Ladies,
My FH and I have been struggling with one issue. We have knkow each other for a long time and just reconnected on June 28th of last year and exchanged numbers to get in touch with each other and see where things were going for us. Well, I didn't call for about a week and in that time I have since found out he went back to ex for a one-night stand and she ended up getting pregnant. He finally told me that she was pregnant in January (she is due the end of this month). He originally told me that the baby might not be his. He has since come clean and told me that he believes that this child is his. He has been talking to her to keep her from putting him on child support and has said that he will help take care of the little girl. He says that if she starts using drugs again that we are going to take the child and raise it as ours. I love my FH sooooooo much but I hate that he calls and talks with her and that she calls him all the time trying to get him to come to a doctor's appointment with her (he tells her that he won't come without me, but she still keeps calling). I don't trust this little girl as far as I can throw her but I still need advice on how to deal with all of this. We are trying to have a child and I want one with him soooooo much, but I can't help but feel hurt that he is having a child with her and not with me.
Ladies,
My FH and I have been struggling with one issue. We have knkow each other for a long time and just reconnected on June 28th of last year and exchanged numbers to get in touch with each other and see where things were going for us. Well, I didn't call for about a week and in that time I have since found out he went back to ex for a one-night stand and she ended up getting pregnant. He finally told me that she was pregnant in January (she is due the end of this month). He originally told me that the baby might not be his. He has since come clean and told me that he believes that this child is his. He has been talking to her to keep her from putting him on child support and has said that he will help take care of the little girl. He says that if she starts using drugs again that we are going to take the child and raise it as ours. I love my FH sooooooo much but I hate that he calls and talks with her and that she calls him all the time trying to get him to come to a doctor's appointment with her (he tells her that he won't come without me, but she still keeps calling). I don't trust this little girl as far as I can throw her but I still need advice on how to deal with all of this. We are trying to have a child and I want one with him soooooo much, but I can't help but feel hurt that he is having a child with her and not with me.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Wow Future_mrs! this a a hard one...
1. First of all, I think you should DEFINTELY wait until the baby is born and demand a blood test to determine if he is the father-even because he thinks he is, women play games too, so don't let him just take her word for it!
2. IF the child is his, if he wants to continue your relationship and marriage, then he needs to take the proper channels put himself on child support. I know alot of men cringe at this thought, but this way he will have court-orderd vistations and he won't have to "entertain" her with conversatin (or anything else) to keep her from putting him on child support
3. I know your maternal instincts are REALLY in overdrive right now with the thought of him possibly having a child with another woman-but please WAIT until you get some clarity before doing this! babies are no joke-they are time AND money and trust me if he is balking at taking care of 1 (with her) then 2 will not make it any better.
Keep your head up sweetie and above EVERYTHING else, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY..let God guide you in this situation!
Wonderful advice mrsj. All that she has said is so true. YOu need to have a talk with your FH, this afternoon and tell him that you know that this will be hard on him, but you and he are trying to have a life together and if that's where his priorities are (with you, of course) then he will wait until the child is born and ask for a paternity test to determine if it's his or not. Until then, he shoudn't really have any conversations with her without you being involved. Then afterwards, if it proves that the child is his, it's better that he place himself on child support because, his ex is a non drug user and if it comes down to him taking custody of his daughter, he would need those documentations from the courts. And besides, they're not going to ask that he pay an exhorbitant amount for his daughter and he will have court ordered visitations. It's better that way and tell him that you will be with him every step of the way.
Ask him if there are any other secrets that you don't know about so you could deal with it right away and as far as having a baby is concerned, girl, put it on hold until after you get married. You will have your hands full with planning your wedding, dealing with his possible daughter and your marriage. Trust me, God will bless you both with as many children as you can handle, but all in due time sister.
[quote="soon2bmsj"]Wow Future_mrs! this a a hard one...
1. First of all, I think you should DEFINTELY wait until the baby is born and demand a blood test to determine if he is the father-even because he thinks he is, women play games too, so don't let him just take her word for it!
2. IF the child is his, if he wants to continue your relationship and marriage, then he needs to take the proper channels put himself on child support. I know alot of men cringe at this thought, but this way he will have court-orderd vistations and he won't have to "entertain" her with conversatin (or anything else) to keep her from putting him on child support
3. I know your maternal instincts are REALLY in overdrive right now with the thought of him possibly having a child with another woman-but please WAIT until you get some clarity before doing this! babies are no joke-they are time AND money and trust me if he is balking at taking care of 1 (with her) then 2 will not make it any better.
Keep your head up sweetie and above EVERYTHING else, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY..let God guide you in this situation!
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OH My!! I agree with SOON2BMSJ....Pray!
Remember To Always Be Fabulous!!!
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Future_mrs_taylor I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. This is truly a difficult situation. I agree strongly with Soon that you need to wait before trying to have a child with him. Wait until the paternity of this child is established and wait to see exactly how FH steps up to the plate. Will he actually be the type of father you imagine him to be. Use the time now to figure out and COMMUNICATE how you truly feel about the situation. FH needs to know your limitations and expectations but more importantly, YOU need to know them.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
Sweetie I think you should all sit down and set some ground rules. Because trust me if you dont she will continue to call him for every little thing. Trust me nip it in the bud asap!!!
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Ladies,
Thank you for your suggestions. I know that I have put my foot down and told him to stop calling her, but she won't stop calling him. I told him that she doesn't need to call except to tell him that she is in labor and then WE will be on the way (I still don't trust this little girl not to try and trap him and get him into trouble). I just wish that the baby would just hurry and get here so that we can do the blood tests (though he says he doesn't need one that he knows this baby is his and his baby will look like him like his neice's and nephew's look like his brothers). I am just frustrated. He doesn't want me to talk with my sisters because he says that this is our problem and that others don't need to be involved. He says that if I need to talk then I need to talk with him and when I try to do that he seems to shut me out. I have all these emotions inside and I feel like I am about to explode.
I know that he loves me. I kknow that he wants to be with me. I know that he wants to be there and support his daughter and be involved in her life. What I don't know is how to deal with this whole situation. Am I a fool for staying with him? It just feels like this stupid little girl is screwing up my life with him and he says that I should deal with it. He says that his sister has done the same thing and that I need to be a woman and not a little girl about the whole situation.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Ok sorry he is now starting to get on my nerves. I would tell him not to try and turn it on you. I would tell him that it is his fault that you all are in this situation, and that you are the one who should be calling the damn shots. I think that you are handling this situation very well because I think that if it was me I would have thrown in the towel. I also feel it is better to talk about the situation to someone you trust, someone who you know's wont tell your business, you will feel much better when you get everything off your chest. Now my question to you is do you honestly feel like you will be able to handle him having a child with another woman, and having to be involved with this girl in some sort of way? Do you honestly believe that you could deal with that child and treat her the same way you would your own? Do you honestly think you will be able to trust him going to her house to pick up the baby, etc...?
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okay I'm pissed now too. How dare he tell you to be a woman about it all. Had he been a man, he wouldn't have waited until she was almost due to tell you what situation HE AND SHE created. How his sister handled a situation has no baring on how you should.
I know you are hurt but make sure you place the blame where the blame belongs. His ex doesn't owe you anything. He does. She isn't the one messing up your life. And from the sounds of everything else you've said, he might have more feelings for the ex than he is admitting to. Especially since he KNOWS the baby is his. How is he so sure? Are you sure if was a one-night stand? This man appears to be controlling and is looking to have his cake and eat it to.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
[quote="future_mrs_taylor"]Ladies,
Thank you for your suggestions. I know that I have put my foot down and told him to stop calling her, but she won't stop calling him. I told him that she doesn't need to call except to tell him that she is in labor and then WE will be on the way (I still don't trust this little girl not to try and trap him and get him into trouble). I just wish that the baby would just hurry and get here so that we can do the blood tests (though he says he doesn't need one that he knows this baby is his and his baby will look like him like his neice's and nephew's look like his brothers). I am just frustrated. He doesn't want me to talk with my sisters because he says that this is our problem and that others don't need to be involved. He says that if I need to talk then I need to talk with him and when I try to do that he seems to shut me out. I have all these emotions inside and I feel like I am about to explode.
I know that he loves me. I kknow that he wants to be with me. I know that he wants to be there and support his daughter and be involved in her life. What I don't know is how to deal with this whole situation. Am I a fool for staying with him? It just feels like this stupid little girl is screwing up my life with him and he says that I should deal with it. He says that his sister has done the same thing and that I need to be a woman and not a little girl about the whole situation.
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NO WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was always told if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all so I AM KEEPING MY MOUTH CLOSED!!!!!!
Please pray about this situation and DO NOT allow ANYONE make you feel like YOU need to suck it up and be a woman! You ARE being a woman by staying with someone and willing to accept his child that he conceived during a brief seperation between you guys. If you are a praying woman, please go read Proverbs 3 verse 5 and continue to meditate on that and that alone...
On that note, I don't think there's anything else that I could add to what my sisters have said. I will sit on this angry pot until your FH realizes that this is a mess that he created and that he should be kissing your feet right now for putting up with his mess!!!
Anywhoo, I'm trying not to loose my Halleluiah!!!, but I will keep you both in my prayers.
OKAY! I was quietly reading this thread and agreeing with everyone's points til you dropped these lines, future mrs . . .
[quote="future_mrs_taylor"]...I told him that she doesn't need to call except to tell him that she is in labor and then WE will be on the way (I still don't trust this little girl not to try and trap him and get him into trouble)...
...He says that if I need to talk then I need to talk with him and when I try to do that he seems to shut me out. . . He says that his sister has done the same thing and that I need to be a woman and not a little girl about the whole situation.
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It sounds like neither one of you sees the other as an adult, capable of intelligent thought. FYI, you cannot trap a man, there's no such thing. If he "does something stupid" at the hospital, then he wasn't that smart to begin with. Further more, he feels low-down for this mess and he's trying to drag you down there with him and frankly it seems like you're letting him. You can't put your ear to the phone to call your own sister but he can put his *&%#@ wherever he wants, whenever he wants. . . OH HAYL NO!
Yes people lash out and point blame when they feel stressed but this is too much. He's ashamed of his mistake and your ashamed that you're staying with him. So pray on those feelings and if you can't find peace, then it's time to go.
P.S. House, I know we usually clash on these types of posts/threads but I was WAITING for you to break it down. Thank you for being you, girl
[quote="Musikana"]Yes people lash out and point blame when they feel stressed but this is too much. He's ashamed of his mistake and your ashamed that you're staying with him. So pray on those feelings and if you can't find peace, then it's time to go.[/quote]
I agree with Musikana, you really need to pray and meditate on this situation because if you can't find peace with it now it will definitely haunt you throughout your marriage. Trust me I know what I'm on about bcos I'm in the same boat. FH had a child with someone else during our 3 year split. I'm fortunate bcos he & I managed to reach an understanding from the beginning on how to deal with babymama. The fact that we've managed to sort out the babymama drama that sometimes came our way have even made us stronger (much to her disgust).
Like the ladies pointed out, to minimise the drama your FH needs to deal with this woman through the courts and not on a personal level because that will involve a whole lot of unnecessary contact. And please do the paternity test because a feeling doesn't necessarily guarantee that the baby is his.
Finally, your FH needs to stop putting the blame on you for a mess that he created. The whole situation is not an easy one to deal with and he needs to understand that you're doing your best. As for having a baby, please put it on ice until everything has settled down. A baby takes a lot from you and right now doesn't sound like a good time for either you or your FH.
All the best my sista... and remember to pray because God listens.
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future_mrs_taylor,
just checking on you sweetie to see how you are doing...we sistahs have gave you alot of our advice, but why don't YOU tell US how and what you are feeling??? sometimes it helps for you to actually think and speak the process thru yourself to get a clear understanding...
[quote="housewife147"]Ok sorry he is now starting to get on my nerves. I would tell him not to try and turn it on you. I would tell him that it is his fault that you all are in this situation, and that you are the one who should be calling the damn shots. I think that you are handling this situation very well because I think that if it was me I would have thrown in the towel. I also feel it is better to talk about the situation to someone you trust, someone who you know's wont tell your business, you will feel much better when you get everything off your chest. Now my question to you is do you honestly feel like you will be able to handle him having a child with another woman, and having to be involved with this girl in some sort of way? Do you honestly believe that you could deal with that child and treat her the same way you would your own? Do you honestly think you will be able to trust him going to her house to pick up the baby, etc...?
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And the people said Amen!!! I am in totally agreeance!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I am trying to be a strong woman through this situation. I don't want to give up all that we have together. I know that I will love this child even if it is not mine. I am a teacher and I love working with and being in the lives of children. I know that he wants me to be the one to go and get his child so that he doesn't have to see this girl and I will do it. I would much rather go with him or do that than him be around her because she is being sneaky. She calls him all the time and talks about the baby which we agree that she only needs to tell him what she found out at the dr.'s appointment. When she keeps going on about the same old stuff he is constantly telling her how much her loves me and he is glad that we are getting married. Her response is that I seem like a nice person and that she is happy for him. I just don't trust her as far as I can throw her.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Future_mrs_taylor ...you shouldn't trust her, who is she to you? Trusting her is not important ---It's better to worry about trusting him ..you've done that and we got a baby in the picture now.
Things are easier said than done, RIGHT now he may feel like he wants you to do the interacting ...and tomorrow he may feel like being a man and doing his own duties. Then whos to say, you're not going to get tired of being the gopher? (oh and trust, im speaking from experience ...baby mommas are no fun).
One night stand????? It's always one night stand, and if she didn't get pregnant, it would have been just a kiss ...again experience talking!!
Think about it ...as if it wasn't you, then think about if it was you would you want to go through this?
FYI-this girl got pregnant THE MONTH you guys reconnected ...when he asked to marry you .....I would have perferred for him to let it be known then, so you can better make your decision, instead of him making it for you.
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Hey T-glad two see you back with your "words of wisdom"! :)
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The more I read this post I am wondering why he doesnt want you to talk about it to anyone. Is he afraid that you will find out more then he is willing to tell you. When me and my childrens father(back then it was only one child) seperated he moved in with this girl, however he was still calling me from her house and where ever he could, he was talking about her to me and telling me all of her business(and i am quite sure he was telling her mine), she would let him use her car to so called come pick up my daughter, or to drop her off and we would be going out and having sex (YES I WAS THAT TRIF BABYMAMA). What I am trying to say is nothing this girl did could stop us from doing what we wanted to do. That's why I could never mess with someone who has children, especially babies because I know what I did.
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I'm sorry sugar I had no right to put these thoughts into your head. I could be wrong about this whole situation. I just dont like when men try to flip things on women like it is there fault. I also cant understand to save my life why it is always the good women who gets treated like crap. I pray that you can find strenght to get through this no matter what you decide. I also ask God to give you the knowledge to know that this entire situation is not your fault. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are my sister and I want nothing but the best for all of you. Stay STRONG
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you are a very humble woman house! :)
The ladies really gave great advice. No one can really tell you how you should act but you. People always say go with your heart but I believe the heart is so sensitive and always want to see the good in people that sometimes it can lead you in the wrong direction. If its stressing you out that much then maybe you should change directions. This should be one of the happiest times of your life with planning a wedding and all.
you should be smiling not frowning. I dont know you but I can tell you are far from a smile. I will keep you in my prayers.
[quote="housewife147"]I'm sorry sugar I had no right to put these thoughts into your head. I could be wrong about this whole situation. I just dont like when men try to flip things on women like it is there fault. I also cant understand to save my life why it is always the good women who gets treated like crap. I pray that you can find strenght to get through this no matter what you decide. I also ask God to give you the knowledge to know that this entire situation is not your fault. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are my sister and I want nothing but the best for all of you. Stay STRONG
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House we grown women here ...you should keep it real! We all come from different places, experiencing different things ...so we can give the best advise! I'm with you ...and I've been on every end of the triangle, and now can give a sister advise on things that hit home.
future_mrs_taylor ...we hope you come back soon, telling us how you feel.
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Once again Turiya is right we are all grown women here. It is important to keep things real. (Thank you House!) I have been on this site for longer than most of you and that is one of the things I love. The sisters here genuinely care about one another and use their own experiences to help you to get to a place of peace and healing. Future Mrs Taylor, I wish you all the best with this situation (as do the other sisters). I pray that you find the peace that you deserve. God bless.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
P.S. House, I know we usually clash on these types of posts/threads but I was WAITING for you to break it down. Thank you for being you, girl
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Girl you are too much!
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Hey Ladies,
Sorry I haven't responded lately but I have been sick since last Thursday and am just now getting back to work. He has helped to take care of me while I was sick and we are talking and he knows how I feel on all that is going on. I guess the rest is in God's hands until this baby arrives and all. I will keep you posted if anything else comes along.
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?????????????
Gald you feeling better! =)
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Ladies,
The baby was born at 10 pm last night. FH and I have not gone to see the baby yet. He is now refusing to take a DNA and is saying that he will know if the baby is his just by looking at it. He pissed me off so bad last night by saying he knows that the baby is his because it has brown eyes and black curly hair (the mother is white). The other man that she is with is black and we argued that the baby would have black hair and brown eyes if he was her daddy too. I don't know what I should do. He says that I need to be a "woman" and accept this all. I am still saying that he needs to have a DNA just to be sure and he says no. I love him with ALL my heart but I don't know if I should just give up and walk away. If I do that then I will rip out my own heart but, I just want things to go back to the way things used to be. We never argued until she came at him again and said she was pregnant.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
Sweetie, rip your heart out and smack him up side his head with it and then grow a new one!
He OBVIOUSLY has feelings for this girl, and he needs to be a man and just say that (don't tell me he already did).
This dude is pissing me off, and the way you love him, it's better off to give that energy to someone who will respect it and love you just as hard.
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future_mrs_taylor-at this moment it is not about HIM but about YOU!!! You are being a woman by asking him to take the DNA to find out if he is signing on to a life time committment (because that is what children are-even when they are grown)of being a father to a child that may not even be his! I think he needs to be a MAN and at the mininum give YOU the peace of mind to know!! I know you love him with all your heart, but sweetie, love yourself more!!! this is a fire waiting to spread and I would hate for you to get burned! :(
I just read this whole topic from top to bottom and it had made me sick to know this situation. I agree with Turiya and Soon, you have to change directions. I also believe that he has feelings for this girl and may want to build something because aint no way in the world it's a one night stand and she is with someone else, who is also black, and all of sudden he knows for sure that the baby is his. Not buying it at all.
Like Soon said you need to love yourself and also respect youself enough to know you do NOT need to go thru this drama. I say, since he wants you to be a woman so much and deal with it, be a woman and dismiss him and let him deal with it, like he did when he laid down with her.
OMG, this is deep. This dude realy needs his azz kicked!!! I really don't have much to say, the other sisters have pretty much said it all. I'm going to keep you in my prayers. Just pray, meditate, and continue to ask God for strength and guidance. I'll end my post with a question...
Do you need me to come to KC with my brass knuckles and steel toe boots?
Born Blessed!
WOW Iam blown away by this post i think what all th ladies said here is right. Iam FAIRLY NEW TO THIS BOARD BUT NONETHELESS Iam a woman also who has experienced many things in life and have gone through a simular situation my husband had a baby not on me his ex but we too were on a time out i felt he wasnt ready for what i wanted and he still had alot of growing up to do as most men do most of the time but anywho this broad was and is a ghetto chic i found out that he had a daughter other than the one that i alredy knew he had with the ex we were reconnecting at this time also so i asked him about the 2nd daughter he denied this till the end but about two months or so wwe were on our way back from a trip to va beach and we were confessing things and it was then that he confesses that he had another daughter
i was angry at first he told me he had a dna test and she was in fact his so i got myself together on the rest of that ride home and i told him this i am a woman first this didnt happen during our time but nonetheless this is his child and he should never ever deny his child for anywoman as they are a package deal. a couple of days later i told him i wanted to meet the baby and to bring her to my house we werent quite living together just yet but he was there every night so i beeped him one night and he would answer the beep its eleven oclock at night the ex called and told me where the new babymama lived well honey i got in my car and drove over to the projects wasnt sure what building he was in but i saw his car and i knew he wasnt far from it so i set off his car alarm and low and behold here he came i went off i asked why was he there that time of night he couldnt get the baby to sleep he says so i asked he how would he like to come into my house at eleven pm and find my sons father sitting there he didnt like the thought at all so the moral of this story is please press for this paternity test and if he still refuses what are you willing to do i know you love this man and its so easy for others to say what you should do were on the outside looking in what if this baby gets really sick and needs a blood trans or bone marrow and after bonding with this baby for months or even years and to find out HE IS NO THE FATHER then what you may be making yourself sick for nothing but if he is that babrys daddy are you willing to put up with all the b--- s--- that cames along with these young ignorant b------ and truly i think to it was more than just a one night stand he seems to be so sure this is his daughter baby mamas and daddys seem to always have a connection write down a list pros on one side cons on the other include this drama with this baby and if the cins outwiegh the pros sugar let him go
[quote="future_mrs_taylor"]We never argued until she came at him again and said she was pregnant.
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Honey, stop kidding yourself. The only reason you guys didn't argue is because you didn't know what he was up to.
You should do what you feel is right. The ladies said it, press for a paternity test. Tell him to think about how he would feel if he learned that the child was not his.....I love how men like to twist things up and like to make it our fault, but the truth is we have got to learn to turn the tables on them. Not by doing what they do, but by showing them we can stand on our own...WITHOUT THEM. Don't wait until you get to a point of hating and resenting him, AND THEN realizing you can live without him. Push yourself, push him TODAY, and always realize that the man God chose for you is not one who makes you feel bad for wanting better for him-when he doesn't realize it.
The ladies are right, but you have to live YOUR life....You cannot control his actions, but you will always get whatever you let him give...or you can hold your head up, take the reigns and take control. Its not about walking away all the time, its about showing him you can stand up straight in the storm.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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Well ladies, I am praying a LOT about this situation. I am at the point of letting him be stupid. I know that if he wants to get anything for his "daughter" as he puts it (even if he is not 100%) for sure I am going to let him. He can buy all of the shit for her. He better not ask me for money or to buy something for her because I will NOT!!!! I know I wasn't dreaming the other day when he asked where the diaper bag I had for my daughter (she passed when I was 5 months pregnant) was. Those were my daughter's clothes and I'll be DAMNED if he puts any of her clothes on that baby. As I have heard and read, I am giving it to God and if he says to leave him alone I know how to ask for my keys back and take his stuff to his mammas. I will keep you all posted.
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com
[quote="future_mrs_taylor"]I know I wasn't dreaming the other day when he asked where the diaper bag I had for my daughter (she passed when I was 5 months pregnant) was. Those were my daughter's clothes and I'll be DAMNED if he puts any of her clothes on that baby. [/quote]
OMG that man has really lost his everlasting mind,for even parting his lips to ask you about your baby stuff. (These are major signs) If he or the babymama dont even have a diaper bag for their baby and he asking you, then that shows how responsible they really are and just how straight triflin they are!
Remember To Always Be Fabulous!!!
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Well said ladies!!!! This guy is a character! Future I wish you all the best.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Future_mrs_taylor, I hate to say it but maybe GOD is already telling you something. Are you listening?
Sweetie, I think you really need to separate yourself from this situation and focus on loving you again. Somewhere along the way, you let loving this male (he hasn't proven himself a man yet) become more important than loving you. When you love yourself, no one is able to mistreat you this way. Sweetie it's time to love yourself more. Remember healthy relationships will build you up and not tear you down.
"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"
[quote="pamcrow"]Future_mrs_taylor, I hate to say it but maybe GOD is already telling you something. Are you listening?
Sweetie, I think you really need to separate yourself from this situation and focus on loving you again. Somewhere along the way, you let loving this male (he hasn't proven himself a man yet) become more important than loving you. When you love yourself, no one is able to mistreat you this way. Sweetie it's time to love yourself more. Remember healthy relationships will build you up and not tear you down.
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Pam, you really are my pew partner in the Amen Corner!
Remember...and I ALWAYS Say this....If need be, God will always put someone worthy in a spot he created, if the one in position isn't doning right...Remember, God put Saul on the throne, but replaced him with David....Did God make a mistake....no, he gives chances, but he always has a better back-up plan ready....Feel at peace that no matter what, God has your back, as long as you know who to put first!
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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Ok you keep asking us the same question and we keep giving you the same answer. It is now time for us to leave it alone. You know in your heart what the real deal is whether you want to believe it or not. Only you can make that decision, because it is you who has to live with it. He has taken his stance on things and now it is your turn.
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[quote="pamcrow"]Future_mrs_taylor, I hate to say it but maybe GOD is already telling you something. Are you listening?
Sweetie, I think you really need to separate yourself from this situation and focus on loving you again. Somewhere along the way, you let loving this male (he hasn't proven himself a man yet) become more important than loving you. When you love yourself, no one is able to mistreat you this way. Sweetie it's time to love yourself more. Remember healthy relationships will build you up and not tear you down.
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Wow, I just read this entire post from top to bottom, and my reaction is no different from any of the other ladies. I cannot say it any better than Pam said in the statement above. Please Future Mrs., listen to what all of these ladies have said to you, and put yourself first. Everything that this man is doing to you, these are all warning signs, you just have to pay close attention and take the necessary actions to protect yourself. I will certainly pray for your strength in this difficult situation.
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After all the ladies have said (of which I agree with) all I can say is sometimes you don't need to fall out of love with someone first to realise that they are not what you need. As we grow older and wiser we realise that love alone does not sustain a relationship. It goes together with other attributes some of which (according to me) are respect, honesty, loyalty and responsibility. It is up to you to decide what attributes you need from a partner and evaluate if your current partner is fulfilling those, hopefully you will then find your answer!!!
All the best my sister, my prayers are with you.
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Wow future! I am really hurting for you right now! reading your last post did it for me!! I AM SINCERELY PRAYING THAT GOD REMOVES YOU FROM THIS SITUATION AND HEALS YOUR HEART because it is so apparent that you have lost yourself along the way during the time with your boy-child (I can't even fix my fingers to type "man")Having lost a child also, and knowing the pain you experienced-IF his intention was to pass along to HIS maybe child something that was YOUR child's considering the circumstances, then he is not even worthy of your time, effort, or energy!! Dump this azzhole with the quickness sweetie!!
Futuremrstaylor, Pamcrow says it best and I will echo my sisters sentiments in this one last time. It's decision time sister. I will say it the way my grandmother would THIS MAN AIN'T FOR YOU. It's decision time sister. I say DUMP HIS SORRY ASS!!! Yes, I say dump him. Listen, he should be groveling right now, kissing your feet for putting up with his sorry behind. After all the things he put you through and he has the nerve to not want a paternity test? And he tried to ask you for your daughter's things? What a fool!!! God is showing you exactly the type of man he his sweetheart. Run, run and don't look back!!!. You're a Diva!!! You're God's child and you're not desparate for a man. Send him packing. Ask for your keys, but change all the locks anyways. Take all his things to Mama and change all your phone numbers (home and cell).
Wow, this guy send my blood boiling. How dare he?!!! How dare he?!!! Good luck to you sister. Remember what I said. DUMP HIS ASS, God will send you someone much, much better!!!
I know I am late on this but I agree with most of the other ladies here. I say pack your nish and start a new life! I don't know you, but I ASSUME you would want to marry a man and he is ABSOLUTELY not a man! My reasons being:
1) He waited so dayum long to let you know this woman was even pregnant.
2) When the baby was born, he didn't even have the nerve to go and see his own blood???????????
3) You asked him to take a DNA test to prove 100% this is his daughter and he refused. Call me CRAZY-AS-HELL but if I EVER feel uncomfortable about anything, my DH BETTER do anything in his power to make me feel COMFORTABLE.
I've seen hundreds of Maury Paternity tests and just because a baby favors someone DOES NOT mean they are the father. He is obviously putting your feelings second or third to other things. You need to be priority one if he is indeed trying to spend the rest of his life with you.
Oh, one more thing, why don't you trust this woman? What has she done to you besides calling your FH? If I was her, I would be calling his azz too. Why shouldn't she have communication with him? She was in the situation because of their actions. So, why should she have gone through it alone? Women are VERY hormonal during pregnancy. Some don't change much but some do. They will act out of their character and can't even help it. The baby is here now so either you're going to deal with the situation or you're not. Either way, this woman isn't going anywhere as long as she has a child with him! No matter how much you don't agree with it.
I say, you need to pray for strength and ask for Him to help clear your mind of all of your insecurities.
Future, all of the ladies have given you excellent advice. Now the rest is up to you! Handle your business and love yourself in the process. No man is worth you losing your mind, heart and soul over. I wish you all the best, continue to pray and ask God for the strength you need to get through this.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Ladies,
Well, I have been busy and have not had the chance to update all of you on what is going on. The baby was born on April 1st. He has not gone to see the baby and has not given her any money. He has also finally come to his senses and has told her that she is going to have to do a DNA test to prove he is the father before he gives her any money. She is really pissed at him right now. She still calls and blows up his phone all the time but he usually ignores the calls. I have gone to the doctor and have gone on the pill because I don't want to get pregnant and go through all this drama and loose another child. The doctor also did tests and found out that my progesterone is low and that I will need to get on medicine when we want to get pregnant. Other than that things are better. Yeah we still argue on some stupid things that go on but at least we can get over them and move on. I don't know too much else other than to tell you that I will still keep you all posted as things change.
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Future-good to hear from you again! I am glad that your drama has minimized dramtically and also I am glad that you made the decision to wait before having a baby! Continue to pray and ask God and your FH to guide you guys in the situation. Take Care!! :)
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