Here's the thing: I hear "register anyway," "people get offended," and "it isn't proper etiquette" but we are doing it anyway. My fiance and I live in Los Angeles but are marrying in Nashville. We refuse to register for gifts because
1) we have dishes and what we really need is money to live,
2) we'll end up having to pay the shipping costs from Nashville to LA, and
3) when we are ready to upgrade from the bowls we have now, we'll do that then.
Currently, it is much more important to us to have a place to live then it is to have a lot of things we don't need to keep us warm on the streets. Try this wording out: (we will take other suggestions as well) "In lieu of a gift registry, a "wishing well" fund has been created for the couple for the purchase of their first home.
Here's the thing: I hear "register anyway," "people get offended," and "it isn't proper etiquette" but we are doing it anyway. My fiance and I live in Los Angeles but are marrying in Nashville. We refuse to register for gifts because
1) we have dishes and what we really need is money to live,
2) we'll end up having to pay the shipping costs from Nashville to LA, and
3) when we are ready to upgrade from the bowls we have now, we'll do that then.
Currently, it is much more important to us to have a place to live then it is to have a lot of things we don't need to keep us warm on the streets. Try this wording out: (we will take other suggestions as well) "In lieu of a gift registry, a "wishing well" fund has been created for the couple for the purchase of their first home.
I am a dedicated romantic. Oh yeah and a dedicated Trekkie too. LOL. I love this site!
I understand your delima but I can honestly say that I would be offended if I got an invitation that had that wording. I would definitely not want to give anyone cash for their new home as a wedding gift. I don't think that is appropriate and it certainly isn't your guest's reponsiblity to help you find somewhere to live. Fh and I don't have a home yet but I don't expect anyone to help us get one. If they chose to help or if they ask to help would be different but it certainly shouldn't be expected or requested. If you do chose to add this into your invitations, don't be surprised if a lot of people decline. That's just my 2 cents.
Yeah it is not cool to ask for cash. You can have a dollar dance where people pin money on you for a dance or you tuck the money into your wedding purse. That is widely accepted. You can also have wishing wells placed around your reception. Most people will give money even though they have already sent a gift to help you start your new life.
My girlfriend got almost $6,000 in her wishing wells and she only had about 200 people!
Never disagree with a dragon for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup. If God made me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!" - Betty Bowers
I must say I have to agree with the other two posters, requesting moneying in your invites is definately not done. Though you may not need new dishes, there may be other things that you could use to start your new place in the new state. Some stores will even ship to where the bride and groom will be residing if they have an address and can even delay shipping until you arrive if your guest request it. Also, you might check with local real estate agents. In my area, they have put together a registry for newlyweds so that people can contribute to their new home. It is listed under where the bride is registered on the shower invites or wedding web page.
Panhandling your wedding guest is oh-so tacky!
LOL
you are too much, Deloris!
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I still feel that this is tacky, but if you chose to do it, I saw where a bride enclosed this poem in her invites. I am not telling you to do this, but it might go over a little better.
They have their dishes and towels for two
They have pots and pans and oven mitts too
So what do you get for the Bride & Groom
Whose house is setup in every room?
Their house needs repairs and some upgrades too
But you can not register for carpet and glue.
So on this special day of theirs,
The day that they will wed.
Don't hunt for a special gift
Just give a little monetary wish instead
OK That idea rocks! especially if the couple is known to live together! You have the best ideas, Tifferoo.
Never disagree with a dragon for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup. If God made me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!" - Betty Bowers
Although etiquette is important, friends and family do feel awkward in regards to a registry. If the coulple prefers a registry, then play along with them. However a politely phrased request for monitary gifts should also be appropriate for a couple who is just starting out and wants to get a firm handle on their finacial life together.
Why not just have wedding card boxes at the reception or a dollar dance? You cna make a lot of money that wy. How would you feel if your niece or nephew says, "Don't get me anything for christmas just give me cash?" I admit that truly pisses me off!
I hate when people just up and ask for cash too! I agree with the fun ways of getting money sweetvirtue. At least people won't leave feeling angry. You could also add a cash bar and keep the proceeds.
Never disagree with a dragon for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup. If God made me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!" - Betty Bowers
There is a book called Emily Post and it has all the etiquette rules in it, and she spoke about asking for cash. Emily Stated that you can not ask for cash in writing(i.e. invitations) but through word of mouth it is totally acceptable, so if someone ask you, your mother fater, cousins or anyone who knows you, tell them that the couple/you would like money gifts instead!! Don't worry!!!
What I think you should do is not register but do not put in the invitation that you would only prefer monetary gifts. I had a friend that did that and people were really insulted that she had the nerve to request money only. I think that people will get the hint if you don't register for anything and will automatically give you money.
That is kind of tacky to ask your guest for money. I understand you guys need somewhere to stay but asking your guest is not good. Like one of the other ladies suggested do a wishing well box or something like that.
My cousin made it a point to let guest know ahead of time about how much it was per person for the reception so that way we all would give that amount and more. I found that very tacky and actually didn't give anything becaue I was practically broke after paying for the hedious dress, shoes, shawl, professional hair and make-up that was required for the bridesmaids.
If you can manage to get money without asking that is cool but let it be the choice of the guest. How about just now mentioning a registry. I don't know, it just seems better now a days to give money for all occasions, b-days, graduations, etc.....just so you don't buy something for a friend that they will never use.
Coming Into the Home Stretch
Wow, This must be one of the reasons people elope. Besides saving money it must save couples from enormous headaches. I am surprised to be learning how selfish wedding guests can be! It is the BRIDE and GROOM'S day and it's the beginning of THEIR new life together. How come everybody else is not willing to put the couples needs or wants at the top of the list? Haven't we all gotten impractical gifts, and known we could've put the cash to better use instead? Why is it tacky to ask for what you need or want on the biggest day of your life? I'd feel better about my gift or contribution to a wedding if I knew it was being put to good use rather than collecting dust in an attic someplace. Besides, the reality is weddings can be EXTREMELY expensive and I just can't believe all the shallow, inconsiderate and immature guests in the world can't be sympathetic to that!
I agree with everyone that has posted so far. But my take on it is, I think it is in poor taste to ask for a gift of any kind. Isn't the purpose of a wedding to have the people who mean the most to you there to support you on you very special day. I much rather have my loved one there and if they provide me with any thing to wish me well, I am appreciative. But all of that is simple for me to say, when my day has come and gone. I didn't put anything on the invitation and have the down payment for my new car (and then some).
Married 5/27/2005...Glad it is all over!
It is inappropriate to ask for any gift at all. However, it is extremely rude not to give a gift! The bride or the bride and groom are giving gifts to each and every guest, through food, faors and a good time. Don't you hate to go to a friend's dinner party emptyhanded? So why would you go to their wedding with nothing? I had over a hundred people at my small wedding and recieved 20 bibles and gifts from only 46 people. Makes you wonder.
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[quote="Rosetta"]It is inappropriate to ask for any gift at all. However, it is extremely rude not to give a gift! The bride or the bride and groom are giving gifts to each and every guest, through food, faors and a good time. Don't you hate to go to a friend's dinner party emptyhanded? So why would you go to their wedding with nothing? I had over a hundred people at my small wedding and recieved 20 bibles and gifts from only 46 people. Makes you wonder.
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My fh has decided that he is going to send a thank-you card to everyone who sent a gift and a bill to everyone who didn't.
Lmbao You are too much! lol! I just LOVE your FH, stlbride. You are a lucky girl! GRIN
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I have seen a money tree at weddings and people were grateful because they actually did not know what to get the bride and groom. Also, gifts can be expensive so if they just give 5.00 they feel justice has been served, but if they come emptyhanded then they will feel embarrased. Just set up the tree and if people want to they will and if they dont then they wont. But dont panhandle. Dont hold up a sign "Will Get Married For Money" "Down on My Luck" (just kidding) But first and foremost pray. The Bible says...You have not because you ask not...instead of asking guests..ask God