[quote="pamcrow"]I could understand how you feel but keep in mind what's really important. You could always get the $600 ring now and then upgrading it later. Since this is FH's second time, he may have it in the back of his mind that he's not spending alot on a ring because it he's "been there done that". Not saying it's right for him to think like that but it's understandable why he would.
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I feel like I've been battling that issue this whole time. He feels like I'm being to extravagant (mind you my dad is paying for this shindig) and that I'm overreacting to everything and I keep having to remind him that this is my first (and only) time doing this. I think in his mind he is comparing how I am to how his exwife acted (per him, she is a lot more low key etc.) but once again, I am not and will not be anybody but myself every day of the week, he wants to marry me, he's got to deal with me (and all my extraness).
[quote="pamcrow"]I could understand how you feel but keep in mind what's really important. You could always get the $600 ring now and then upgrading it later. Since this is FH's second time, he may have it in the back of his mind that he's not spending alot on a ring because it he's "been there done that". Not saying it's right for him to think like that but it's understandable why he would.
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I feel like I've been battling that issue this whole time. He feels like I'm being to extravagant (mind you my dad is paying for this shindig) and that I'm overreacting to everything and I keep having to remind him that this is my first (and only) time doing this. I think in his mind he is comparing how I am to how his exwife acted (per him, she is a lot more low key etc.) but once again, I am not and will not be anybody but myself every day of the week, he wants to marry me, he's got to deal with me (and all my extraness).
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
You don't need an engagement ring to be "engaged". While it is nice to have one (most women want one), it is only a symbol of what the two of you have.
I don't think you are making a big deal out of this. Does your FH have a good reason for not having your ring? I would talk to him and find out when does he expect to have your ring. Ivy from what I "know" about you, you do not seem to be a person that will bite her tongue. Let him know how important this is to you. Work with him, perhaps he will have it soon. Communication is key. Inform him that keeping his word means a lot to you.
Ivy people will always have something to say, and we all know that we can not satisfy everyone. What you and your FH share is more important than other people's opinions. When they ask where is your ring simply say "we are working on it." What more do they need to know?
My husband didn't have my ring right away either. It took him a while to pay for it. For all of those people (my relatives) who were looking for my ring, even though they had doubts -- see that we did get married, but we did things in a way that worked for us. We move and dance to our own beat. We didn't allow other people to stress us out.
In any event, I wish you all the best. Be encouraged my sister.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
[quote="DaughterRhonda"]Ivy people will always have something to say, and we all know that we can not satisfy everyone. What you and your FH share is more important than other people's opinions. When they ask where is your ring simply say "we are working on it." What more do they need to know?[/quote]
I agree with Rhony. I don't have a ring (I had one but lost it - long story) and probably won't until right before the wedding. Its funny to me how that's the 1st thing people ask about when they find out you're engaged - not how happy you are, or how he proposed - just "where's the ring" or "how big is it?" If you're looking for the ring because its very important to YOU to have one right now, then have that conversation with him. Don't stress yourself or him over it if you're wanting it because someone else it expecting it though!
i agree with the other ladies on this one-being engaged, doesn't mean that you have to have a ring, but I also understand it is probably the "symbolism" that you are looking for. Talk to FH and let him know what you are feeling. When is your wedding? maybe he plans to "ROCK" you for Christmas!! my friend that got married 9/15 did not wear a ring until 9/15-so this is not unusual...
[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"] Don't stress yourself or him over it if you're wanting it because someone else it expecting it though!
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Ivy, the most important thing is that YOU are happy with you FH. Nevermind the stares and questions, all that matters is your happiness.
Ivy, I understand how you feel. My ex-hubby bragged about spending $2000 for a ring for his EX-GIRLFRIEND but bought me a ring from a pawn shop. The problem I had is that the jackass had the NERVE to tell me that he bought it at a pawnshop and it looked like he hadn't put much thought into it when he may the purchase. He told me that he wanted a wedding band so guess what. I went to the pawn shop and got him one (I only spent $25 for it). Do you know he had the nerve to be angry?
Born Blessed!
I could understand how you feel but keep in mind what's really important. You could always get the $600 ring now and then upgrading it later. Since this is FH's second time, he may have it in the back of his mind that he's not spending alot on a ring because it he's "been there done that". Not saying it's right for him to think like that but it's understandable why he would.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Ivy, after reading the ladies advice, how are you feeling?
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I'm definately feeling better about not having one, He's still gonna have to explain it to my mama, cuz I can't do it. She won't try to make me cry but I am a big crybaby and the fact that I feel some type of way about not having it will show all over my face. I would rather avoid the discussion.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
PS: I have no clue what happened to my original post, lol.
Vibride has a ghost today.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
[quote="platinumstyle"]Ivy, I understand how you feel. My ex-hubby bragged about spending $2000 for a ring for his EX-GIRLFRIEND but bought me a ring from a pawn shop. The problem I had is that the jackass had the NERVE to tell me that he bought it at a pawnshop and it looked like he hadn't put much thought into it when he may the purchase. He told me that he wanted a wedding band so guess what. I went to the pawn shop and got him one (I only spent $25 for it). Do you know he had the nerve to be angry?
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Girl I wouldn't mind if it came from a pawn shop (I used to work at a jewelry store and our stuff got pawned at local pawn shops all the time, nice stuff too) I just don't want it to look like it came from a pawn shop.
I'm torn between not trying to be materialistic and thinking that when you ask someone to marry them you should be prepared.
Especially cuz he is the extra jealous type. (You don't want folks talkin to me, give me something to show them darn it.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
Platinum-you are toooo funny!! i guess an eye for an eye huh? LOL
PAmcrow-you are correct, he may be thinking that but like someone told me when I start planning my wedding and I was saying been there, done that and not wanting to go all out but keep it simple for that reason she said you have not done it with HIM so that is what makes it special...after thinking about that she was right so I start planning BIG TIME!!
IvyPrincess-glad you can find some humor in this :) but I agree with your last post-FH is like that too (jealous) that is why after the proposal you couldn't beat him going broke trying to get my ring-I think he missed his car payment and by the way, my ring is not that expensive either (about $800) but you know what, it is just as pretty and I wear it just as proudly as someone with a $2000 ring!! :)
[quote="IvyPrincess"]I think in his mind he is comparing how I am to how his exwife acted (per him, she is a lot more low key etc.) but once again, I am not and will not be anybody but myself every day of the week, he wants to marry me, he's got to deal with me (and all my extraness).[/quote]
I have the same issue with my FH at times. When he starts to make comments that I feel don't apply to my personality, I extend my hand and say "Hi, I'm Crystal. Nice to meet you!" I refuse to pay for the sins of others!
We all have things that others have done to us in the past and have built walls to protect ourselves from being hurt in those ways again. We have to learn to look at the person we're with for who they ARE, not what they could do or what others did. (((singing)))Bag lady/man, you gone hurt you back. Draggin all them bags like that!
That's nice however I NEEDEDEDEDEDED MY RING.
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Ivy I am glad to hear that you are feeling better.
I agree should the conversation come up with your Mom, he should explain what happened to your ring. (I am a crybaby too, so I understand how you feel)
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Ladies, we have a victory.
After work today FH and I went to the jewelry store and BOUGHT MY RING!!!!!!!
He finally understood where I was coming from.
Real love requires a minimum of emotion and a maximum of the will - Bishop Keith W. Reed, Sr.
That's great news, Ivy! But to respond to the comment you made earlier, if you saw the ring my ex gave me, you would have been mad too. Lol. It looked cheap.
Born Blessed!
[quote="IvyPrincess"]Ladies, we have a victory.
After work today FH and I went to the jewelry store and BOUGHT MY RING!!!!!!!
He finally understood where I was coming from.
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Great news!
[quote="IvyPrincess"]Ladies, we have a victory.
After work today FH and I went to the jewelry store and BOUGHT MY RING!!!!!!!
He finally understood where I was coming from.
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YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! you worked it girl!!! LOL
Ivy,
I can sympathize because I was feeling the same way. Me and FH kept discussing the topic over and over (arguing really, LOL). And he keep telling me thatI was spoiled and had to have everything my way or no way at all. At first I was angry because I felt like he was calling me selfish. It was beginning to take away from the joy of planning our dream wedding. I kept sending him links to rings on email and every time we would go to the mall I would drag him into the jewelry stores. Still he did not budge. He asked me what was more important a ring to show off to my friends or us spending the rest of our lives together. I really didn't give it that much thought in the beginning I just wanted a ring. Then he said something that really made me think...he told me that he felt like I didn't trust him to pick out a ring that I would love. This really made me think about what was really important to me and how I was overreacting about the situation. So in the end I decided that the ring wasn't the most important thing to me, it was the fact that I would be with my soulmate for the rest of my life. So I just let go. I know that good things come to those who wait and he has never disappointed me so I am sure that I will get the ring of my dreams.
Don't change who you are, under any given circumstances, you deserve all that life has to offer. I wish you all the best. And what God has put together let no man put asunder. You will get what you wait, be patient my sister. The best is yet to come.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return."
I am happy for you. I hope it was all you dreamed of and more.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return."
I'm glad it all worked out for you. Now how many times have you looked at it while driving? It''s like that diamond commercial where at first you think the lady can't get out her parking spot but then you realize because she keeps turning the steering wheel to look at her ring. I loved that commercial.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
One thing I learned in my relationship of 8 years (7 months married) is that you should always verbalize what you deserve...I told my DH up front that yes, you may not be able to afford Tiffany Diamonds today, but best believe I deserve the best you CAN AFFORD without stretching beyond your means! Cause I am a queen. Some things we women should compromise on (Like okay, I can get my 600.00 Coach bag sometimes next year) but others like a beautiful wedding and a engagement ring (If you feel you deserve it), you should have it. If its about money, work on a compromise on price today, and agree to upgrade in the future! Ivy, I think its great you stood your ground on the ring...We women compromise on so many things....and though you didn't get it when you wanted, at least you got it. Patience is a virtue now isn't it!?!?
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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[quote="Bumblebeekee"]Some things we women should compromise on (Like okay, I can get my 600.00 Coach bag sometimes next year) but others like a beautiful wedding and a engagement ring (If you feel you deserve it), you should have it. If its about money, work on a compromise on price today, and agree to upgrade in the future![/quote]
Thanx for your words Bumblebee... they couldn't have come at a good time. I've found a ring I would love to have but when I showed it to FH he complained that the price was too exhorbitant.
The ring is $4000 & FH said there was no way he could afford to pay for that as well as the $3500 lobola (bride negotiation fee)that my family wants. We were always arguing about that as I felt that he thought I wasn't worthy.
I guess I can for now settle for something still beautiful but within his means until such time we can afford to upgrade.
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man, i thought i was the only one going thru ring drama. like one of the other ladies said, our constant "discussion" about it has taken most of the joy out of my planning for the wedding. I picked out my ring and FH bought it and has had it for over a month, but getting it to me has been a different story. He and I are long distance until after the wedding (which is fast approaching) so not only do i not have my ring, but i don't even have my fiance here with me! this is my only engagement past, present or future, and to be honest, it sucks. we thought many times about rescheduling the wedding so that we would have more time, but because we are so future driven, we didn't really see a need to put our future on hold for a ceremony. i find myself resenting him for being so stubborn, and even questioned whether he really wants to get married. he says he wants to give it to me in some special way, but it is no longer special to me, it's just a formality. so now, three and a half weeks before the wedding i will be driving 8 hours on thursday to spend the weekend with FH and to finally get the ring we have been going back and forth about for the last month, and i'm praying that GOD will release me from all of the resentment i feel toward FH, because i feel this could have been a happy time for both of us if he just was not so stubborn.
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[quote="sweetnlow74"]man, i thought i was the only one going thru ring drama. like one of the other ladies said, our constant "discussion" about it has taken most of the joy out of my planning for the wedding. I picked out my ring and FH bought it and has had it for over a month, but getting it to me has been a different story. He and I are long distance until after the wedding (which is fast approaching) so not only do i not have my ring, but i don't even have my fiance here with me! this is my only engagement past, present or future, and to be honest, it sucks. we thought many times about rescheduling the wedding so that we would have more time, but because we are so future driven, we didn't really see a need to put our future on hold for a ceremony. i find myself resenting him for being so stubborn, and even questioned whether he really wants to get married. he says he wants to give it to me in some special way, but it is no longer special to me, it's just a formality. so now, three and a half weeks before the wedding i will be driving 8 hours on thursday to spend the weekend with FH and to finally get the ring we have been going back and forth about for the last month, and i'm praying that GOD will release me from all of the resentment i feel toward FH, because i feel this could have been a happy time for both of us if he just was not so stubborn.
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Like I said my dear...patience is a virtue:) I hope you find some joy at recieving your ring...Also, its always good to let him "do his thing"....You know its coming right? So step back and let it happen for you....Don't let the devil steal your joy. He's so wily. He is determined to destroy marriages and God-given relationships...Even in marriages, he finds ways to make us unhappy....We look forward to hearing how wonderful things turned out!
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
Ivy, I'm glad that you finally got your ring, but even if you didn't rest assured that it's a problem easily remedied. All you would've done is make sure to purchase a wedding set ( one that comes with both the engagement ring and the wedding band). I'm glad you finally got your wish though. Men don't understand such things. Happy planning!!!
[quote="IvyPrincess"]Ladies, we have a victory.
After work today FH and I went to the jewelry store and BOUGHT MY RING!!!!!!!
He finally understood where I was coming from.
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Congrats Ivy!!!!! I'm really happy for you. Celebrate!!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
well bumblebeekee, you were so right about being patient (GOD is not thru with me yet, we are working on it). I finally got my engagement ring this weekend, and guess why he had not given it to me? He took the one i picked out and upgraded it to 2 carats instead of 1.5. i felt so bad about not being patient, but he forgave me and said if he were getting a ring like that he would want it right away, too!!! so everything worked out wonderfully, he proposed the way he wanted to, i got a beautiful ring, and i definately learned my lesson.
i have a wonderful man, and i am glad that i have the opportunity to show him how much he means to me for the rest of my life.
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Congrats Sweentnlow!!!! You sound like you have yourself a wonderful man! I wish you guys the best -- girlfriend, enjoy that ring! :-)
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Congrats Sweentnlow!! Won't be long now!
Girl....welcome to wifeyhood! Sometimes you have to let the man you love do his thing....and trust me I KNOW....the rewards are GREAT! I was like that too....and decided to step back....and when you least expect it: BAM! Its WAAAAYYYY more than you anticipated....and its beyond perfection! God knows what he's doing....trust in God that he will lead your man down the right path...and here is the biggy: Trust in your man that he will LISTEN to what God is saying...(i.e. patience on your part!) Sweetnlow...you are on your way my dear!
Thats for everyone:)
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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Awesome words of wisdom Bumble!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Ok here's my beef with the engagement ring drama. As many of you know my FH is only in the States a few times a year so we rock the long-distance-love look. I don't have a ring because I haven't found the one i want (i'm veeerrry picky, no diamonds, no yellow gold, cultural significance, etc.) To my shock and awe, when i have gone into hotels with my maid of honor and requested a tour or an event menu the minimum wage chick behind the counter sneaks a look at my finger when i say i'm engaged. When she sees it bare, she starts patronizing me like i'm delusional. That pisses me off!!!!
And yes . . . I'm back
To some people having the ring isn't that important, however to others it's a necessity. I know that I would have probably been very upset if my fh didnt present a ring to me when he asked me to be his wife.
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I second that one House. My FH and I are too apart right now because he is not in the states(wont be back until january) and everytime I happen to look at my finger a huge smile comes across my face with the memories of the love we share.