In-Laws and Holidays

I would have no reservations about spending the Holidays with my soon-to-be in-laws. They are terrific people, warm and loving and they think I hung the moon. So with so much love being concentrated on me, how could that be anything but perfect (lol). But seriously, they're terrefic people.

My in-laws are cool so I would have no problem with spending the holidays with them. The only downside is the food tastes better on my side. Theirs isn't bad, just not the same.

[quote="soon2bmsj"]Fortunately for me---I don't have to worry about the in-laws :) DH and his sisters NEVER spend the holidays together!!

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Same here. After my MIL passed away, the siblings don't get together during the Holidays. Personally, I think it is a shame, but I wouldn't have gone anyway because of how my MIL treated me when she was alive.

i love spending holidays with FIL's family, they are cool and we have a good time. i have been around most of them all my life anyway so i always been comfortable with them. MIL's side, one the otherhand-she is phony, so we still dont talk much...the rest of that side is cool tho...they also keep their distance from her....sad but true but they dont know my true feelings about MIL, no matter how bad they talk about her. plus they are in NC so we dont get to go much because of DH's job.

We have a lot in common Soon2bmsJ!!!! I come from a very close-knit family as well. They love my hubby & he fits right in, so he is embraced by a family that loves him very much!

My husband's parents are deceased and he's an only child, so I don't have any in-laws. I only have his wonderful aunt and uncles who live in GA. Sometimes we do get together with a lady and her family whom he calls "sister." That can be fun, but we haven't been married too long. I'm in the "wait and see what happens" phase.

My in-laws are the salt of the earth. They are just beautiful and warm-spirited.....but their living situation is something to be desired....okay let me ask you...What would you do if your MIL kept a pretty nasty kitchen (bless her she is very busy, she works all day and doesn't clean much)?

Out of love for them I keep my mouth shut. I even was food poisoned from eating some left-over meat at their house (even though I microwaved it), but later found out it had sat out all night...tried to complain to my then BF, but he got offended and I left it alone....I never sit on the toilet, and unfortunately we have to eat out a lot because she doesn't cook, and as much as I try to feel at home there, I would never cook in her kitchen. I of course will be glad to see them, but I am sad because I have to bite my tongue, act like I don't see those bugs and eat very small portions of food. They don't eat at the table and last thanksgiving didn't even say grace. Everyone just sat around the livingroom at about 10 AM and started eating thanksgiving dinner. I almost cried! My family usually does grace and sharing and we bring lots of different yummy dishes....After years together even DH is glad to get home when he leaves his parents house.......

I am so sorry but I am about to cry from anxiety cause I love my in-laws but feel TERRIBLE for sharing this. I am so embarrassed because I feel like I am ungreatful, judgemental, and being a baby. Feedback please-help me girls!

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]I am so sorry but I am about to cry from anxiety cause I love my in-laws but feel TERRIBLE for sharing this. I am so embarrassed because I feel like I am ungreatful, judgemental, and being a baby. Feedback please-help me girls!

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Bumble, don't be sorry. I feel you, and I feel for you. I pay just as much attention to what I'm eating and drinking...and where I'm sitting. A nasty kitchen and bathroom are the worst! That's a touchy situation, but what can you do? I've witnessed the same thing with a friend of mine. Some people just are not good with keeping a clean home.

If you and your husband had a little money to spare, you could hire someone to go to their home and clean once or twice a week as a gift, and especially a good scrub down before the holidays. If it's packaged as a gift, especially for older people, they would be grateful and not offended I think.

If you had room for everyone, you could also invite them to your home more often for special dinners.

I wouldn't mind spending the holidays with my in-laws. They're nice, down-to-earth people. FIL is the best, and MIL is great, as long as her 'crew' isn't around. She has a tendency to show out in front of other folks.

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]My in-laws are the salt of the earth. They are just beautiful and warm-spirited.....but their living situation is something to be desired....okay let me ask you...What would you do if your MIL kept a pretty nasty kitchen (bless her she is very busy, she works all day and doesn't clean much)?

Out of love for them I keep my mouth shut. I even was food poisoned from eating some left-over meat at their house (even though I microwaved it), but later found out it had sat out all night...tried to complain to my then BF, but he got offended and I left it alone....I never sit on the toilet, and unfortunately we have to eat out a lot because she doesn't cook, and as much as I try to feel at home there, I would never cook in her kitchen. I of course will be glad to see them, but I am sad because I have to bite my tongue, act like I don't see those bugs and eat very small portions of food. They don't eat at the table and last thanksgiving didn't even say grace. Everyone just sat around the livingroom at about 10 AM and started eating thanksgiving dinner. I almost cried! My family usually does grace and sharing and we bring lots of different yummy dishes....After years together even DH is glad to get home when he leaves his parents house.......

I am so sorry but I am about to cry from anxiety cause I love my in-laws but feel TERRIBLE for sharing this. I am so embarrassed because I feel like I am ungreatful, judgemental, and being a baby. Feedback please-help me girls!

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I've been told several times, not to be sorry for the way I feel. You're definately not being ungreatful or a baby ...and I can't see you passing judgement or you wouldn't even go TO their home. It's an unfortunate situation yes, but you're not at fault. Plus you're doing better than most, by continuing to go over. It's ok to share the way you feel ...sometimes it helps us though.

Bumble, I don't think you are being judgmental or a baby. The first thing you did was highlight that your in-laws are "salt of the earth, beautiful & warm-spirited" before you shared anything else. To me that is what is most important. When we love people, our love "covers a multitude of sins". Sometimes you have to overlook those "little faults", which it seems you are doing in keeping the peace by not saying anything. You have handled this situation like a champion. (IMO)

I have a rule, if someone's kitchen is nasty or their bathroom is nasty I WILL NOT eat their food, it doesn't mean that they are bad people, it is what it is and you just move past it. Unfortunately, some people just don't know any better. :-(

Wow Bumble, that's a tough one. I think I would probably extend an offer to come over and help cleanup a few days before a scheduled gathering. They may not accept the offer but at least it will bring the idea of cleaning up to mind.

I'm working on it. Its funny how God works. Last night as I was wrapping the last of the gifts, DH walks in with a load of groceries and ingredients to make these entrees. And a lot of it. He didn't say why (since his mom works so much I assumed they want to keep a load off her), but he knows how I feel about eating over there. But he told me him and his sister are cooking today to take food down there so it doesn't have to be cooked there. I will make sure the fridge is clean when we get there to store it....I was SO happy....I haven't had this conversation with him about this in a LONG time.

Whats amazing is that his parents are NOT POOR! They are SO HUMBLE! They bought us and his sister Brand new cars in 2007. They live out in the country, they just live WAY below their means cause they help others so much. His dad can see somewhat but is legally blind and can't work or drive....after graduating from college in 2004 DH lived with his dad for 1 year to take care of him cause he had just lost his license. But his mom works to take care of the bills....However they have LOTS of savings and money stashed everywhere...But since cleaning is arbitrary, they ended up with humble, sweet, a little spoiled kids (one of whom I married)....I taught my own DH to clean, straighten and even take pride in cleaning...He heard his sister's BF tell someone else how embarrassed he was cause she needed a couch moved so when he got someone to help him move it, he was a little embarrassed it wasn't clean...so over the years they all have gotten better....I guess for some people cleaning is low on the totem pole...!?!

I think getting it off my chest to you all, and praying on it may have set some things in motion-or at least let God's plans be revealed because I have been stressing about this for weeks. I haven't even been eating much due to the anxiety!

I plan to talk to my husband about it, but I am glad I have been patient (took long enough) I often avoided many trips there before we got married, but now that we are married its got to stop. I can see my DH and his sister getting a little fed up too. I will still appeal to him about the state of it. I am sure God will give me the words to get him and her to do or say something. Maybe we can help soon. But I will take some cleaning products down there (we are leaving late afternoon) and I may just start working on it....We will see. They are just so conservative and so sweet..In my family we tell each other how it is.....Good or Bad.....I never invited my own family members to see his parents home cause I know they will offend them and not eat...I mean I have had nightmares of the conversation....My mom just looks at me and say girl you are too sweet! Some trips I will eat a lot and sneak food before I got down there-so I can say I am full so I don't have to eat....Its just crazy....But its Christmas so what could I do?!?!

I will just say Ma: You need a clear cooking space! But if nothing would have happened, I had been preparing myself for a major fast in rebellion....no matter who I offended.

As for me Bumble, I don't think you're being a baby or ungrateful. You're just honest. If it's nasty, it's nasty. As for me, I have O.C.D. I would never feel comfortable in a situation like that. You're wonderful as you were able to sit or even stay there a few minutes, me, I would always find an excuse because due to my O.C.D. clutter drives me crazy ~ filth is even worse. I couldn't be there.

Well, she cleaned up...a little. Even though we brought food she insisted on cooking....but at least the filth was managed. Thank God. Its still in need of help. I talked to my DH and he just shrugged in aggravation. Apparently they (him and his siblings) have discussed this with little head way. Which is ironic cause all three of them are stubborn to a point.

My MIL works at Walmart (1 of 2 jobs) and apparently a lot of the other clutter, i.e a massive accumulation of toys and clothing she buys for her grand nieces and nephews that haven't been given yet is due to her impulsive shopping mixed with a big heart. I even went shopping at Walmart to pick up a few things I needed and she was working. She tried to get me to buy some things I didn't need just because they were marked down to like 1 or 2 dollars. I didn't because I didn't need it...Even though it was cheap, I just don't need it. So she backed down. Then I understood the problem. I told him my frustration and what I wanted to do. DH seemed open. On my next visit I will make some plans to give all those toys away and get things cleared up. I also want to get her a spice rack and medicine organizer because she has dozens of spices, vitamins, and medications spread out on the bar area. I am looking to clear that out. So I feel that little by little I can make an impact. nevertheless I was eager to get home and so was DH. I could post this for hours but I am not. But things were a little more bearable this time around, but the underlying issues are ridiculous. We are dealing with a family who works hard but spends almost all their hard-earned money on others to a point where they are struggling to take care of their own home.

So I ask for your prayers to continue to make sure they lack in nothing, but to increase their ability to do better for themselves. I also ask that you pray that they can be strong enough in faith to know that God can take care of all his children, and its not their job to try to do it...especially for grown people who are just too lazy to work (i.e. their neices and nephews who they are caring for financially), and finally to let others bless them. Can you believe that with their financial burden they will not let anyone buy them dinner or pay for a movie, and my FIL (who is not even working) insists on paying for EVERYONE's dinner when we went out...Frustrating everyone at the table....!!!! So pray for me and my in-laws.

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]She tried to get me to buy some things I didn't need just because they were marked down to like 1 or 2 dollars. I didn't because I didn't need it...Even though it was cheap, I just don't need it. So she backed down. [/quote]

Your efforts are admirable and good luck with that, Kee. My MIL has the same problem: buying stuff on clearance "just because" its on clearance. She can't shop based on what she needs. Worst of all, it sits in the house (mostly in the garage), then after a few years, IF someone needs it, she has it, but the items either expire or aren't in the best shape to be used (thus, defeating the purpose). So much money is wasted, they're constantly fighting credit card debt/late payments, and she doesn't even recognize a problem. She thinks she's doing a service.