How would you feel?

I'm some what in the same position. Me and my FH don't live together but, we both have apartments with almost new things. We actually gave some stuff away. However he just bought us a house so, What I decided to do is ask for gift cards. Because we are going to do some painting and other little things. You can also do a gift regirster at a travel agency and have put add money for your HM. I believe that is a little better than asking for money. Also it is all in how you word it. Your close friends and family because they know you would know what you need anyway just by normal conversation. So they would probably give you money. Septbride, remember it is your wedding and it's whatever you want to put on there. Because once everything is done you can't go back and change it so, if anything didn't come out how you expected you can't be mad at anyone but you. That way it will save relationships. I hope this helps.

I have been living with my fh for several years as well, that's why I chose not to do a registry. My fmil was very disguisted by my decision, saying she hates when people dont do registries. But who the hell cares.

Well my soon to be mother in law suggested that we do the same thing. See my fiance and I live about 5 hours away from each so she said we should suggest it so we won't have to tow all that stuff. But she suggested that we should do gift cards, and that what would happen is that it would just be a list of stores that we prefer and the guests just get gift cards. I thought that was a great idea because I know me personally I hate having to go and search around stores for stuff that's on the registry it's just time consuming, I'd rather just get a gift card which takes all of 2 minutes and I'm done no stress no worries.

Housewife you are toooo funny. I've gone to 2 wedding in the last couple of months and both brides asked for monetary gifts on their invitation. I didn't think it was rude at all. It saves them alot of time taking things back they don;t need. I plan to put the same type of wording on my invites. I'm trying to come up with a little poem. I don't understand why people make such a big deal out of this.

I'm sorry I've been missing in action for a while but I've seen a cute little poem that ask for monetary gifts. You can include with your invites that it's a wishing well reception. Check out the sample monetary gift verses in the article here on vibride. Speaking from experience, we had this dilemma but decided to register anyway for things like fine china, and things that we had but could use an upgrade on. We still have a lot of things that we haven't used but you can either regift or take them back and exchange for something you need. You can also put gift cards on registries too! I must say we weren't expecting to get so many nice gifts but the shocker was the monetary gifts. We didn't ask for it but people who knew us gave us money and gift cards too. We opened up an account with the money we received from the wedding and used alot of the gift cards to help with purchasing Christmas gifts and buying things we needed at Walmart, Target, etc. Askalot, I say do what you feel is best but you will be surprised at what you get. Oh, my MIL told everyone that asked her to give us money because we already had 2-3 of everything.

I guess it would depend on the family. I recently attended an wedding and they had monetary gifts prefered. It didn't bother me because in my family we give gifts for the bridal shower and the wedding you automatically give money. I dont know how others would feel but you have to think, its 2007 the old traditions for a lot of things have been thrown out the door. We move with the times. I would leave your invitation just the way it is. Most invitations have registeries because they need things. You on the other hand would like money so that is what your invitation says. I would just leave it!

[quote="SeptBride"]THank you ladies for all of your suggestions and tips. Some people would be fine with it, but I have a feeling some wouldn't. I'm really, really torn. I REALLY DO NOT WANT GIFTS. I'm trying to get rid of things, not bring more into the house. lol I don't even plan on having a gift table set up at the reception. lol I don't mind at all getting gifts at my shower though.
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Since my FH doesn't think his family will spread the word, we are providing a front and back information sheet along with the invitations that includes all directions to the church, reception, hotel, etc and all hotel information-numbers, check in, deadlines, etc. At the bottom at that sheet we included wedding colors and the registry information so people won't be confused. I also included a number for them to call in case they can't send the RSVP back. We decided to do this to reduce confusion and headaches. I am SO through with etiquette. Askalot, I would ask for monetary gifts there, and add a line about already having plenty of housewares.

ANother Idea: If you like, register for gift cards at your favorite store (I like Crate and Barrel, Pier 1 Imports, etc.) Or register for just pretty accents, and NO pots and pans or whatever. You can also use this as an opportunity to redecorate your bedroom with new sheet colors, kitchen or bathroom with new towel accents, fine china, or a BBQ set. I even put an Aero inflateable bed, vaccum cleaner, tableclothes, cute napkin rings, or whatever, those cute contemporary vases. It takes some time, but visit these homestores, forget about the other traditional stuff and jump on it! Crate and Barrel, and Pier 1 have websites. This can accomodate people who feel they RATHER buy SOMETHING....

For KMED, you can do a wedding registry at Home Depot, Kohls, (not sure of Lowe's) and put all your paints, shelves, gift cards there.

Oh yeah. I would not be offended if someone asked for cash only. HOWEVER, I can understand why someone would. (Some people are fickle-forgive them). So thats why I presented some ideas for you to use at your advantage.

I guess it depends on your family/friends and guests. I know according to etiquette it is in bad taste to come right out and ask for money BUT in my family we usually just ask for what we want so that way we give a person a gift that they can really use and not something that they will just give away ( or will sit on a shelf and take up space) My husband and I will have been married for 11 years at that time so we CERTAINLY do not need anything for our house and even though people have tried to encourage me to, I chose not ro register but my mother and sisters are going to tell people that if they HAVE to give us something money would be best. We are leaving it at that!

Create a registry & only put gift cards on it! Everyone knew we're having a house built & my fam spread the word that we'd rather recieve money/gift cards instead. I set up a little cardboard house on the table at the reception for cards & cash. No note, no poem. Did pretty good too. If people really care that much, they'll ask you what you want.

Askalot we get that one OFTEN on this site. I wish I had gotten a toaster. WE were moving into a new house, no money no stuff. My mom had to buy me a broom and dust bin! lol Here are a few ways to ask politely:
getting monetary gifts

I posted this on another post, but I agree with you ladies, I just can't understand the problem with asking for monetary gifts IF your guests choose to bring a gift. We know that most people bring gifts to a wedding anyway so I just can't understand why if they do plan on getting a gift, we can let them know what type of gift is preferred so we won't get something we really don't need. Here's the poem that I was pondering on using:

Soon you will hear our wedding bell
As friends and family wish us well
Our household thoughts are not brand new
We'll have twice the things and less space for two
Since we have our share of dishes and beddings
We'll have availiable if you choose a wishing well at our wedding
But most importantly we ask of you, your prayers,
your presence, and blessings too!

We did cover this on several other posts and my opinion stays the same. On the bottom of my invites is the wording,"While all gifts are appreciated, Monetary gifts are preferred." I look at it like this, I'm a grown ass woman. I can buy my own toaster if I do nt have 1. And if I did not have 1, it's probably because I do not need one. Can I get an Amen from the church?

AMEN!!!!Lol!Ladies,I love the gift card idea,that way,FH and I can get what we really want.I notice sometimes,people will ignore a registry.I don't want the usual toaster,coffee and crock pot (I have those already) but we can never have too many sheets and towels!lol.

Amen House...Amen Plat! Cinny, I love the little house idea. I have also seen parents set up a place for people to put money, like a cute basket or something, and then the parents will start things off by putting cash or checks in the basket. At my friends wedding the grooms dad started it off, and they collected like 5000.00! that evening, On TOP of the gifts they recieved for the house they had just bought!

Hey there Askalot, personally I would not be offended. It totally depends on the person. I don't see anything wrong with asking for what you want. Keep us posted.

I alway's figured that if the couple didnt have a registry then you give money. Most weddings that I have attended I only saw people with cards and not presents. I have a solution for all of this mess I am going to contact my local newspaper and put an ad out telling the world that I only what money.

Sept, I'm going to be honest w/you on this, as if I cld help myself:). I was the MOH in a wedding several years ago and the other 2 people in the party were the sisters of the bride. They did not help me do anything as far as the shower or paying 4 it.I did not get the bride a gift. It was my 1st time in a wedding and I really did nt know I was supposed to but speaking honestly, I cld nt afford it anyway. I was in her wedding and my daughter so therefore I incurred a lot of expenses. She argued with me after her wedding about the fact that I did not get her a gift. I thought the shower was the gift especially since I footed the entire bill for 35 people w/all the extras myself. when I explained all that to her she said that was no excuse.Well not even 6 mos later I got married and her and her daughter were in my wedding. Girlfriend was hot!!! because by her own principle, she had to get me a monetary gift. I had a large wedding party and they split the bill btwn them. For my gift, the bridal party got together and paid for our Limo. But, again she felt I was supposed to give her a monetary gift in spite of it all and now she felt obliged to do so since she made a big deal about me not doing so and it being the PROPER thing to do, even though she cld nt afford to do it. Now the right thing for me to do was to give her her cash bck,BUT since she made a huge argument out of it and we all know, I'm big on being a heifer sometimes, I didn't.LOL Now to answer your ?, I think with all the cost incurred by the female portion of the wedding party, a gift is not required but if they wld like to that is also very nice.

Wow! Taj, I think that because you are paid for the WHOLE daggone wedding shower, you didn't need to get her a gift. Truthfully, it was HER job to let you know what she wanted you to do. All MOH don't do the same things. I am lucky because my 2 BM's are the maid and matron of honor. The Matron of Honor is helping my sister out (maid of honor) and knows what to expect. If it was my sister leading everything, I would have to be more precise in her directions because she would not have known what to do being that it is her first wedding-and thats being fair to my sister.
Girl, you didn't have too give her ANOTHER gift, because like me-she should not expect gifts from her Bridal Party. To me, that should be an ettiquette no no. The Bridal Party spends enough...let them get it IF they WANT to. My MOH and her husband will give us because they WANT TO and they are our friends. If they don't, I still thank God they helped.

I THINK THAT ONCE SOMEONE ACCEPTS THE OFFER TO BE IN YOUR WEDDING THE GIFT TO YOU IS THERE ACCEPTANCE AND THE MONIES THEY WILL SPEND TO PARTICIPATE. THE MOH AND THE BRIDESMAIDS ARE USUALLY THE ONES TO HOST THE BRIDAL SHOWER AND THAT COST. THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY FURTHER EXPECTATIONS A TRUE FRIEND/LOVED ONE SHOULD AND WOULD NOT GET UPSET IF ONE DID NOT BUY GIFT AFTER ALL OF THAT. THAT IS ASKING A LITTLE BIT MUCH

I didn't expect my bridal party to still give me a gift after all of the money they spent to make my day a success (dress almost $200, hair, nails, make-up, etc). They did, however give me gifts at the bridal shower. I was totally surprised and told them that wasn't necessary. I also told them not to spend any more money on me.

Exactly ladies! I feel the same way. You being in my wedding is my gift.

AMEN!