As Time Gets Closer

Rhony, it could be his nerves or it could be that he felt disrespected. When I was a child, I stayed in a child's place. Not saying your daughter is disrespectul, but maybe she said it kind of aggitated because he kept reminding her. Things are different now-a-days and I find myself popping my kids right in the mouth if I find they are being sassy (sucking teeth, eyes rolling, trying to be sarcastic) because I am not dealing with it.

On another note, everyone takes stress differently. Maybe he's a little short tempured because it's getting so close to the wedding. When I'm really stressed, I don't want anyone saying CAT, DOG, FOOT, KISS MY AZZ, NOTHING to me! But, that's just me. I'm not good under stress or when I'm rushing. Maybe you should talk with FH over the weekend.

Oh, another thing, if you ALWAYS have something to say to him after he's chastised her, then that's another thing. Men have this ego thing and if you make him feel like he's less than a man, that could cause him feel angry. If he's not abusive to her, then let him chastise her. I know he's her biological father, so he probably feels what makes you think you have more say so over her, then he does. Think about it and put yourself in his shoes.

Very good observation Askalot! I was thinking the same thing. Rhony, I think that as the wedding gets closer we all seem to get on edge about the smallest issues. However, I don't feel, based on the situation that you described it's iin any way related to the wedding. I think that possibly your daughter's tone could have been sassy and if she seems to listen to you more or know that you are going to uphold her is frustrating your FH. When he says something to her whether you disagree or not, bite your tongue and let him be the father he wants to be. You may not realize it but your pulling him to the side about chastising her makes him feel that he doesn't have the right nor is he handling the situation in the right way. Like Askalot stated, if he's not abusing her then let him do his job. You all probably need to talk with your baby girl too to make sure that she understands that you both will be chastising her. Hang in there and don't allow the devil to step in.

That's what we're here for!

No problem Rhony. Listen at this situation. My son called me and by the end of the convo, I yelled at him and hung up. 2 minutes later, my FH called me and said you I had get at Al. I said why, what happened. He said after I hung up with my son, he started mumbling something under his breath and had an attitude when he went in his room. He said I had to tell him, if you disrespect one, you disrespect both - even if the other parent isn't around.

You two have to stick together as one unit! She's going to have to suck up the little attitude that she has because he wasn't around for 10 years. You two chose to be together again, Rhony. She's playing both sides and y'all gotta nix that in the bud now!! If you let her get away with it now, she and you two are going to be in trouble.

That's so true Askalot! Thanks for sharing your experience, I'm sure that helps us all.

Yeah, the Askalot and bliss are right. It sounds like nerves. You did good by troubleshooting, and it may seem like it backfired, you should keep that up. Keep reining him and helping him focus on what really happened. Or ask him, "Why did you ask her to do it when she's finished then turn around and yell at her for wanting to wait until she was done with HW-like you told her to?"
You guys will be fine. He didn't mean to hurt you....now get to making up:)

Rhony this kind of stuff is what i do for a living (child psychologist) and the ladies have hit the nail on the head as far as the effects of static between you and FH regarding your daughter. I wanted to add another perspective.

Your daughter may be resentful not just that her dad is "mean" or that he was gone for a big chunk of her life but also that she'll soon be "losing" you in a way. Kids of single parents often have an "us and them" mentality and it sounds like for a while it was just you and her and against the world. Now her dad is back and you and FH have improved on something that was once good which could cause some jealousy. She may feel like the wedding is great because you guys will be more solidifed as a family but your bond with her will be diluted because she isn't your sole focus anymore. I think she needs to be reminded that your love is not finite, it expands to make room for FH and even though your individual time with her may decrease, this marriage will increase the amount of love you are able to give to her. Now you have a life partner who replenishes you emotionally which allows you both to love your daughter infinitely.

It may not seem that way right now but this power struggle is a testament to what an amazing job you've done as a mother. baby girl is not trying to share, not even with her daddy!

Wow Musikana! Well said. I think Rhony has some things to think about....Rhony, if this is the case, I still think you ALL will be alright. Make sure to always include lil' mama, and make her (and let him help you) feel like she is special. He may need to remind her how special she is to him.

Me either, they always help me out.j

I'm glad i could be of some help to you Rhony. I wouldn't have said anything if i didn't think this issue could be easily resolved with the communication skills you already have. You guys are really lucky to have each other (as you already know). I'm happy to know that i can use my day job to help out my sisterfriends!