Hi ladies I know that I have been AWOL. I wanted some advice. My BF and I have been together for 5 years. Two years ago, I wanted to break up b/c I felt that we were not a "serious" couple and I wanted to be alone to focus on me. He was very upset and proclaimed his love. I said that if we were going to stay together we needed to make some plans. He kept crying that he needed to get his life together ie finish school, get a better job, etc. I said he could do that but then we should just date casually while he decided to commit or not. He did not want that. In any event we got the ring, hall, date etc. fastfoward to last November and he feels rushed. So I called evrything off and gave him the ring back. Now he wants to string me along while he decides when or what is right. I am angry and I feel that he lied to keep me from leaving. We are seeing two therapists but I am not hopeful at all. Thoughts ladies. I am so embarassed it took me a while to even post what happened.
Hi ladies I know that I have been AWOL. I wanted some advice. My BF and I have been together for 5 years. Two years ago, I wanted to break up b/c I felt that we were not a "serious" couple and I wanted to be alone to focus on me. He was very upset and proclaimed his love. I said that if we were going to stay together we needed to make some plans. He kept crying that he needed to get his life together ie finish school, get a better job, etc. I said he could do that but then we should just date casually while he decided to commit or not. He did not want that. In any event we got the ring, hall, date etc. fastfoward to last November and he feels rushed. So I called evrything off and gave him the ring back. Now he wants to string me along while he decides when or what is right. I am angry and I feel that he lied to keep me from leaving. We are seeing two therapists but I am not hopeful at all. Thoughts ladies. I am so embarassed it took me a while to even post what happened.
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Sweetie, don't be embarassed. We love you just the same. It's going to be his loss. I can certainly understand where you are coming from. I think you should go with what your "gut-feeling" is saying. It never lies to us. Could you actually see yourself being with this man for the rest of your life? Can you see yourself growing old, with grandbabies running around in the yard? All I can say is, don't settle for less. You deserve the best!!!!!!!!
I agree. your happiness is the first and foremost and if u feel this is not going to be the all in all u are ready for do not settle.
I do love him dearly but I feel that he does not want to be with me forever and does not want to tell me. He says he needs time to get things in order but I want a plan. I am starting to resent him for causing confusion. We are seeing two therapists. He says I never let him come to any decisions on his own. He says that I am trying to plan his life. The one therapist agrees with whatever nonsense he says. We started seeing someone new who has helped us more but I just am not sure what to do. Sometimes I feel suffocated by it all.
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One thing I learned is to never let some kind of "loyalty" keep you to a man. Its one thing to try to get someone to be more serious about God, and get into church, even though they love you so much. If its a question if YOU are worth it....If he doesn't know that by now then I don't understand what else does he have to know? You can never know anyone 100% because WE ourselves don't know who we truly are (if thats what he's worrying about) because we haven't lived that long. The decision is do you want to find out TOGETHER......Are you willing to say, if I find our he/she is crazy later on then I guess I just have to pray them out until God moves.....If he can't make that decision then I thin you have answered your own question.
I can see if he was not trying to go to church, or lazy about cleaning, or even your typical stubborn man, but you are talking about someone who can't decide if YOU ARE WORTH IT.....And i'm telling you, and I don't know you that...YES YOU ARE!
I told my fiance in 2005 to hit the door and he did...reluctantly. But I tell you what-----I was ready to move on....And just when I was beginning to, I saw a new, born-again man, who is growing everyday. I said it then, and I'll say it again, that my fiance is VERY lucky, because I learned that I was strong enough to leave him after 6 years because I chose ME and GOD over someone who wasn't sure about his relationship with God, or how to treat me as a woman. You have to chose YOU. You owe him NOTHING, no loyalty, because he is not reciprocating the love, maturity, and patience you have showed him. Men are supposed to be strong in their decisions, not wavering to and fro with someone else's life. I know you can't see your life without him, but I will go right back to 2005 in a heartbeat if my fiance had not gotten it together....which shows how serious he was about us......
Okay, off the soapbox now.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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There is no reason you should feel embarrassed, we are all sisters and you should be able to come to use when you need to. I know that it is easier said then done, but honey if you feel like he is just stringing you along and not really serious about committing then you should just break it off. Especially if you are ready for a bigger commitment. I can fully understand him wanting to obtain a better job, etc.. but what if he never does then what he never have to commit. I dont know why it is so hard for some men to get married. They kill me acting like it is the end of there life. You should sit him down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and inform him although you love him and would love to be with him, you can not wait around for him any longer. Tell him that you know he maybe nervous about taking this step, and so are you, but you are both going to take it togethor. Good luck sweetie and dont ever feel ashamed to discuss things with us.
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Hi mycenae, I'm gald you were able to come to us because that is what we are here for. We really do care. I myself have received some great advice. I thank GOD for allowing me to find this site. Let me first say that the word of GOD say what GOD say whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing. So it should be something that he wants and not something that you have to bring to him. The word of GOD also says what god has joined together, let no man put asunder. But you have to know that GOD joined you two together. Pray and ask GOD is he your husband, Trust me he will answer you. But you have to be willing to deal with whatever he tells you. If he say that is your husband you have to be willing to do whatever GOD not you but GOD wants you to do to make it work. Because if it is GOD's will he make it work. GOD has a way of his will being done rather you want it or not. Don't let your situation determine your future with him or anything. And if he is not your husband you have to be willing to let him go. One big hurt is better than a bunch of little hurts. Satain will make you think you want something you don't want. I had to make a big decision like that before with my ex. When I look back I thank GOD for removing me out of that situation because I would not have be happy. I would not be with the man of GOD that GOD has blessed me with. Just pray he will answer you. I know it will be alright. Because the word of GOD say all things work together for the good for those who love Christ. I don't mean to sound to spiritual but I can only tell you my experiences and what I know about GOD because he is my theraoist. I hope this helps a little.
mycenae1918, if it is anywhere you can come, it's here. I agree with everything Bumble said. I also would question whether he wants to be with you or if he is just so comfortable with you, he doesn't want to venture out to anyone else but he wants to keep you in his comfort zone in the mean time.
Welcome Home Honey.
I say home because that is the place where you never have to be ashamed, embarrassed, or alone. Home is the place where we open our arms and hug and invite you in no matter what the circumstances.
Everything all the ladies have said is absolutly right, tried and true. But as said it is easier said than done. It is very easy to give advice when your heart is not in it. It is much harder to follow that advice. You have to ultimatly do what is right for you in this circumstance. Above all else pray. Pray for guidance, Pray for strength. This maybe the man for you just not at this time. See sometimes we want things in our time not realizing God has his own time for things. He may not give it to us when we want it, but always when we need it or when he is ready for us to have it. The same can be said when picking a mate. See I believe there is a such thing as soulmates. That person who's rib we came from. But we as people have a way of picking a person instead of waiting for God to send us the person he means for us to be with. The problem with us picking is we pick based on all the wrong things while our father knows what we need. Do you boo. By that I mean put the relationship aside and do what you need to do for you. Be it going back to school, concentrate on work whatever you have laid to the side for the last 5 years, since I know we as women tend to let things drop and are much more focused w/out a man.:) If this relationship is meant to be it will be but in Gods time. If or shld I say when you are to be married, for it to last, it will be in God's time, not yours. Stay strong, be blessed and never be afraid to come home.
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GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY
Mycenae its natural to hesitate when sharing your troubles but like everyone's already said, I'm glad you had the courage to share and the wisdom to remember your sisters are here in your time of need. Please find strength and comfort in what's been said on this post and remember that your happiness is your own responsibility and even though your partner may be a better man when he's with you, it's not your responsibility to hold his happiness, or his success as your own. It seems like your goals are not his goals and though you were willing to slow down for him, he hasn't been able to step up for you. You deserve to be loved as much as you love yourself and if he can do that then God bless but if he can't, it's okay to walk away from 'almost' to prepare for 'best'.
There are so many strong God-centered women on here, and the I LOVE the advice that so many of these ladies have given. Seek GOD FIRST. I TRULY believe if God sends you a husband and you KNOW in your heart that GOD sent him, it will work out. I don't belive you have to scheme to keep that man, you don't have to plead your case to him, you don't have to beg, you don't have to try to convince. You SHOULDN'T have to do that, it shouldn't be a whole bunch of back and forth about it. All you have to do is pray and PRAY HARD....and if that man is meant for you....he is meant for you. I'll tell you quickly about me. I was with my FH all through college for about 5 years. I broke up with him because I had alot of things I needed to get straight with myself on the inside, spiritually, emotional, etc. My FH was HURT HURT HURT....but I HAD too...I believe he needed to "find himself" also. Anyway we broke up for about 6 years still remaining friends. I dated other people, I grew up in the Lord and everything in that time. I had been praying to God about my future, if I was meant to have a husband for him to please make sure that when he sent it...I was ready to receive it. Anyway one night out of the blue I woke and said "Lamar is my Husband". Just like that.....from that day on I KNEW he was for me....and obviously God told Lamar the same thing because we started getting closer again......and now here we are. I said all of that to say....if you know in your heart of hearts that your FH is not ready to get married.....DON'T DO IT...it will only lead to bad things. Let God do his work on you and him...and if it's meant to be..when the time is right....it will happen. I KNOW all of this is easier said then done especially if you love this man....I'm sure all of us will be praying for you and your situation...for God to give you the discernment to make the right decison, perfect peace with whatever decision you make, and the strength to not second guess God or yourself....
Well,we had another fight over it yesterday. I was trying to listen to his side. He has never cheated and never ever been anything but loyal and true to me. He feels that he is not ready. He lives in his parent's extra house and has no saving. Basically he feels that we need to work on ironing out our issues to bluid a strong relationship for a marriage and then take the step. He has seen conflict with his parents and does not want that life. He has been eagerly gone to the sessions with me for counseling. In any event, I feel that focusing on me and developing myself will make me happy regardless of what happens. I am planning to get graduate degree and travel extensively this summer. So I am trying to become a better me.
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[quote="SeptBride"]Sweetie, don't be embarassed. We love you just the same. It's going to be his loss. I can certainly understand where you are coming from. I think you should go with what your "gut-feeling" is saying. It never lies to us. Could you actually see yourself being with this man for the rest of your life? Can you see yourself growing old, with grandbabies running around in the yard? All I can say is, don't settle for less. You deserve the best!!!!!!!!
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Well said Askalot! Mycenae I celebrate any woman who has the courage to love herself and to stand up for what she believes. I pray that you find peace with whatever decision you make. You have no reason to feel embarrassed. We have all been in your shoes at one time or another in our lives! Be encouraged and know that the sistahood has your back!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I started to reclaim my theraoy sessions. I went alone last night and we are going to focus solely on me. A great weight had been lifted and a feel more at peace. Thanks ladies. I will keep you all updated from time to time. Mycenae
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[quote="mycenae1918"]I started to reclaim my theraoy sessions. I went alone last night and we are going to focus solely on me. A great weight had been lifted and a feel more at peace. Thanks ladies. I will keep you all updated from time to time. Mycenae
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We are praying for you and your situation...and DO NOT EVER be embarrassed to get something off your chest...that's why we are here...for support....
Best of wishes Mycenace.
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I think the ladies have said it all. I too had to learn how to love me. Like the old people say if you can't or don't know how to love yourself how can you tell if someone else is loving you. Well it didn't go exactly like that but you get what I am trying to say. Believe me it is fun you get this feeling that you and you alone with the grace of God of course you can conquer the world. Beleive, I too am where you are and I just put it in God's hands if this a relationship that he feels is meant to be then it will, if not just sit back and let him guide you to one "HE" has chosen not you. You are in my prayers!
Southerngirl.....