This weekend I ran into an old friend and told her of my upcoming nuptials. As it turns out she works with my FH's ex-wife. Well I spoke with my old friend yesterday who had conveniently rubbed it in the ex-wife's face about how lovely our wedding was going to be. Of course ex-wife was bitter and had nothing but horrible things to say about me and FH.
However through regular conversation I found that ex-wife had WAYYYY too many details about a certain aspect of our lives. To make a long story short FH wasn't always a saint and we felt that he should be the one to discuss his past with my parents and no one else. But ex-wife found out and said she was going to contact someone in my family and leak that information in addition to showing up at our reception.
I'm not in the least bit worried about her showing up at the reception. I cam bitter about her knowledge of something so personal. And FH and I both know that one of his twin sisters told ex-wife this. I've discussed before that they continue to fraternize with her and entertain her the very men with which she cheated on their brother at their homes. His older sister, my best friend, HATES ex-wife and wouldn't dare give her any fuel towards her brother's unhappiness.
He and I discussed their behavior and decided that they are no longer welcome to be a part of the wedding party. If it were up to him, they wouldn't even be guests. I informed his mother today of our decision and I know it hurt her. But as I have told their entire family: ANYTHING that hurts or harms HIM, has the same affect on me and I won't allow it. It is already disrespectful that they allowed her to come to their homes with this woman and FH told him it was disrespectful to him because they are HIS family. But this is the last straw.
Do you think we were wrong in our decision? Someone in the family, a cousin, said that we should have discussed this with them before making such an absolute decision. I disagree. It was OUR decision to make because it is OUR wedding.
AND mind you, MY mother is footing the entire bill. I won't have her spending money on ignorant and uncouth people who don't have our best interests at heart.
Whew! Time to exhale!
This weekend I ran into an old friend and told her of my upcoming nuptials. As it turns out she works with my FH's ex-wife. Well I spoke with my old friend yesterday who had conveniently rubbed it in the ex-wife's face about how lovely our wedding was going to be. Of course ex-wife was bitter and had nothing but horrible things to say about me and FH.
However through regular conversation I found that ex-wife had WAYYYY too many details about a certain aspect of our lives. To make a long story short FH wasn't always a saint and we felt that he should be the one to discuss his past with my parents and no one else. But ex-wife found out and said she was going to contact someone in my family and leak that information in addition to showing up at our reception.
I'm not in the least bit worried about her showing up at the reception. I cam bitter about her knowledge of something so personal. And FH and I both know that one of his twin sisters told ex-wife this. I've discussed before that they continue to fraternize with her and entertain her the very men with which she cheated on their brother at their homes. His older sister, my best friend, HATES ex-wife and wouldn't dare give her any fuel towards her brother's unhappiness.
He and I discussed their behavior and decided that they are no longer welcome to be a part of the wedding party. If it were up to him, they wouldn't even be guests. I informed his mother today of our decision and I know it hurt her. But as I have told their entire family: ANYTHING that hurts or harms HIM, has the same affect on me and I won't allow it. It is already disrespectful that they allowed her to come to their homes with this woman and FH told him it was disrespectful to him because they are HIS family. But this is the last straw.
Do you think we were wrong in our decision? Someone in the family, a cousin, said that we should have discussed this with them before making such an absolute decision. I disagree. It was OUR decision to make because it is OUR wedding.
AND mind you, MY mother is footing the entire bill. I won't have her spending money on ignorant and uncouth people who don't have our best interests at heart.
Whew! Time to exhale!
Iysias wow! If you and FH are agree that it is the right thing to do to exclude them from your wedding, than so be it. If you are sure that his twin sister spilled the beans, then she should be cut off, especially if your fiance has told his family that it is disrespectful for them to continue to entertain his ex-wife. I would also have a conversation with this twin sister so that she can understand the confusion and hurt that she is causing her brother and you. I just don't understand why so many people continue to attract negative drama to themselves, what do they get out of it?????? Be encouraged and keep the sistahood posted.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
WOW! I think you are right to exclude them. The nerve of his cousin for even THINKING you should dicuss it with anyone before making that move to do so! People rarely put the shoe on there own foot to see how they would feel, God bless you and I hope things work out for the best.
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
I dont think you were wrong in any form. That is ridiculos that they would do something like that. I would have kicked them out also. I am so sorry you had to endure such horrible acts. I hope that your day still continues to be the best!
Each One Teach One!
The sistahood has your back Iysias!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Iysias, I don't see anything wrong with excluding his sisters if you know that they are continuing to entertain an unhealthy relationship with his ex. Given his ex's behavior and the sisters' tolerance of it, your stance is completely understandable. I am a firm believer that people will only do what you allow them to do.
In my first marriage, my mother-in-law remained close friends with an ex-girlfriend of my then-husband. She once invited me to her home when the ex was there and when I told her I didn't appreciate being put in that situation, her lame response was that she had known this woman before she knew me and she didn't feel it would be right to end that relationship. I calmly told her that I wasn't asking her to end their association, just informing her that I did not care to interact with the woman and if she ever invited me there when she was there again, I would commence to whooping every a$$ that had an a$$ and she could decide what changes she felt were appropriate after that!
welcome to the family VHJ, way to make an entrance. Iysias, there is nothing wrong with wht you & FH are doing. You are correct that it is your day. And they are still invited guests, they should feel special with that. I am sorry you have this situation in your life.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way. ~ Pablo Neruda
Welcome to the site VHJ.Wow,I don't blame you for that.lysias,you did the right thing.
Born Blessed!
I'm a strong believer in removing negative people from my life -- no matter who they are -- even family.
[quote="vhj1033"]I'm a strong believer in removing negative people from my life -- no matter who they are -- even family.
[/quote]
So true,Vhj.I made that choice a while back after having to deal with so much drama.But now,FH is now seeing things in a new light and is learning to do the same thing.
Born Blessed!