Abeni's Blog

I am back home after going to Detroit for the weekend my family reunion. I felt truely blessed to be there. As a kid I really couldn't appreciate going but now I truely get what it is to see relatives from all over the US. To be able to trace our ancestry right down to the plantation we came from and how about I had some family that originated from scottland! It was really cool just to see a bunch of people that looked like me and my mom and Grandmother. I mean there were so many simaliarities between my family from Pittsburgh and my family from Washington it was amazing.

FH went with us and had a ball. My mom had some issues with him off and on the trip but that's a whole nother blog. He took some amazing pictures everything.

I got to meet my my Grandmother's three remaining sisters that I hadn't seen since I was baby. They are all in their 70's and look like they are in they're 50's 60's and tall (My grandmother is about 5'7 but her sisters are about 5'10. My mom and I are 5'5ish and wonder how we were pygmied! lol ) and are such ladies. Really a lot of women don't have the grace and class of women that came up in the time they did.

As the song goes "my soul looks back in wonder..." I really did. I mean I have family memembers that are artists, tuskeege airmen, politians, and truely love and believe in Christ.

Also I have a praise report! I am a spoken word poet and was asked to do a poem for the reunion dinner. I was advised four weeks prior and had a awesome start but I just couldn't get it how I liked it or a length I liked. So we get to detriot and I still hadn't had it finished and had decided to do a completely different poem. That is until I felt the vibe in the room and decided it would be a bad idea. So I break into a nervous sweat! I left the paper of the poem I had been working on and I remembered just enough to get me started. To make a long story short I when it was my turn to perform I recited what i remembered and freestyled the rest. No one knew and everyone loved it! My mom cried. It was awesome.

My aunt loved it so much she's setting me up with a prominate Pittsburgh poetry group ( try saying that 3x fast) that has serious clout natiowide! I promise when she told me what she was going to do for me I just started crying and praising the living God. I had been waiting for a break through and BAM here it is!

Also wedding decisions have been made. Our colors are red,white, and silver. FH's mom has finally stopped mourning (visably anyway) and put a guest list together. We have enough money to invite the family members we would like to and more importantly I stopped tripping about the details!

Eeee! Girl I'm so glad to be getting it together. I swear wedding planning stress brings on a whole 'nother kind of anxiety. I'm sure there are people in thereapy behind their guest lists right now.

I have an idea of who I'd like to use. I just have to call them to see if they are avalible for the date of my wedding. But other than that it's like I have a clear vision for how I want the church to look and flowers I want and all those things. I emailed the bridesmaids with the links to the dress color I like and told them they can pick whatever dress they want as long as it's that color. (Davids bridal in apple red) FH told his groomsmen what's good so they just have to get measured. I have to get measured for the dress I want so I can send away for it. Which reminds me to ask for the seamstresses number when i get home.

It's coming together though, finally.

Elegantbride thank you so much for the heads up. I want to schedule a day for everyone to go and get measured together next month. Do you think that's to early?

[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]Its not too early at all, unless you think someone's weight will drastically fluctuate (i.e. pregnancy). It takes about 6 weeks for the dresses to come in. Then they'll need time for alterations. Order now and it'll be one less thing on your to do list! Good luck and happy planning!
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Thank you so much for the advise. I'll definately get that together.

.....I attempted to make a huge post and of course page ate it....So I'm going to give the cliffs notes.

We've changed the date May/08 to allow more time for saving money and for FH to gain job security. The date is still closer than the date we had orginally (Sept /08) but FH is crest fallen. Still he is praying for strength against his horemones. I'm praying that we've made the right decision. I have no idea now as to what I should do as far as colors and what not. I had based everything around the colors I picked and winter. My mother and sister( MOH) are not helping me at all as trying to figure out my next move should be. And there is no one at home who seems to care.

I know my mom is going through the whole "her baby thing". But I need some advise as to what to do next. I want to set the appointment to get with the seamstress so I can get measured and send away for my dress. She has the number but is not willing to give it up. I feel like I'm tip toeing around the whole wedding. She really didn't address it without changing the subject for the first time last night. Also she wants me to take the list (that we've finally nailed down to 100) to my grandmother to make sure it's right. HELLO no one else is paying for this wedding but FH and me! I've got a 100 folks on my list and that's all I want. I don't want to go over it again. MY mom doesn't even know that there are 6 folks from her job she wanted to invite that I didn't put on the list...I'm tempted to ask her to pay for them.

I feel like every person we add is some money that could go to FH's and my new place. I don't know. I'm tired of tripping and being looked at like I'm stupid about this wedding. I'm tired of people finding folks that they want to invite but not saying nothing about paying for them. There are friends I have that I want to come but aren't invited because of family sucking up invites! I feel like I'm back at square 1 again....

Please keep FH ad I in your prayers...I know the battle is already won I'm just waiting for this to come together.

[quote="FutureMrsKeepUp"]Abeni I am sentencing you to reading your own advice! Girl you will NOT let this wedding steal your joy! It is supposed to be just the opposite!

You can still do your same colors if you want but instead of the winter wonderland do cherry blossoms or hearts or "what-sen-ever" your heart desires! (Sorry I visisted my Granny's gravesite this weekend and her little sayings having been popping up ever since!)

As far as FH's hormones - you can't miss what you never had! Tell him to be careful about letting the desire for sex become his God, and pray for strength.

Are you ordering a dress or having one made? You can always use other resources to get your dress (netbride.com, leephillipsbridal.com). If you know the seamstress's full name, try zabasearch.com to get around your mother.

As far as your guest list - invite the people you want surrounding you on this day. My mother had issues with me not inviting a few people on her list but He!!, I don't know them!

Lastly, you are always in my prayers!
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Thank you so much for your words and prayers...It's so easy to get overwhelmed by this whole thing. I feel so isolated as far as planning. You know what I mean? I refuse to become one of those bridezilla girls that is always whining about how no one is helping them. But it definatley feels like that sometimes.

I'm sending away for a dress a found on ebay. But with the new date I might go to a wedding wholesaler here and try some things on.

Thank you for the reality check. It's easy for me to give advise when I think I've survived something. I just didn't think we'd be starting all over again. I know it will prove to be a good thing in the long run though, when we're sitting on furniture instead of milk crates! lol

Not yet. The only way we could get one now is if we gave up deposits and started living there. I know folks that were so quick to move out they were sitting on lawn furniture and crates in their apartments and sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

I don't want that to be us. So I'm going to be paying off furniture as we're saving toward the wedding.

[quote="ElegantBride08"]Abeni, have you secured a reception site for your previous dates? If so, will you get a refund? I think your colors will work great because (as Future stated) you can also incorporate the color with a theme.

Another questions, how soon are you two getting your own place? FH and I are planning on next July, since the wedding is next October. And don't you think your FH will be even more tempted if you two move in together? Not to say that you two won

And the saga continues...

I know I've been seriously AWOL for the past few days but a lot has gone on...like I'm an AUNTIE!!!

My brother's girlfriend gave birth to two of the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen! It didn't take that long either. Her water broke at 6:00 pm last Friday....they were born at 12:38 am Saturday. The girls weigh 5lbs and 2oz and are already getting spoiled rotten!( Check out my myspace for the pictures. www.myspace.com/davineright) I can't stop myself from checking out baby clothes. The twins came a month early so my brother and her still need some things and my family has been kicking in big time to help out. They also are finding out real quick that babies aren't always cute or fun. It's truely maturing them which is a blessing in itself. Please keep them in your prayers.

LOL! I know that's right! I will definately tell them that. :)

Hey ladies! I know I've been kinda quiet on the boards lately. FH and I are actively saving for the wedding so I'm not doing any planning until we have enough to start making deposits and what not. I get ideas every now and then though but entertain them very briefly.

FH is graduating in two weeks. He's very excited and very busy. FFIL told him he would start giving money toward the wedding....I'll believe it when I see it.

I'm invited to a wedding FH is shooting on the 15th in Ohio. FH told me the bride would need some help getting herself together and I guess that's what I'm going to be doing??? I don't know. Maybe her bridesmaids or other female family members aren't really helpful. The couple is paying our hotel room. FH asked if we could have seperate rooms for obvious reasons. Honestly if I was her I wouldn't be with that. For a minute I didn't even want to go because I couldn't imagine paying for the photographer's plate and his signifcant other. FH said he talked to her recently and she assured him that I am welcome as she needs the help.

Which brings me to my latest issue. I have no idea what to wear. I was thinking a simple black dress or even a red one but I was reading that black or red can be frowned upon at weddings. I know I'm not going to care what my guests are wearing as long as they aren't looking like Lil'kim or Trina. I have no idea if this is a black tie, evening, afternoon, or morning wedding. FH just received the offical invite this morning.

Would y'all be upset if you seen a guest in a black or red dress?

Really I had my hear set on this but it's not in my size.

I like this but i don't think it's appropriate for a wedding

I know I've been awol for awhile and I apologize for that. Everytime I would start making wedding plans with what was then a budget we really couldn't work with I'd become instantly frustrated. Now that FH and I are at a halfway point and FH has graduated from college (YAY!!!!! I am so proud of him)we have come up with a plan to get things started!

FH also worked his first wedding last weekend in Ohio. His work is beautiful and being that he didn't charge the couple an arm and a leg they paid for his hotel room. He's giving them a CD with their pics (1200). I definately think that as he was planning our wedding and knowing what other photographers are charging impacted the price. In Pittsburgh photogs are asking for an average of 1,500. He charged them less than a 1,000! He could make a killing here just doing weddings on the side!

Also while we're saving for the wedding, we're going to start contributing money for furniture for our first place. I've picked out our furniture (pending FH review lol)and will be paying that off, interest free, until day we can move in our apartment. This way we won't have to pay for storage.

I've lost 5 pounds! (big yay!) and honestly I couldn't have even got that far with out knowing that my vibrides were backing me and were doing this with me. Honestly it has help me so much. I'm not near my goal weight yet but I know I need to start seriously looking at gowns. I mean I like what I see on the internet but the girls modeling these gowns are about six foot and weigh 100 pounds. So I'm going to start hitting the stores next month. I'll be sending pics! lol.

Over all I'm very excited and am looking forward to the future. FH is feeling is feeling it too and inspite of all the divorce in our families we believe that we will be the one couple that God will use in our families and in our community to show that good, strong, lasting, marriages do still exist. Even in times like these.

Thanks for the warm welcome! LOL and AMEN about the lay aways!!!! My brother, his girlfriend, and their new born twins have moved back into my mom house with all their stuff so the room I would have used to store my furniture has occupied. ::Sigh:: BUT I feel like by the time we're ready to move in our stuff will be paid off!...And it won't have that basement smell. lol

Awww! Thanks for all the love ladies and for thinking about me while I was gone. I hope I won't roll like that again. lol I missed hanging with y'all.

I know you ladies are probably going to choak me for changin my mind every five minutes but I was seriously thinking about doing a Semi African theme for the wedding. Just an idea...marinating...thinking on it. FH is ecstatic. Colors would be that of the sunset. red,gold,purple etc. I just don't want it to be completely afrocentric. like I don't want kente cloth everywhere. But IF i do this I'd like to include lots of textures like peacock feathers and cowlrey shells. I want the details to be subtle and modern....If I do it.

Also I'd like to incorporate our love for God in it also....

It's like ever since I've started rocking my afro I've come to appreciate and love us more. Our history, our culture, our art, our music, our soul...

And I've secretly been wanting a gown that was blingy yet modren afrocentric. Like, I like Cassandra Broomfeld and Therez Fleetwood but when I look at there dresses I don't see anything screaming "there's the dress I was thinking about.

Adele Wechlser is a south african designer that has some beautiful gowns in the ads In Syle Weddings Mag for Fall 07. I went on her website but it doesn't show any of the dresses for the up comming season....But to be honest all three designers gowns are too pricey.

I know I'm ranting...I know there has got to be a way this vision all together.

::sigh:: I know your right...I don't know why I can't decide on anything in regards to themes and stuff. I feel kind of overwhelmed by all the possiblities. But your SO right about the time drawing near. I know I've got to get on the ball.

Arrrrrrrrghhhh! I keep changing my mind about the colors!!!!! I know that the colors aren't really important. Why do I keep doing this?!! FI is to the point that he said whatever colors you pic from now on you keep and you can add on to them but not take away. He says this after I decide on tearose( you might as well say dark pink) cream, and gold. However I love turquoise. I painted my bed room is that color and love that it feels like a resort in there...

THEN i was looking in my new Brides mag and Aflred Angelo is coming out with new awesome colors...So I was even looking at the new orange color AA offers.

Am I losing my mind? Sometimes I feel like it. I keep telling myself years from now the colors aren't going to matter. Why am I stuck on this one thing?

Also I've been calling churches and found this beautiful catholic church with a hall. We're not catholic, so we were told we can't marry there but we can rent the hall...I heard the food was great and is within my price range but I feel some type of way about not being able to get married there. Like really I think that's greazy! I can't marry there but I can spend my money there?! I don't know if I will.

Oh snap another 'burg wedding! That's what's up!

I've heard great things about the great hall. I just can't afford them. The some of the girls on the knot pittsburgh used them and I don't remember hearing any bad reviews. I was looking at using Epiphany Catholic Church for the wedding and reception. I've heard great things about their hall and catering services. Their prices are on point too.

http://www.epiphanychurch.net/catering.asp
It's just i don't know if I like them telling me I can't get married there since I'm not catholic. I'm a CME but I'm pretty sure any bride and groom that wanted to could get married at our church.

I live on the East side of town (Penn Hills)and am trying to stay on the East side. I called Corner Stone Baptist Church last week, but they haven't called me back yet so I'm going to be calling them again today. My church home is New Destiny CME on the northside.
http://www.newdestinycme.org/AboutUs.dsp

I would use our church but it's really really dark in there and I'm afraid of that showing in pics. My mom got married there back in the day and it looked like it was a candle lit ceramony!

Our budget excluding our clothing is 5,000 and we've done a good job of sticking to that. Our photographer is 800. The food if we use the Catholic hall will be about 1340. We're using all silk flowers. (my mom and aunt are amazing with flower arangments. And my hair stylist is doing my hair and FI's hair for free as our wedding gift. We're making our own invites (FI is a graphic designer and photograher) and diying a whole lotta stuff.

I can't wait to see your pics. It will be nice to see Pittsburgh on something other than bridezilla! Where are you going to be spending your first night? I don't know if I'm going to do a bridal suite or not. And where are you doing your RD?

Isn't amazing how hook ups just happen with out you even trying to find them. Your caterer hook up is a true blessing. I'd definately like to get your caterer's info. Does she have a website? Hold up. Your brother works for WAMO? My bestfriend's aunt used to do the news there. I'm trying to remember her name...

I'm thinking about doing a suite downtown it's just I'm thinking the cost of that would be the same cost of rent! We're not going on our honeymoon until some time later so we might just head to the crib. We've never lived together so it should be just as romantic.

http://www.brides.com/fashion/dresses/feature/slide/162195/detail/162197/

http://www.brides.com/fashion/dresses/feature/slide/162195/detail/162346/

I am SO in love with this look. She looks she could be my cousin or something. I'm sooo ceerus! Your girl will be fierce!

Check selecting a caterer of my list. FH visited the reception site and the manager and the place is just beautiful! The site manager is so nice and you'd never know it was a church hall! It looks just like what you would expect at a hotel....I know I know, I should have took pictures. The best part is I don't have to pay to rent the place AND they don't need a deposit until JANURARY!!!!!

And how about in stranger news my mom is all into wedding planning now. Like seriously she ordered this twigs from qvc that freakin light up for the reception. I mean she's even going to contribute to the wedding fund! Praise the living God!!!!
(And if y'all don't know. Colin Cowie is off the chain)
http://home-decor.hsn.com/colin-cowie-silver-chic_c-hd_a-4798-5115_cp-2_xc.aspx?prev=hp!5115!4798
All those twig things are sold out (i think) but he'll be back with more in november.

Another check, we met with FH's pastor for counseling and he believes that we are ready to wed!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!! I'M REALLY GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!

::Sigh::

I am really starting to feel some type of way and I know I shouldn't. Really I know it's wrong but I'm really starting to feel irritated. FH graduated from college two monthes ago. He's went on two interviews last week and was told to call both places back with a decision as to if he would take the job or not. He did this and has not recieved a call back from these places. He called monday it is now wednesday.

There are not a lot of grahic design jobs listed in the job agencies online for and FH is starting to feel the pressure. I feel like he should expand his horizions and start looking at places outside of monster and what not. I saw a job posted there yesturday told him about yesturday he promised he would look at it today. I know it's a little thing but I feel like the faster he jumps on these opportunities the better. We got into a mini debate about this on the way to work....

I was so optimistic about this only a few days ago and now I'm feeling the pressure of the wedding is only five monthes away. I feel like his approach to job hunting isn't where it should be. However I've been feeling like I could cry at any given moment so maybe it's just horemones...

I don't know. Thanks for listening.

Thank you sis. I needed that. FH is so naive and trusted everything that advisors in school were telling him. I work as a compliance specialist for three colleges and you would be horrified by some of the things that admissions will say to students to get them in school.

I know FH feels bad. I need to just chill. He has his bachlors and said he will apply at some non related jobs to keep us above water. I apologized to him too. I know he hates this.

Hey ladies! Guess what I GOT MY DRESS!!! I went to Davids Bridal on a humbug. My wedding coordinator...(had to book one) suggested I go there instead of Alfred Angelos. So we went and I tried on things and The dress that I fell for was 1000+...BUT it was reduced to 500 AND we got 50 bucks off. So that's right ladies....450! God is good. My mom bought my ballet slippers, veil, bra and dress. (praise HIM!)

My dress is very similar to this one but has more embrodiery:
http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridal_gowns_detail.jsp?stid=2639&prodgroup=92

And the my favorite part...it's a dress size 10! That's right ladies I've lost 12 lbs and went from a 14 to a 10 !

I'm still trying to figure out hair styles. I want to wear my hair up but I really don't want to get a perm. I still have to order my cake and get a photog. FI found a great student for 500. So we've got to meet with her...Um, we booked the reception hall and decided to stick with my church ::sigh: My wc and mom say after some fabric and candles no one will notice its "personality". We'll see about that.

I'm excited about getting married but FI is still Job hunting. He knows somebody on the inside of a banking corp here that needs a graphic designer. This guy is promising him an interview so I'm praying it works out.

Thanks for all the love and support ladies!!! FI was really depressed until last Sunday, God delivered him of all those feelings and we're so greatful for that. ^.^

My veil had to be ordered...it's got three lengths to it with little crystals dangling from it. It's so elegant! let me see if i can find a picture.
http://www.davidsbridal.com/images/fashions/full/s07_700.jpg