How do you tell a female that want to be in your wedding,that she have to lose a little weight to be a part of the wedding party. The dresses only go up to one size, and she can't fit the size it go up to.
How do you tell a female that want to be in your wedding,that she have to lose a little weight to be a part of the wedding party. The dresses only go up to one size, and she can't fit the size it go up to.
That will be very hard to do without hurting someones feelings. Then again it depends on how close you are and what kind of relationship you have. I for one have a very close relationship with every girl that was in my bridal party and although I did not have a problem with any of their weights if I did I would pretty much just tell them because of the relationship we have I don't think they would be offended and vice versa. But once again all my girls and I are very close. Good luck.
[quote="wedding2010"]How do you tell a female that want to be in your wedding,that she have to lose a little weight to be a part of the wedding party. The dresses only go up to one size, and she can't fit the size it go up to.
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It'll be very hard.
Your bridal party should be people that have been there through thick and thin, and that will help you keep it together for the days to come. So If I were one of those 'true' friends I'd wonder why;
A-you didn't consider the alternative of either choosing a style that comes in my size, or
B-why didn't you consider having my gown made by an outside source before asking me to loose weight if I want to be in your wedding.
I agree with phenomonique. How much weight would she have to lose? Are we talking 10 pounds or more than 20 pounds? There is no avoiding her feelings being hurt over this but the more weight she is being asked to lose the more hurt she'll feel. Have you thought of just giving your BM the color you want them to wear and let them pick their own dresses? Bridal parties wearing different dresses but same color is quite popular.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
I agree with the ladies. Is she not good enough for your wedding? Is she not that good of a friend?
Friends come in all shapes and sizes. If she is a good friend, you may do what many ladies with diverse set of friends do and pick a color, and let them choose the dress that flatters their body shape the most. Even if she lost a few pounds, people lose weight differently, and it may or may not flatter her shape any better than before. Some lose it all over, some lose it in the wrong places before it all works together....
I always mention this but my SIL-Bless her picked a dress that was just unflattering on me. I did lose a little weight, but after 170.00 for the dress, over 60 for alterations, I still cringe when I see it. Its not her fault I struggled with my weight at that time, but ANYONE spending that kind of money can't appreciate the purchase it you just felt crazy in the dress.
My BM's were so happy about the color, and I supervised their choices. I wanted them all to look good-sexy, yet, classy. And we got the acheived look. I wasn't worried about someone looking better than me, cause I was the bride, and all eyes will be on the bride anyways. One of my very very hippy BM's wanted to pick a dress that accentuated them even more, but I was not having it. I asked her to try on a dress that was flattering to her bustline, and took the attention away from her butt and hips, she just fell in love with it...And she was initially DEAD SET on that other dress. Plus, her hubby would have been pissed. So it took a little finesse too!
Even though its your day, its also about making sure your real friends are comfortable-cause just like you want them to be a good friend to you, you need to be a good friend to her. And coming from both sides of the coin, I know how it feels to be in an unflattering dress, but still plaster on a smile so your home girl can feel special. And thats fine too. But she was a little too unwavering in that aspect. And thats fine. We deal. But I would feel horrible aknowing my friends were uncomfortable at my wedding. My very honest sister who was my MOH told me she was so impressed-and their were no problems! So if you can help it, bend a little, and think about it.
I agree with all the ladies that have posted. Maybe you should just pick another dress that can fit everyone. My cousin is a plus size Glam Diva and I made sure that she was comfortable with the dresses that I picked and made sure they had all sizes. Because I could not imagine not having her standing there with me on my day just because of a dress situation.
I agree with the other ladies also; my MOH is plus size and the dress that she wore only went up to the size she could actually fit and still was a little tight...
1. It did give her an incentive to lose weight (which she did)
2. It was the dress SHE chose, so had she needed another size, I would have allowed her to choose something that was more comfortable for her or look into getting her dress made.
This is a VERY sensitive subject and I don't know if I could even touch this one..I agree with Bumble, friends come in all sizes, shapes, colors etc..so I think you should accept her for what she is PLUS SIZE..we all have imperfections, so I guess you have to ask yourself the question:
-how important is this friends participation in your wedding???
-are you willing to compromise a friendship over a dress???
-how would uou feel if a friend chose not to have you in their wedding because of your imperfections???
BTW the suggestion of different dresses is great! all of my ladies (even the hostess wore different style dresses in the same color and it worked great!!!
I agree with the other ladies. Although I didnt have any plus size attendents, all my girls had different body shapes. I gave them a few choices to work with and let them choose out of them, My MOH, who was not plus size but bigger than the rest,I gave her her own separate choices to choose from and she picked what she liked best. I couldnt see myself telling any of them that they had to loose weight for a dress. to me that is hurtful.
If that were me, I would feel offended. I agree wholeheartedly with what the Divas have said, especially Phenomonique.
I'm a plus size bride and my sister is a fab plus size gal as well. As a matter of fact, she's 6 sizes bigger than I and she's my Matron Of Honor and will look fab in her gown. My Maid Of Honor is also plus size, just like me (a size 16) and I'm looking forward to having both of them with me on one of the most special day of my life.
I think it's a bit shallow, if you ask me. If this person is a true friend, why would you ask her to loose weight? Why not choose something flattering to all sizes and shapes?
Ya'll are approaching this a lot nicer than me I guess. I would be offended and I would feel like you were completely rude and shallow. If she is really your friend her size should be unimportant, but if you only want her in your wedding if you she will look the way you want her too then I would evaluate whether or not you all are actually friends.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
Women are very sensitive about their weight, big or small.
So, I, Personally would not ask a friend to lose weight for MY wedding. I agree with Bumble. Why not same color, different style?
Yeah, I agree, I don't think there is any good way to ask a friend that question. UNLESS like one of the ladies said, your friendship is tight like that. We all have different types of friends, some friends we know we can be direct with and they will roll with it, some friends we have to be a little more sensitive because they don't have tough skin. I guess the question is what type of relationship do you have with this friend...but I'm thinking because you are posing the question to us, you know that she will not take too well to this request. I'd say to avoid it all, like the ladies, either don't ask her to be in your wedding or find another dress for the party, or have them pick their own dresses in the same color.
IvyPrincess...I hear ya. You took the words right out of my mouth. Through the years I've learned to really identify true friends and they come at a premium. I would never tell one of my 'true' friends to alter her appearance because it didn't suit the designer ...I would pick a dress that can fit all or get the dresses made. It's stressful enough planning a wedding and dealing with all the little nuances. Don't add this to your plate. Bridzella's are a fad and not very attractive. Come from a place of love.
How do you tell a female that want to be in your wedding,that she have to lose a little weight to be a part of the wedding party. The dresses only go up to one size, and she can't fit the size it go up to.
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That will be very hard to do without hurting someones feelings. Then again it depends on how close you are and what kind of relationship you have. I for one have a very close relationship with every girl that was in my bridal party and although I did not have a problem with any of their weights if I did I would pretty much just tell them because of the relationship we have I don't think they would be offended and vice versa. But once again all my girls and I are very close. Good luck.
[quote="wedding2010"]How do you tell a female that want to be in your wedding,that she have to lose a little weight to be a part of the wedding party. The dresses only go up to one size, and she can't fit the size it go up to.
[/quote]
It'll be very hard.
Your bridal party should be people that have been there through thick and thin, and that will help you keep it together for the days to come. So If I were one of those 'true' friends I'd wonder why;
A-you didn't consider the alternative of either choosing a style that comes in my size, or
B-why didn't you consider having my gown made by an outside source before asking me to loose weight if I want to be in your wedding.
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
I agree with phenomonique. How much weight would she have to lose? Are we talking 10 pounds or more than 20 pounds? There is no avoiding her feelings being hurt over this but the more weight she is being asked to lose the more hurt she'll feel. Have you thought of just giving your BM the color you want them to wear and let them pick their own dresses? Bridal parties wearing different dresses but same color is quite popular.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
I agree with the ladies. Is she not good enough for your wedding? Is she not that good of a friend?
Friends come in all shapes and sizes. If she is a good friend, you may do what many ladies with diverse set of friends do and pick a color, and let them choose the dress that flatters their body shape the most. Even if she lost a few pounds, people lose weight differently, and it may or may not flatter her shape any better than before. Some lose it all over, some lose it in the wrong places before it all works together....
I always mention this but my SIL-Bless her picked a dress that was just unflattering on me. I did lose a little weight, but after 170.00 for the dress, over 60 for alterations, I still cringe when I see it. Its not her fault I struggled with my weight at that time, but ANYONE spending that kind of money can't appreciate the purchase it you just felt crazy in the dress.
My BM's were so happy about the color, and I supervised their choices. I wanted them all to look good-sexy, yet, classy. And we got the acheived look. I wasn't worried about someone looking better than me, cause I was the bride, and all eyes will be on the bride anyways. One of my very very hippy BM's wanted to pick a dress that accentuated them even more, but I was not having it. I asked her to try on a dress that was flattering to her bustline, and took the attention away from her butt and hips, she just fell in love with it...And she was initially DEAD SET on that other dress. Plus, her hubby would have been pissed. So it took a little finesse too!
Even though its your day, its also about making sure your real friends are comfortable-cause just like you want them to be a good friend to you, you need to be a good friend to her. And coming from both sides of the coin, I know how it feels to be in an unflattering dress, but still plaster on a smile so your home girl can feel special. And thats fine too. But she was a little too unwavering in that aspect. And thats fine. We deal. But I would feel horrible aknowing my friends were uncomfortable at my wedding. My very honest sister who was my MOH told me she was so impressed-and their were no problems! So if you can help it, bend a little, and think about it.
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I agree with all the ladies that have posted. Maybe you should just pick another dress that can fit everyone. My cousin is a plus size Glam Diva and I made sure that she was comfortable with the dresses that I picked and made sure they had all sizes. Because I could not imagine not having her standing there with me on my day just because of a dress situation.
Everyone have given you great advice. Good Luck
Remember To Always Be Fabulous!!!
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I agree with the other ladies also; my MOH is plus size and the dress that she wore only went up to the size she could actually fit and still was a little tight...
1. It did give her an incentive to lose weight (which she did)
2. It was the dress SHE chose, so had she needed another size, I would have allowed her to choose something that was more comfortable for her or look into getting her dress made.
This is a VERY sensitive subject and I don't know if I could even touch this one..I agree with Bumble, friends come in all sizes, shapes, colors etc..so I think you should accept her for what she is PLUS SIZE..we all have imperfections, so I guess you have to ask yourself the question:
-how important is this friends participation in your wedding???
-are you willing to compromise a friendship over a dress???
-how would uou feel if a friend chose not to have you in their wedding because of your imperfections???
BTW the suggestion of different dresses is great! all of my ladies (even the hostess wore different style dresses in the same color and it worked great!!!
I agree with the other ladies. Although I didnt have any plus size attendents, all my girls had different body shapes. I gave them a few choices to work with and let them choose out of them, My MOH, who was not plus size but bigger than the rest,I gave her her own separate choices to choose from and she picked what she liked best. I couldnt see myself telling any of them that they had to loose weight for a dress. to me that is hurtful.
Ouch, wedding2010. That's tough to ask your friend. You might be better off not asking at all. I'd be offended.
I'm a married woman as of December 2, 2006.
Delight yourself also in the Lord & He shall give you all the desires of your heart.-Psalm 37:4
If that were me, I would feel offended. I agree wholeheartedly with what the Divas have said, especially Phenomonique.
I'm a plus size bride and my sister is a fab plus size gal as well. As a matter of fact, she's 6 sizes bigger than I and she's my Matron Of Honor and will look fab in her gown. My Maid Of Honor is also plus size, just like me (a size 16) and I'm looking forward to having both of them with me on one of the most special day of my life.
I think it's a bit shallow, if you ask me. If this person is a true friend, why would you ask her to loose weight? Why not choose something flattering to all sizes and shapes?
Anywhoo, that was my two cents worth!!!
Ya'll are approaching this a lot nicer than me I guess. I would be offended and I would feel like you were completely rude and shallow. If she is really your friend her size should be unimportant, but if you only want her in your wedding if you she will look the way you want her too then I would evaluate whether or not you all are actually friends.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
Nicely said Diva Ivy. How's your planning going? I know you're busy,but it's been a while. We missed ya!!!
I agree with what all the ladies have said. Really think about it before approching the situation.
Women are very sensitive about their weight, big or small.
So, I, Personally would not ask a friend to lose weight for MY wedding. I agree with Bumble. Why not same color, different style?
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Yeah, I agree, I don't think there is any good way to ask a friend that question. UNLESS like one of the ladies said, your friendship is tight like that. We all have different types of friends, some friends we know we can be direct with and they will roll with it, some friends we have to be a little more sensitive because they don't have tough skin. I guess the question is what type of relationship do you have with this friend...but I'm thinking because you are posing the question to us, you know that she will not take too well to this request. I'd say to avoid it all, like the ladies, either don't ask her to be in your wedding or find another dress for the party, or have them pick their own dresses in the same color.
IvyPrincess...I hear ya. You took the words right out of my mouth. Through the years I've learned to really identify true friends and they come at a premium. I would never tell one of my 'true' friends to alter her appearance because it didn't suit the designer ...I would pick a dress that can fit all or get the dresses made. It's stressful enough planning a wedding and dealing with all the little nuances. Don't add this to your plate. Bridzella's are a fad and not very attractive. Come from a place of love.
www.mywedding.com/jonandvonyetta