Well Meaning Family/Friends & Cheaters

I would definetly want someone to tell me-but I would also do some investigating myself; I think you have to be careful when other people tell you things because everyone is not out for your good-some are out to hurt you period due to jealousy etc...

I agree with you too soon but the bottom line is this we as women know our men and we know when his routine changes its not because of the boys lets be honest we have that good ole womens intuition and we feel it before we find out the who when and whys and I think when it is brought to us via friends or family it is embarassing and we sometimes feel obligated to let our sig other go because of what the family or friends will think and thats why we as women get angery at the person who bares to us the bad news but nonetheless i want to know i dont want anyone else making decisions for me allow me to do whats best for me.

(copied from the other thread)

I was in a situation where I was being cheated on, everyone knew, shoot even I knew towards the end but I was in denial until I saw it with my own eyes. It tore me up that everyone was telling about him and what they saw while I wasn't with him. I just had to see it for it to really hit me and believe it because I didnt trust most of those females anyway and one of them wanted him herself.

I think I'd want to know but with that said some of your "friends" may not have your best interest at heart if they are aware that your spouse/mate is cheating and reveal it to you....so first things first narrow down who your call your "friend" and make sure you know more about them than they of you and make *amn sure they aren't all up in your business. That ALONE will solve 98% of your issues- cause you know you're gonna have that ONE friend that REALLY can't stand your man and etc and she'll be the one he's with all along OR she'll be the ruin of all your relationships...perhaps I digressed....lol Another thing is I told my FH is there EVER comes a time where he feels like he's not getting what he needs out of this relationship and feels that he can find it elsewhere be man enough to let me know how he feels BEFORE he dips his cute little toes in that pool of lust. Because that'll show he respects me and my feelings, he's man enough to own up to his feelings and express them and in return although I would be devastated, I would feel respected and wouldn't have to go Madea on his *ss and make him miserable. O.K.?! And I would do the same for him. I think those who cheat are low and never had respect for you in the first place or for themselves for that matter- because if there isn't respect there certainly can't be love there they work hand in hand in a relationship.
Now if I were to be in a position where I knew my friends man was cheating, my actions would depend on my friend and how well I know she would handle the news-cause you know you got that one friend who will just have a mental meltdown, or one who will get her granddaddies pistol....and one who will call you a *amn liar and accuse you of being jealous- OH and that other one that's so insecure she'll be upset for a minute and buy a new piece of lingerie to keep his trifling *ss home thinking that'll solve the problem....yeah so keep your friends down to the number of fingers on your ONE hand...less problems and drama....LOL
Another important note, make sure you always have honesty and constant open dialogue in your relationship cause simply talking will help the both of you realizes the issues and problems you can readily correct to prevent huge problems down the line. I don't know how many people I hear AFTER the fact fess up to the fact they didn't communicate like they should have.

well with me ladies i belive i wudnt tell if i knew my friends man was cheating .. reason being , if im a good friend to her im supposed to build her, bring news that will build her too not break her ,i cannot be the person that will go to her and tell her something that will destroy her and break her , and as a friend i shud also protect her from all the negative things that mite try and break her ,id prefer the same too , if her man cheats shell find out herslef in time that she got a no good trife man ,and if she dont find out its still cool time will tell..if its meant to be it will pass the test of time , and if not she will find out either way by heself , that my own opinion on this ladies .

Kaholgah I sorta off understand what you are saying but I feel a true friend will tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. There's an old saying that says what don't know won't kill you but in today's world what you don't know very well can kill you. There's alot more to the story of my friend that I didn't mention. She is a few years older than him and because she feels her clock is ticking she is in a rush to have kids but he wants to wait. She was also always stressing herself over how they were going to pay for the house they were in the process of building. Now the chick he was creeping with got 3 kids (not one which is his), moves right around the corner from them into an expensive apartment that her income alone can't afford and he was said to be paying half the rent for it. Now here my friend is childless and working extra hard to make sure finances are in order for the house and her husband is taking money (he inherited alot of money, she doesn't know how much exactly) and blowing it on some next chick. When I told her I gave her which facts I knew to be true and which were hearsay albeit from a reliable source and advised her to do her own investigation. I felt it better she knew before they did have kids and before all the financing on the house took place because if she wanted to leave it would be much harder to walk away later. To me that's what a real friend would do.

I find myself being a well meaning friend but I have had to really take a step back recently because my best friend's man (child in my opinion) treats her like crap his other woman goes as far as calling his phone all times of the night and hanging up on her when she answers. When she asks for advice I tell her to set the situation straight with her man she just gets mad with me. The funny part about ot all is that she is off her birth control thinking that a baby will make things better. I have given up on her and this why I try to just not get involved but when it is someone who you are so close to it is so hard. Its obvious that he is cheating (so many signs but she still needs more) but its also hopeless to continue to tell her my opinion so I will just be her shoulder to cry on.

But if she sees my FH cheating she better tell me and I trust she will.

I agree with you pam thats I dont have alot of girlfriends but the three that i have will call me up on the spot or may tell me to meet them without telling where they've spotted him i am not a girlfriendy kind of person but the ones i do have i hold very near and dear i was in a very simular situation and i called my girlfriend up and told her i needed her to pick me up at the very chicken spot i saw her man with a hoodrat at that an i stood back and let her handle her business i fought with myself about calling her but i am a realist it is what it is she knew but didnt have the who whats and whys and if someone saw my dh i sure would want to know

I would definitely want to know, and I would not get mad at my friend for telling me. I would even tell my fh who told me. I would also tello my friend. The way if figure it is you are damned if you do and are damned if you dont. If you see your friends spouse cheating on them and dont mention it, when it comes out he could inform her that you knew about it and didnt even tell her, and now you got her looking at you sideways. And if you tell her and she confronts her spouse now he will be looking at you funny

I wouldn't want to know. The reason for that is I don't have too many friends and most are male anyways. If my man is cheating on me, I will know and I will catch him myself.

There are two things that I must have in a relationship: Truthfulness and faithfulness. The most important being faithfulness. I don't cheat. I've never cheated and I can't understand or forgive those who do. If a man cheats on me, the relationship is over. I don't need to know why it happen. In my opinion, it shouldn't have happened. You cheat, You're gone. That's how I see it. So be that I'm that rigid, I let my men know right off the bat. IT's very hard for me to forgive and I hate liars and cheaters. You lie to me once, I may forgive, I don't know, but you cheat on me, you're gone!!!

Ginoue I feel you but I can't honestly say I would leave a relationship because he cheated. Now when I get done with his azz he may wish I just leave, but I can't say for sure that's a deal breaker for me. I guess it depends on who with, how long and how careful they were about it all.

[quote="Mrs080908"]I find myself being a well meaning friend but I have had to really take a step back recently because my best friend's man (child in my opinion) treats her like crap his other woman goes as far as calling his phone all times of the night and hanging up on her when she answers. When she asks for advice I tell her to set the situation straight with her man she just gets mad with me. The funny part about ot all is that she is off her birth control thinking that a baby will make things better. I have given up on her and this why I try to just not get involved but when it is someone who you are so close to it is so hard. Its obvious that he is cheating (so many signs but she still needs more) but its also hopeless to continue to tell her my opinion so I will just be her shoulder to cry on.

But if she sees my FH cheating she better tell me and I trust she will.
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Even though you have taken a step back, she knows that you know, and you are vocal about your feelings about it, so it is different from someone who would keep it to themselves...

kaholgah, I understand what you were saying but I think that one way you could protect her is to disclose the information to her....Telling her is a form of protection, and as friends, we often have to weigh the different options....Sometimes thats deciding on the lesser of two evils or even picking the option that will be better for her in the long run...NOBODY likes to be the last to know things when it comes to their mate. I thnk it would be more devestating if she knew that you knew all this time, and never said a word while she is thinking everything is rosy!