For Vibrant Brides of Color

A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

18 posts / 0 new
Last post
143ladydon
143ladydon's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 06/22/2006 - 16:00
A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Hello Ladies! (Get comfortable because this may get lengthy)

I never thought in a million years that I would be going through this at such a precious time in my life....but you know I am not surprised. My sister is my Maid Of Honor and she has been a Green thorn in my side for my entire wedding planning process! I am getting married on 8/25/07 and have been with my future husband for 9yrs. My sister has been engaged to be married since 2004 just like myself we actually got engaged about a month apart (she was a month before me) She only was in her relationship for about 4 months before he popped the question (yeah,I know what you are thinking)
To all of our surprise (not really a surprise) he got locked up and placed in Jail about 3 months into their engagement so needless to say she didn't have her wedding yet...yes he is still in the big house. Oh FYI-he has been locked up before they got together as well and then went back in for some more nonsense. My sister is older than I am by 5yrs. and always felt she set the standard on how things should be done, so when everyone saw that she was involved with a jailbird and she always had this snooty, uppity personality it was a 1st class shocker! Since then most of the ladies in our family have been proposed to and one has already taken the plunge and is now a happy wife! I am next in line and I have a cousin right behind me. My sister feels that everyone is stealing her ideas for her wedding! First she said that the relative that got married first stole her dress style, now she is saying that I am stealing her music choices and wedding scenery (evening, candle light theme) and has even went on to say that she is tired of everyone taking her vision....
Now ladies...here me when I say this. You can't take something from someone that doesn't have it. None of us made him go to jail or caused her dreams to have her special day shattered by his thuglife antics but at what point do you say enough is enough...I am personally sick of trying to hold back my feelings to cater to hers and when I do express anything that I am planning to have done at my wedding she says that she was going to do that too and then she sighs and says "but it's your day and you are getting married first so I guess it is poor me". I am just sick of her trying to ruin a good thing with her own disappointments.
I am 2 months away from my special day and this is getting to me even more since I have other pressures to make sure things go as planned in the final phases! I love my sister but I can't take this anymore, her jealousy, rudeness, fakeness, and sarcasm is becoming a nightmare and I am tired of changing things around for my day to please her! The truth is she prob. won't get married for another 5 to 10 yrs. per the judge on her man's trial! When will she let it go and move on with her life! No one is stealing anything, she needs to come to grips with her perfect picture having a broken frame and let the brides to be in the family do their thing!
She get's snappy with everyone and talks about all of us to other members of the family. I want to remove her from my Maid of Honor but she is my only sister and I want her by my side. But at what cost do I have to pay to have my day?
I am sorry this got very lengthy but I couldn't keep it inside anymore. SHE NEEDS TO GET OVER HER JEALOUSY AND DEAL WITH HER SITUATION!! Am I being inconsiderate? or is there really a problem here? Help Ladies!

Signed,

A bride ready to post bail!! LOL

143ladydon
143ladydon's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 06/22/2006 - 16:00
A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Hello Ladies! (Get comfortable because this may get lengthy)

I never thought in a million years that I would be going through this at such a precious time in my life....but you know I am not surprised. My sister is my Maid Of Honor and she has been a Green thorn in my side for my entire wedding planning process! I am getting married on 8/25/07 and have been with my future husband for 9yrs. My sister has been engaged to be married since 2004 just like myself we actually got engaged about a month apart (she was a month before me) She only was in her relationship for about 4 months before he popped the question (yeah,I know what you are thinking)
To all of our surprise (not really a surprise) he got locked up and placed in Jail about 3 months into their engagement so needless to say she didn't have her wedding yet...yes he is still in the big house. Oh FYI-he has been locked up before they got together as well and then went back in for some more nonsense. My sister is older than I am by 5yrs. and always felt she set the standard on how things should be done, so when everyone saw that she was involved with a jailbird and she always had this snooty, uppity personality it was a 1st class shocker! Since then most of the ladies in our family have been proposed to and one has already taken the plunge and is now a happy wife! I am next in line and I have a cousin right behind me. My sister feels that everyone is stealing her ideas for her wedding! First she said that the relative that got married first stole her dress style, now she is saying that I am stealing her music choices and wedding scenery (evening, candle light theme) and has even went on to say that she is tired of everyone taking her vision....
Now ladies...here me when I say this. You can't take something from someone that doesn't have it. None of us made him go to jail or caused her dreams to have her special day shattered by his thuglife antics but at what point do you say enough is enough...I am personally sick of trying to hold back my feelings to cater to hers and when I do express anything that I am planning to have done at my wedding she says that she was going to do that too and then she sighs and says "but it's your day and you are getting married first so I guess it is poor me". I am just sick of her trying to ruin a good thing with her own disappointments.
I am 2 months away from my special day and this is getting to me even more since I have other pressures to make sure things go as planned in the final phases! I love my sister but I can't take this anymore, her jealousy, rudeness, fakeness, and sarcasm is becoming a nightmare and I am tired of changing things around for my day to please her! The truth is she prob. won't get married for another 5 to 10 yrs. per the judge on her man's trial! When will she let it go and move on with her life! No one is stealing anything, she needs to come to grips with her perfect picture having a broken frame and let the brides to be in the family do their thing!
She get's snappy with everyone and talks about all of us to other members of the family. I want to remove her from my Maid of Honor but she is my only sister and I want her by my side. But at what cost do I have to pay to have my day?
I am sorry this got very lengthy but I couldn't keep it inside anymore. SHE NEEDS TO GET OVER HER JEALOUSY AND DEAL WITH HER SITUATION!! Am I being inconsiderate? or is there really a problem here? Help Ladies!

Signed,

A bride ready to post bail!! LOL


housewife147
housewife147's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 5 months ago
Joined: 06/25/2006 - 11:12
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

First off let me start by saying welcome and congrats! I think maybe you should sit your sister down and talk to her one on one about how you feel and what she is doing. She may self consciously be doing and not realizing it. I think to two should go have lunch and discuss your feelings before she says one more thing and you let her have it, and cause more conflict between the both of you.

143ladydon
143ladydon's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 06/22/2006 - 16:00
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Thank you Housewife! For more than just reading my mini novel! LOL I truly didn't think ANYONE would have the patience to read that LONG vent session! Also thank you for your congrats and welcoming me to VIBride! I just came on and vented without even a mere introduction...I was so stressed and just needed to get it out of my system and totally missed the protocol of this forum. For that I apologize. But thank you for embracing my plea and offering sound advice! I truly appreciate it! I will keep you updated-I pray things can work out.


ginoue
ginoue's picture
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 1 month ago
Joined: 06/04/2007 - 06:23
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

I also agree with housewife. Take a very deep breath and one day, as you're out and about on something totally unrelated to your wedding plan, stop at an outdoor cafe and invite your sister to an impromptu lunch and discuss openly how you feel. Don't start the conversation by complaning, but maybe you could say something like "having you by my side has been indispensible these past couple of months and I know that you're going through a lot personally, so I want to thank you for still wanting to be my MOH. However,..." You see where I'm going with this sister friend? Just be calm and nice and tell her how you feel. Let her know that you realise that she's not aware that she's doing this, but it's making you feel very unhappy.

Good luck to you and congrats on your very special day!!!

Ginoue

elegantbride08
elegantbride08's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 3 months ago
Joined: 04/30/2007 - 20:19
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

LadyDon, I also think you should have a serious talk with your sister. In my opinion, I don


septbride
septbride's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 9 months ago
Joined: 10/17/2005 - 06:30
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

I agree with all of the ladies here. Good luck and congrats.

soontobebride
soontobebride's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 3 months ago
Joined: 11/03/2006 - 23:16
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

First welcome to the site!......Second there is no post too long and no complaint that we won't read... Third I agree with the ladies...have a real serious sit down talk with her and lay all things on the table.....


musikana
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 1 month ago
Joined: 09/04/2006 - 21:21
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Welcome LadyDon, and ditto to all the advice written above


futuremrskeepup
futuremrskeepup's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 5 months ago
Joined: 06/12/2007 - 23:05
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Welcome to the sisterhood - for some the sisters we never had and for others the sisters we wish our sisters were! Talk to your sister as the others have stated. Also be prepared to cut her out your wedding if you must. I know you care about your sister but your wedding day is about you and your FH. Have your day the way you want and don't compromise your sanity for her.


stbmrsj
stbmrsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 05/28/2007 - 17:03
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

143 - Your sister is going through a tough time and she doesn't know how to deal with it properly. It's difficult to stand by watch your dream becoming someone's reality. All of her comments and negativity have nothing to do with you, that's her burdent to carry not yours. Now initially, I wanted to say curse her out, but I can she that she really is just hurting and her hurt is manifesting in a jealous way. So although this is your wedding, and it's all about you, when you have your talk with her, make it about her. You are so fortunated that you have found this board because you have a place to go where you can vent. Does she? Being a big sister myself, it's a big job to always have to set the example and maybe she is also having a hard time not being the example right now. Let her really mourn this loss that she is going through. Let her scream it out, let her cry it out, let the talk that you two have be about her, and maybe the rest you this wonderful time in your life will be about you and she'll be sure to leave her mess under her pillow when it comes time for her to focus on your wedding. God luck and God bless the both of you.

143ladydon
143ladydon's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 2 months ago
Joined: 06/22/2006 - 16:00
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

LADIES LADIES LADIES......
Well, I have had the BIG TALK with my sister a few weeks ago....and I must say that if it wasn't for the advice and encouragement that I received from THIS WEBSITE we may have been dearly departed! But after our long, emotional, heartfelt, serious, enraging, tearful, sitdown conversation...we have come to a happy place! She was extremely defensive at first, but then she finally heard my cry and broke down. I told her my true feelings without any reservations, and she accepted it and held it together while expressing her own feelings about her life and her dreams. She is going through a lot but stated that it wasn't fair to ruin my bliss over her mess. I promised her that I will be right there for her through it all, but I need her to be here for me now. Since then, she has been taking my wedding by the horns and spearheading this journey with me and living up to the HONOR that is within Maid of Honor. She has been listening to me vent and offering sound advice and not just venting about her. She appreciates my ideas and not shooting down everything I say because she wants it for herself. I am truly grateful for all of my cybersisters that made all of this possible. I am about 5 weeks away from my wedding day and I have my SISTER back in the saddle. I love her and have always looked up to her and she is finally wearing the crown that I love to see her sport proudly. I know she may still be hurting inside, but she is masking enough for me to lean on her during this phase in my life and I thank her for that. It isn't easy watching your baby sister embark on your future endeavors or even take the backseat when you are used to driving, but she has humbled herself to let me be. I now have her support and I can feel her love, and that is all that I wanted from the very beginning. I am just going to keep praying for her situation because she deserves to be happy, I am just glad that she is finally allowing me to be happy too. Thank you VIBrides! I love you all
xoxo
143LadyDon


pamcrow
pamcrow's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 5 months ago
Joined: 01/09/2004 - 15:48
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Thanks for the update and glad to hear you and your sister worked things out. Now that you've both had the opportunity to HEAR each other, I'm sure your relationship will be much much closer than it has been. Let us know if you need any help these 5 weeks.

"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"

futuremrskeepup
futuremrskeepup's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 5 months ago
Joined: 06/12/2007 - 23:05
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

LadyDon I am so happy to hear this good news! Your countdown has really begun! Have fun in the home stretch!


septbride
septbride's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 9 months ago
Joined: 10/17/2005 - 06:30
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Wow, that just gave me chills! I am so happy that things have worked out with you and your sister!

housewife147
housewife147's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 5 months ago
Joined: 06/25/2006 - 11:12
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

I am so happy that you and your sister have talked and came to some sort of understanding. It is always best to sit down with someone and have a heart felt talk instead of upsetting self and holding a grudge. Sometimes people are doing thing and dont realize it. Once again I am so happy that you and your sister have a chance to start off fresh.

stbmrsj
stbmrsj's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 05/28/2007 - 17:03
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

I'm so glad for you and your sister. We're still here if you need us :)

musikana
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 1 month ago
Joined: 09/04/2006 - 21:21
Re: A Jealous Sister.....who's my Maid of HONOR!!

Oh Lady Don! This is such good news. Your sister is lucky to have you and vice-versa. Now that you're back on track, holla at your Vibrides for whatever you need.