Postoning the wedding

I will say Prayer for you and your situation now and in the future. GOD brung you to it and HE will get you through it. Keep your head up and I wish you all the best! I hope everything works out for you both in the best way possible. Much Love

My prayers are with you and your fiance Abeni. You have the right frame of God because you guys are seeking God continually. You can't go wrong doing that! As a matter of fact, that is the best thing you can do. I wish you guys all the best. Be encouraged!

Hi Abeni you are right- its not about planning a wedding, its about building the foundations of a marriage. If you guys need time- and it sounds like you do- this could be the best decision you could have made. You know what going back to your dream, I think it shows your anxiety, or apprehension, there are definately some unresolved and also what look like subliminal issues that come out of that dream. You know what though- I just have a good feeling about you two- dont let anybody tell you about your man- you need to look inward at yourself and your relationship with your man. And you know who has all the definitive answers, only God knows.

Hello Hecallsmeabeni, I have not been on here for a while so I don't know all that's been happening, but just from reading this post I see there is alot of stress, anxiety, confusion regarding your relationship. I KNOW as I'm sure you do God is not about ANY of that. This man could very well be the man God has put on this earth for you, BUT maybe it's just not the right time for you all to be united. God's timing is absolutely perfect, I've learned that first hand, me and my now husband dated all through college and afer for about 6 years. Everyone thought we were going to get married, but I still had some very serious internal issues I had to work through, he had issues both internally and spiritually he had to work throught. I WAS NOT Ready to be anyone's wife at that time and he was not either. So we broke up, remained friends through it out, still talked every now and again. He joined the Army reserves, started getting his life together, I saught spritual counseling....2 1/2 years ago we decided to give it a try once again this time it FELT right. I knew it was time when I had a dream out of the blue one night, I woke up out of my sleep and said out loud "Lamar is my husband"....that was it. I had to be patient and wait on God's timing....Just a little word of encouragement for you....if you all are meant to be together, NO amount of time, NO problem, NO circumstance, NO body will be able to keep you both apart. Take your time, be obedient to whatever God puts in your spirit and move on from there. Whether its for you all to be together or not. I PROMISE you will be happy you did!

Abeni, continue to pray and seek counseling from your pastor. It will help both of you to grow closer together. I will definitely keep you both in my prayers. Soon said it best by saying that it's not about planning a wedding, it's about building a marriage. Keep working at it together. You'll make it and the fact that your FH is willing speaks volumes of his willingness to make it work. You're both committed and God will work it out for you both. Have faith!!!

Sister, I understand all too well your pain and confusion. I haven't really been posting anything since October. I postponed my August 16, 2008 wedding. He was hemming and hawing to the point were I wasn't really comfortable with anything. After asking this 43 year old man (never married) if he was ready and getting a WEAK "yes", I was unconvenced and went ahead and cancelled. We are still engaged; but I don't ever want to hear in any possible upcoming disagreements "I was really ready for any of this anyway". At that time he quit his job and started his own business so finances were questionable. After a couple of weeks of crying mixed with bouts of rage tinged with depression. I have found peace and a stronger relationship and respect with/for my FH.

I'm praying for you. Remember Love NEVER fails.

Abeni and Tewright, I will continue to pray for you Ladies. I know how you feel. Remember, I postponed my wedding 3 TIMES! There was many issues, mostly outside forces stepping in with drama. I felt that my then FH wasn't doing enough to defend me. True enough, I'm a very strong woman but if my family disrespected him, I wouldn't stand back and allow it to happen. I would put them in their place. Things had gotten so bad at one time, I considered ending the relationship COMPLETELY!! Enough about me... You ladies are doing to right thing by seeking comfort in God.

[quote="platinumstyle"]Abeni and Tewright, I will continue to pray for you Ladies. I know how you feel. Remember, I postponed my wedding 3 TIMES! There was many issues, mostly outside forces stepping in with drama. I felt that my then FH wasn't doing enough to defend me. True enough, I'm a very strong woman but if my family disrespected him, I wouldn't stand back and allow it to happen. I would put them in their place. Things had gotten so bad at one time, I considered ending the relationship COMPLETELY!! Enough about me... You ladies are doing to right thing by seeking comfort in God.
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Plat, I remember your struggle. I remember having to put a few members of my own family in check....My DH didn't know that I did at the time, but sometimes you have to pull your family memebers to the side and let them know that some things are not funny, and that you and your man are going to be together, no matter what. As a woman, you have to stand up....For some reason, people just don't take us seriously, so consistency is key.

Abeni, like you some people in my family doubted my DH when we were dating....I think the problem was that they knew too much of my business. For years everytime he made me mad or did something insensitive (like many males do), or we fought, I went blabbing off to someone else like a family member. But when he did something great, which was most of the time....I didn't know then-but people were not really happy for me because they couldn't see past the bad things which were really few and far between, so I ended up looking "too sweet", weak, too passive, and I think some of them thought I felt I couldn't do better." I learned even my mom was a little jealous....Anyhoo, its up to US to set boundaries and decide what we really want. Its not about looking good or bad in someone else's eyes...FOr example, I have 2 degrees, and my DH has one. Okay, so people in my family see an inequality there. Even though it doesn't matter that DH graduated with a 3.75, and I a measly 3.4....I got a better paying job out of college and make a few thousand dollars more than he does, but its only an issue cause my family makes it an issue-And He actually has the better credit, a huge savings and stocks (while I just have a few Bonds-...and everything else that comes up will only be a big deal if you take heed to that mess. So for all of us....Its not about okay-we're getting married this is my life mate...Its about making that decision, and being at peace with it....Sometimes you'll ask why did I get married....but you'll know its the right decision when you can thank God everyday that YOU got him, and no one else did.....

I just know enough women who have squandered a good man due to doubt (I know this isn't the case here), and like David replaced Saul (someone who God anointed), God can put another person in our place if we (or the men at that fact) can't decide if they really want to be with this person (and can't be without them) or not.

So what I am saying is its good that you take a minute and mull it over, cause its a big decision, and either way, God will turn things over in your favor-even if it seems like the unfavorable result at first.

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]
Sometimes you'll ask why did I get married....but you'll know its the right decision when you can thank God everyday that YOU got him, and no one else did.....

I just know enough women who have squandered a good man due to doubt (I know this isn't the case here), and like David replaced Saul (someone who God anointed), God can put another person in our place if we (or the men at that fact) can't decide if they really want to be with this person (and can't be without them) or not.
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Preach Bumble!

[quote="Musikana"]
Sometimes you'll ask why did I get married....but you'll know its the right decision when you can thank God everyday that YOU got him, and no one else did.....

I just know enough women who have squandered a good man due to doubt (I know this isn't the case here), and like David replaced Saul (someone who God anointed), God can put another person in our place if we (or the men at that fact) can't decide if they really want to be with this person (and can't be without them) or not.

Preach Bumble!
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Fo' Real! :) But it is all good Bumble-great words of advice...

Thanks...when you've been there, you wanna help someone else if u can.

[quote="HeCallsMeAbeni"]Hey ladies! I made a really long post, and of course, the site ate it!

First thank you ladies for all your love, advice and prayers.

After lots of praying and fasting, and the help of our premarital counceling books, Power of a Praying Wife book, and most of all the Lord. We have decided to move our date to NOV. 1. 2008. I'm looking forward to life after wedding planning and to being his wife. I had to pray for the Lord to change my heart about the way I felt about FH Also you ladies are right, I have to step up to my family about their comments. I hate confrontation so I'll be running to y'all when it's all over.

Also FH has a job!!! That has taken a LOAD of pressure off. He's like a new man and is dedicated to saving up to get the things we need for our place.

Through this whole expirence he has been the best. I don't a lot of men that could have their woman tell them everything wrong about them and talk about leaving them, but still stand firm. He prayed and cared for me the whole time. He was my shelter and I am truely blessed to have him.

I don't know what the future is going to bring but I know that God is able.

And lastly I am so blessed to have all my big sisters looking out for me. I love y'all so much!
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GREAT NEWS ABENI!!!!!!!!!!
God is always the answer to our problems, and by seeking him FIRST he has revealed to you his will!!! Stay encouraged and love the man that God has chosen for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great news Abeni!

Since the wedding is now in November, you have some time. I would take a month off from the hardest part of planning and take a breather!

After that, you can start planning with a clearer head. If I were you, I would even go back almost to square 1 and look at magazines again to see any new trends that may have appeared. The planning part is supposed to be fun!

WE are here for you, and we love you....

Remember...a wedding is an event. A marriage lasts a lifetime:)

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]
Remember...a wedding is an event. A marriage lasts a lifetime:)
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Girl, you need to be a motivational speaker! LOL!!!! My associate Minister said this also in a little different way, but with the same meaning: have a wedding, plan a marriage, because the marriage is the thing that you will forever have to focus on, the wedding is for 1 day!!

Abeni, I'm so happy for you. One thing to be learned from your spiritual experience is that God has chosen for you a strong man of faith and prayer. That's why he stuck around Diva, because God always speaks to the one most willing to listen, and Girl, God has spoken to you FH.

I agree with Bumble however. Everything that you went through must have taken a toll on you emotionally. I would definitely take a month off and just relax and enjoy your FH and that newfound closeness in the Lord, then, I would start planning from scratch with all new ideas. Scratch whatever you've had previously because the devil placed his doubts all over it and start very fresh with new ideas from the Lord. Let the Lord be a part of your planning process while he nurrish and heal your relationship. You have more than ample time to plan a spectacular wedding, but keep working on the foundations of your marriage.

Happy planning Diva and I will continue to pray for you both!!!

Im just reading this post, I have not been on the site for a while but im happy to hear everything is working out for you Abeni. I wish you all the best.

Welcome back Sensationablyhappy

Abeni~
I went to your myspace page (I got the address from an old post I was reading) and I must say, you are a very blessed and anointed young lady. It was so refreshing to see a young lady display a page like a LADY with all of the positive messages you had posted instead of showing butt, breast etc!! continue your works for God and he will truly bless you!

p.s. the song on your page is the song I am walking down the isle to!! :)

This is GREAT news Abeni. Your post is a testament that God provides deliverance. God often sends trials and tribulations our way to make us stronger and more appreciative of the blessings he has already given, and the blessings he is about to give. I am so happy for the two of you.

Thanks Ginoue... how have you been, how is the planning comming along?

[quote="HeCallsMeAbeni"]Hey ladies! I made a really long post, and of course, the site ate it!

First thank you ladies for all your love, advice and prayers.

After lots of praying and fasting, and the help of our premarital counceling books, Power of a Praying Wife book, and most of all the Lord. We have decided to move our date to NOV. 1. 2008. I'm looking forward to life after wedding planning and to being his wife. I had to pray for the Lord to change my heart about the way I felt about FH Also you ladies are right, I have to step up to my family about their comments. I hate confrontation so I'll be running to y'all when it's all over.

Also FH has a job!!! That has taken a LOAD of pressure off. He's like a new man and is dedicated to saving up to get the things we need for our place.

Through this whole expirence he has been the best. I don't a lot of men that could have their woman tell them everything wrong about them and talk about leaving them, but still stand firm. He prayed and cared for me the whole time. He was my shelter and I am truely blessed to have him.

I don't know what the future is going to bring but I know that God is able.

And lastly I am so blessed to have all my big sisters looking out for me. I love y'all so much!
[/quote]

Praise God! I'm so happy that everything is working out for you!