Hi sistas!
I haven't been around for a while but had so much going on with trying to plan the wedding and getting a new job and hubby to be threatened with redundancy, so it's all being going off over here!
Got a bit of a problem which I thought I'd come to you guys with. FH and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and our families are very close with each other so it seems like we've been together for a lot longer. Since I recently got a new really good job, things seems to have been a bit different between us. He seems distant and seems to pick stupid fight with me for absolutely nothing. Last week he even told me that he wasn't sure we were compatible - just because I wanted him to come to a work function with me and he didn't want to go.
Since we got together, everyone thinks we have been in this honeymoon stage and we have been - our relationship has been so smooth and brilliant for the last 2 1/2 years and now it seems that silly things are getting in the way. This weekend, he went out on Friday and Sat night and today he's working so we haven't really spent much time together. To top it all off, he has just started getting contact with his son once a fortnight, but for now I am not allowed to be there because the "baby mama" doesn't want me there. That will change in the next few months, but anyone who has ever been through the typical "baby mama drama" will understand.
As I am writing this, he is telling me that his cousin has just come over from St Lucia and he needs to go and see him. Normally, we would do everything together, including family events such as this.
What do I do? I feel like my relationship is slipping away and I don't know what I can do to fix it. Do you think he is a bit jealous about my top new job or is he getting nervous about the wedding? I really don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP.....I'm about to burst into tears because I love him and I just want us to get back to normal....
Hi sistas!
I haven't been around for a while but had so much going on with trying to plan the wedding and getting a new job and hubby to be threatened with redundancy, so it's all being going off over here!
Got a bit of a problem which I thought I'd come to you guys with. FH and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and our families are very close with each other so it seems like we've been together for a lot longer. Since I recently got a new really good job, things seems to have been a bit different between us. He seems distant and seems to pick stupid fight with me for absolutely nothing. Last week he even told me that he wasn't sure we were compatible - just because I wanted him to come to a work function with me and he didn't want to go.
Since we got together, everyone thinks we have been in this honeymoon stage and we have been - our relationship has been so smooth and brilliant for the last 2 1/2 years and now it seems that silly things are getting in the way. This weekend, he went out on Friday and Sat night and today he's working so we haven't really spent much time together. To top it all off, he has just started getting contact with his son once a fortnight, but for now I am not allowed to be there because the "baby mama" doesn't want me there. That will change in the next few months, but anyone who has ever been through the typical "baby mama drama" will understand.
As I am writing this, he is telling me that his cousin has just come over from St Lucia and he needs to go and see him. Normally, we would do everything together, including family events such as this.
What do I do? I feel like my relationship is slipping away and I don't know what I can do to fix it. Do you think he is a bit jealous about my top new job or is he getting nervous about the wedding? I really don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP.....I'm about to burst into tears because I love him and I just want us to get back to normal....
Sweetie everything will be ok. There could be lots of things on him mine and we can sit here all day and speculate, bu the best thing to do is sit him down and you two have a serious talk. I think you should tell him how you feel and find out what is bothering him. I am quite sure after your talk you to will feel alot better and you will no exactly what's going on with him
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I agree with MRS Housewife (lol). Have you told him the same things you've written here? He may be unaware that he's being distant (or at least playing like he's unaware). There could be a lot on his mind since he has reconnected with his child as well. I know all about the "baby mama drama" and may have on a pair of shorts under my dress for this very reason! LOL! Maybe there's some emotional baggage regarding the situation he didn't deal with and its now hit him in the face. Sit him down and pick his brain. Let him know how you're feeling. I'm sure it'll all work out.
Diamond,
I also think everything will be ok. You know how we (women) can be sometimes. We overthink things and stress ourselves out over the simplest things. Maybe its a mixture of both the job and "Baby Mama Drama" bothering him. I'm not sure if your new job has bumped your income over his, but if it has, that could cause him to feel like he's not the "Bread Winner". You know how men can be about that. And with the Baby Mama, I'm sure he hears alot of popping off at the mouth from her because she may be jealous of what he has with you. But don't stress yourself out over this. You will have enough to stress over as the "BIG DAY" approaches.
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Diamond, the ladies here have given you very sound advice. YOu know that men are babies and I think the problem may be that your FH feels that since you have a much better job, that you'd no longer need or rely on him anymore. I know it sounds stupid, but there are men who cannot handle their wives being more successful than they are.
I say talk to him and encourage him to talk to you about what's going on with him lately. All relationships have issues and the honeymoon is always ongoing with a few bumps along the way. This is just your bump in the road, just talk to him Diva. Good luck to you. I'll keep you both in my prayers.
Hey DiamondBride, I totally understand. Right before my wedding, my hubby started acting real "strange" and picking petty fights with me. Everything seemed to bother him. First, I prayed. I gave him some space, and then we had a heart to heart. What was on his mind was that he was afraid of failing me. All of his friends are divorced or miserable in their marriages and he didn't want to end up like them. Once I knew what was really going on with him, I was able to deal with him in a different light. We got married, & our relationship is more solid than ever.
Things will be ok with you and your FH. Hang in there, trust God and know that everything will work out fine. All the best my sister!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Well said ladies, Diamond whatever you do don't nag him about whats going on with him one of the things men seem to hate is when a woman nag them. Ask him what's going on with him and if he doesn't want to give you an answer then do like Rhony did and give him his space, perhaps he will come to you in time. Good luck sis.
Ladies - you are the best!! I took your advice and we had a chat last night. He came back from work yesterday and actually asked me to come to his mum's with him, so that was ok. When we got home, we started talking and we ended u talking until 3am this morning! Basically, he said that he sometimes gets worried that we are not going to make it because he's surrounded by people who have had problems in their relationship and split up. Of course, the baby mama drama doesn't help - he said he couldn't through another situation like that.
There was also a situation when we first started going out - my ex kept calling me and I didn't want to be rude and tell him where to go, but I used to try and get him off the phone and I told him I was seeing someone. I had to end the relationship amicably (aout 2 months before FH and I got together) because we work in the same circles and I would often see him. FH cannot understand why I wouldn't just cut all ties with him and he has always wondered whether I still had a soft spot for my ex. I told him that I had absolutely no feelings for my ex and I was completely in love with FH from our second date (he was really shy on our first date!)
We talked about a lot of issues and he got a lot of things off his chest. Today, he sent me a text whilst at work saying he was sorry for behaving like an idiot - he is just scared that he won't be able to be everything I deserve. He's so silly - he's everything and more! Everything is ok again - thank you so much for having my back in my time of need! What would I do without my Vibride sisters??! x
I'm sooo happy everything worked out for you Diamond I was praying for you. Sounds like you have a good man by your side, hold on to him.
See told you all you need to do is talk things out. Always remember communication is the key. And whatever you do keep your family and friends out of your business, because you never know who will try to put negative things into your head, and you never want to tell them something bad about him and ya'll make up because although things may be ok between the two of you your family will always hold a grudge
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Diamond, I'm so very glad that everything is back on track with you and your FH. Now back to full planning mode as you've got about 6 months to go and time does fly by so very quickly.
On a serious note though, please remember to keep communicating with each other and recognize when he needs his space to also grant him that as well.
Can't wait to hear all the details. Happy continued planning!!!
Great Diamond! I am so glad things are looking up. Communication is key. Men are very different from us women. In my experience, when men become withdrawn or act out of character, it is usually because they have something on their minds. I wish you guys all the best. God bless.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Diamond- my London sister- I had been wondering where you were- I totally missed the post!!! I am so glad you worked things out with your man- he does sound amazing- I agree with the ladies. We all go through these phases but things work out in the end. And no you are not alone feeling on the verge of bursting into tears- we have all been there and done that when we get all incomprehensibly girly!! And yeah my man would have lost his beans if he even sensed my ex in the air- lol- Yeah a guy just like us women will become insecure seems only natural. How is the rest of the planning going? I dont know how you can afford a wedding here- its mad!!