Dear So & So

[quote="sensationablyhappy"]Here I have another.

Dear b**ch on the road who couldn't drive today,

Do not yell out of your window and ask me if "I" have a problem! The only problem I see is the stupid b**ch behind the wheel! Oh and another thing, please do not think that your big mouth intimidated me: I'm from NY! Maybe next time you won't get your drivers license from a D@MN gumball machine!

Sincerely,
The out of state driver who wanted to get out of the car and whoop your a** today!
[/quote]
LOL!!!!!!!!!

oh my goodness, I almost choked on my lunch reading that second post.

Dear MIL,

I appreciate the fact that you would like to "help" us out by taking JJ (my son) off our hands for some time. But i do not feel that you are prepared for that nor is he. You have not even spent more than a whole weekend with him (with us or alone) since he was born, he is now 4 and he doesnt know you well enough to feel comfy for that long. and how would his sister and him feel about the separation. now is not the time, and i would appreciate it if you would stop asking and stop telling him to ask me to because it only causing confusion and drama in my household! I am sick of it.

PS. you cannot tell me that me and DH need to talk to my stepdad to help us buy a house. I have explained to you over and over again that now is not the right time for us, you need to understand that and respect that and leave me alone.

Thank you very much,
you daughter in law.

Dear SIL,

Boy did you "suprise" me! I know you are the "go to" problem solver in your family, but FYI you tell THEM what to do, NOT ME!!! My HUSBAND is a grown azz man (as you already know since yall are 2 yrs apart) and I don't need YOU to be his spokesperson when it comes to ME!! Furthermore, I know I suprised you too when I heard you call me a b*tch when you thought I had hung up the phone, because when I commenced to cussing your azz out you all of a sudden wanted to apologize and blame it on your "medication" that has you "so out of it", but guess what, because I am a b*tch, I will ACCEPT your apology but you can kick rocks from now until...

Sincerely,

Your sister-in-law

p.s. please return my husband's balls that you so graciously have in your hand. thank you!

[quote="soon2bmsj"]Dear SIL,
Furthermore, I know I suprised you too when I heard you call me a b*tch when you thought I had hung up the phone, because when I commenced to cussing your azz out you all of a sudden wanted to apologize and blame it on your "medication" that has you "so out of it", but guess what, because I am a b*tch, I will ACCEPT your apology but you can kick rocks from now until...

Sincerely,

Your sister-in-law

p.s. please return my husband's balls that you so graciously have in your hand. thank you!
[/quote]

ROTFLMAO! Wooooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeeeee!

Lawd Hammercy -- you ladies are too funny! OMG I haven't laughed this hard in months. LOL!!!!

Dear Lucifer,

I understand that you have a job to do but I would really like for you to leave me alone. You have managed to get to me thru my ex and now it seems like you are working overtime. I would like you to know that I will not be defeated by you and you are wasting your time. You can not battle with me for I am a child of God. Go find someone else to pick on you get no love in THIS direction!

P.S. Nice try by having someone steal my camera my main source of income, I have insurance on it so ppllltttt!

Sincerely,
A Child of God

[quote="ieasha"]Dear Lucifer,

I understand that you have a job to do but I would really like for you to leave me alone. You have managed to get to me thru my ex and now it seems like you are working overtime. I would like you to know that I will not be defeated by you and you are wasting your time. You can not battle with me for I am a child of God. Go find someone else to pick on you get no love in THIS direction!

P.S. Nice try by having someone steal my camera my main source of income, I have insurance on it so ppllltttt!

Sincerely,
A Child of God
[/quote]
And the people said......AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear homeowner,

no i cannot send someone over to your house to change the light bulb you could d@mn well change yourself. get a chair and stand on it. I have many more important things to think about than your stinkin light bulb in a room full of other lights.

ps. there is nothing i can do about you smelling gas in your house. why the hell havent you called the gas company, what am i gonna do from a location over an hour away. dont call me call the gas company, I am in a warranty dept.
Sincerely,
you homeowner service coordinator/warranty rep

Ok Ok now I must add mine.

Dear Sistah,

Please know that life is trying to teach you a lesson. Time and time again you find yourself in jeopardy of losing your apartment because you choose to give your money to your man. This is the same man that has never bought you any presents for your birthday, doesn't take you out. He has even raised his hand to strike your daughter (who is not his) when she came to the rescue when he hit you. You were going through chemo therapy at the time and you caught this idiot with another woman. When are you going to realize that this man is not worthy of you or your attention for that matter. You continue to pay his bills and he has cheated on you time and time again. When are you going to realize that you can't buy love or a man. This man is no good!!!!! Your whole family sees through his antics. You cry broke all of the time and no one in the family will lend you any money for fear that you will give it to your good for nothing boyfriend! You owe our mother money. You should've been embarrassed to borrow from her because she's on a fixed income. You need to get back in church and discover your first Love! Only then will you be able to love yourself and attract a man that is worthy of your attention. If you continue with this destructive behavior, you will end up with NOTHING. Wake up sistah, you have lost your job and are in jeopardy of losing your apartment (again). When are you going to get it?!?!?!!!!

Sorry ladies, that felt so good to get off my chest!

that's alright Rhonny, take that deep breath of relief for letting it out.

Exhale (LOL thanks Shy).

Yes Sensation, that felt great!!!!

Dear DH,

When you woke up this morning, how did you feel? Did you feel blessed? God has smiled on you and you

Dear Mr. Spider,

I know you are a tiny little creature and probably more afraid of me than I am of you but please GO AWAY!!!! You make me freak out and get goosebumps everytime I see you. I am worried I will be sleeping tonight and you will come to visit me. I know you are harmless, but still, you freak me out. So please, go find a little spider girlfriend and make a house, far away from mine.

Thanks,
Your Landlord (for now)

[quote="whyme"]Dear DH,

When you woke up this morning, how did you feel? Did you feel blessed? God has smiled on you and you

[quote="Aaliyah10182008"]Dear Mr. Spider,

I know you are a tiny little creature and probably more afraid of me than I am of you but please GO AWAY!!!! You make me freak out and get goosebumps everytime I see you. I am worried I will be sleeping tonight and you will come to visit me. I know you are harmless, but still, you freak me out. So please, go find a little spider girlfriend and make a house, far away from mine.

Thanks,
Your Landlord (for now)
[/quote]

There is an old tyme saying in the Virgin Islands that when you see a lil spider, it means you're going to get a visitor. Just be glad you're not seeing lil lizards, that means somebody is pregnant!

O.K. I don't have any beef today. I'm feeling pretty good. I've planned a National Day of Service for Saturday, and I can't wait for it to be over.

VIPrincessBride,
Me and DH have talked about this more than a few times. He says I'm just being dramatic or says the reason he stays out is because I nag him. I ask him what came first the chicken or the egg. He couldn't understand the metaphor of that and I was to frustrated to explain it. I'm just tired. I do plan to speak to him one last time, praying God sends me the words that will make a difference. I just have to calm down first.

whyme,
I really do wish you the best with that situation for I have been in the same situation with DH and after all the arguing and me nagging, and really breaking down to him (in anger) how i felt, nothing changed him. Until his "boys" started to say some of the things i was saying. I used to tell him that i felt that he was f*ing them, he was with them so much. Then I started going out the same way he did and he didnt like that, so he either had to change or go his seperate way. and it brought us closer and into marriage.

I hope things do get better for you and DH. but just know he may not change overnight but gradually is good too.

Hey you little Indian lady at the laundry:
Teach your child some manners!!! I meant it when I told you 'if Padjah hits me with the cart one more again, I'm gonna stick your azz in a dyer'. You may let him get away with that at home but in the great big world that crap ain't cute! I like children and don't believe in harming them so my thinking is, when he sees mommy all balled the hell up in a dyer tied up in her pashmina, he'll tighten up.
Bah bye

[quote="soon2bmsj"]Dear SIL,

Boy did you "suprise" me! I know you are the "go to" problem solver in your family, but FYI you tell THEM what to do, NOT ME!!! My HUSBAND is a grown azz man (as you already know since yall are 2 yrs apart) and I don't need YOU to be his spokesperson when it comes to ME!! Furthermore, I know I suprised you too when I heard you call me a b*tch when you thought I had hung up the phone, because when I commenced to cussing your azz out you all of a sudden wanted to apologize and blame it on your "medication" that has you "so out of it", but guess what, because I am a b*tch, I will ACCEPT your apology but you can kick rocks from now until...

Sincerely,

Your sister-in-law

p.s. please return my husband's balls that you so graciously have in your hand. thank you!
[/quote]

Too Funny For Words!!!!!

Dear Nosey Sister Outlaw:

I'm exercising restraint as I type. DO NOT call me and act like we're cool. DO NOT call to gossip about someone else in the family and then try to act like you're so concerned about me. I know that the only reason why you call is so you can get in my business. You're not fooling me! No, I don't want to spend the night at your house when I come to town. No, I don't want to "hang out". And no, I don't want to get my hair done by the same chicken head that gave you that "Bozo the Clown" style that you thought made you look so cute. I forgive you for spreading lies, talking about me behind my back, trying to set DH up with your low-class, uneducated, trick friends. I also forgive you for trying to provoke me to try to fight you. Yes, I'm still angry but I forgive you. I just won't forget it. Let me caution you, if anything like this happens again, I'll spare no expense on your a**!

Signed,

The One You Love To Hate

P.S. Please tell all "so-called" concerned individuals that if they want to know something, call ME!

[quote="ieasha"]Dear Lucifer,

I understand that you have a job to do but I would really like for you to leave me alone. You have managed to get to me thru my ex and now it seems like you are working overtime. I would like you to know that I will not be defeated by you and you are wasting your time. You can not battle with me for I am a child of God. Go find someone else to pick on you get no love in THIS direction!

P.S. Nice try by having someone steal my camera my main source of income, I have insurance on it so ppllltttt!

Sincerely,
A Child of God
[/quote]

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[quote="platinumstyle"]Dear Nosey Sister Outlaw:

I'm exercising restraint as I type. DO NOT call me and act like we're cool. DO NOT call to gossip about someone else in the family and then try to act like you're so concerned about me. I know that the only reason why you call is so you can get in my business. You're not fooling me! No, I don't want to spend the night at your house when I come to town. No, I don't want to "hang out". And no, I don't want to get my hair done by the same chicken head that gave you that "Bozo the Clown" style that you thought made you look so cute. I forgive you for spreading lies, talking about me behind my back, trying to set DH up with your low-class, uneducated, trick friends. I also forgive you for trying to provoke me to try to fight you. Yes, I'm still angry but I forgive you. I just won't forget it. Let me caution you, if anything like this happens again, I'll spare no expense on your a**!

Signed,

The One You Love To Hate

P.S. Please tell all "so-called" concerned individuals that if they want to know something, call ME!
[/quote]

Plat-looks like we need to tag team on these SIL's!!!!!!!!!! :)

[quote="phenomonique"]Hey you little Indian lady at the laundry:
Teach your child some manners!!! I meant it when I told you 'if Padjah hits me with the cart one more again, I'm gonna stick your azz in a dyer'. You may let him get away with that at home but in the great big world that crap ain't cute! I like children and don't believe in harming them so my thinking is, when he sees mommy all balled the hell up in a dyer tied up in her pashmina, he'll tighten up.
Bah bye
[/quote]

I thought it was just me! I guess its not and it happens everywhere! lol

[quote="sensationablyhappy"]Dear Car CD player,

PLease no matter how hard DH tries, please keep the prince cd in there. It will teach him a good lesson.

Love,
your angry owner that is tiered of hearing hard core rap music blasting in the car as soon as she turns the ignition on.
[/quote]

I so feel you on this!

Dear Vibride/Rosetta,

I am so thankful that there is this site. I have gotten nothing but encouragin words from the ladies that are on here. I have even made a few friends on here. I have learned a lot and enjoy talkin with the women on this site for they are so full of knowledge and different views that it makes it worth being here. Please continue to fill this site with the wonderful ladies that you have and keep those bad seeds out like you have! Cheers to you Vibride!

Sincerely,
Ieasha Vibride member

Love you Ieasha!!!

Dear Turiya,

What in the ham sandwich were you thinking about marrying a dude with 4 BMs. Jeez, didn't you know that would be a job and a half outside of the job of being married, outside the job of being mother, outside the job that pays the bills!? Granted not all of them are space aliens like #4. But they all are a little "special". Is it really their fault ...nah DH gotta be a little "special" also to deal with their "specialness" and make little speciallettes. So stop zapping out on DH when handles one of their special cases in a way you wouldn't. You had a choice to either deal with it or not deal with it. And guess what you done said I do ...so deal with it, and shut up!

Signed,
The Turiya inside Turiya ...

[quote="Turiya"]Dear Turiya,

What in the ham sandwich were you thinking about marrying a dude with 4 BMs. Jeez, didn't you know that would be a job and a half outside of the job of being married, outside the job of being mother, outside the job that pays the bills!? Granted not all of them are space aliens like #4. But they all are a little "special". Is it really their fault ...nah DH gotta be a little "special" also to deal with their "specialness" and make little speciallettes. So stop zapping out on DH when handles one of their special cases in a way you wouldn't. You had a choice to either deal with it or not deal with it. And guess what you done said I do ...so deal with it, and shut up!

Signed,
The Turiya inside Turiya ...
[/quote]
Naw T...you are straight!! just remember LOVE conquers all..and you are the rose GOD hand picked for your DH to help him handle thos "special cases" :)

[quote="ieasha"]Dear Vibride/Rosetta,

I am so thankful that there is this site. I have gotten nothing but encouragin words from the ladies that are on here. I have even made a few friends on here. I have learned a lot and enjoy talkin with the women on this site for they are so full of knowledge and different views that it makes it worth being here. Please continue to fill this site with the wonderful ladies that you have and keep those bad seeds out like you have! Cheers to you Vibride!

Sincerely,
Ieasha Vibride member
[/quote]
Amen Ieasha!!! Thank you Rosie!!!!!!!!!!
what other site can you go from mad to mushy in a matter of minutes??? LOL but I agree 100% with you sistah!! Kudos to all of you phenomanal, beautiful, successful, smart virtuous women who can share love, laughter and pain and still hold down LIFE!!

Luv ya all!!
Sincerely,
I AM NOW MRSJ-"Proud" ViBride Member

Tear! :)

I'm a rose that was hand picked to help deal with ....

Wow! That nut says that all the time, just doesn't sound as real coming from him! LOL Thanks Soon ...I'll go back to zapping (w/o feeling bad afterwards) now that I know it's my job! LOL

[quote="Turiya"]Tear! :)

I'm a rose that was hand picked to help deal with ....

Wow! That nut says that all the time, just doesn't sound as real coming from him! LOL Thanks Soon ...I'll go back to zapping (w/o feeling bad afterwards) now that I know it's my job! LOL
[/quote]
ain't we pitiful?!?!? we have to get confirmation from someone else before we will listen!! LOL but you are good girly...do your thang (because I know you can)

Love you too Turiya.

And I dont see it as confirmation, its more like reassurance! lol

Dear Bumble,

Girl, you already knew your DH was a caveman when you married him. you were just in denial thinking he would change after ya'll said I do. So when you come home and he is stretched out on the couch in his birthday suit, just be glad you weren't coming home and your baby sister or other friend wasn't with you. Just remind yourself that he is just being a little beast. And don't start yelling at him when you catch him digging in the pot on the stove when you walked away briefly from cooking. You shouldn't have waited too long to cook. He can't help himself sometimes. And when he snores, stop pushing that poor guy to the edge of the bed. Just be thankful he is now 30 pounds lighter and doesn't snore half as loud...(and you know THAT WAS LOUD!). And remember that you haven't been married long, he is being a baby all the time because he knows his time to be your baby is short. And even though he feels like 30-ish is a good time to get started, you don't have to remind him that your eggs will be 30-ish by then and not as fresh has his little "batch" that his body makes on a regular basis. He cannot wrap his 29 year old (3-year old) mind around that.

Finally, all in all, he loves you. You know you are spoiled, and though you both speak different languages (Womanish vs. Mannish), you all find a way to make it work. You know you love him, and some things do change. But its just those "other" things where he can't help but be the loving little caveman he is.

Love,

Little Bumble!

Dear Mr. Biggs,

Please forgive me if I don

Dear DUMB AZZ EX-Girlfriend,

B**** you are so stupid. We are an educated couple and know that you cannot be pregnant for 11 months. No he does NOT need to take a DNA test because we know what type of woman you are. We know that you slept around after he left your retarded self. You need to stop calling a harassing us because the next step is to get a restraining order on you from contacting him. Nothing you say or do will ever make him come back to you. We are happy and you cannot break us apart. You were wrong to cause all of this drama in our lives. So do us all a giant favor and drop off the face of earth.

Mr. and Mrs. T.C. Taylor

[quote="Bumblebeekee"]Dear Bumble,

Girl, you already knew your DH was a caveman when you married him. you were just in denial thinking he would change after ya'll said I do. So when you come home and he is stretched out on the couch in his birthday suit, just be glad you weren't coming home and your baby sister or other friend wasn't with you. Just remind yourself that he is just being a little beast. [/quote]

Bumble, why get mad when you come home and find your DH in his birthday suit? Shoot, he's just waiting for you willing, ready, and able. So, jump those bones!

Dear Homegirl:

You know I love you right?!?!? but D**M, could you not ALWAYS have drama going on in your life????? can you ever just call me up and say 'hey girl'!!!!! instead of 'girl let me tell you what I am going thru'...

We all have bad days, but you don't EVER seem to be happy (unless you got a man laying with you) and sweetie is it soooo much more to life than that!!

I love you dahling, but you are zapping my strength trying to solve your problems. Please start loving YOU and stop giving your love to these bustas of the world...so you can find true happiness...

Sincerly,

Your girl 4 life but you are 'killin me!!

p.s. next time you call me at 2:45 a.m. please remember I DO have a husband and if I tell you I am busy...trust me, I am bizzzzzyyy LOL

Dear Dummy,

Stop walking around hear telling everyone how good your man is to you and what a good father he is to your child. All of us know that he is a deadbeat. And stop bragging about these fake shopping sprees that he (so calls) takes you on. We all know his broke butt AINT GOT nobodies J.O.B. His sorry azz sits at home all day and wont even keep the baby, instead you have to pay daycare every week that is eating you up out of your own paycheck. Not to mention pay all the bills too.
WAKE UP DUMMY. Looks aint everything. You should see that by now cuz PrettyBoy aint about nothing but spending your paycheck. Oh, and all of these out of town trips to promote his music, PUH-LEEEZZZ. Why do you think he wont let you go with him sometimes? All those lies talking about its not a good image in his career, WHAT CAREER???!!
Wake Up Sweetie

Love,
Some Insight

Dear Mr. Pizza Man!

It's called D-E-L-I-V-E-R-Y!!! not "Meet You Half Way". Please stop calling me to tell me to come get my food, and your up the block still in your car. I hate coming to your car to get my delivery!!! Truth be told you aint no safer in your car than you are at my door! So please DELIVER my pizza to me.

Thank you,
Angry Customer

[quote="Turiya"]Dear Mr. Pizza Man!

It's called D-E-L-I-V-E-R-Y!!! not "Meet You Half Way". Please stop calling me to tell me to come get my food, and your up the block still in your car. I hate coming to your car to get my delivery!!! Truth be told you aint no safer in your car than you are at my door! So please DELIVER my pizza to me.

Thank you,
Angry Customer

[/quote]
Turiya girl, do you live in Bmore too?

Dear Husband,
(There's no sweeter word)

Thank you very much for just cooking dinner for me. It was delicious, and I thank God every day for you. I was feeling upset about something today and you knew just what to say and do to make me feel better.

Love,

Your Caramel Cutie

My dear sweet second born king,
If you ever walk your narrow 13 year old azz in my house after 11pm again I will rapidly turn into a weapon of mass destruction and annihilate you. You had the whole family terrified; your little brother was watching out the window, the cougars were on prayer vigil, step dad was monitoring me to make sure I didn't start tearing things up, I even printed the photo for missing persons. I will not go through this kind of heartache again, I may not survive it...so keep that in your head sugar plum...do it again and mom will kill you,
Much love,
Queen of the Manor (AKA Mom)

[quote="phenomonique"]My dear sweet second born king,
If you ever walk your narrow 13 year old azz in my house after 11pm again I will rapidly turn into a weapon of mass destruction and annihilate you. You had the whole family terrified; your little brother was watching out the window, the cougars were on prayer vigil, step dad was monitoring me to make sure I didn't start tearing things up, I even printed the photo for missing persons. I will not go through this kind of heartache again, I may not survive it...so keep that in your head sugar plum...do it again and mom will kill you,
Much love,
Queen of the Manor (AKA Mom)
[/quote]

Wow! Thank God he was safe!