The nitty gritty
When selecting your bridesmaids, you should consider a few things:
- First of all, wait a minute before deciding. One of the first things brides tend to do after getting engaged is call their buddies. While on this conversation, it can be very easy to get carried away and start asking all your friends. As you continue through your engagement, you are sure to notice the friends who are willing to help and listen to you and you will also find the ones who really don’t care about all this wedding business.
If some of your friends are put out because you didn’t instantly ask them, consider doing something special when asking them. Take them out for a special lunch or dinner, send them an invitation asking them to be your bridesmaid or frame a special picture of the two of you and on the back write about why you want them. - Select someone who is truly happy for you. The last thing you want is a friend who is jealous of your new status. They won’t be that supportive of you and that is what you are truly looking for in a bridesmaid.
- Select someone who is reliable. If your friend is one who has in the past ditched many events for other social engagements she might not be the best choice. There are many pre-wedding social events where your bridesmaids will be asked to attend.
- Select someone who will be honest with you. I would hate to say it, but, somewhere during the planning stages or before the wedding, it is quite possible that you might lose it. Having a friend who possesses the power to let you know that you are out of control is an asset.
- Select someone who you will have fun with! This is extremely important. Your wedding day and pre-wedding is one of the most exciting and fun times. You need a friend who will laugh and smile through the whole thing with you!
- Don’t let your family tell you who should stand up with you. Just because Cousin Betty asked you to be your bridesmaid doesn’t require that you ask them. This goes the same for any friend who asked you to stand up for them.
- Not all promises need to be kept. If you were ten and told your then best friend they would be your maid of honor on your wedding day, it doesn’t mean you have to keep this bargain. If you have lost touch with this friend, there is no need to worry about inviting them into your wedding party.
When it comes to picking your bridesmaids this can be one of the best or worst tasks you have to do. The selection is hard if you have numerous friends and only want a few or even just one bridesmaid.
Consider talk show host, Caroline Rhea, who on her show is currently doing a segment called American Bridal. For her wedding in December, she has decided to let her bridesmaids (along with other parts of her wedding) compete to be part of her wedding.
It seems to be a harder area for women then men. Most grooms make me laugh as they will select their groomsmen but really don’t know what they are suppose to do or really care what they do. One groomsmen I worked with hadn’t even selected which groomsman was going to be his best man. His response was whoever wanted to step up the plate and hold the ring.
What you should do to make them happy.
- Don’t boss them around. Nobody likes to be told what to do. Let them know what your expectations of them are and let them decide if they are up to the part. Consider your friend’s special talents, strengths and interests. If you can delegate them stuff specifically suited to them, they are sure to not let you down.
- Deal with the dresses carefully. Not everyone is going to like your selection. Consider your bridesmaid sizes and style when selecting the dress. Take your bridesmaid’s with you and let them help! There is also not a golden rule that your entire bridal party be dressed in the same exact dress. Keep the same color scheme but let your tall friend show off her legs in a short skirt and your curvy friend accentuate her body with a tighter formed dress.
- Let them know the expenses that are involved. Bridesmaid’s usually end of buying their dresses but be up front on your intentions. There are also other costs to consider. One of my best friends asked me to her bridesmaid but for me to attend her wedding it was a 14-hour drive and time off work.
I unfortunately had to decline her invitation, as I wasn’t able to commit to her wedding at the time she asked me. I did end up driving the 14-hours for her wedding but went as a guest. A bride I recently was talking to was in a bind as she didn’t tell her bridesmaid that they were not picking up her flight cost to her wedding, the friend had committed (she has purchased her dress etc.) and the wedding is just weeks away. The bride is now in a dilemma of adding another $1000 to her wedding cost for flying in her bridesmaid.
- Thank your friends. There are tons of different ideas for bridal party gifts but even a heart-warmed letter of thanks will be truly appreciated.
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