Here's some background info (names have been changed to protect the guilty):
DH is best friends with Joe. Joe is engaged to Maureen. They live 2 hours away (across the border; we live in Canada). A year ago, Joe and Maureen asked DH and I to be in their May 29/04 wedding party (they asked couples). We accepted. There are 5 bridesmaids in total.
Now it has come time to start shelling out.
Yesterday, I received an email from a fellow bridesmaid about the upcoming shower. It's been decided, apparently, that the shower will be held in a restaurant of the bride's choosing, serving a menu of the bride's choosing, on a Sunday and, I was told, will cost each bridesmaid $130. There will be 40 people attending.
We do not have, nor do we want to spend, $130 US ($175 CDN) for a shower that Maureen (the bride) is essentially hosting and could very well have been held at someone's house with sandwiches and coffee. At the same time, I don't want to be the "bad guy" by backing out and putting the added cost on the other bridesmaids and feel that I have a responsibility to support Maureen. Please understand that I am not dictating how, where or when Maureen should have a bridal shower. I have a problem being dictated to and then asked to pony up. I also know from reading this site that I probably got off easy with the $130 price tag.
We accepted a certain degree of monetary responsibility when we agreed to be part of the wedding, but I don't feel that includes paying for 1/5 of a shower. We will already be paying for the dress alterations, shoes, tux, bachelor party (a share in), hotel, traveling expenses (gas, etc.), bridal shower gift and wedding gift.
As you can tell, I've been waffling. I'm still very angry about this. I haven't sent any kind of response to the email and am really not sure what to do. I am horrified that Maureen has treated us this way, but I'm sure she has no idea of the horrific faux pas she has committed.
Some of the suggestions I've received so far:
1. Graciously decline and send along a gift.
2. Graciously decline and send along the money.
3. Communicate that I can't afford $130 but am willing to pay $80.
4. Bite the bullet -- just pay and go.
Thank you for reading!
Andrea :o)
Here's some background info (names have been changed to protect the guilty):
DH is best friends with Joe. Joe is engaged to Maureen. They live 2 hours away (across the border; we live in Canada). A year ago, Joe and Maureen asked DH and I to be in their May 29/04 wedding party (they asked couples). We accepted. There are 5 bridesmaids in total.
Now it has come time to start shelling out.
Yesterday, I received an email from a fellow bridesmaid about the upcoming shower. It's been decided, apparently, that the shower will be held in a restaurant of the bride's choosing, serving a menu of the bride's choosing, on a Sunday and, I was told, will cost each bridesmaid $130. There will be 40 people attending.
We do not have, nor do we want to spend, $130 US ($175 CDN) for a shower that Maureen (the bride) is essentially hosting and could very well have been held at someone's house with sandwiches and coffee. At the same time, I don't want to be the "bad guy" by backing out and putting the added cost on the other bridesmaids and feel that I have a responsibility to support Maureen. Please understand that I am not dictating how, where or when Maureen should have a bridal shower. I have a problem being dictated to and then asked to pony up. I also know from reading this site that I probably got off easy with the $130 price tag.
We accepted a certain degree of monetary responsibility when we agreed to be part of the wedding, but I don't feel that includes paying for 1/5 of a shower. We will already be paying for the dress alterations, shoes, tux, bachelor party (a share in), hotel, traveling expenses (gas, etc.), bridal shower gift and wedding gift.
As you can tell, I've been waffling. I'm still very angry about this. I haven't sent any kind of response to the email and am really not sure what to do. I am horrified that Maureen has treated us this way, but I'm sure she has no idea of the horrific faux pas she has committed.
Some of the suggestions I've received so far:
1. Graciously decline and send along a gift.
2. Graciously decline and send along the money.
3. Communicate that I can't afford $130 but am willing to pay $80.
4. Bite the bullet -- just pay and go.
Thank you for reading!
Andrea :o)
That's a tough one. I always thought that the bridesmaids put together the shower and the bride had nothing to do with it. I think I would get together with the other bridesmaids and see if they think this is a little steep as well.
Tifferoo I agree with you. I think it is a bit tacky to throw your own shower and THEN expect your guests to pay for it. What is wrong with some people? LOL
I say 2. Graciously decline then send along a gift.
I am a dedicated romantic. Oh yeah and a dedicated Trekkie too. LOL. I love this site!
Sorry..but I would not pay the $130..if she decided she wants it that way..then let the bride pay for it! I wouldnt do that to my people..its a burden.
I would just say that $130 is over your budget--period. Thats kind of ridiculous.
Never disagree with a dragon for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup. If God made me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!" - Betty Bowers
I agree... If you can't afford it you can't afford. Maybe if you voice that other BM that feel the same way will say the same thing and she can come up with something else. I don't think you would be wrong in not going. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't send a gift either.