My mother and I are very close. I love her so much but she made me an offer that kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.
A few monthes back I was completely distraught after the reality of how much a wedding costs. I'm no baller, FI is a soon to be college graduate, and the gravity of the finacial sitation hit me with full force. I was all curled up in our overstuffed chair, eyes brimming with tears watching "Whose wedding is it anyway" and bridal mags sitting at my feet. My mom was on the computer not to far away playing online poker and I told her how I was feeling.
She smiled and ever so endearingly said " Oh honey, don't cry. You'll be able to get married. I could give you guys some from my account. You will be getting lots of money gifts from people from the wedding so you can pay me back with that".....
Whoa....I really feel some type of way. I don't want to start our marriage in debt....Espeicaly a debt to my mother! I mean bill collecors you can hang up on, avoid, speak spanish to lol. I see taking that money as a dark cloud that would hang over us in the future. I didn't agree to anything and didn't bring it up again and I'm not mad at her, she made the offer for all the right reasons.
How would you feel? What would you do?
My mother and I are very close. I love her so much but she made me an offer that kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.
A few monthes back I was completely distraught after the reality of how much a wedding costs. I'm no baller, FI is a soon to be college graduate, and the gravity of the finacial sitation hit me with full force. I was all curled up in our overstuffed chair, eyes brimming with tears watching "Whose wedding is it anyway" and bridal mags sitting at my feet. My mom was on the computer not to far away playing online poker and I told her how I was feeling.
She smiled and ever so endearingly said " Oh honey, don't cry. You'll be able to get married. I could give you guys some from my account. You will be getting lots of money gifts from people from the wedding so you can pay me back with that".....
Whoa....I really feel some type of way. I don't want to start our marriage in debt....Espeicaly a debt to my mother! I mean bill collecors you can hang up on, avoid, speak spanish to lol. I see taking that money as a dark cloud that would hang over us in the future. I didn't agree to anything and didn't bring it up again and I'm not mad at her, she made the offer for all the right reasons.
How would you feel? What would you do?
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
I completely understand how you feel. When we started planning our wedding I insisted on paying for everything, because we have the type of family who will offer to help you,but the entire world will know about it. I am the type of person who dont like people doing things for me because I don't like people throwing it back in my face. Maybe you should try to pay for the wedding yourself, and if at any point you need a little help then just take your mother up on her offer.
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Congratulations Abeni and welcome to the boards. Without knowing the dynamics of the relationship you and your mother share, it's hard to answer this. Got with whatever your gut tells you. Me and my mother are extremly close so she is the first person I would seek a loan from if needed but she also isn't the type to broadcast it or really seek the money back from me. I will say though that if you decide to take her up on her offer, do not agree to pay the money back with your wedding gifts.
One of the biggest mistakes a bride to be can make when planning her wedding is spending money you really don't have anticipating a huge return in gifts. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN LADIES !!! Please don't believe the hype. One of my bridesmaids was married 8 months before me and she schooled me on this. She got about 20% of what she spent on her wedding back in gifts (she had over 200 guests) and I would say I got about 10-15% back and I had about 160 guests.
Just try to work with whatever money you do have, cutting corners wherever you can. Your "sisters" here can help with great money saving tips and creative soltuions. If you need to borrow, make sure everyone knows the terms of the agreement.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
[quote="housewife147"]...we have the type of family who will offer to help you,but the entire world will know about it...[/quote]
Wifey we may be related!
Abeni, how long do you have before your wedding? There are so many things that you can have don't have to be as expensive as you may think. Don't let the glitz and glamour fool you - I have been to a $5000 wedding that looked like a $25000 wedding.
Search through some of the posts on this site, check out the book Bridal Bargains, use the internet and use every opportunity you have to network. I brought up flowers in general conversation with my dad and it just so happens he has an ex that is a florist. She has been trying to get back in his good graces. What does that mean for me? Massive savings on flowers!
Abeni, I agree with the other ladies who have said that there are so many ways to cut corners and really have a beautiful wedding without going bankrupt. For starters, think about who you and your FH know who might be able to do some things for you. For example, my FH has friend who plays in jazz band who will be doing our ceremony music at no cost. Our DJ is another friend of FH's who spins regulary at local niteclub -- again, this is at no cost. Set a budget that you can afford, and commit to sticking to it, and believe me, you will find ways to cut costs where you need to. The ladies on this board are full of all kinds of budgeting tips. I do agree with Pamcrow, though, that you probably don't want to commit to using your wedding money to pay back your Mom. You and your new hubby should be using that money to start your new household together.
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Thanks for your input ladies I really need it. FH has no clue at all about these things and I'm the first out of my generation of family and aquaintences to get married. So I definately appreciate everything you all tell me.
I've been doing a lot of research and getting info and we've been able to find breaks here and there. I've even considered getting a dress from ebay that while it is not the dress I fell in love with it is still beautiful (link-http://cgi.ebay.com/Brand-New-Wedding-Dress-Ball-Gown-Elinoi-Size-0-to-30_W0QQitemZ170122399836QQihZ007QQcategoryZ63851QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting) I'm willing to cut all kinds of corners because it will be FH and I's first time living together as well and we will need every cent we get as well as what we can save.
I definately don't want to start us down the road to debt to anyone because of the wedding. My grandfather paid for my mom's wedding back in the day so she might have gotten what seemed to be a lot of cash gifts considering her situation. So I can kind of understand why she would think I would get a huge amount of money.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
That gown is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! OMG it's BEAUTIFUL! LOL
It's growing on me lol! I think it's beautiful too. However the gown I fell in love with (before I knew the cost) is this http://www.demetriosbride.com/us/index.php?page=collections_search&arg=9641
That dress is off the chain! It's got a super low back though so I'd have to get my workout plan on. I don't think there would be a way to hide back fat in that lol
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Okay, their both BEAUTIFUL. Let me do a side by side look at them.
[img]http://www.demetriosbride.com/us/collections/princess_07/highres/9641c.jpg[/img]
[img]http://www.demetriosbride.com/us/collections/princess_07/highres/9641a.jpg[/img]
OR....
[IMG]http://www.juliusbridal.com/images/Product_Images/Jumbos/pict2706.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://www.juliusbridal.com/images/Product_Images/Jumbos/pict2689.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://www.juliusbridal.com/images/Product_Images/Jumbos/pict2705.jpg[/IMG]
Lee phillips sent me a quote for 900 for the gold dress. Poofy dress is a lot less than that...If I had my way and could lose the back fat I'd definately go with the top dress. But I still would have to try it on. Something else is I'm really top heavy so in either dress I'm going to look like Rodger Rabbit's girlfriend....Not that that's a bad thing ::slow grin::
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
I love the mermaid style dress. I amd top heavy also but unfortunately have no hips to pull it off! When is your wedding date Abeni?
We've moved it to 9/06/08. Which I guess I could in that time loose the weight and save the money to get the gold dress. Working out is a whole 'nutha expense. The local YMCA wants 50 dollars a month and then 120 sign up fee...
There's always something!
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Abeni check ou the topic "Weight Issue" for some good tips on things you can do at home! These Vibride sisters are chock full of info!
Hey Girl, welcome to the site!!! I have seen you on the AAW boards! I am so sorry to hear about your issues and know that you are in my prayers. I can't say that I know how it feels, but do know that I am thinking about you.
HEY! I remember you too! How about NONE of my knot posts show anymore! I even created a different account and nothing! I think the site must have gotten hacked or something. They didn't cancel my account but I got so TIRED of waiting on the knot to get itself together. So I rolled. I love this board! lol You've got to lady's I've said what's up!
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Girl, you are in my prayers & things will work out.
IMO, try to pay on as much as possible. Believe it or not, you have time...but not that much time. Cut corners wherever possible to a point that you feel comfortable. For example, my dad's a funeral director. Therefore, he has access to flowers. The florist gave us an unbelievable discount. Less than $1000 for centerpieces, bouquet, boutaniers (sp?), setup of all, etc. I'm saying that to say, ask around. There's 6 degrees of separation. See who knows of people willing to do business w/you, network girl. This is the time to do it.
As for Mom's offer. She meant well. However, I agree w/the other ladies on the board. DON'T use your wedding money for that. If you do decide to borrow mom's money, put it in writing. Make monthly payments of whatever you & FH can afford. Borrowing money from family can get ugly, but protect yourself by putting it in writing & show your seriousness in repaying. That money from the wedding is yours & FH's to build on your future together. Not to repay mom (sorry to sound rude).
Keep us posted. Things will work out!!
"I's married now" - "The Color Purple"
Abeni I just noticed the names and date on the bottom of your picture! You have a beautiful name (from one Crystal to another)!
My mom and I are close as well, so I understand how you feel. I would expect my mother to understand all the things that are happening in my life and to help me without expectations, but the reality is that she may not do that. At any rate, take the other ladies advice and cut corners where you can.
I know that you said money is an issue for you guys, so in terms of your moving, the best advice I can give you is to slow start buying the things that you need for your new home. FH and I have been living together since March, but months before that, I would hit up Walmart, IKEA, Burlington Coat Factory, Marshalls, and Macys (when they print those coupons in the newspaper) and buy everything on sale that I needed for the house. It was to the point that there were boxes all over my room, on FH mom's front porch, in our car etc. We didn't need to rely on any gifts because we prepared up front (although my parents and siblings and his grandparents got us gifts.) We bought our furniture during President's Day sales and got a great deal on our living and dining room set. If your family is anything like my family (not my immediate family), don't even think about trying to get your life together started with gifts from them. Do what you can, and as long as you stock up on essential items, you guys will be fine.