sure there are no more announcements" and doesn't my mother stand up in church announcing it and proceeding to invite everyone. I gave her the look and then she clarified ceremony only.
In the program I incuded directions to reception from church and I made sure in big bold letters I wrote: Although we would love to celebrate with everyone, we can only accomadate those invited guests that gave the favor of a reply before April 14th unless prior arrangements were made with the Bide and Groom.
I went over my place cards 5 times checking them and told my coordinator, no place card=no response=no meal,no seat= Get to stepping!!!
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
[quote="pamcrow"]
I went over my place cards 5 times checking them and told my coordinator, no place card=no response=no meal,no seat= Get to stepping!!!
[/quote]
That'll definately take care of the bums tryin' to get a free meal!
You ladies are a riot!!! I love it!
Whoa! Revy Rev put you on the spot!lol That's messed up. But I guess when it comes down to it everyone wants to see us in our dresses and all those things....Which is fine...They just aren't eating! Mwahahhahah!!!
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
I went through the same thing....our families together quickly ate up our 150 person quota, leaving little room for any friends from church....so I felt bad, but I didn't give people from my chrurch invites...But...To God be the Glory, they are good people and they understood....they understood so much that, when they congratulated me as the wedding was approaching, I told a few of them verbally that I would love to see them at the ceremony, and they were surprised even to be asked to come....most people really do understand finances and don't want to push themselves on you....I even had some come to the ceremony and bring gifts, event though they were not invited to the reception...all out of love.....I think that in not formally inviting people and telling some people casually, one on one- they felt special to be coming, and understood not coming to the reception....plus not formally inviting people can take some of the pressure off you because they don't expect to come....my friends chose to have the Pastor announce that the couple invited the whole church to the ceremony, but that the reception was RSVP only.....then if they still don't understand just say, we can't afford to invite more than our humongous families (I had to say this to a few) and I wasn't ashamed because they need to understand that its not about them, its about not going broke....after that they said, cool, and they still came to the ceremony.....
Anyhoo....its okay to invite 10-15% over the actual quota...because even things happen with family members....when we had some not show up with no word about it, we were pissed because I could have formally invited 5-10 people from church who could have had those seats.....so go figure.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
You all are toooooo funny. As the saying goes "GOD KNOWS MY HEART" ,there no hard feelings. It is what it is! If you recieved an invite then you are invited , if not I guess you weren't invited. Charge it to my head not my heart!
Southerngirl.....
I hate how people just assume that they are invited to your wedding simply because they know your name, or they see you in church on Sundays. I don't have the time, resources, or desire to go broke because you want to come to my wedding and you have nothing to do with our day to day life. Weddings, IMHO, are intimate events. I've been reading "Jumping the Broom" and it keeps saying that at the wedding you should surround yourself with people that support your union and will commit to doing so for the rest of your lives. I think it would difficult to achieve this by invite people out of obligation. Everybody that is on my A list are people that really love and support FH and I. I have a lot of relatives on the B list because they don't really deal with FH and I on a regular basis. This may seem harsh, but I don't give a flying cat because they are not paying for a damn thing.
I had a lady come up to me Sunday and ask "what am I doing for the wedding"-- I asked her what she meant, and she had the nerve to ask again, so the after the second time she was looking all serious for an answer, so I gave her one..................."Oh, you can help serve food!" Cracked her face!!!!!!!!!! Bet she won't ask me again!!!! People and their nerves! I should have said, "You can help pay for the rest of the wedding", and seen how her face would've hit the floor, haha. Just inviting theirselves into the middle of stuff, too much gall for me!!!
People can be so rude sometimes. Why can't people who wanna invite themselves just say congratulate and give you a card or something. Sometimes I think that people just want to be nosey and aren't really concerned about supporting the couple.
[quote="tdankel5"]I had a lady come up to me Sunday and ask "what am I doing for the wedding"-- I asked her what she meant, and she had the nerve to ask again, so the after the second time she was looking all serious for an answer, so I gave her one..................."Oh, you can help serve food!" Cracked her face!!!!!!!!!! Bet she won't ask me again!!!! People and their nerves! I should have said, "You can help pay for the rest of the wedding", and seen how her face would've hit the floor, haha. Just inviting theirselves into the middle of stuff, too much gall for me!!!
[/quote]
Now, that is a site I would have looved to see. lol
tdankel5, wow that bold of her! Folks are off the chain. There are a few folks in the church that have apporached me asking if they are invited and these folks are people that I speak to but I'm not nessarily close to...
OOO question. Okay with the cake and punch reception how long should it be. AND I was also thinking of just getting a sheet cake that is the wedding cake flavor and having it sliced up. THen putting in cute boxes with favor for church members on a table in the vestibule for them to take on the way out. What do you think?
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
[quote="HeCallsMeAbeni"]Okay with the cake and punch reception how long should it be. AND I was also thinking of just getting a sheet cake that is the wedding cake flavor and having it sliced up. THen putting in cute boxes with favor for church members on a table in the vestibule for them to take on the way out. What do you think?
[/quote]
There's no set rules, it depends on your plans afterwards. Mine will last about two hours: long enough for us to take pics, greet the guests, do the garter and bouquet toss, cut the cake, and head to the hall! While we are taking pics the guests wil snack on hot hors doeuvres (sp?) and punch. I will also have a candy buffet set out.
That sounds like a good idea for passing out the cake.
I like that idea and had the nerve to be picturing it in my head. That seems cute AND different.
Yes, it does sound very cute