For Vibrant Brides of Color

Would you cheat?

202 posts / 0 new
Last post
soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Would you cheat?

Since there is a thread going on if you were being cheated on would you want to know-I thought I could get you ladies insight on a situation that I am dealing with with a very dear friend:

She has been married for 3 years-her and DH and both pretty financially stable. She has expressed to me that her DH makes her happy in every aspect of their relationship but the s*x and they rarely spend time together due to both of their hectic schedules. She has been "talking" to a co-worker alot recently and the topic came up about them both being attracted to one another (they both are married) and she is contemplating having an affair with this person to get some gratification...my advise to her was to talk to DH and let him know what she is in need of and for them to try to "steal" some moments for companionship to try to rekindle the dying flame. I also suggested maybe them getting spiritual counseling on the issue which she said she could not do since her DH is an associate minister...
My question to you ladies is-what other advice would you suggest in this situation and HONESTLY (outside of the biblical and moral reasons) how would you handle this scenerio if you were her?

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Would you cheat?

Since there is a thread going on if you were being cheated on would you want to know-I thought I could get you ladies insight on a situation that I am dealing with with a very dear friend:

She has been married for 3 years-her and DH and both pretty financially stable. She has expressed to me that her DH makes her happy in every aspect of their relationship but the s*x and they rarely spend time together due to both of their hectic schedules. She has been "talking" to a co-worker alot recently and the topic came up about them both being attracted to one another (they both are married) and she is contemplating having an affair with this person to get some gratification...my advise to her was to talk to DH and let him know what she is in need of and for them to try to "steal" some moments for companionship to try to rekindle the dying flame. I also suggested maybe them getting spiritual counseling on the issue which she said she could not do since her DH is an associate minister...
My question to you ladies is-what other advice would you suggest in this situation and HONESTLY (outside of the biblical and moral reasons) how would you handle this scenerio if you were her?

turiya
turiya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/29/2007 - 15:22
Re: Would you cheat?

[quote="soon2bmsj"] I also suggested maybe them getting spiritual counseling on the issue which she said she could not do since her DH is an associate minister[/quote]

Did she say she COULD NOT get counseling bc DH IS an associate minister? This part confuses me. Ministers need counseling too.

They need counseling ...before that a good talk, who's to say he's not feeling the same way since they both have hectic schedules?

I got married back in 96 and it ended because of me and co-worker taking "lunches" together. I never got caught ..I told on myself and it ended everything between me and XH after a year of pay backs.

Now in my more mature years, I wouldn't do it PERIOD. That hurt is unbearable for all parties. I'm not making excuses for what was done, at the same time I don't regret the end of that relationship either, what I will say is that it could have ended better than the way it did.

When both parties are married, usually they think it's cool for them to cheat, bc neither one have anything to lose. So untrue. Someone is going to have stronger feelings for the other, and when it's time to "break it off" or "slow it down" it's going to be a problem.

Since the attraction has already started, then I think the lines of communication between the two should be cut, they have already crossed the "mutual" friends lines. Hopefully she then starts with the talk with her DH.

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10712;106/st/20081228/e/Our+Anniversary/k/5eb4/event.png[/img]
[/url]

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

[quote="Turiya"] I also suggested maybe them getting spiritual counseling on the issue which she said she could not do since her DH is an associate minister

Did she say she COULD NOT get counseling bc DH IS an associate minister? This part confuses me. Ministers need counseling too.

[/quote]
Yes T...this is what she said because of him being an associate minister, she did not want to air "their dirty laundry" so she did not want to go for any couseling. I also told her I think she should stop talking to this "coworker" also but she said it is easier said than done...I forgot a very important piece of info: they all go to the same church... :(

turiya
turiya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/29/2007 - 15:22
Re: Would you cheat?

This is YUCKY!

I'll start with something my Pastor said before, people want to be secrective about what's going on in their marriage bc they don't want anybody to think they are crazy or losing their minds, he said you need to talk to somebody and the church shouldn't/wouldn't think you're losing your mind, in fact they will think you trying to keep it together so you won't lose your mind.

She needs to cut if off completely and quickly! If she goes any further with it, it will be very damaging! Man! Ummmm ...

She doesn't want to be called out, that's what it is .... ok so if I were you ... I would give her the warning as you did, then I wouldn't want to hear anymore about it ...she's not a child whom of which you have to keep saying the same thing. She knows what she is doing and knows the price that will come with it. At this time since it's "easier said than done" she enjoys what is going on :(. Keep her in prayer, as well as her DH.

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10712;106/st/20081228/e/Our+Anniversary/k/5eb4/event.png[/img]
[/url]

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

Funny T that you said that because I did kinda shy away from talking to her and she called me a couple of days ago and said I guess you think I am a bad person since you haven't returned my phone calls-me to her: no, I have been pretty busy-I just returned from ATL on a business trip and had alot of things to do around the house, her: well I only confided in you because I thought you were really my friend, me: I am your friend, but I can't tell you what you want to hear and support what you are doing-when I start supporting I become just as guilty as you... needless to say I haven't talked to her since then..I guess I do need to call her, because I don't think she is a bad person, but I know that this is a sticky situation and IF it blows up-it is going to wreak some major havoc on ALOT of people's lives!!!! :(

pamcrow
pamcrow's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 01/09/2004 - 15:48
Re: Would you cheat?

Oh my, what a mess. Your friend is very vulnerable right now and is playing with fire. I think your friend needs to be open and honest with her husband about what her "needs" are and then take the lead in showing him how to fulfill those needs. If schedules are hectic then she needs to get creative and have her needs satisfied away from home but WITH HER HUSBAND. Needs don't haveto be met within the confides of your own home. Show up unexpected where ever he is wearing nothing but a long coat and telling him you have something very important to discuss. In a relationship you have to randomly do things to keep the flame going. Surprise him a few times and he will definetly make for more. Just got to keep it interesting.

"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"

pebbles35
pebbles35's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 02/13/2008 - 00:18
Re: Would you cheat?

thats my girl pam ooooh great minds think alike What pam said lol

atownswifey
Offline
Last seen: 16 years 6 months ago
Joined: 08/02/2007 - 19:02
Re: Would you cheat?

I wouldn't cheat... If it's just the s*x, she can "make herself" feel good without the guilt of messing around:)but on a more serious side, if their hectic schedules are stopping them maybe they need to schedule a s*x session with each other or maybe when they are getting ready for a bed, she could slip on some baby oil and some high heels and see where that will lead them too. If that doesn't work maybe she could text him some dirty messages that will cause him to be waiting in anticipation.


ginoue
ginoue's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 5 months ago
Joined: 06/04/2007 - 06:23
Re: Would you cheat?

Wow, the ladies gave sensational advice. I would suggest you try to reach your friend again MrsJ. Help her understand that if it's just a matter of sex, please tell her that it's a very small problem. There is nothing wrong with scheduling a hour here or a half hour there. If she feels that her DH can't satisfy her, tell her to help him get back to it. Lead him to it. Teach him again the touches that you like. TEACH HIM!!! Advise her to talk to her husband. She'll be surprise that he's just as frustrated to please her. As Pam said, it's good to be spontaneous as well.

bumblebeekee
bumblebeekee's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/06/2006 - 22:16
Re: Would you cheat?

I think that men get a little too comfortable....My DH, gets tired....and oftentimes is not in the mood. Then there are the times when he brushes me off so much, that when he's ready, I am too mad to participate, so then its a few more days of no lovemaking....And the truth is...I DO want it MORE THAN he does!!!! However, when we do it....WE DO IT!

However, the devil will try me in those other days and make me feel like he doesn't appreciate me for wanting to do it a lot, and starts getting me to thinking that ANY OTHER MAN would not brush me off like this....however I can't even play myself like that....

First of all, its just sex....he is not witholding or anything...though sometimes I think he is...but I know he is generally tired, and sometimes we miss the opportunity because we are upset, or pre-occupied, and don't feel like stopping to do it....

Second, your friend needs to think with her head and not with her P@$$%! And women can do that too. At our age 23-40, we are literally peaking, and trying to make love to men who peaked right about 18-20 years old....so now that they have us, and don't have to work so hard to get it, they chill out....I even told my man to get some ginseng or something (I was KINDA kidding), but instead of being offended....lets just say he "proved himself" on me (You know I was like OH-KAY!)...

Third, if he is faithful to her (even if he wasn't)...thats her husband, and he doesn't deserve that....My man, as crazy as he is, no he did not "Fill in all those blanks" but he is still my husband, and out of respect for GOD, and myself, and my DH, I wouldn't do him like that...I joke about "lack of sex" A LOT, and that eases the tension....I tell him that I want it a lot because he is so sexy....and that lets him know that I am not tripping really hard about it....I don't like to pressure him, but I will if I need to...Just like he don't have problems getting down there to wake me up...I don't either....But When he does give in to me...I tell him, "See what you've missed out on?"....And of course he's like..."yeah....I definitely been missin' out."

So she needs to understand that she is being a little selfish, and a little whorish (You know bumble is going to put it right on out there)...BUT.....She needs to understand that...

1. Yes, you are at your sexual peak, and at our ages, we are looking to get our world rocked by our man...And thats okay too.

2. You have to respect your man....Plain and simple....Your stuff is for you and for your man. And God created the institution of marriage for people who want to really do the right thing....This is bad because its not a "whim"...She is thinking, contemplating, and probably planning to cheat....Once she cheats, all she is going to feel is disgust and regret....Plus, she don't know that she can get alone with this guy, and TRY TO stop at the last second, only to have him "take it by force." And this is why some rape is under-reported....But thats extreme...but real...

3. If he is good to her, and treats her well, she needs to remember what SHE HAS in her life and stop looking for greener pastures and complaining about what she doesn't have.....

I get mad sometimes because 2 or 3 days go by before we make love, but when we get together...whew! So out respect for God, and herself, she needs to step back....

Also, THEY BOTH need to humble themselves and get counseling....even if they go outside the church to another Pastor.......When we got marriage counseling before the wedding, my Pastor--in talking about other couples he counseles--mentioned that Sex is important in a marriage...and if a couple is having problems, he always asks if they are having regular, good sex...and if not, he orders them to TAKE TIME OUT and DO IT! (Talk about doing what the DOC ordered!).....When we visited my Pastor a few weeks ago, and he saw I wasn't pregnant (we attend my husbands church), he asked us straight up if we were doing it...He knows I don't do BC so I was like yeah, and he calmed down and looked at my DH, and was like GOOD, I thought I needed to pull ya'll in my office-and he was Dead Serious! And I was not even embarrassed, because in a marriage, the bond is too important to worry about being embarrassed...Thats real talk!

We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)

a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">

daughterrhonda
daughterrhonda's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 2 months ago
Joined: 05/26/2005 - 17:30
Re: Would you cheat?

Well said ladies! There is no way that your friend should even entertain having an affair. She made a vow to her husband and she should think about how she would feel if he did that to her. Is it worth losing her husband over?

As the other ladies said, she should be creative. Sex is something that can be enhanced with a little creativity. It is not a major problem.

One of the ladies said it -- she's playing with fire. I hope that she comes to her senses and heats up the fire in her own bedroom Keep us posted MrsJ!

Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37

rosetta
rosetta's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 08/23/2002 - 12:00
Re: Would you cheat?

Bumble My hubby would just LOVE you. I am lucky I guess to be married to a man with such a high sex drive. I have little to none and it's driving him bonkers! LOL. It is natural, soon2bmsj, for your friend to daydream about a more satisfying or at least DIFFERENT sex partner, but marriage is a commitment. The advice given is so on point that I need not repeat it.

My LITTLE sister told me when I was 24 and newly married and she was only 15, "Isn't adultery a sin? So why risk going to hell over 15 mins of pleasure?" I laughed at her naivety then, but I never forgot it. It plays over in my mind every time a sexy client stopped in. And ladies there are PLENTY hot, wealthy clients out there when you are in advertising. :)

Get social and fan us on http://www.facebook.com/Vibrantbride] Facebook.

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]
Second, your friend needs to think with her head and not with her P@$$%! And women can do that too. At our age 23-40, we are literally peaking, and trying to make love to men who peaked right about 18-20 years old
[/quote]

LMAO Preach girl! I am laughing at your post because you kept it REALLY REAL but you are speaking truth and that is what counts!!!
Ladies, I will definetly keep you posted! I guess I need to stop being a "b" and go ahead and call me friend back! :)

bumblebeekee
bumblebeekee's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/06/2006 - 22:16
Re: Would you cheat?

Ya'll keep me in stitches!

soon, you are not being a "b".....Sometimes, when you are talking to a friend going through something, you get frustrated cause they are not trying to hear it....Sometimes unfortunately, they have to figure it out on their own....You should call her, but try to be there for her in the even she does ignore your pleas....people have to learn their lessons sometimes....But as long as you stay true to who you are and be a friend....she will be alright....

We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)

a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

well ladies, I called my friend and after much discussion she is going to go ahead and DO IT!!!!!!!!! :( matter of fact they have this big rendezvous planned tonight---so... :( she said they both know it won't be nothing more that what it is because they both are in NEED of something...and they both have no intention of leaving their spouses, so she feels they are both mature enough to handle it...

daughterrhonda
daughterrhonda's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 2 months ago
Joined: 05/26/2005 - 17:30
Re: Would you cheat?

[quote="soon2bmsj"]well ladies, I called my friend and after much discussion she is going to go ahead and DO IT!!!!!!!!! :( matter of fact they have this big rendezvous planned tonight---so... :( she said they both know it won't be nothing more that what it is because they both are in NEED of something...and they both have no intention of leaving their spouses, so she feels they are both mature enough to handle it...
[/quote]

That's really unfortunate. They aren't thinking about the people that they made a committment to. Sometimes NEEDS have a way of blowing up in your face somewhere down the road. I hope that they are both mature enough to handle that. :-(

Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37

turiya
turiya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/29/2007 - 15:22
Re: Would you cheat?

[quote="soon2bmsj"]...and they both have no intention of leaving their spouses, so she feels they are both mature enough to handle it...
[/quote]

See, this is the way cheating spouses ALWAYS feel when they both are married, my previous point has been made. Now what happens if homeboy blow her back out tonight and make her see stars, or what if he gets sprung because his wife don't give head the way she does???? Nobody's still gonna wanna leave right? Bullsnit! Just like love and money will make you do crazy things, sex will too ...and good sex!!! FORGET IT.

We all need to pray that she is dry as a bone tonight or he stays limp as a leaf!

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10712;106/st/20081228/e/Our+Anniversary/k/5eb4/event.png[/img]
[/url]

turiya
turiya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/29/2007 - 15:22
Re: Would you cheat?

I don't know why ladies ...but I think I'm MAD!!!!

If she can plan a lovely night with the other Mrs. husband, what is stopping her from planning that same great night with her OWN husband! So she's cool with being second to another broad ...cause no matter what is going in their marriage his wife is #1.

Shutting up now .....

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10712;106/st/20081228/e/Our+Anniversary/k/5eb4/event.png[/img]
[/url]

pamcrow
pamcrow's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 01/09/2004 - 15:48
Re: Would you cheat?

Turiya (fist balled giving you the dog pound) I swear you my dawg for life. I just love how you keep it real.

How the hell are they mature enough to handle things when what they are about to do is so immature. What's going to make it even worse on her husband is to know that it's somebody in the same church worshiping right along with him. Probably smiling all up in his face on Sunday morning talking "God is good, bless you brother so in so". The devil is liar. I say pour some holy oil in a lubricant bottle and hand it to her with a smile saying "have fun tonight" and pray that the only shouting they will be doing is on their knees in prayer asking for forgiveness.

"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"

daughterrhonda
daughterrhonda's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 2 months ago
Joined: 05/26/2005 - 17:30
Re: Would you cheat?

OMG Turiya & PamCrow -- you guys are sooo funny! LOL!!!! But you've both made excellent points.

Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

Wow T-you didn't have to bring it like that! LMAO fo' real!!! but you are soooooo right!!!!and PamC-wish I could get my hands on some holy oil, but knowing her, she would use it for the "lubricant" in case she can't get wet enough!! (per our dear Diva T)

On the serious tip, I am really offering up a prayer of conviction before they "get it on" because I know once it is a done deal-hell is about to really break loose!!!!! :(

p.s. I have told yall once before, I have a tendency to attract "special" friends...some of my girls are soooo off the chain :(

pebbles35
pebbles35's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 02/13/2008 - 00:18
Re: Would you cheat?

that was deep turiya but soooooo right

futuremrskeepup
futuremrskeepup's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 9 months ago
Joined: 06/12/2007 - 23:05
Re: Would you cheat?

All I can do is shake my head and LMAO!

Divas T and Pam: head bowed, black-gloved fist in the air - I'm down with the movement 'cause you sistas are speakin' some TRUTH! LOL!

bumblebeekee
bumblebeekee's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/06/2006 - 22:16
Re: Would you cheat?

Thats a mess...very unfortunate...she definitely is not using her head.....Now everyone knows its never a one-time thing...I sure hope she didn't do anything last night...She needs to learn how to plan a rendevous with her own DH and not someone else's....

Now as far has her lover...I will say this, cause I need to go there....

Now thats why you have to please your man in a way that he can never say that same old sorry excuse...."My wife doesn't do that".....well at least my husband can't claim that...(wink)....And furthermore, she has to demand the same from her husband....!

Just like T said, now if he blows her back out she is definitely going to be sprung, and start resenting her husband and disrespecting him even more because of what somebody else's husband is doing....AND, knowing that man is married, why you accepting someother chick's sloppy seconds? He claim his sex life is weak, but he could be lyin....She don't really know WHAT that man and where that man done put his tongue and his "manhood" at on his wife......just nasty......

We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)

a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">

dreamgurl
dreamgurl's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 09/18/2007 - 21:50
Re: Would you cheat?

Wow Bumble and Turiya you hit the nail on the head!! This is a hot mess, from all angles. Your friend is gonna get burnt Soon. She made a conscious decision to put her marriage in jeopardy for what?? There are also diseases, and yeah this man might turn into something else, men can become obsessive and resentful. What if he decided to start chatting s* about her at work? Or to his friends?

Okay I know how it feels, and if she loves her husband she wont go back...unless the sex is really fabulous (it sounds like this is the whole thing for her. Okay now this could be the turning point in this situation, if the experience doesnt live up to her expectations (which 9 times out of 10 they wont)and she might walk away feeling worse. But the man she is lying with, is a sleaze ball, and yes he is probably being untruthful. Now this woman is making herself a liar and her husband will resent her for it, and more so for cheating with another married person. It doesnt look good, or sound redeemable (I am saying this from experience). How do you explain putting your own marriage in jeopardy, and disrespecting another union in the process. She will be caught, sooner or later, one day everything always comes out. Shoot she might even confess, (again been there and done that) because she cant live a lie. OK I feel really strongly about this, when I was in this situation noone told me to snap out of it, but Soon you told her straight up and she went ahead regardless, which is making her even more guilty. Hmmmm ....and to answer the question. No Soon I would never cheat, never ever again. One hour can destroy a foundation that took years to built, and yeah things might not be the same again. And it was not worth it, it never is. Borrowing from an advert, orgasm from s-shop vibrator $19.99, hotel room with another married man $69 but a life partnership based on love and trust, priceless...

bumblebeekee
bumblebeekee's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/06/2006 - 22:16
Re: Would you cheat?

Amen Dreamgurl!

We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)

a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

Well ladies...

THEY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and according to her-using the words of our dear Diva Turiya-he did blow her back out!!!!!!! :( she was so giddy and gushy yesterday it was sickening!!! and now she is being XXTRA nice to her hubby now (guilt no doubt) which I told her she is giving herself away considering it has been hell on earth in their household for the last couple of weeks and now all of a sudden she's "changed". I am waiting to see how she she church turned out today since all 4 of them will be there... :(

mrs080908
mrs080908's picture
Offline
Last seen: 16 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 03/20/2008 - 14:02
Re: Would you cheat?

Wow (shaking my head)
So now that she is feeling bad is she thinking about fixing her marriage or is she trying to go back for a second round.

url=http://tickers.livingchaos.co.uk/][img]http://tickers.livingchaos.co.uk/tickers/image/anniversary/14/53/2009-8-9/19469/366/T3VyIEZpcnN0IEFubml2ZXJzYXJ5IGlzIGluIA.jpg[/img][/url]

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

Oh Mrs080908-she is not feeling bad...she is just not keeping hell up in the household now, which like I told her, I am sure hubby is going to wonder why she changed all of a sudden... :(

We really didn't get to talk about "what now"-because she was on such a HIGH and her head was soooo in the clouds--I didn't get a chance to ask her what she plans to do now... :(

phenomonique
phenomonique's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 5 months ago
Joined: 06/23/2005 - 13:49
Re: Would you cheat?

80/20. If the only thing the next man has to offer is hot sex, pass on that. She should have bought a toy and worked it out on her own. I've work with people who cheated on their spouse and when everyone gets together, the other man always has that 'I know what she tastes like' look on his face while he's shaking hands with her husband. I said I never wanted anyone to do that to my husband. Unfortunately, he didn't think the same, and that kind of mess came knocking at my door! So here I sit, happily, on my own again.

Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!

futuremrskeepup
futuremrskeepup's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 9 months ago
Joined: 06/12/2007 - 23:05
Re: Would you cheat?

Oh Niquey I'm sad to hear that! But happy that you're happy and at peace.

As for your girl msj, I hope old boy was as excited about it as she was because I see some stalking and a broken marriage or two and possibly some jail time in the futures of those 4 people! A mess!

pamcrow
pamcrow's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 01/09/2004 - 15:48
Re: Would you cheat?

Wwooooowww......that's all I can say.

"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"

deelove
deelove's picture
Offline
Last seen: 16 years 2 months ago
Joined: 09/14/2007 - 00:09
Re: Would you cheat?

For some reason, I've been missing this thread... Only saw it today and Wow, is all I can say. I guess some people want to actually go through things before they can learn a lesson. Well, I've always been one person too cautious to touch a burning plate when someone else whose done it told me its hot. Cheating for me has always been a big NO NO bcos I believe that your own gratification shouldn't come at the expense of somebody else.

One thing I've learnt with partnerships (thats how I see marriages & relationships) is that you always have to work on it daily to keep it going. Your friend sounds like someone who wants to do nothing about her situation with her DH but expect to see different results. Thats not how the real world works, and unfortunately for her, she might realise it too late! Definitely the 80/20 rule working here!!!

[url=http://www.baby-gaga.com/][img]http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/t/dogdogadb20080703_1_My+Little+Angel+is.png[/img][/url]

bumblebeekee
bumblebeekee's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/06/2006 - 22:16
Re: Would you cheat?

Okay, Niquey, I am sorry to hear about that, but I am glad you are happy.

soon2bmrsj, your friend is weak. She turned her back on God, her self, and her man....weak. God will forgive, her man may even forgive, but she is wrong....! Keep us up to date on the process. She had better be careful....She definitely is at risk of losing her 80 percent for 20...Hopefully this is a onetime thing...She better get a pregnancy, and STD test this month....I don't care if she used condoms....I see too many people in my office because they are that 2-4% condoms don't work for...

We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)

a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

well the pregnancy part is out because she had a hystie a few years ago, but the stds...like I told her, he was too comfortable with the idea so he has probably did it before, so she really does need to be careful...I agree with you on the weakness, but that is when she looks at what she has to lose because from what I know of him, her DH is a pretty good guy! her response to me was-well you are still a newlywed, wait until yall have been married for some time and you will see what I am talking about..I told her I HAVE been married before and I know all about temptation, revenge etc...so you are not telling me NOTHING I don't know! I have been married for 2 months but I saw the finest man I have seen in awhile (outside of DH :) at church yesterday-and me and EVERY other woman in the church was looking at this fine piece of work!! but hey looking is as far as I would ever take it, no matter what DH and I may be going thru...and the funny thing is, with DH being an Usher-he was aware of what was going on because he said something about it last night about all of the women looking at Mr. Fine and we just laughed about it---but I also let him know that my committment is to HIM so no matter who or what I see, it could never come between US...but as one diva said previously, that comes with wisdom, experience & knowledge which obviously my "friend" has not gained yet :(

soontobebride
soontobebride's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 7 months ago
Joined: 11/03/2006 - 23:16
Re: Would you cheat?

All I can say is WOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is like a movie or something......wow...

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

I know soontobride, BUT this is some real live stuff... :(

turiya
turiya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/29/2007 - 15:22
Re: Would you cheat?

Hey Soon ...how did everyone handle themselves in church?

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10712;106/st/20081228/e/Our+Anniversary/k/5eb4/event.png[/img]
[/url]

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

I haven't spoken to her since Sat.-I am waiting for her to call me..and I will definetly keep you guys posted!

daughterrhonda
daughterrhonda's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 2 months ago
Joined: 05/26/2005 - 17:30
Re: Would you cheat?

Unbelievable. Soon2bmsj, your friend might think that she is on top of the world. Before it's all said and done, she will end up in a very lonely, shallow world all by herself.

Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37

turiya
turiya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/29/2007 - 15:22
Re: Would you cheat?

Do you know if they strapped up? Like someone else said, I would be scared of someone who anxiously wants it and they have somebody. He could be one of those, mad at the world guys bc he got something ...so he willingly passing it. People are mad these day, and you never know what the next man's plan is.

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10712;106/st/20081228/e/Our+Anniversary/k/5eb4/event.png[/img]
[/url]

rosetta
rosetta's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 08/23/2002 - 12:00
Re: Would you cheat?

[quote="Turiya"]...and they both have no intention of leaving their spouses, so she feels they are both mature enough to handle it...

See, this is the way cheating spouses ALWAYS feel when they both are married, my previous point has been made... This completes your order. Thank you for shopping with us.
We all need to pray that she is dry as a bone tonight or he stays limp as a leave!
[/quote]

Too true. WHat a waste. Take your marriage seriously. It is never OK to cheat. Someone ALWAYS gets hurt. It may just be her. She was looking for approval, I think, so when she didn't get it from soon2bmsj, she did what she was going to do anyway. Morality is just life lessons learned and passed along. Why put your hand in the fire to know that it's hot? :)

Get social and fan us on http://www.facebook.com/Vibrantbride] Facebook.

platinumstyle
platinumstyle's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 1 month ago
Joined: 09/28/2005 - 12:32
Re: Would you cheat?

This is deep! The others have given great advice. I don't have anything to add...

Born Blessed!

rosetta
rosetta's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 08/23/2002 - 12:00
Re: Would you cheat?

Ewww. Do you think they would go bare back because she can't get pregnant??? I think knowing there was a condom between my DH and another woman might keep me from murder, but the thought of full on juicy contact is revolting! (shudder)

Don't they call guys you like at work "work husbands"? I have a white friend who calls this chick at his job his "work wife" They go to lunch, chat at break and send jokey e-mails. No sex or touching or kissing. Just flirty. Is that cheating too? Is that WORSE than sex?

Get social and fan us on http://www.facebook.com/Vibrantbride] Facebook.

turiya
turiya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/29/2007 - 15:22
Re: Would you cheat?

It's a million a one EXCUSES why folks don't strap:

1: It just happened
2: We didn't have/need one
3: He/she told me he/she didn't have nothing
4: He/she only f876ing his wife/her husband
5: I already have xyz so why I need to strap
6: I take penicillin on a regular, so I'm good
7. I can't get pregnant
8. I can't get anybody pregnant
9. We pulled out
10. I don't like those things or I'm allergic

Those are just a few, off the top of my head THAT I HAVE HEARD ...So I wouldn't put it pass them ...for real their whole episode is nasty.

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10712;106/st/20081228/e/Our+Anniversary/k/5eb4/event.png[/img]
[/url]

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

[quote="Rosetta"]Ewww. Do you think they would go bare back because she can't get pregnant??? I think knowing there was a condom between my DH and another woman might keep me from murder, but the thought of full on juicy contact is revolting! (shudder)

Don't they call guys you like at work "work husbands"? I have a white friend who calls this chick at his job his "work wife" They go to lunch, chat at break and send jokey e-mails. No sex or touching or kissing. Just flirty. Is that cheating too? Is that WORSE than sex?
[/quote]

LOL Rosie! :) Full on Juicy contact!?!?!?

and to your 2nd question, from my understanding, anyone you can carry on a friendship/relationship with and your spouse does not know about is a form of cheating not just SEX..because anyone you have to hide is taking anyway from the emotional time you could be putting into your spouse-just my opinion! :)

daughterrhonda
daughterrhonda's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 years 2 months ago
Joined: 05/26/2005 - 17:30
Re: Would you cheat?

Rosie, I agree with Soon. I don't want any woman, co-worker or anyone flirting or going to lunch and "sharing" (emotional or sexual) in any kind of way with my husband. Cheating usually gets started with a little harmless flirting....

I think that husbands/wives should not engage in any type of behavior that their spouses would not approve of. Period.

Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37

soontobebride
soontobebride's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 7 months ago
Joined: 11/03/2006 - 23:16
Re: Would you cheat?

I definitely agree with DaughterRhonda. There's a difference between harmless flirting and then taking it to the point where you're starting to talk to the other person about feelings, your problems at home, going out to lunch, making excuses to see them. I think that's going WAY over the line. Like she said if you have to hide this person from your spouse for any reason, or if you can't tell your spouse who your talking to/hanging out with, then it's cheating.

pebbles35
pebbles35's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 8 months ago
Joined: 02/13/2008 - 00:18
Re: Would you cheat?

i totally agree with rhonda and soon to be bride that is considered a form of cheating, just because its not sexual doesnt mean its not cheating thats how it starts.

soon2bmsj
soon2bmsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 15 years 3 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2007 - 08:26
Re: Would you cheat?

**UPDATE**
well ladies, spoke to my friend last night...
She is still on a HIGH--I asked her how did things go on Sunday and she said fine; so I begin to try to get the dirt so this is what I found out:
1. no condom-her reasoning-they both have been with their spouses for years and neither believe the other has been with anyone else; I asked her does think her friend may have cheated before on his wife and her response-"no, he is really not that kind of person" (WTF?!?!?!)
2. her response-they are still going to be just "friends" and whatever happens-they will take it one day at a time

I told her she really needs to think about what she did and what she is doing and how would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot and her DH was cheating, and she said, maybe he is...he is not f*&*&() me... Ladies, I am at a loss for words with her at this point :(

Pages